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straius Archive

View 1 posts and 1,205 comments by straius on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

straius/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/18 07:11 AM
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
0

Repressed emotion. That's why it bubbles up when you're unguarded.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/18 07:00 PM
3

Just to expand on the reason why that distinction is what it is... Crying at the Grand canyon can be participatory for the woman. This is displaying passion on the man's part and is one of the most drawing aspects about yourself to her, she can share in that and cuddle up to the emotions and she still is within your experience. Crying from a failure or stress is NOT an inviting experience. Especially if you are with a woman who is further on the dependent side, it is likely your moment of weakne…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/18 06:58 PM
2

All good, I could have made it more succinct and less rambling.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/18 01:19 PM
2

Do you want to sleep? Or do you want a BJ? Think no further.
/r/askMRP19/10/18 07:33 AM
1

Nah, you're right about it being an invitation to be an emotional tampon. The context is what revolves around whether it's the right thing to do, there's no bottom line prescriptive piece of advice that covers all the bases here. But the one consistent thing you can rely on, is that you will get a waterfall of emotional vomit and if that's what you're prepared for and can endure it with a grin and it legitimately not bothering you, then that's fine. ​ It's when the white knight armor starts to b…
/r/askMRP19/10/18 12:11 AM
1

Right, might have come across as a nitpick. Was seeing similar themes in other comments but without caveats. 2 years in is pretty quick for her to reach that point of frequency of sex so I'm betting the hand pain is not the real issue based on what OP has described so far
/r/askMRP18/10/18 08:52 PM
1

This story needs to come with the caution that not all women will step up to the point they will keep their man. These kinds of stories are valuable but we are guilty of setting newbies up for covert contracts when we pretend this can be predictive or expected by OP. I'll also echo what redpillcoach mentioned and that the hand pain could or could not be valid but regardless you're gonna have to give a window post op before reaching a final conclusion if you want to wait to be sure about it. Most…
/r/askMRP18/10/18 06:35 PM
2

"warring with killer injuns" lol OP Don't be like Johnny and go on a settler's wagon game binge all night and then start posting.
/r/askMRP18/10/18 02:49 PM
1

Yep, absolutely. That's a spirit of play that is often missing but is the counter balance and outlet from tension formed by passive dread, etc...
/r/askMRP17/10/18 03:20 PM
1

Some women like body smells, some don't. Her preference there has nothing to do with you or her attraction. Her level of attraction will bend her rules, not break them. If she has a list of "absolutely won't do" no matter how attracted she is, that list isn't gonna vaporize. The trick is learning what's on that list and which are excuses and in OPs case, why he's getting excuses.
/r/askMRP16/10/18 08:50 PM
1

The re-injuring is what makes you look like an idiot... so yeah.
/r/askMRP16/10/18 01:15 AM
3

Cause it's never guaranteed and it's irreversible and it sounds like he's a classic patient for Sarno's book. Meaning he probably could fix 90% of his problem with a mental exercise and understanding where the spasms are originating.
/r/askMRP16/10/18 01:13 AM
1

Seriously, read Dr. Sarno's book linked above in another comment. You sound like the exact case. You may not be injured at all. Fuck the injections, they don't do shit but line the pockets of the back doctors encouraging you to pay them for a low risk procedure. I had the same problem, occasional spasms that put me out of work for 2 days and couldn't walk at all for a day. It's psychosomatic. That's why no doctor or other health practitioner you go to can help with it. 18 fucking years I thought…
/r/askMRP16/10/18 01:11 AM
2

Well, spinning plates isn't a definition of success nor would I ever suggest it should be because the #1 rule of spinning plates while married is that you don't do it unless you're prepared to burn the whole relationship down and are ready to accept that potential outcome. So those are the context and state of the relationship, or even your own morals, that should be considered as part of that topic. SOME women are willing to share. Some are not. Some can share under a hear no evil see no evil p…
/r/askMRP12/10/18 10:25 PM
1

Lol, he's not right. That's an asanine statement. Some people are born naturals in many areas of life. Much of your personality is formed before you're even out if the womb. It can be greatly effected by environment as one ages but people are born with proclivities and aptitudes. Period. You can only deviate so far from your most inherent traits. This is fundamentally why every person has to find their own RP path.
/r/askMRP12/10/18 07:26 PM
1

Your analogy is over complicated. Spend some more time here and observe how fighting or modeling this on an overt power struggle works out for newbs. The anger phase is enough to deal with without further embroiling yourself in an oppositional mindset. GL being fun while taking yourself so seriously.
/r/askMRP12/10/18 06:05 PM
2

Just wanted to reinforce this. Well said Red.
/r/askMRP12/10/18 03:53 PM
1

Main thing there is for OP to get to a point where he can fail without being consumed with fear. Once he can fail in small ways and just make objective shifts in mentality or behaviors, he'll get on the right track. But I agree, the green will be his hardest problem
/r/askMRP12/10/18 02:55 PM
1

What exactly is she projecting onto me? Guilt so to deal with her internal shitty conflict she made an effort to make me feel shitty by amplifying the situation by amplifying the situation and making me believe that she could cheat. Sounds about right. No, projection is unconscious or semi-unconscious. Example 1: Out of town male friend was going to be in the city. She told me that she may let him sleep at her place a few nights, instead of him paying for a hotel. Then she went on to tell me how…
/r/askMRP12/10/18 01:06 PM
1

This is not war. Get that bullshit out of your head. You approach this stuff like it's a fight and you will continuously fail and stay angry. This is about waking up to your own weakness and dealing with it independent of any woman in your life. Your only adversary is yourself. You couldn't do more harm to your own progress than putting yourself into an oppositional dynamic by viewing this as some kind of fight. Think about how that mentality makes you a shitty leader.
/r/askMRP12/10/18 12:56 PM
1

She's projecting on to you. She feels guilt at some level so she's being transparent to alleviate the internal conflict. Doubtful they've fucked, but this is a warning shot across your bow. You need to work on becoming comfortable setting boundaries. I would get involved with CBT or DBT and likely they will do some assertiveness training too. Don't think you're too good for it. There's not a person who would not have benefited from assertiveness training no matter how naturally assertive they mi…
/r/askMRP11/10/18 11:54 PM
1

This OP. Don't be an autistic and mimic the exact actions here, the point if the tossing the phone is communicating what that time is characterized by. Your wife probably thinks this is chill time. So she's chillin. Find a way to direct or communicate that the time is something else. Chances are she'll get it and the new expectation of what that time is about can take hold. Otherwise you'll just continue to stew in your lack of action and communication wondering why she doesn't "just get it"
/r/askMRP09/10/18 07:33 PM
4

Yep. In whatever manner makes sense for your personality or style... you want to communicate: "I find you so desirable I can't stop myself" The better your physique and overall value to her, the stronger that dynamic becomes because the greater it implies her own value is. It's not that different from our own responses to the interest from a really hot woman vs. someone you find unattractive. People feed off your reactions because your reactions make implications about how THEY should react. Thi…
/r/askMRP06/10/18 08:43 PM
1

Something you need to learn about female sexuality is that one of their biggest turnons is that they are so sexy and they can raise your appetite to uncontrollable levels. "You make me such an animal" It tells her she is valuable, it allays any fears that they can't please their man and it also gives them permission to let their animal out too. Your'e so afraid to assert your desires stronger that you're killing this dynamic from growing before it even has a chance to become aflame. This is the …
/r/askMRP06/10/18 07:12 PM
1

He's used to being transparent and wants a situation where the wife is an equal partner like a friend as is the BP dream. Will take him a while to change those patterns and reduce transparency. It triggers a sense of loss doing so because you're inserting some distance into the relationship and that's why it's often difficult for men to accept who are just starting to identify these breakdowns in dynamics.
/r/askMRP06/10/18 02:38 PM
3

That's more the difference between transparency vs. vulnerability. Otherwise it's an oxymoron. The difference is dependent on confidence and self awareness.
/r/askMRP05/10/18 08:00 PM
3

Your problem is that you don't have any outlets except your wife. Abundance means you can make a decision without desperation. Someone who chooses to hang with you when they have a ton of friends is both demonstrating your value to them and their own value and you also implicitly understand that their decision comes with greater honesty because you know they have options. Same dynamic with your wife. But the butt sex is less gay.
/r/askMRP05/10/18 07:57 PM
2

Acceptance. You have to practice acceptance to reduce anxiety. It won't get rid of all of it, but often times the suffering from anxiety or other sources is because you are fighting something implacable. It is the fighting that causes the suffering but once you accept things you can't change, the suffering tends to disappear. Part of becoming a better man is accepting the ways in which you're a piece of shit. Learning to accept it without judging and berating yourself over it so that you have th…
/r/askMRP05/10/18 07:42 PM
4

Semantics. Attraction = anything that draws them in. Of course attraction exists to varying degrees. It is of the passions after all. Experiencing = Organic. That's why we frame our emotional responses as something we seem to experience like a movie because we don't actually control the emotion itself, we only react to it and control our actions or responses to them. Otherwise this shit would be easy.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/18 12:10 AM
6

No argument there, I'm not debating foundation theory. More the notion that women are just waiting for a chad as their default relationship mode. There's already such deep rooted insecurity in most men who find themselves here (at least initially) that forwarding a narrative that women are ready to toss their relationship out the window at a chad cock drop just makes it harder for dudes to get a solid grip on reality. Cue all the snooping that never turns anything up and the ones that do already…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/18 12:05 AM
1

Not if she's happy and has more to lose than to gain. Women get tingles and don't act on them more frequently than the reverse. It requires a pretty hefty breakdown in the relationship for them to accept the risks of cheating since as a population they're already much more risk averse than men. That's assuming they weren't a serial cheater to begin with.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/18 09:38 PM
1

I really think this statement of absolutes (0 attraction at equal value statement) does a disservice to RP. This is just not true because it's not reflective of reality and that is what we should be most concerned with. Women will accept men (And yes, even experience attraction) with less value all the time, they just end up with a compromised result when picking a mate, just as we all accept compromises in LTR selection. We see this all the time when she'll fuck a money poor alpha. You could am…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/18 09:27 PM
1

I suppose so, I was never really a true newbie. I had intuited much of this stuff prior to RP readings and have always been a student of psychology and human behavior. But RP established framework that helped organize all the looser I tuitions. Never had a dead bedroom, already went through my physical transformations years prior, but still held a lot of BP ideals that finally withered on the vine of marriage with a kid.
/r/askMRP01/10/18 03:33 PM
5

You sure it's an open relationship and not just a leveraged position? What you just wrote sounds like she's accepting something she doesn't actually endorse. If that's the case, that's why you can't be transparent about it and you have to accept the trade-offs if you stay in the relationship in its current state. There's not much you can do to prevent this problem if the two of you aren't transparent about it either.
/r/askMRP30/09/18 11:38 PM
1

Is it actually an open relationship? If you have to hide everything from sight, doesn't sound like it. If it is, then there is no reason to be upfront. This is what polyamorous couple's will do and if you are transparent about it and act in a manner that demonstrates there is no problem or anything for them to be conflicted about, they likely won't be unless they just can't handle it, in that case... You said you have abundance so what's the issue?
/r/askMRP30/09/18 11:10 PM
1

Like I said, if you bullshit yourself you will know it's not real and it will fuel your depressive episode here.
/r/askMRP29/09/18 01:59 PM
1

More important than your fixation on testosterone, get on a schedule. Wake up the same time every day, even the weekend. Even if you just nap later. Regulate your waking time for at least two weeks to get a rhythm established again. Stop eating shit food. Buy fruit if you need sweet. Seaweed if you need salty. Etc... You probably need a trainer to hold you accountable for your slacking until you get that back into a rhythm as well. You must regiment your way out of a tailspin and find something …
/r/askMRP28/09/18 06:42 PM
1

The reason AM is effective is because by indicating you're not taking it seriously, it signals to her that she shouldn't be either. She can choose to do so, but will sense there's something off about her reaction because you're not feeding energy into the dynamic (often times this dissonance makes them angrier at first) and by not feeding into it, you deflate it and she has to expend energy herself to maintain that emotional state. Eventually she'll tire of it and give it up so long as you are c…
/r/askMRP27/09/18 01:14 PM
4

