So it's become apparent the my now EX was emotionally abusive. She had a deeply troubled and dark past. I mean really insanely messed up.

Right from early childhood to before I met her the the world has twisted her. Incapable of love, empathy, abuse , abandonment and trauma bonding is all she now's.

Obviously I didn't know this when I met her. She didn't reveal herself to me until later. I basically fell for love bombing (a technique abusive people use at the start of a relationship). I was resistant at first but soon gave in to this "love".

When hooked that's when I started to be trauma bonded.

Basically an intermittent rewards schedule. Which involves pain, gaslighting, love bombing e.t.c.

It's hard as shit to deal with. Literally warped my sense of self and reality.

Confused as fuck. I turned to red pill. "Oh it must be my fault " , I should be doing this , this and this.

Just find your purpose, work on yourself, things will fall in line. So I took responsibility for the relationship.

The cycle continued, the trauma bond deepening.

I shouldn't have ignored the red flags and in this case I shouldn't have taken responsibility for her behaviour (litrerally the worst think I could do).

I needed to get the fuck away from her.