I spend quite a bit of time analyzing things. Perhaps too much. With mrp and how to lead my family. But often it feels like I am not making any progress.

I vacationed with the wife and kids this week and tried mixing things up by showing more love than usual. I got a good response. We had an amazing night one night. But a week with 4 small children under 6 yrs may have pushed me over the edge.

Tonight at a resturant the kids crying and testing the limits of getting out of their chair etc was getting to me. I had resolved to control my anger. In doing so i kind of froze and began to cry under my hat. Just overwhelmed.

Wife wants to know whats wrong but i ignore her. I'm trying to process things but honestly i feel like a failure at this point. Failing to be the captian of the ship.

Because I don't answer the wife she gets pissed and leaves the restaurant with the kids. This validates my feeling of being a failure so i put my head down on the table. The waiter asks if anything is wrong.

I get up and go outside. Wife is on the side walk with the kids. I walk to the vehichle and get in and drive over to pick them up. I get all four kids in the car and she gets in the drivers seat. This is where it gets interesting.

I tell her I'm driving as I'm strapping one of the kids in their carseat.

When i am done i walk over to the drivers seat and open the door and say calmly i'm driving. All of this is done calmly at this point. I succeeded in controlling my anger and it had turned into sadness instead so I don't feel mad at all.

She is being her stubborn self and puts her seatbelt on aggressivly and says sternly "i'm driving". I tell her, "no i am going to drive". She tells me to get in the passenger seat. I reach over and take the keys out of the egnition. She says "fine, ill call uber" she gets her phone out. I take her phone out of her hand and say i'm driving. She refuses to get up so I unbuckle her seatbelt and go to help her out. Once i give a pull on her arms she knows i know business so she gets out and yells "asshole!"

Other things were said but it doesn't need to be mentioned here.

I'm not sure if this is an mrp success or a complete failure. I don't know which way is up and which way is down. Life should not be this complicated.