The curse of intelligence without wisdom.
/r/askMRP25/09/18 06:39 PM
1

Because it's about what it suggests to others when you openly violate rules without consequences. Comeuppance is the word for it.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 01:53 AM
3

Just so you know, your fear about losing the relationship is going to destroy your frame because it will have been built on a foundation of sand. You have to think through what you want, be prepared to accept an end to the relationship and be settled in your convictions so you can be relaxed and composed and deal simply and bluntly with the truth of the whole thing. Rule no 1 for plates while married is you have to first accept the relationship ending.
/r/askMRP24/09/18 09:50 PM
2

Nice, I have to check that out. Thanks Rian
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/18 07:21 PM
2

For purposes of communication: Decided > Want > love "I've decided my life is better with you in it" is much stronger than "I want you in my life because my life is better for it."
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/18 05:55 PM
1

Think your second sentence here is a great summary and I'd add that to the end of your post. The need vs. want is pretty much what led me to a divorce. Some of that is that I have never desired a woman that needed me. Monogomy is not for everyone and only time will tell if that's true for me or I'm full of shit. But ain't gonna find out while married, that's for sure.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/18 05:51 PM
3

Yep, I still have no fucking clue how to get to a sidebar on the phone and the website is almost as obtuse now.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/18 05:42 PM
2

If they have a relationship of trust with you to the extent they reveal that sort of thing, your social intelligence isn't shit. It may not be natural, but it isn't shit. Some of this is just management style with regards to the question of personal life details. But to the extent that employees volunteer that information is a sign of healthy levels of trust. People are much more accepting and even desiring of leadership that allows for that level of trust or respect. There is likely a low level…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/18 03:44 PM
3

Small business/department, culture is not of a large corporation. Danger is not so much in the familiarity as it is for whether he still makes decisions effectively. Much more often managers don't have effective relationships so I would take too much familiarity over a manager with shit social intelligence any day. OPs point is also why the neg was ever a thing with some utility.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/18 01:12 PM
3

I'll take things shitty managers always say for $100.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/18 01:08 PM
1

So the stories of others aren't really going to help you. Different people, personalities, dynamics, histories, priorities, tastes, etc... Some other man married to my wife would have an entirely different set of issues with the same woman than I do. Or possibly be completely satisfied while I'm not. In any LTR, or even STR, maintaining a "RP balance" is forever. I still think you're struggling to figure out what you want and bucking against the new reality. Nobody's gonna be able to help you fi…
/r/askMRP21/09/18 02:28 PM
5

I was wrong, you were right and it's even worse than you thought.
/r/askMRP21/09/18 01:12 AM
1

So you're unhappy and living apart and taking care of the kids but you feel trapped in a power struggle?
/r/askMRP21/09/18 01:12 AM
1

> I'm well down the path of living life for myself and all the self improvement stuff. But I do it for myself because it's what I want to do. She likes some bits which makes my life a little easier. There's a dissonance between this statement and your question that started the thread. Maybe you can identify why? > There is always a low-key power game being played. If you look close enough this is true of your friends, your girlfriends, your wife, coworkers, etc... It is forever the case because …
/r/askMRP20/09/18 11:18 PM
1

MRP is worth it for it's own merit. Whether the wife is or not is kind of secondary. I am in the camp of I have a great woman but Monogamy is not for me so she's moving out in Jan but there's no animosity. We still have a lot of love for each other, we will still spend time together post divorce and be close coparents. She may still want to date. Plates on the side are not desirable to me. Freedom is still too compromised and I don't particularly care for that dynamic personally. Feels like a ha…
/r/askMRP20/09/18 08:37 PM
1

Only answer to if it worth it is one you'll define for yourself of what you want. Becoming the leader you need to be is the only way to figure that out while also figuring out where the ceiling might be for your wife on the key areas you find important. Some people get divorced. Some get to exactly where they want to be. Some don't but decide their orienting principle is around their children and they make do with what they have. Some get big improvements and divorce anyway because they discover…
/r/askMRP20/09/18 07:22 PM
3

I can see that. It was the book that I thought wrapped all the dynamics together the best and most authoritatively. I always had a decent head for this stuff and read PUA 10 years prior to RP so maybe that's why the Deida book struck me as the most profound. Even though as didn't particularly care for the more "spiritual" tone. But then that's probably why it's so useful, since it deals with things at a symbolic level which makes it easier to apply to your life narrative and to recontextualize i…
/r/askMRP20/09/18 07:18 PM
1

There's nothing in his post to suggest that. You're speculating without any real clues here. Read his comments, he ain't bullshitting himself.
/r/askMRP20/09/18 07:12 PM
1

He's not chasing her happiness, just making a statement of the wife's baseline.
/r/askMRP20/09/18 07:02 PM
1

Sometimes I wonder if this should be the first must read book for newcomers.
/r/askMRP20/09/18 07:00 PM
5

I don't care if she snoops, she's welcome to it. I don't do anything I'm not prepared to own. She can read all my flirting to her heart's content and if she gets upset then I deal with that. But she never snoops. /Shrug
/r/askMRP20/09/18 12:25 PM
1

Yep, I'm already much happier and more engaging just being in-process. The difference is that there is strangely no negativity surrounding the separation and move-out plans, etc... I'm still waiting for that ball to drop. But my wife has always been unusual and the anger may never come. We'll see what happens when the move actually hits and it becomes real. I suspect she and I will continue to date for a year or two since we still actually like each other and have a lot of affection for each oth…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/18 04:52 PM
1

Yeah, I'm with you here. It's why I'm divorcing and not plating. That act and deny deny deny just feels liek a real waste of time and energy and still ultimately means you're not entirely free.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/18 03:49 PM
2

Interesting, I will check that out. I don't do much management of my feed or other aspects of reddit and probably should.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/18 03:47 PM
1

For some members that focus on the power dynamics of relationships or hold an emphasis on hard power, it can be difficult to discern the difference between a self deception and true abundance. Because when hard power becomes the measure of effectiveness, the need to deceive oneself to maintain a positive self image of strength grows. I don't think Red is doing that. He can just as readily admit to vulnerable states. It might be splitting hairs, but it feels like an important distinction to me to…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/18 03:05 PM
1

Lol I don't
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/18 12:48 PM
2

I gotcha, I may be splitting hairs here.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/18 03:18 AM
1

Ahh, ok, I'm not familiar with that story.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/18 03:15 AM
1

Eh, this reads like cognitive dissonance and ego protection. You DO care about and think about women/sex because it's there in most of your comments as a source of pride and accomplishment. Which is fine because it's a valuable state to exist in and it's intrinsically rewarding. It's the part where you try to say you don't think about it that is wrong. You just don't worry about it. Which is a more realistic goal and expectation to set with others.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/18 07:14 PM
1

Would def rec that book then to help keep it amicable throughout the process. Chances are that as soon as you make it real, if she really does want to keep you, you'll see all sorts of improvements all the sudden. If you don't, then you know for sure she's not in it.
/r/askMRP18/09/18 04:01 PM
2

Wrong question. What do you want and are you worth what you think you are... Are the right ones.
/r/askMRP18/09/18 01:44 PM
2

Lol
/r/askMRP18/09/18 01:42 PM
1

Perhaps, we'll see how the tale winds out. Right now we're on a course to continue dating post divorce since we actually still like each other, but things can take sharp turns, so we'll see. I have no expectations. The daughter (3) is the hardest part but I am confident she'll be fine. The older she gets the more sure of that I am and I trust my ability to talk her through the process. It will help too that initially I'll still be staying multiple nights at the wife's new place so it's not a com…
/r/askMRP18/09/18 01:36 PM
1

Usually this kind of story has a 10 year history of a gulf forming but it sounds like she wasn't very committed from the first year out. Who knows what OP is leaving out, but it doesn't sound like she was ever in it to win it.
/r/askMRP18/09/18 01:28 PM
1

She doesn't want to do the work to catch up or keep you and she knows what that spells out for her but she'd probably prefer to split based on what you described than do all that hard work. If you're only 2.5yrs in, time to get out. The hill slopes in one direction if you're not working hard to get up the other way. My wife and I are getting divorced. We don't fight. She's a high quality woman, loyal, caring, but a bit too vanilla. Some of the divorce is due to lack of enough stimulation even th…
/r/askMRP17/09/18 11:39 PM
1

Seems like you're struggling with figuring out what you want. Not a validation or addiction problem. Especially if what you have already is good, it'll beget the idea that maybe there's something wrong with you for not being satisfied. This is what I'm hearing in your concerns about the error being internal to you. At some point you're going to figure out what path is the right path and the doubts will turn into accepted trade-offs.
/r/askMRP14/09/18 04:40 PM
1

When I was little, I thought if I understood the deep why of what I was feeling it would be easy to solve my problems. Instead, it just made me perfectly consciously aware of how hard I was failing to change. Clarity is important, but deciding what you really want is a lot harder. Figure out what you want and the flip side to acceptance of what you want is also accepting the consequences or trade offs inherent in that decision. Perhaps the why you're missing is why one situation is better than t…
/r/askMRP14/09/18 04:32 PM
4

Obviously it's filling a void and the fact there's a void leaves other opportunities more open than if there weren't a void. That's it. Each woman will be slightly different and in different circumstances and with different histories and penchants There's your explanation.
/r/askMRP14/09/18 03:40 PM
1

Parse these within context they're given instead of trying to simplify them down to a generalized rule set that applies everywhere.
/r/askMRP12/09/18 05:02 PM
1

Real freedom comes when you let go. So don't try so hard to game and instead practice letting go of the things that anger you and you'll find your influence will grow. There is NO substitute for the body work. It is essential and fundamental. Treating it as anything less demonstrates you're not serious about becoming happy.
/r/askMRP11/09/18 03:32 PM
1

Tip: She's married to you. She wants to want to fuck you if only you'd stop making it impossible for her to feel that in an authentic way. Stop trying to game her and find shortcuts and make a serious commitment to losing the fat. If you can't handle being spread thin then don't. Focus on one thing and that first thing has to be strength/bodyfat. Drop the attempts at game because honestly, you'll get a lot further without trying to be strategic by just reducing your shitty behaviors. Let the gym…
/r/askMRP11/09/18 03:08 PM
2

The fundamental fear of parental uncertainty is the primary driver of why mena nd women have flipped prioritization on cheating. Women generally think emotional cheating is worse (provision and partner insecurity) and men generally feel physical cheating is worse (parental uncertainty and the biological imperative we sacrifice in monogamous arrangements). So the motivation for the parental test is normal and are thoughts that should be expected. Short of any sign of cheating, fighting, history o…
/r/askMRP10/09/18 04:47 PM
1

Probably a small nitpick, but I wouldn't run a totalizing narrative that all men here were never Alphas. It doesn't paint a correct picture of reality. The fallen alpha exists but you also don't see these kinds of posts from that sub-group so they are not as present in that regard. But it is a story that is better not to pretend it doesn't exist for the sake of simplicity. Even if it feels like an outlier, it is better for RP as a whole to acknowledge all the various paths people get here. But t…
/r/askMRP10/09/18 03:07 PM
1

Based on the info you provided, probably paranoid and insecure, but go ahead and get the test done so you can move on. Be smart about it and keep it to yourself.
/r/askMRP09/09/18 05:56 AM
1

I remember my ban run in with WNS the first time I made a comment. Lol
/r/askMRP07/09/18 05:06 PM
4

"No, Neo. I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to." When it becomes integrated, it's no longer a system. It's just part of how you operate. I didn't realize you changed your handle, always enjoyed your take on things.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/09/18 01:25 AM
3

Your suffering is because you don't have a plan so there's no meaning attached to the suffering. If you were suffering for a specific cause or reason you wouldn't feel so listless and the bounds of what is acceptable would be drawn in more defined ways. Don't focus on the negative as that will only deplete your willpower and motivation. Draw up a goal or future scenario you can place yourself in, without limiting your options you'll consider and from there, figure out where your ideals or goals …
/r/askMRP04/09/18 07:20 PM
1

