OK, I have some scratches on my back. The kind that look like I fucked a woman so good, she ripped the flesh off me. While that's not the case, the wife is bound to see them over the weekend, so I'm looking for a reply I can use when she asks.

I've seen some great responses posted here after the fact, so if I can get some suggestions in beforehand, that'd be great.

The funnier / the more it will wind her up the better.