Religious Conversion For A Man

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-02-18T05:54:50+00:00

I’ve never been in this position, but for me personally, (putting aside my own beliefs and speaking generally) with a man that devout, I would want to know what his expectations of me would be if I converted. For example, a man of muslim faith may want me to wear a head scarf, or begin daily prayer with him. Is that something I can commit to? Or a Christian man may want me to attend church every Sunday, to donate 10% of our income for tithe, again, is this within my boundaries? His faith is clearly important to him so the idea of conversion is likely serious for him and a green flag in terms of his commitment for someone who believes in God, but his green flag may be your red flag if he has expectations you can’t meet. And then there’s the question of children and if they will be raised within the faith, and what that entails too (circumcision, vaccines, holidays, etc).

What he practices now may not be an issue because you are not living together, but his routine becoming your routine and his expectations of you in terms of what it means to practice his faith may have huge impacts on you once your lives are entwined.

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-02-19T16:05:14+00:00

I was raised in religious extremism. It is a terrible form of abuse. I would NEVER convert to a different religion bc of a man. Men who are that concerned about their religious image are almost always going to end up controlling you in the name of religion.

Does this religion allow women in high leadership roles? If it allows them by letter of the law, does it allow them in practice, ie are there actually women leaders?

Any religion without women leadership opportunities is going to be highly misogynist. Is that how you want your children raised?

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2021-02-19T00:24:25+00:00

I think it is a yellow flag.

Does this faith have tenets that specify what a woman is supposed to do or be like? Does he talk about his mother or sisters and how they exemplify the faith at all? Do you get the sense that, by asking you to convert, he is asking you to conform to certain outward religious behaviors or change some part of who you are and your routine way of being? Will decisions you two have to make be determined by what is religiously correct, above all other factors?

If so, that's a red flag.

This one is tough because I understand that some faiths encourage both spouses to practice the same religion and it can make it harder for people of those faiths to find a partner who they can marry properly in their religion. But I feel like asking another person to profess faith in a religion or god that they do not believe in for the sake of getting married is not good practice in the modern world.

Men also tend to become more religious and more like their fathers once they marry and have kids, from what I have observed. Maybe now he enjoys that you're spiritual rather than religious,* but once you two have a kid, would that change because he wants the kid to have a religious upbringing that he perhaps had?

*Editing to add- if he's giving you books and talking about you converting, then I think this is something about you he is "compromising" on and wanting to change- so that is becoming a bit of an orange flag in my mind. I would be curious to know if this religion has any stipulations on premarital sex and if so is he following those?

This is a very difficult question, though. In the past I broke up with a man because we were two different religions. I figured, best case scenario, he'd "let" me practice my own faith but once kids came along he would want them raised as he was, and that conflicted with my own views. I loved who he was as a person, but not the religious and cultural baggage, and for him I think it was the same.

So yeah, this is a yellow flag and I would suggest treading very carefully and thinking about how happy you would be having this religion as part of your daily life, special holidays, family traditions, child rearing decisions, possible life/death scenarios (like abortion or end of life decisions), funerals, caring for in-laws, the whole 9 yards. I wish you all the best.

pearlspirit27 · 2021-02-18T15:43:02+00:00

I think it depends on the expectations he has. How much of insert religion name observance is he expecting of you or the person he wants to marry. I.e. does he want you to just call yourself Muslim/Christian/Jew or is he expecting from you more engagement. I'm telling you because faith and religious practices will become your daily/weekly life and if you are not 100% convinced in your heart it will eventually create resentment, problems and a possible fail of the relationship. Be honest with yourself, for yourself. Don't be a convert Pickmeisha.

Salt_Satisfaction · 2021-02-18T15:36:33+00:00

I'd be wary of very religious people from Abrahamic religions. If they turn to a book that's 2,000 years old and don't change or adapt anything so it is compatible with modern thought, you can expect them to be quite bigoted. As another commenter said, you need to find out what his actual expectations of you are under his religion and once married to him.

Does he expect you to take care of most of the housechores and childcare? To quit your job if you have children? To live with his family and do housechores for them? To let him have the last word in decisions that affect both of you? To cover yourself in public?

If he holds these views he is likely to sugarcoat them to convince you. Saying how it's actually considered an honor or very respected to be a stay at home mother (when he probably wouldn't have that role himself because it is just women's work so it's beneath him), how important it is to him, how this is because he wants to provide for you because he loves you so much, how his family is lovely so you don't have to worry, how men and women are "equal but have different roles" (this line is very typical in very religious people)... etc. At the end of the day you should never depend on him financially and/or sacrifice your own dignity.

If you don't believe in his religion, you shouldn't convert. You would live the rest of your life living a lie, and change your behaviours around a religion that you don't even believe in. For now 8 months seem like an awfully short time to change yourself for something that doesn't seem to benefit you.

Summerisle7 · 2021-02-18T08:44:49+00:00

Do you actually believe in this religion, or not? Don’t convert if you don’t believe in its god(s) or its tenets.

Vmwvi · 2021-02-21T02:17:37+00:00

Red flag, he wants you to change your entire belief system to suit him and worship a god you don't even believe in just to satisfy him. Don't convert for a man and don't force a man to convert for you. He's definitely trying to pressure you into joining his religion (sending un-asked for books and PDFs of his religion and expecting you to read them). He's not willing to give up his beliefs, but he wants you to give up what you believe in to please him? Honestly it seems more like a control thing. Not to mention the fact that he deliberately targeted someone not of his faith to date.

Title	Religious Conversion For A Man
Author	hopperhausu
Upvotes	12
Comments	15
Date	February 18, 2021 2:01 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/lmaxor/religious_conversion_for_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/religious-conversion-for-a-man.792593 https://theredarchive.com/post/792593

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