Because the whole point of your mission is that it's internally derived but you're trying to outsource that work.
/r/askMRP04/09/18 04:25 PM
1

And that's a big part of why it happened other than her own capacity for deception. Take the hits, ready yourself for the transition, practice acceptance to help avoid fighting. Both fighting with her and fighting to accept your own portion of responsibility. Part of this process is learning how to accept your own fuckups without turning it into a litany you use to berate yourself. Learn from your mistakes, don't stew in regret, just be resolved to change your trajectory in the future and have a…
/r/askMRP02/09/18 10:01 PM
1

Can't help with legal. But mentally, try to achieve a mindset of "None of it matters anymore because I've decided it's over." Nothing will fuck you harder through the process than stewing on violation of trust, anger, desiring revenge, etc... None if your negotiation s will be clean she'll start her own revenge narratives, dig in her heels... Process will get dragged out. If you have separate lawyers, then it'll take even longer and be more expensive... A book that was recommended to me was "The…
/r/askMRP02/09/18 01:11 PM
1

"hey man, you're too risk averse" *Deletes entire post Lol
/r/askMRP01/09/18 03:09 PM
1

He's right about the first part. Your problem is not circumstantial. Your risk aversion is what is keeping your dick from getting wet. Consider this a small example of where it will fuck you in other areas of your life for similar reasons.
/r/askMRP01/09/18 02:34 PM
1

Gotta start light with this OP. 3yr okd was in bed cuttling with mom the other week, but I was hungry, started fucking her and then distracted the kid saying something like "go find the iPad, it in your room somewhere" so we could finish. As OP of course doesn't get, the fear of discovery is a turn on. What a waste of being stuck living with parents. He's complaining with a wealth of material to work with.
/r/askMRP01/09/18 01:38 PM
1

Can't handle the sexual tension of possibility of discovery but think you can run dread... Parents fuck when their kid is playing in the other room. I've fucked my wife behind the kitchen counter while the kid was watching TV. Go find your balls or at least try to solve the problem harder than a Reddit post. FFS man, just sit down for 10 minutes and fucking THINK of a solution. What you really want is for her to remove the decision making for you and lead you to using your own dick again.
/r/askMRP01/09/18 01:21 PM
2

The danger in talking about your journey is that you give her the measuring stick to declare your efforts either successes or failures. The readiness with which she'll use that stuff against you is all up to her personality. The utility of that level of transparency is questionable. You should always communicate vision and make sure your actions align with your vision. But over sharing can confuse the waters if you start to get into honesty as an act of confession. If you let transparency get th…
/r/askMRP29/08/18 03:17 PM
1

Yeah, that's all true, with this specific context or approaching a marriage commitment (regardless of state officiation) utilizing a form of manipulation is likely to leave a shadow over the decision rather than her own self motivated decision to include herself in your life. Done without any pressure flips or other attempts to redirect concern makes for a more substantive commitment and sets the responsibility of agreeing firmly on her own shoulders. In the process you're also not attempting to…
/r/askMRP29/08/18 02:21 PM
1

Collectivism and feminist philosophies of care are interlinked even though collectivism itself is not defined by feminist support.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/18 01:59 PM
1

This. No need for subterfuge or gimmicks. Just state what you're willing or not willing to do and let them decide for themselves. Otherwise, don't ask a bunch of randos online for financial advice, go talk to a financial planner and/or a lawyer who can get you set up right and manage your expectations with their experience.
/r/askMRP29/08/18 01:52 PM
1

Yes and the reason is, you need both to be a fully integrated individual. If you're over balanced one way, a ton of weaknesses come with that lop sidedness. Also remember that Alpha = Influence. More muscular doesn't = more alpha if the tank can't get his social shit together and be seen as an influencer. That's why social proof is a thing. Your physical appearance and stature primes biological mechanisms for attraction only. That's why you can counter someone trying to stake an amog position wi…
/r/askMRP27/08/18 08:24 PM
1

Since OP may miss why this is the right move... The escalation to sex indicates via BEHAVIOR that you value her and desire her. So STFU during conflict then display via actions that she is desired or valued. It's far more powerful and real. Her coming home to find you listened to a complaint or an issue being raised and dealt with it will tell not only her, but her hamster too, that you do listen, take things seriously and will act to the betterment of the family without needling or nagging. It'…
/r/askMRP27/08/18 05:17 PM
1

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you're still working on how to display anger in a healthy and controlled manner or you wouldn't be getting shit tested at this level. She's probably having arguments in her head with you before she opens her mouth. Attack that problem with both humor and serious ess as appropriate and shut down unacceptable behavior or remove your presence. But I'm still sticking with my first theory.
/r/askMRP23/08/18 11:27 PM
1

For some of the goals you have, a therapist can help because when you find the right one they can speak to your goals and how to achieve them at a higher level than your average friend. They provide a good sounding board and ask probing questions in ways that can help identify blockers you've been avoiding or didn't even realize were there. Just be wary of any therapist that focuses primarily on validation of feelings. If they're trying to make you feel better or "normal" they likely won't be a …
/r/askMRP20/08/18 03:46 PM
1

A lot of this development sounds like the kind of thing you want a therapist for so you can receive better detail from focused 1 on 1 time compared to what forum members can provide on letting down barriers, becoming more playful (in a way that still appropriately reflects your personality), assertiveness training, etc... This is a good place for feedback on theory, application or troubleshooting your results to a specific situation, but many of the questions you're asking are highly general and…
/r/askMRP20/08/18 02:36 PM
2

Yep. Regarding your daughter, my own approach is to not speak to my daughter like a child (She's 3) and I always talk to her as an adult. If she doesn't understand what I'm saying, that's ok, she picks up on what everything means eventually and I've already seen it help her mature and she speaks more like an adult than a 3yr old already (something other parents have noted to me). So when you talk about the issues, don't sugar coat it or try to lessen any negativity or uncertainty she might be fe…
/r/askMRP18/08/18 07:21 PM
1

How old is your daughter? You may not see too many swings from her since she has branch swing already so some of the fear and uncertainty that typically drives that kind of behavior may be less, in addition to you going on deployments, living in your absence isn't an alien idea. Typically the fighting and mayhem is related to fear or anger that grows out of fears. Which is also why approaching the divorce from a point of leadership is helpful. The power of NGAF is based in how it makes you non-r…
/r/askMRP18/08/18 06:38 PM
1

That sounds like a plan to me. Are you expecting resistance?
/r/askMRP18/08/18 01:48 PM
1

Not following you exactly on the part with your daughter. Do you mean a plan for visitation? Or do you mean your daughter dealing with the separation itself?
/r/askMRP18/08/18 01:36 PM
1

I was recommended "The Good Karma Divorce" and it has a lot of good suggestions on breaking the confrontation cycle. Even through divorce, you should aim to lead your wife through the process. I don't remember your full history so I don't know how acrimonious it may be, but I would at least peruse the book for insights that might apply. I am going through divorce now but it is collaborative and there's no fighting. I instigated. Not a kill the puppy situation.
/r/askMRP17/08/18 11:22 PM
1

The only way to fix things is to fix yourself. Keep your motivation centered around your progress and defined by your progress, not the relationship or any other external contrivance or validation.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/18 12:14 PM
2

OP. once you start negotiating realities, the wife is gonna feel uncertainty and fear, that will turn into anger and you'll think it's a different person, but it's not, you will have just not had the correct expectations. Perhaps it won't, but don't under estimate the ocean of resentment, fear and anger that's about to open it's maw beneath you both when the process gets real. Speak to a lawyer if you think there's even a possibility of animosity so you can be organized in your approach. Counsel…
/r/askMRP08/08/18 03:16 PM
1

Why the fuck are you not fully lawyered up and making a plan? Go get your shit in order or stay bent over and STFU if that's what you're choosing to do. You've got 0 self respect and she knows as long as it stays that way, you're her little bitch. She's being nice because she already owned you and is trying to keep her edge. You need a lawyer's advice, not this commentary bullshit.
/r/askMRP07/08/18 12:24 PM
1

You don't kill it, you accept a new reality and adjust your expectations. Your fear of loss is your biggest problem, not that you would feel the loss. You're real problem is a belief that you couldn't handle your life without her and it is that utter lack of faith in yourself that colors all your perceptions along this line of thought.
/r/askMRP06/08/18 07:48 PM
40

You're living in your hair's frame bud.
/r/askMRP05/08/18 03:42 PM
2

To your edit: Responding to comfort tests is a reaction. In that moment, you're responding to a need of hers. Reaching out constantly to try and reassure her, when it happens too frequently, becomes a nuisance and it starts to make you look needy by extension because you're not responding to a communicated need from her. That is part of the difference in context and you have to figure out on your own how to strike a balance between those two. You have to be able to give comfort when it's needed.…
/r/askMRP02/08/18 05:12 PM
1

Dynamics are already covered in the thread. With those numbers and progress, are you on a cut? Seems like it's probably a good time to get serious about dropping down to 12% At 16% she'll still be catching very unattractive angles of your fat throughout the day.
/r/askMRP01/08/18 08:01 PM
27

Fantastic summary and getting sniped while stoned is something I kind of relish. You really zero'd in on the variable all other variables fall under. Nice post and thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/07/18 04:07 PM
1

Look, the women falling for assholes trope is because being g an asshole mimics behavior sets a truly confident man exhibits so women fall for it all the time. It's pretty damn rare you find any woman that hasn't had the asshole in her at one point or another. Don't read into it too much. Your wife didn't change, you just got a little less stupid.
/r/askMRP31/07/18 02:25 PM
2

This is also not an exclusive effect to marriage or women. You get the same expectation of being a hero at work if you are a hero frequently. Dip below that a few times, even if it's still better than other coworkers and people will still perceive the relative change and discount the final product still being better than most of your peers
/r/askMRP30/07/18 10:04 PM
6

Good job punishing good behavior. THAT'LL get you the sex you want. Seriously, don't punish good behavior. It's not hard. Every time you do you communicate you're not worth her risking anything to make you happy. So why should she even bother? That's how that script runs.
/r/askMRP29/07/18 06:45 PM
1

Just not "enough" to meet your needs or to bring enough value that you continue in the marriage or begin to spin plates. Which is a different problem than "do I ever get to stop gaming, strategizing, leading and just be." One goal is to get to a place where your corrections to bad behavior doesn't produce a reflexive negativity in yourself or your outlook on your wife. At that point it becomes easier to identify deficiencies with a clear mind and as a result, make clear decisions. It's the diffe…
/r/askMRP27/07/18 04:36 PM
1

Don't strive for perfection, strive for better than the last day, week, month or year, whatever is appropriate. You're probably overly focused in measuring your progress and results. Observe them and let them inform you but try not to obsess over them and you will find more room to just live in the present and enjoy when things are good and act to correct when they're not. If you realize she's not enough for you in some manner, that's a different problem. None of that will apply if you become co…
/r/askMRP26/07/18 02:47 PM
2

You may have to get to a point where you spin plates to know. Not so much because you're fucking other women but because you reached a place where you had enough and are prepared to move on. It's circular, but that's how you'll know.
/r/askMRP25/07/18 03:30 PM
1

Some of them work fine but it doesn't matter because the only thing that matters is what you want. Those men may have different priorities than you so I wouldn't use their definition of success. But yes, some of them work fine. You never know what the man or woman's history was and how that may have formed their priorities or what they value. But in the end it doesn't matter in so far as it applies to your own situation. There are all sorts of low liklihood arrangements that work out there, whet…
/r/askMRP20/07/18 05:49 PM
1

Irrelevant. Don't leach the top comment like I'm doing right now. Also, fantastic info mrpthrowa.
/r/askMRP16/07/18 09:30 PM
3

OP pay attention to Rian here. You have no future with your current situation. Especially as you define what you want.
/r/askMRP03/07/18 02:32 PM
1

She isn't shit testing, she's confused. Don't worry about her discomfort, just don't be so literal, like you're a meter reporting on her progress. You said something about her kiss, she kissed you better, tried to be playful and you ended it with a rejection. You should have ended it with a sexual comment. "You'll know when I like the kiss." slap her ass and wish her a good trip. Positive reinforcement (expressing desire) that still gets the message across. "You'll know when I like it" always re…
/r/askMRP29/06/18 07:36 PM
1

The surest way to not get what you want is to punish her efforts to understand what you want. If she's making an effort, you use positive reinforcement instead of a negative challenge. Women are not motivated by that the way men are. TWOTSM identifies this in detail.
/r/askMRP29/06/18 07:04 PM
2

It's almost always the adults that can't handle telling the truth, not the kids that can't handle receiving it.
/r/askMRP28/06/18 07:35 PM
1

Embrace discomfort means that when you want to argue you just stop and observe instead. The first time will be uncomfortable, the 2nd time will be too, the third time maybe a little less... Just STFU and watch your desire to argue dissipate over time. New habits take time to reinforce. There's no mental shortcut on cheat code.
/r/askMRP28/06/18 07:31 PM
4

You will resent her forever. Whether she fucked him or not is threading a needle through the same violation of trust. Unless you have a particularly difficult set of variables with the kids (ie... Special needs or other issues) it's time to start planning your exit. You need to fully imagine and plan out what a divorce would look like and what you would need to do and expect to deal with so you can make a clear and sober decision. It could be six months from now, but you should have a plan at th…
/r/askMRP25/06/18 09:06 PM
1

It's about emotional labor and it's relative to what the individual woman finds most stressful. They happily do this for themselves when they're on their own because they have to, but when paired up, not as much. When a baby/child is present in their life they spend so much emotional labor and focus on the kid they don't want to have to also handle the emotional labor they did when they were single so they appreciate a man that alleviates that burden. It is even more valuable if the man does it …
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/18 07:21 PM
1

"Never Split The Difference"
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/18 07:14 PM
3

She's asking for help, this is an opportunity to give some structure and display leadership by changing some meals, creating a narrative about improving along side one another (ie... give her an aspirational image to focus on as what all the efforts actually symbolize), getting her into a fitness routine or weight lifting (doesn't have to be at your gym if that's important to keep as sanctuary for yourself), etc... There are a number of ways to guide that emotional vomit to a positive place. Fin…
/r/askMRP24/06/18 07:46 PM
1

If she's off the pill, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. Then you'll see what a messy divorce really could look like. The house is not that big a deal, you can deal with whatever you need to deal with. The fear of loss is worse than whatever results with the house. You are far better off making decisions from a place of strength and happiness. Don't make decisions while you are resentful, angry, etc... They are the birth place of regrets. Get to a place where you're happy with the man you are and the dec…
/r/askMRP22/06/18 04:03 PM
1

Exactly. It's not Rambo, you're just unused to being assertive. Some people Rambo hard, I did. This isn't that.
/r/askMRP22/06/18 12:07 AM
1

This is not a Rambo situation. Your only problem was DEERing. If she were absolutely in "fuck no" land she would have protested or pulled away the second you said that. If she's not ok it doesn't matter. Looking for her to be ok is going to cause her to stay angry longer. Do not let her irritation to change your behavior or sour your mood. If you fail that, just work at not failing the next time. Eventually your independent state of mind will start to set in, but it will require time.
/r/askMRP21/06/18 09:54 PM
8

Next time just give her positive reinforcement like you did at the end of the conversation and leave it at that. If she says she doesn't like it, just respond "I know you don't. But it's sexy as hell." That IS your explanation. Just keep getting more attractive and owning your shit regarding house and family and eventually she'll enjoy it because you enjoy it and once she allows that positive sexual feedback to take hold (meaning you're high value in order for her to also feel high value), thing…
/r/askMRP21/06/18 09:50 PM
2

You just need to find an interest or activity that is a long term project and structure some of your free time around that thing that produces meaning for you and set it as a higher general priority than the honey do list. So long as you're still doing your part it's up to her to decide how she will react. If you aren't owning your shit around the house then this will blow up in your face.
/r/askMRP21/06/18 09:45 PM
2

It's the simple pleasures in life...
/r/askMRP20/06/18 12:49 AM
1

If you have to, just have a project or hobby like "ok cool, I'm gonna go watch the neighbors wife take a shit."
/r/askMRP19/06/18 12:21 AM
2

A friend just came back from his wife having a procedure that clears growths for years, expectedly long enough to cover her till menopause, she's in her early/mid 30s. He mentioned there were two options, one is more temporary, the other what I described above but they had to go to a specialist in NY to get the longer term procedure done. This is medical pain, I would not count on SMV being much of an input. Even if she did grit and bear it, it would be an untenable solution.
/r/askMRP18/06/18 08:55 PM
1

Not even hand them to her, get out of her way when she goes for them herself and give praise and appreciation for the hard work. Depending on the history and your dynamic, who knows how long it will be or if she'll resist it forever for some kind value she holds about it, but regardless, it doesn't change the approach. Cholomite really nailed this issue also in his comment on this thread.
/r/askMRP15/06/18 08:42 PM
1

Have you tried just setting clear expectations of what you want? You can't do this if your not setting the standard of cleanliness. Once you do, and she treats it like you're doing her a favor, you communicate your expectations. And then you continue to clean if it needs cleaning until she wakes up about where you expect the division of labor to be. If she stays lazy, then you escalate the issue. You have to decide where the line of what you will accept is and decide how far you're willing to ta…
/r/askMRP15/06/18 08:02 PM
1

You need to get to a place where you want touch but don't need it. Only then will she constantly be touching you and she will freely give it as a gift she can give rather than a responsibility she must endure.
/r/askMRP15/06/18 07:10 PM
1

High quality means that she meets your criteria, not mine. If you're talking in the abstract about what constitutes a high quality woman, it comes down to how "feral" they are. Impulse control is the single best measure of that. You can't have good impulse control without decent emotion regulation either and it probably helps indicate better self awareness. It's the broadest description you can make about what constitutes quality. This calculation is no different from a woman's perspective of a …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/18 03:06 AM
5

If that's the case this is pathetic and I agree with you. I thought that boys comment was referring to kids.
/r/askMRP15/06/18 02:40 AM
1

Are they not even married? I must have misread the boys comment.
/r/askMRP15/06/18 02:32 AM
1

He doesn't have the capital for a fight like that. He's already fucked up dealing with being caught three times. I've seen this kind of insecurity fed fighting before and he's much more likely to see behavior change if she crashes upon him as a rock and loses her levers. When she feels those levers disappear, she will have to reassess her behavior. This also focuses him on a big weakness right now, his inability to not maintain emotional control given all his "how do I not blow up" questions. So…
/r/askMRP15/06/18 02:15 AM
5

You don't engage in a fight. You make rediculous jokes and you let her blow up and exhaust herself with her own anger. If you engage, you feed energy back into the storm and legitimize it.
/r/askMRP15/06/18 01:15 AM
1

"I'm sorry you feel so insecure. What did you do? You obviously feel guilty. Care to come clean?" "Wait I know, you've been using the cucumbers to get off and that's why your underwear has that weird smell! I knew it!" This is the level of seriousness you need to respond with. Obviously she likes to play tantrum games to make herself feel secure again. Do not engage in any fight. Just make rediculous comments and laugh at her antics. Then when she goes all cold, grab an apple and do your thing a…
/r/askMRP15/06/18 01:14 AM
3

Women are loyal all the time. Be high quality, which makes you worthy of loyalty and identify low quality partners. That's it. If you've never had a loyal woman in your life, your problem is picking low quality women or not being worthy of loyalty. If you have had loyal women in your life, wtf are you even talking about then? The current stat, as I last heard it from a practicing psychologist, was around 40% of marriages have infedilty happen. No matter how fuzzy that number is, plenty of loyal …
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/18 10:34 PM
1

And then you do something to make her feel secure again, I'm guessing, rather than let it linger. Conflict avoidance is still fear btw. If you don't find a way through it it will never have a reason to leave or change the status quo.
/r/askMRP14/06/18 07:56 PM
1

Nailed it. OP needs to start using humor to his advantage in these situations to short circuit the unconscious power play.
/r/askMRP14/06/18 03:35 PM
2

She just recognized her servants and decided a forgiveness routine would keep her servants identities secure. U got played.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/18 02:44 PM
2

If your'e not ready, your'e not ready, ride it to see where it goes too if you actually have a legitimate and authentic desire to keep her. But trust will come or it won't and the more you make it an issue by trying to flip it to positive, the more she will focus on that sense of unease. You can't attack the problem head on, you have to just move past it yourself and she will either see that behavior and believe you're past it (indicating she can too), or she won't, but it's your mindset and att…
/r/askMRP12/06/18 03:52 PM
1

Don't spin plates if your guilt makes it impossible to spin plates. It's not a timing issue. Caring this much is creating incongruence with your identity vs. your actions. So don't spin plates in the future since it is wracking you with guilt. For now, just own it, you made the decisions, now stick with it and stop trying to massage her into trust. Either she does or she doesn't. You're likely gonna have to just move on. I get the impression you're only still exclusive because you have a guilt c…
/r/askMRP12/06/18 03:43 PM
1

The fact you gave all the reasons to move on and none to stay but are asking us if you should stay.
/r/askMRP12/06/18 03:40 PM
1

Cause he's not angry or resentful, bitter or pitty parading.
/r/askMRP12/06/18 04:37 AM
1

Depression is difficult and unfortunately the usual way out of it is through the shit, not clearing it first. Pick something you need to do for yourself, something you will do even when you feel like shit doing it. Doing it is the point. Not whether it makes you feel good, or worse, no matter how it makes you feel, you do it every day until you start to feel some satisfaction again. Then you use that satisfaction to add something else in and fan that little spark back to life and get out of the …
/r/askMRP12/06/18 01:45 AM
1

Step 1 is to become practiced taking of the things that need to get done because they need to get done for your own reasons. Don't do then for her, don't have a silent argument or bitch session in your head as you do them, just get it done. It will take time for your example to instigate changes in her, but it will happen if you're consistent. Step 2 is getting out of that house ASAP. Step 3 is setting some limits about what's ok to bitch about with her parents and what's not. This isn't about s…
/r/askMRP11/06/18 07:58 PM
1

Responses and not a word yet about what the wife is pissed at you about and why the entire family is set against you right now. Your reading doesn't mean shit if you can't even acknowledge the problems to anonymous strangers, or apparently, yourself.
/r/askMRP11/06/18 04:50 PM
1

You want to test the trust levels, start flirting with the BFF and see how your wife reacts. Surest way to see less of the BFF is to stir up some report with the BFF, especially if your wife thinks she'll sleep around. Also, FYI, you're projecting your insecurity on this BFF by labeling her a whore and viewing her as a threat to your marriage. Chill out and maintain some raport, flirt for some dread and if your wife sees her as a destructive influence, she'll put distance in there herself.
/r/askMRP11/06/18 03:45 PM
1

So long as you fear her emotions, your frame will be weak and the FIL will probably notice. Don't be the guy trying to smooth over other people's conflict, just ride the storm and don't get sucked in, be independent of any drama, don't get suckered into taking sides and find your own reasons and way of interacting with the FIL.
/r/askMRP09/06/18 04:47 PM
1

Try being effective instead of "strong"
/r/askMRP08/06/18 05:36 PM
2

Why would she when you're destroying all the value you could offer her on your own? She'll divorce you just so she can get some air again and never look back and you'll be crushed because you had no control over a bad thing. THERAPY. NOW.
/r/askMRP08/06/18 05:35 PM
1

WTF do you not understand about basic gender differences. Your wife DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT if it's efficient. It's not important to her. Stop trying to make your values her values. Also, therapy.
/r/askMRP08/06/18 05:34 PM
1

Holy shit... you also want her to tell you where she is all the time. Ok, this is my third comment on this thread and I was wrong. You do need advice. But you need it from a counselor to deal with your fear of losing control.
/r/askMRP08/06/18 05:33 PM
1

Good god I hope you aren't in middle management. You're like a caricature of the worst managers in corporate america that actually cost companies their talent because they're so inept. Your wife is not the problem. Your own behavior is what your'e fighting here.
/r/askMRP08/06/18 05:31 PM
2

Because here's all you have to do. You drop it. You eat your discomfort about it and you STFU when you want to be controlling. And you keep doing that. And it gets easier every time. You don't need advice, you need to sack up and start shutting your mouth and take ownership of your fuckup with your wife. You don't have to apologize, just say that she's right and this is something you have to work on. guess who will start asking you how you want something done once you stop being so controlling.
/r/askMRP08/06/18 05:29 PM
1

LOL, now apologize for that DEER!
/r/askMRP08/06/18 05:27 PM
1

It's too personal and specific to the individual to throw out general examples and ask if they apply to your specific situation. If you haven't seen serious problems related to those issues then you have no issues there. There's nothing specific in your post about any issues, just some circumstantial backstory, which on it's own, means nothing. Some women who suffer rape develop deep issues the rest of their lives and some get past it and have 0 baggage. You can't look at circumstantial shit and…
/r/askMRP08/06/18 03:21 PM
2

Strength has no relation to fat. You need to do heavy lifting. This light cardio will get you nowhere and besides, weight loss is 85% diet, not physical activity. You 0 out ALL your current exercise with a single cheeseburger. Find an independent trainer because you're not a good candidate for self guided programs. You'll enjoy having the instruction and access to information with the trainer or coach.
/r/askMRP07/06/18 10:30 PM
2

Lol, I totally thought that was the opening line to a burn. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/18 09:08 PM
1

Also Marcus Aurelius Meditations. Many many audible offers that are really cheap.
/r/askMRP07/06/18 08:53 PM
1

Something to remember about rollo is that most of TRM is talking about things at a macro scale. It's communicating much about the landscape out there and ways you can observe hypergamy in action. This doesn't translate literally to your woman. You have to be aware of the landscape but also not fall into the trap of trying to shove individuals into that model, else you'll become one of the TRP angry lads, which is... unattractive. But if you come across an individual that checks a lot of boxes as…
/r/askMRP07/06/18 08:53 PM
3

People who are secure and confident have insecure thoughts all the time. Frame is not the absence of moments of insecurity, it is what you do with those thoughts and whether you allow the insecurities to mold your world view that makes the difference.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/18 02:49 PM
14

You didn't understand my comment. You're projecting. That's your insecurity speaking, not a deadeye read on the situation. A woman has concerns about their relationships all the time. It doesn't mean they're about to bail at a pin drop. You look to other factors for that.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/18 04:28 AM
44

Her verbalizations while you were at a low are her hamster telling her how she feels she SHOULD act towards a man she loves. She legitimately believes this is the right thing to do and that she shouldn't place concerns on you while you're down. However, if that goes on too long, she starts to doubt your reliability of support no matter what she intellectually believes is the right thing to do in the moment. Now that she feels more secure, she opened up about a fear or anxiety she had because she…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/18 02:02 AM
37

This is just insecurity masquerading as wisdom. You've got all the information here to understand this dynamic and deal with it. Some women stick with you longer than others but everyone has their limits. This is why you vet and you don't stupidly romanticize love as being "unconditional." Not all women are slaves to their hypergamy, that is how you measure the quality of your girl. Impulse control = High Quality But the impulses are still there to one degree or another. If you want to have kids…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/18 01:54 AM
1

yup, agreed.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/18 12:58 AM
1

Put WISNIFG next on the list to help deal with that too. Dunno if it's on the sidebar or not, but "Never Split The Difference" is also a great tool to try and incorporate into your interactions with others and how to measure your own desire or acceptabke outcome in the process.
/r/askMRP05/06/18 05:14 PM
1

Validation not equal to value. You are building value. The validation if your efforts will be in greater successful outcomes in your favor. Feeling good about that is not validation, it's satisfaction. Feeling you have no worth without attention, so you seek out attention to suppress negative emotion, THAT'S validation. Seeking out attention because you like the feminine energy and feel more vitalized after flirting, is not validation.
/r/askMRP05/06/18 05:11 PM
1

Validation not equal to value. You are building value. The validation if your efforts will be in greater successful outcomes in your favor. Feeling good about that is not validation, it's satisfaction. Feeling you have no worth without attention, so you seek out attention to suppress negative emotion, THAT'S validation. Seeking out attention because you like the feminine energy and feel more vitalized after flirting, is not validation.
/r/askMRP05/06/18 05:11 PM
1

Validation not equal to value. You are building value. The validation if your efforts will be in greater successful outcomes in your favor. Feeling good about that is not validation, it's satisfaction. Feeling you have no worth without attention, so you seek out attention to suppress negative emotion, THAT'S validation. Seeking out attention because you like the feminine energy and feel more vitalized after flirting, is not validation.
/r/askMRP05/06/18 05:11 PM
1

Time. Don't envy. It implicitly suggests you don't believe you can achieve that which you envy.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/18 05:02 PM
1

Nowadays, if a "fuck feminism" debate starts, you'll see a lot more women jumping on that now than 10 years ago. For the very lies and man hating you allude to. Plenty of women out there that have acknowledged for fucked it is to view men as their enemy.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/18 04:58 PM
3

Write her a song about insane jealousy of an awesome man and sing it horribly to her. Nice and loud. Make sure you have a little dance to go with it at the end. Not a routine, just a little shimmy shimmy. Then ask if she wants to get on flute for the tour.
/r/askMRP05/06/18 04:33 PM
1

I think Peterson is on point when he describes much if that as a redirection of infant protection instincts. If you view a disposessed class of people as needing child-like protection, then all is justified and they feel it in their bones. Same logic could be applied by all if us in pursuit of defending one of our own children. It's not a conspiracy but it is also aided by a total lack of education about emotions, the distortions they create and the dangers of conceptual infantilization. I think…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/18 04:03 PM
2

MGTOW is a failure to move on from a burn. The problem with it is it keeps them focused on past harm which is antithetical to legitimate growth and transformation. Justified or not, it doesn't have much in the way of utility.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/18 03:59 PM
1

Yep, and it put more agency on her part. Likewise the part I was angry about wasn't the sex or rejection, it was with the fact that I regarded duty sex as fundamentally dishonest. The fuck if I care we don't have sex because it would be shitty sex? Just say no. Going through the motions in that sham is the biggest turn off I can think of. It really made me feel disgusted. She actually thanked me for fucking her the other night and I was like, what in the... "That's right baby. Your welcome." I'm…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/18 02:52 AM
1

I had to do the reverse, make her stop giving duty anything and just say no if she's not into it. 2nd time I stopped sex/bj in the middle and said this wasn't worth it, never happened again. For some background though, I never had a DBR, just quality and frequency issues. Many of which were actually me not wanting to fuck HER. But equally on her side feeling emotionally disconnected because of my frustration and not spending time with her.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/18 01:07 AM
1

Yeah, that last point is really the important bit. (That consistency builds new expectations)
/r/askMRP01/06/18 08:36 PM
1

A perfectly viable option is just letting her be angry instead of DEERing or A&A, just keep things light if it's not about a serious existential insecurity. This is about being consistent across the series of conversations you have and maintaining a playful attitude cause eventually, if you maintain that and you OYS, she will get to a place of "fuck it, it doesn't matter."
/r/askMRP01/06/18 07:23 PM
1

It never will. It is your biological imperative. It does not fade. You either flirt with fire and get some vitality by running to the edge of violating the marriage contract. Or you start plating and/or build towards openly plating or threesomes with the wife involved. Or you just deal with that trade-off of monogamy and try to ignore it. But the pressure and the urge will never go away and will increase with more testosterone as well. Even women with higher T levels are more promiscuis.
/r/askMRP01/06/18 05:03 PM
0

Also depends on where your progress was because aside from dread, your improvement means she wants you around more in general. So some of the usual "distance makes the heart... Yada yada" is in effect too.
/r/askMRP01/06/18 03:46 PM
1

Yep, I was just away a couple weeks ago for a solo hiking trip. Two nights before I was leaving, I deliberately stirred up some conflict after she did somethign that pissed me off and let her rage for about a day. The night before I left, we chatted and I made everythign right again and the drive back home the next day, it was all "can't wait to fuck you" "Can't wait for a good fuckign when you're home" 5 days of vacation sex at home, 3 - 4 times a day ensued. She even fondly laughs about being …
/r/askMRP01/06/18 03:10 PM
2

Sidebar ---> Read it before asking low effort questions.
/r/askMRP31/05/18 04:54 PM
2

The harder part is being reasonably vigilant when you have an off feeling but not becoming neurotic about it, looking for confirmation of insecurity birthed suspicions. This is where the trap is.
/r/askMRP29/05/18 02:19 PM
3

Hint, your challenge isn't the relationship, it's how LTRs expose your weaknesses and insecurities in ways dating does not. It's not about your girl. It's about your hamster of "WHY ARE CHANGES HAPPENING?!" Just go have fun and be fun. Examine where your ruts are and break up routine.
/r/askMRP27/05/18 06:04 PM
1

Yes, again, that article doesn't contradict what I wrote. You're arguing a narrow case about mate guarding but not qualifying that. Of course boundaries are ineffective for mate guarding or preventing a desire to cheat if it exists. Again, boundaries are not a method of control. That is when they fail. That advice was already given in the thread about the euro date event trip. You're taking what rollo wrote here in regard to mate guarding and using it uphold your example about disrespect. They a…
/r/askMRP25/05/18 09:53 PM
1

Go ahead and amend your post describing situations you think boundaries should be used.
/r/askMRP25/05/18 08:01 PM
1

Yes, Boundaries are not used to create internalized change in perception. They are used to police bad behavior or establish value structures within the relationship that the two people can understand as limits and red lines. Your objections to using boundaries in any form is predicated on a misunderstanding of their designed utility and objective. The objective of a boundary is NOT to change a perception of you, it is to police bad behavior or behavior a person thinks violates a deep value of th…
/r/askMRP25/05/18 06:53 PM
1

There is a link to her monitoring her language and gaining respect. It is not a binary dynamic. If it creates behavior modifications by setting the boundary, then it will also affect her respect. It is not the only basis of respect, but it is one. The boundary is not supposed to be single point of reinforcement. It also applies structure to the relationship that was likely undefined before. You are ignoring how these factors play into the wife's perception and being reductive to make your point.
/r/askMRP25/05/18 05:12 PM
1

Your GF is on to something with your insecurity. Stop trying to give yourself permission to have a shitty view of her by having an equally ignorant understanding of AWALT. People tend to fulfill exactly what you expect from them. So if you expect her to cheat on you while she's gone and actually communicate that via actions or words, you just increase the chance she's going to cheat (if she wants to). Cause she'll just think "Well, he thinks I'm going to anyway and I won't get any credit if I do…
/r/askMRP25/05/18 12:46 AM
5

Don't phrase sexual initiation talk in terms of wants and needs. Especially when the wife hears needs and wants from the kids constantly. If you're talking more abstractly about sexual needs in general, sure, but when you want actual action do not use "I want..." It's a request which says "let's have sex but it's up to you." KINO ahead of time. Get her warned up first. Then try to give commands. EXPECT resistance early on so that your surprise is reserved for non resistance. Her receptiveness wi…
/r/askMRP24/05/18 04:35 PM
1

I just troll now when it comes to politics. Waste of time, but I can't help myself sometimes, it's too rich.
/r/askMRP23/05/18 07:20 PM
1

Your model is unique to you. You use the readings and discussion and theory to figure out what best fits the lifestyle you want. You're over complicating the idea. It's not multiple models, each book and concept is an aspect of sexual strategy, you work on individual aspects, in this example shit test / comfort test and how to approach them. Divide the work up if the entire thing feels too broad to digest and just work on identifying shit tests and passing them for a while until it feels more na…
/r/askMRP23/05/18 07:17 PM
1

Internalization is the process of building a mental model. Once the model is established internally, then you practice to hone your sensitivity to the point that you don't think about it anymore. When you start acting instead of thinking, you've reached internalization. So it goes like this: Read the material and reach an intellectual understanding of the model proposed by the reading. Contemplate as you read (or take a 2nd read) at a slower pace and contemplate how the reading material applies …
/r/askMRP23/05/18 05:39 PM
2

Likewise, if she's busy, OP should find some things to do on his own there that are interesting to him. OP don't be the manservant waiting for her time to free up. Help her with the travel and then go find engaging things to do on your own.
/r/askMRP23/05/18 04:01 PM
1

Acknowledge where your faggotry lies and work to reduce it.
/r/askMRP23/05/18 03:57 PM
1

I'm saying it's not the habit, it's the mentality. It will weaken you and cause you to look for problems as a defense mechanism. It will cause you to see threats where there are none because you're constantly engaging a defensive program. Whether that manifests and mentally breaking up with her out a fear she will break up with you first, is not as consequential as recognizing that your defensive program here is counter productive and self reinforcing. The habit is a symptom of insecurity. You n…
/r/askMRP23/05/18 02:17 PM
1

Trying to avoid pain like that perpetuates a mentality of fear. You must accept that you will take punches that hurt and move on. Your ability to move on is where you derive strength, not avoiding the gut punch of life.
/r/askMRP23/05/18 02:00 PM
6

She can't even bitch about traffic to OP without stirring up his emotions. And then to clinch it, he is the source of drama afterwards. Girlfriend mode.
/r/askMRP23/05/18 01:58 PM
1

Texting isn't your problem, living in her frame is. She dominated you with her emotions while barely trying. You sound like a kid pining after mommy when you care so much whether she says "I love you." Validation seeking and power games. Unattractive. You're more invested than she is and she knows it. Eventually that'll lead to a lack of interest because she doesn't pursue you, you're too easily manipulated by her unconscious behavior to be something she chases. IOW, you present no challenge to …
/r/askMRP23/05/18 01:45 PM
2

Nope. You aren't married to him. Your marriage is not his responsibility.
/r/askMRP18/05/18 04:33 PM
1

Confidence is chill. Not edgey. So good job on starting that transition.
/r/askMRP18/05/18 03:16 PM
1

You won't kill it by aiming at it, you just have to be satisfied enough with yourself that the idea of rejection is not a big deal. You'll still feel it, but ascribing significance to it is your choice.
/r/askMRP18/05/18 02:52 PM
1

Then the only problem is in your perception of rejection.
/r/askMRP18/05/18 02:48 PM
6

He fucking better have. Lol
/r/askMRP17/05/18 03:29 PM
2

Yeah, you're not ready. go sidebar. You have some naivety to cure before you'll ever have a realistic set of expectations about marriage. Wrong expectations is the biggest setup for failure and getting blindsided because you're deaf and blind to problems until you end up in crisis mode years later. Read. Don't bother with this thread. You can't hold a conversation yet on the topics. They're prerequisites for a reason.
/r/askMRP10/05/18 12:04 PM
1

Lol, make sure you get that on a promise ring.
/r/askMRP10/05/18 11:59 AM
1

Hint: All humans are the cheating type. It's a question of circumstances and opportunities. Not character traits. If you don't want her to cheat, don't create the circumstances to enable it. Thinking you can rely on a person's character to prevent that is exactly how you grow complacent and act like it's something you're just "owed." But that's not how it works. In fact, that's how you make sure there's a good chance you're setting yourself up for it in the future. Ie... Entitlement
/r/askMRP10/05/18 11:52 AM
1

Well who knows what her fantasies are going to be. The point is to be prepared to separate your ego if needed, not that it will necessarily be needed. But if she has a fantasy of being gang banged and you worked to develop an atmosphere of sexual openness and recoil at her voicing aloud her private thoughts, you can imagine how counter productive that would be.
/r/askMRP09/05/18 05:52 AM
1

The sexual talk and openness around the house sets the context of open sexuality and a space safe from judgment (you better be ready to hear it), while you also push the limits of what she's comfortable with. So simultaneously you are the one pushing her limits and also the guy demonstrating that her sexual fantasies and private desires can be aired without restraint. The pussy will be wetter.
/r/askMRP09/05/18 03:06 AM
1

Keep that up and escalate, find where her limits are and push. Getting her wet is a mental game, make her uncomfortable and safe at the same time and unlock her inner whore.
/r/askMRP09/05/18 02:35 AM
1

Ehhh, he's trending upward and didn't say anything about the girl's past, upbringing or other indicators of sexual repression. Could very well be the issue in addition to whatever work he still has to do. OP needs to figure that out and make sexual talk open and fun around the house. Talk sexual fantasies, make her tell him hers, etc... Shame can be a blocker independent of the man, no matter how we like to run the common narrative.
/r/askMRP08/05/18 05:47 PM
1

I know the type of girl, it was my first major LTR mistake when I was young. OP will need to find the line between being supportive and enabling her energy and emotion vampirism. Or he'll just build and build on that resentment until he rage quits. My old ex was the same deal, people pleaser, very few friends of her own, broke down crying from work all the time, couldn't set reasonable boundaries at work so I became the support system instead, needed me to support her in everything or she'd neve…
/r/askMRP03/05/18 02:25 PM
1

I would temper this that she has to also understand that self sufficiency is also her path to a successful marriage. Everything else you said still stands, but OP is gonna have to breach that topic and set that context sometime after the baby comes or they will be down a path of resentment fast. He still has to be the oak, but she will need to understand this dynamic as well. She'll work hard to make that happen if OP stays in the gym, owns his shit and can be the oak while also tempering his to…
/r/askMRP03/05/18 01:16 PM
3

So much talking over this but I get it, you're young. She's probably naive and it may also be true the dude's going after the roommate, regardless it matters little because how you react is more important. Offer for him to stay with you and don't pawn off your social anxiety on another dude. Take the responsibility yourself, AMOG it by befriending and try to tone down the conspiratorial mindset to find your chill. Care enough to act right but don't act like you give no shits. Demonstrating him s…
/r/askMRP03/05/18 01:02 PM
1

This isn't what Rambo looks like. You're just refining your sense of things. Rambo would be driving with your anger and then blowing up or trying to go hard and then punish hard, trying to make a 180 happen overnight. You're on the right track.
/r/askMRP01/05/18 05:18 PM
2

Yep, when she gets anxious it's a good time to exert frame because in that vulnerability is a natural vacuum of leadership and an implicit plead to set the ground back under their feet. The trick is not to placate or rush to make her comfortable again but to assert the reality you wish to build and offer her your confidence as the new ground. This is where some of the "be dominant and force through the soft no" advice is coming from. But she'll vacillate from being receptive to it and then feeli…
/r/askMRP01/05/18 03:20 PM
1

You did fine, the criticisms are a nit pick for 2 months in and really, you handled it fine. Some people will take shitty sex because it's sex, I won't, it causes more conflict and dissatisfaction that isn't worth it to me. If it's not a "fuck yeah" I'm not interested. She's gonna hampster about how your'e reigning in your stream of consciousness type talk so she'll be hot/cold a bunch as that goes on. You're taking the right approach, things will be bumpy because your'e changing behavior and sh…
/r/askMRP01/05/18 01:45 PM
3

Took it off all the time, then lost it, never bought another. Waste of money.
/r/askMRP30/04/18 12:36 PM
1

You don't need an FR to run that logic. Either she breaks or she doesn't, is that a condition for increasing your attractiveness? Think through the implications of your motivations to that end.
/r/askMRP27/04/18 09:46 PM
1

Does that not create your answer for you if the alternative is remaining less attractive to stay in a relationship with someone too insecure to be with an attractive man? What would THAT say about you?
/r/askMRP27/04/18 07:34 PM
1

Remember that your goal is not to be an asshole, however, sometimes in the pursuit of your mission and things that are important in your life, people will become upset you're not setting them as the priority they *want* you to. That does not mean you are doing any harm and it makes people value the time and energy you do give them that much more. It is also a more honest display of affection or respect because implicit in the moments you do spend time with family, friends or coworkers, is the kn…
/r/askMRP26/04/18 01:58 PM
2

If you are a slave to your emotions, you won't achieve independence and you impugn on your children's ability to be more self reliant by always being available (or by implication you are somehow doing something wrong by not being available every moment you can). All that does is give them unrealistic expectations about their partners later in life. It will do no harm if they don't see you before bed time 3 nights a week. My daughter often doesn't see me because the gym after work means I get hom…
/r/askMRP26/04/18 01:43 PM
1

You sacrifice some time with the kids. They don't need you at the level you think and all it will do is help them appreciate time with you further. This is what setting the example of having priorities and that as a dad you have a life outside the kids also. It is a healthy level of separation. This is what embracing discomfort means.
/r/askMRP26/04/18 01:30 PM
1

"you should love me for the person I am" No one. I repeat NO ONE, except possibly your mother, loves you for who you are. Don't ever expect that to be the case. All relationships are conditional. Remove "should" statements from your thinking and speech. They are the birth place of resentment, covert contracts and disappointment. They're dangerous and usually full of fantasy. Should is irrelevant, what is relevant is what people DO. Bottom line, you work out because it's important to YOU. That's …
/r/askMRP26/04/18 12:49 PM
1

Spend money at a gym then. Can't stress enough, there is no worthwhile theory without the body to match that will get you the results you want.
/r/askMRP25/04/18 08:03 PM
1

This is going to be the hardest part of adapting some stoicism because I am naturally the same way. Expressive and extremely open. Keeping things you used to express to yourself is uncomfortable and that's why it's important to embrace discomfort in pursuit of change. I wouldn't even worry about theory too much because everything is easier, significantly so, and many things fall into place naturally once you get your body to the right place. Whatever mental energy and willpower you expend on the…
/r/askMRP25/04/18 07:58 PM
1

He's burnt on the constant analyzing and mental energy spent gaming and just needs a break. Could be some kind of depressive episode, they come and go. Either way it sounds like a deficit of energy and nothing else.
/r/askMRP25/04/18 04:09 PM
1

Just don't take her concerns seriously and play it up with absurdist humor as the extra point.
/r/askMRP19/04/18 06:01 PM
2

Bingo, this is a process he's using not an answer. The answer is working it's way up.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/18 05:58 PM
1

Cool, they're amping the dread up for you. Now what's your complaint? Can't handle the fee fees coming at ya?
/r/askMRP19/04/18 01:54 PM
1

"I love you, but shut the fuck up." Haha, another line that can be used equally with a teenager.
/r/askMRP19/04/18 01:51 PM
1

Which is easily inhibited. Also you know high-T women are a thing too and sex drive in a man involves more than just testosterone even if T is a large input. Think you're trying to reduce things down to a level of analysis that doesn't work. You'll loop right back around to the basic AF/BB split because it has to be that generalized to cover the variances in behavior.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/18 04:21 PM
1

It's a semantic argument. We all know naturals exist and that "natural" is a substitute for intuitive.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/18 04:18 PM
1

She does crave sex but not in the same manner that a man does. The differing reproductive strategies cannot be disentangled from the way in which men vs. women experience desire. It's simple for men. Spread seed everywhere to as many as possible. We have very few variables in that directive. Women have more considerations and inputs into their decisions to fuck beyond their base level desire. As they get older the realities of other inputs gain more weight against their raw sexual desires. Why d…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/18 04:15 PM
4

Jesus man, trim it down, this isn't your WordPress diary.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/18 04:06 PM
4

It's cute you think trustworthy people don't cheat. It's a question of conditions, not personal qualities. ALL people are the "cheating type," it's only a question of circumstances, opportunities and proclivities. Nobody is immune to their imperatives.
/r/askMRP18/04/18 02:19 PM
1

It's as much about not being made a fool of or wasting years with a dishonest woman than any fear of her leaving. If you're going to invest, you want your investment in a high quality high return situation. A cheating wife or gf is not that. There's more than fear of someone leaving at play
/r/askMRP17/04/18 06:06 PM
2

Sometimes the cloak and dagger shit is warranted sometimes it's a massive waste of time and turns you into a paranoid and jealous partner. The worries about giving your hand early are apt but not the end of the world. Think it through and if you do confront, either record the conversation so you can confirm details or stay in opsec mode and enable things like location sharing on her Google maps, join your cell accounts so you can monitor sms and phone call history and decide whether you're paran…
/r/askMRP16/04/18 09:38 PM
1

My wife almost never sucked dick before me, and she certainly didn't suck a dick well at all. It was all asian princess bullshit, tepid, hesitant, I'll just put the head in my mouth... let me pause and work my jaw cause it's tired every 30 seconds... It was fucking awful. Yet, I'd fuck her in the ass easily while we were dating. All her previous exe's were pretty fucking lame in that she got away in all her previous relationships without having to suck cock. Now I'm getting gagging, nice and wet…
/r/askMRP16/04/18 05:29 PM
1

I'll rephrase: The circumstance of being back together will not be proof of a fix nor should it necessarily be considered a positive outcome on it's face. You need a therapist to process and expunge the emotional storm and your goals need to be focused on yourself, not achieving a particular circumstance.
/r/askMRP14/04/18 09:33 PM
1

Short Term: You need to find a good men's issues therapist and stop making circumstantial goals for yourself you think will fix something. Long Term: Until you learn how to be happy while on your own, you will never fully be capable of staying in a relationship on your own terms.
/r/askMRP14/04/18 09:11 PM
1

It's a risk aversion issue. A woman who wants an open relationship but fears risking the relationship doesn't talk about an open relationship. A girl that does absolutely does not really fear an end to the relationship. Even if you are on the sunshine side of this, she WILL fuck someone else and she's telling you she's at the end of her rope.
/r/askMRP06/04/18 01:24 AM
1

Because you have never sufficiently been on your own and enjoying your life to know that being single is not the problem, being committed to the wrong person most definitely IS. Stop wasting your years of lost experience on this woman. She doesn't believe you are worth the sacrifice on her side.
/r/askMRP06/04/18 01:21 AM
2

Fuck separation, she's already telling you EXPLICITLY she doesn't want you if she can't fuck other people. Don't be shocked when she runs out of patience and fucks other people like she wants to. She's not going to hold herself back from her desires but you will regret not acting sooner when you eventually learn some real timelines.
/r/askMRP06/04/18 01:18 AM
2

If she's pushing an open relationship and then trying to pressure flip you when she meets resistance, she views you as a tool and not a husband or as a person she values. You should not invest your time and energy in someone who views you as a one side (give) to their (take) dynamic. She already fucked up somewhere along the way and is not telling you because of her shame and wants you to remove her shame so that she can be found out but say "hey you said it was ok, what difference WHEN it happe…
/r/askMRP06/04/18 01:14 AM
3

I talk shit all the time! Like calling them serial cheaters! See? I'm fun. I can talk shit. That's how it works right? They make a joke and I judge them in return? That's raport right? Why don't they like me!? You're a nice guy and girls flirt with you because you're a safe orbiter that gives them easy validating attention. Wake up.
/r/askMRP06/04/18 01:08 AM
1

You legitimize their fear by acknowledging and changing your behavior based on it's existence. If you feel a need to connect with them, ignore their fear and win them over by influencing and attracting them to your orbit. Offer to help with something. Ask to borrow something. Find a common interest to bond over. Whether you're attractive or not is not the problem. Or do you think these things but secretly hold yourself above them and broadcast that "I'm better than you" vibe, cause who the fuck …
/r/askMRP28/03/18 02:24 PM
1

I lived next a couple once I could hear fighting through the walls ALL the time. One day it sounded especially intense to the point I was actually a little worried, put a glass up on the wall and I shit you not... "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING!? LET ME OUT OF THIS CAGE." I laughed so hard and was like "yeah, I'm gonna stay a mile away from this."
/r/askMRP23/03/18 08:55 PM
1

Hahaha, you should have seen how mad my wife got when I kept calling her rude for grabbing the sonicaire right when I'm toweling off after a shower. She takes it so seriously. Apparently there's something special about the bathroom territory.
/r/askMRP23/03/18 07:32 PM
1

You're gonna need to work on that passive aggressiveness and concern trolling.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/18 05:06 PM
1

If you understand AWALT, then it shouldn't be that difficult to understand that social status is a complex set of inputs and one summarized aspect of sex differences in generalized social hierarchies doesn't spell out the entire range of inputs like a manual. Is there a point you're trying to get to? Or do you just want to argue for the sake of arguing?
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/18 02:51 PM
1

Don't be dense.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/18 02:15 PM
2

Yep, where there's overlap there's some value in reinforcement. People recognize some RP truths in what he says and seem to want to claim him as "Red Pilled" which I don't really get, it's clear he's not advocating or focused on a sexual strategy.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/18 04:50 PM
2

A lot of people want his archetypes and metaphysics to be more specific but they don't work like that and he's right that the proper place for understanding them is within literature (ie... stories). It's how we tend to construct narratives of our lives internally that the archetypal representations have meaning attached to the individual. They're essentially measurements, just as we often measure our actions up against Chad. But he is not RP, which I always thought was an odd criticism since he…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/18 04:44 PM
1

It's also why even as elementary school girls, the girl that gets good grades and has approval from adults tend to be the high status females and it's virtually the opposite for boys the same age, the most disruptive and brave to break the rules tends to enjoy elevated status among the boys.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/18 01:08 PM
–

Note that this is MRP and for a theory post, there's too much personal rumination. This would be a better AskMRP post because you're still figuring out what does and does not apply to your analysis of your last LTR. For example: If you can't articulate a definition of what separates being an Oak from a punching bag (and how that applied or didn't apply in your LTR and why), then it's not ready to be in a theory or FR post. Especially for well trodden ground.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/18 08:20 PM
–

Sitting her down for a talk doesn't mean you didn't break up with her to show yourself you are strong. Motives are motives regardless of the happenstance of their execution. Perhaps it was the right decision, but you haven't given strong reasons which is the main thing I'm pointing out. Partly why you felt compelled to make this post is because you're still processing what went wrong. But analysis of what went wrong is absent from your post and almost all of your comments, this is also partly wh…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/18 06:25 PM
1

My long term ex was insane and virtually bipolar for two weeks every month. My wife, not a single change in mood or temperament. Biology is weird.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 05:31 PM
1

People get attached to the demystification and easy logical rule. They'll use it until it's clear it's unreliable and adds more noise than it reduces. I never bothered. Because it just feels like a nuisance to me.
/r/askMRP21/03/18 05:26 PM
3

You parrot words like suck it up if it's about you but then you can't articulate what had your gf screaming at you or describe the actual "horrid" mistreatment. Did she come at you with a knife? Throw beer bottles at your head? Did you hyper react to mild shit talking or digs and then get resentful she didn't act as if you were the man? Have you not read all the stories and advice that women won't give you endless sympathy over mental or physical illness? You're clearly resentful about that.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/18 05:22 PM
5

Yep, this is what a maturing stoic mindset looks like. Once you start to break down your subjective notion of harm, more and more shit becomes small fry concerns. But much of that process and ability to remain aloof is beholden to your abundance mentality otherwise everything becomes an interaction with your resentment/anger/angst related to not having sexual appetites fulfilled. The self discipline has to come first before the abundance mentality can set in. OP is trying to jump straight to mat…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/18 05:12 PM
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Main Point So much of this community is built around defining for others (those that seek advice, myself included) what is acceptable behaviour by their women. What is AWALT, something that you just need to get over, what should be fun to deal with, what is unacceptable. So much of my confusion (see: lack of confidence) came from a difference of opinions between "If dem supa smrt intrnt guys say so, den it mst be so!!" and my gut saying "fuck.this.shit". Are all women REALLY like this? If I leav…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/18 04:25 PM
2

(leading my wife to healthy food has been a challenge - she likes food... and it shows). Make a meal plan if you want the house to only stock clean foods. Remove loading her with any decision making from the change if you want her to go along with it easier. Hope you know how to workout right, you gotta get ahead of her if you want to set the example. We then give the kiddos a bath together (luckily they are still at the age where they are still pretty oblivious of each other's naughty bits). Ye…
/r/askMRP17/03/18 01:32 AM
1

OP, remove your pants and panties, turn around and use your hands to talk with your asshole: "ARE YOU THREATENING ME!?"
/r/askMRP16/03/18 09:18 PM
1

Probably true, the problem in relying on a belief in your words is that they're usually easy to puncture and one fight later she may decide your full of shit and test your own statement. "Don't need sex huh? Well let's test that out." But if she believes your actions, temperament and social value all align congruently with your attitude that you can get sex from other women, she won't need to test you. She'll just view it as a natural possibility.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/18 08:07 PM
1

It's the checkmate card your wife chose not to play. It is the weakness in your argument that leads you right back to the only play against that move (ie... sex drought)... "you don't need sex from HER."
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/18 05:34 PM
1

I just want to focus you on the difference between asceticism and sexual strategy here. CaptainRaise is really sharp to point this out to you. This is why you display some confusion between the value you intrinsically feel with your approach above and the scorn about tweaking it to "not needing sex from HER" you're getting in the comments. Asceticism will always result in some independence from your need for pleasure (aka desire) and grant you some power and sense of control and mastery over sel…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/18 05:31 PM
1

You don't need sex like you don't need to ever fill your belly to full. But don't bullshit yourself in the process, you do need sex to feel fulfilled and alive and that's where the logic of your statement falls apart and why not needing sex from HER is the right position to demonstrate with behavior.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/18 05:25 PM
12

"Acting Single" I feel like I should see this phrase bandied about more. This encompasses a LOT of behavior and mindset issues that really get at the core of what goes wrong when men flip the "I'm married so i can't [x] anymore" switch. This is a really powerful simplification.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/18 05:18 PM
1

Yup, that would be the correct order of operations. Any debating of tactics is meaningless without dread. Besides it would be impossible to determine if explicit statements were needed without working up dread and doing other work first anyway.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/18 03:40 PM
1

Telling her makes it easy to feel the causal link. I'm sure there's a short term benefit but long term it has to be as you say. Also, depending on how dense the woman is on picking up on the pattern behind the non-verbal cues, she may need the context stated explicitly in some situations. But I believe the main driver is the first point and the 2nd is debatable.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/03/18 03:22 PM
1

An IOI? I'M IN! What could go wrong the moment I open my mouth?
/r/askMRP16/03/18 01:18 AM
2

Getting jacked doesn't make you a player or give you mental game. Plenty of oneitis lifters out there or body builders that get no pussy.
/r/askMRP15/03/18 05:02 PM
1

Together 3 years and this shit is already happening, trend line speaks for itself. You didn't diagnose your inputs to this either. You better get on that or you'll just jump from one mud hole to another.
/r/askMRP15/03/18 04:04 PM
2

Arrogance has a negative connotation because it's usually a precursor to disaster when it is a dominant trait in someone in a leadership position. Arrogance, in a literary sense, is bad because it engenders hubris. Both because arrogance makes people half blind and creates stupidity where it doesn't need to exist. Those resentful of others confidence often try to label them as arrogant to shore up the insecurity the "arrogant" person reflects on them. It's also a synonym for being cocky. Within …
/r/askMRP15/03/18 03:26 AM
13

Satisfaction means an end to pursuit. So be mindful how much you feed that beast if you want her to remain hungry for your presence and attention.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/03/18 05:55 PM
1

Go see an ortho to find out if it is a disc. I have a degen disc, last vert (whatever # that is) and I have to stretch religiously to do even light DL. What you're describing with the delayed onset is similar to what I deal with which is a result of the glutes, QLs and hip flexors attempting to make up for the weak point. They get hard as a rock and I take a softball with me on long drives so I can sit on it to force the glute to release every couple of hours. You probably can't stretch much atm…
/r/askMRP13/03/18 09:35 PM
1

I think you hit the nail on the head with regards to density. Separating out the mixed concepts feels like it's requiring an inordinate amount of mental energy without an analytical framework or structure/tool in the writing to make that a more directed process.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/18 08:22 PM
2

So design her meal plan. She's already weighing shit out.
/r/askMRP13/03/18 01:23 PM
2

This is the normal adjustment period when she realizes the changes are probably real and now that it's real senses a change in "power" but doesn't necessarily know that's what happened so she's looking for reasons to explain her anxiety. This is why you can't find objective problems or she has no issues with your decisions but still has an issue to air. Comfort, ease the purse string some so she can do some "self care" and keep on as you have been. Spend a little more time or go out together a l…
/r/askMRP13/03/18 04:14 AM
1

If you're lifting to failure at least 3x / week, spread out, not mon-wed then rest 4 days, at least 2000 - 2200. Look for macro calculators online for your splits. Keep your fats clean, no junk food, and you'll see body comp changes regardless of a cut as part of your noob gains. Consider a trainer, not only for form, but also to get a feel for the right intensity and level of exhaustion you should be experiencing. Once you have that down, follow a program. If you want to maximize your results t…
/r/askMRP12/03/18 06:45 PM
2

My understanding is "when" the various stages happen have general trends but it's ultimately highly random. Ultimately negative emotion is the price we pay for standing out. It's the teacher of how to handle being an individual. Some version of that is what they'd have to deal with
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/18 06:18 PM
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Girls generally are more likely to enter puberty around 9, sometimes even 8. Boys generally between 10-11, sometimes 9. Often times mental awareness can begin to increase before the physical signs fully show themselves. You'll also frequently see children close to puberty, but still a couple years shy, acting out some sex instincts before they really have any idea why or what it is. The wives just got caught with their metaphorical panties down and didn't know how to react because they didn't th…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/18 05:58 PM
1

It's just a matter of whether you become a symbolic comparison or representation after leaving them about someone who established a powerful connection that "woke something up" in them. It could be a different set of things for different women, but that symbolic nature of the memories they have is what defines whether you've alpha widowed them. Ie... you become a symbol of a feeling they had. That sense that you somehow found something inside them they may not have known was there. That's where …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/18 04:51 PM
2

You can't be her support system. That's the line you want to watch as opposed to any BP/RP concerns about strategy, being her support system is the trap you need to avoid. You cannot make anyone better, they can only decide for themselves to make things better. If she beings significant value, then push her to seek her own treatment. If she won't, then you know where the road is leading. Dependence. That road leads nowhere no matter how much value she previously brought. You can only successfull…
/r/askMRP12/03/18 03:59 PM
3

Feels like a blow over squall to me. Seems you have an additional person to demonstrate what healthy sexuality looks like and that it's ok to be sexual. I have little doubt your kids understand normal boundaries here. It's no different than basic "no hitting" rules. But yeah, that's a mountain of anxiety that came sliding through the phone.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/18 03:53 PM
1

So never nags, initiates sex frequently, but is hostile about things you feel accomplished about? Something's missing from that picture.
/r/askMRP11/03/18 08:09 PM
1

Is she a shit talker in general? She may be looking for banter if that's the case.
/r/askMRP11/03/18 05:29 PM
1

I question whether you would be getting this treatment if she believed you would leave her. As opposed to the knee jerk validation criticisms, this sounds like a respect issue to me. Yes, do things for yourself, don't expect validation but do not accept sabotage and persistent negativity in your life. Key word being persistent. I do not believe these are fitness tests in your situation, she seems to have a destructive purpose in mind. She needs the strict father more than she needs the aloof and…
/r/askMRP11/03/18 04:55 PM
1

haha, you're probably right. I'm a bit of an optimist-realist. Which I know reads as being contradictory, basically, I'm not surprised at people's failings but at the same time, expecting failure breeds more failure, so my attitude is usually one of optimism with a well understood observation at how rare success truly is. Hence my frequent advice to people that you have to first believe and have faith that you can handle shit before you will even begin to be able to handle your shit. Kind of ano…
/r/askMRP09/03/18 09:47 PM
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Can't argue with that, but proper introspection sure can help save you some time.
/r/askMRP09/03/18 07:58 PM
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Pedantic musing... Is it still technically no calorie intake if your body is still receiving calories by consuming itself? What you said about porn addiction mirrors some of the rationale I've heard from friends who went nofap for a while. It didn't last, they realized it made little difference and it wasn't the porn that was the cause for the low sex drive. They weren't addicted to porn though, just went through a reddit nofap bandwagon phase.
/r/askMRP09/03/18 07:49 PM
1

If you have a pint of blueberries, they make great anti finger fucking missiles.
/r/askMRP09/03/18 07:06 PM
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I believe he read them but he doesn't seem to get that the point of reading them is to change his thinking. He's so focused on "but I want" he can't fit anything else in his head. Seriously OP, why the fuck did you stop fapping if you're not getting enough sex? You know that just makes you needier/angrier right? Maybe no. Maybe he just hates himself too much to seriously try to change.
/r/askMRP09/03/18 06:59 PM
1

TLDR: If you don't believe you, she sure as shit won't. So have some faith in yourself while simultaneously not bullshitting yourself. Real change will follow with that work and fear will begin to subside if you can believe you can and will handle what comes. If you don't believe that about yourself, no steps, tricks or packaged lines are going to help you.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/03/18 05:36 PM
1

Safe to say that your safe course here is and has been a failure. So are you going to continue to rinse and repeat and give in to "fate" without putting your own hand on the scale like you did in accepting an arranged marriage in the first place? You own it now, it's your marriage. Every moment you live in fear of conflict or standing up for yourself, you will continue to disbelieve your own ability to assert your desires and will.
/r/askMRP08/03/18 08:36 PM
1

Find a trainer at an indie strength training gym or strongman gym. Ideally someone who also preps people for competition, you have better luck that they really know their stuff that way. Spend the money to get your form down and develop a program and then structure your own workouts once you've got all the technique together and can push yourself more effectively.
/r/askMRP06/03/18 09:00 PM
1

Flirting is not breaking vows and it is a source of feminine energy which will make you feel more alive, thus bringing improvements in quality of life at home. Or you will feel rejected because your game isn't on point, but that's part of the fun, learning to crash and burn and laugh about it.
/r/askMRP06/03/18 08:53 PM
1

And now you know it's your own insecurity you need to work on, not the girl trips.
/r/askMRP06/03/18 04:53 PM
1

It was a joke, you are worrying about her being out of your sight, but the truth of these girls trips are going to be extremely boring to you.
/r/askMRP06/03/18 04:48 PM
1

Just do it and have fun. If her friends are all married, guarantee you would be the most suicidal bored fly that ever sat on a wall on that girls trip.
/r/askMRP06/03/18 04:14 PM
3

The sex therapist (F) we had a couple sessions with for my wife was a huge fan of stoicism. Most sexuality focused professionals don't have the luxury of believing cultural fantasies in order to actually study sexuality. Well, the good ones anyway.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/18 10:31 PM
3

People are making hay out of nothing out of this. You're missing the point, it's an inside joke they have running which is actually a source of bonding. That's the context of the joke, not literally being fucked by a 70yr old man. That's why she didn't get all weird about it.
/r/askMRP02/03/18 10:23 PM
2

Consistency is the most real aspect in the sense that it can be felt more than it can be easily described. Most of my game is built on consistency. It creates positive feedback loops and projects stability and determination. It's usually how I pull women as well. At first meet people often don't know what to make of me, every time they encounter me though I am consistently charming, warm, irreverent and can switch to knowledge and philosophical observations without a beat and wrap it all back in…
/r/askMRP02/03/18 08:42 PM
5

KINO = touch that doesn't lead to sex so she doesn't have performance anxiety every time you touch her. This is some basic shit man. Did you even read MMSLP?
/r/askMRP02/03/18 03:00 PM
1

In the end they all want intimacy no matter what game they think they're playing. And playing is a form of intimacy so when you are playful, and she rejects it, eventually it will dawn on her "why am I persisting" but when you react seriously you reinforce her whole frame and game as being legitimate so it will persist. Exist above the game and eventually she will drop it.
/r/askMRP02/03/18 02:16 AM
1

I read a little bit on EFT and it still seems to be structured around conversation and unrealistic "staged" scripts of talk to one another. There's always a chance it might help, but this reads different to me than more proactive and practically focused methods like CBT/DBT which are solution focused (meaning real changes in behavior and systems) methods. I don't know enough of your history to give a real suggestion here, but I would have very low expectations of any couples counseling that is b…
/r/askMRP02/03/18 12:23 AM
1

Another way to put it is that in order to help your kids to the best of your ability, you have to help yourself first. A happier more fulfilled version of you, married or not, is a better model and presence for them even if they go through some hardship. Perhaps as a child of divorce myself, the thought of divorce kind of makes me shrug. It does present challenges, but at the same time you are also able to set the stage, rules and system for engagement to happen through when you're on your own. …
/r/askMRP01/03/18 08:30 PM
1

Stop worrying about attracting her or getting her to desire you again. Work on making yourself desirable to others and just try to keep the peace at home. Value + a willingness to leave is what will induce desire in her. To that end, envision a reality where you don't see your kids every day. Embrace that pain. Make it real. Deal with it thus and realize that whether or not you see then everyday, you will still do what you need to do to be a good dad to them. Eradicate that limiting fear so that…
/r/askMRP01/03/18 07:47 PM
1

When leaving, you still have yourself. You can lose your entire social network, but you still have you. The only poison you can serve yourself is one of self pity and anxiety about your worth or your capability to rebuild everything. Short of that, you still have you. When you leave an SO you use that time to focus on you and what pleases you, what creates reward for you, seek those things out. Your social gravity is a result of living your life fully. You don't have to "focus" on being interest…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/03/18 04:57 PM
1

This also is a failure to understand the purpose of the criticism. See how easy it was for a stranger to put you on the defensive? And you're not even reliant on them for sex. You need to eventually reach a place where online insults amuse you instead of evoking an emotional and defensive reaction. In the end, whether you feel right or not, by becoming reactive you place yourself in a weaker position. This very same dynamic happens with your wife when you lie to save her feelings or rise to the …
/r/askMRP01/03/18 04:18 AM
1

lol
/r/askMRP01/03/18 03:23 AM
1

You see his tag "Red Beret" next to Redd's name? You know that means he's been at this a long time and knows his shit right? Unlike someone asking about how to handle an offended wife on AskMRP? If it's so easy to be lewd and comical, then what's the issue? You said you don't have the audacity to be funny or lewd in this situation. But your wife responds to your reaction, and because you can't treat it like it's a game, she thinks it's serious and responds in kind. You treat it like a game and t…
/r/askMRP01/03/18 03:18 AM
1

The shit testing will continue for life. Get that notion out of your head that you can control her or eliminate fitness testing. Turn it into a game. Ask her to start pointing girls out she thinks you'd be into. Then the ones that work, you make a sexual inclusive comment like "yeah, that one's nice, but she'd look a lot better with you sucking in a nipple." The ones that aren't you just shit talk on which she will lap up. Everything is a game at some level so have some fun with it. If you can h…
/r/askMRP28/02/18 11:55 PM
2

If you need the motivation to come from a place of "I'm getting attractive to pull and fuck some plates." Use that. Work towards that goal of getting fuck me eyes. Then maybe you'll be able to elicit passion from your wife but you will have kept your gaze focused outwards in the process. You need aloofness to create enough space for her to chase you. And you need to be something worth chasing. You get that dynamic functional and you'll have some happy successes to report.
/r/askMRP28/02/18 09:26 PM
11

The most effective leaders raise others up with them. You know how you best a bully? You stand up (or knock them down) then you raise them back up. Guess who you have as one of your most ardent defenders now? You destroy when given no other option.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/18 06:03 PM
3

Yep, setting dramatic goals just sets you up for dramatic failure. Do the things you can do now, string multiple small things together to get somewhere big. Stay consistent, you'll end the year with way more shit done than if you tried to tackle huge problems all the time. People's gains in the gym will follow the same pattern.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/18 06:02 PM
2

10m may be a bit short for meditating. 20m 2x a day is the usual suggested practice. 10m can help and is better than 0, but often times the deeper part of the meditation will be kicking in right around then or if it's a particularly noisy day mentally, you'll never get there in 10m.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/18 02:28 AM
1

Bad analogy, work relationships and contracts are not equivalent to marriage. There are men who have one side opened marriages that are still married. I am good friends with a polyamorous couple who have a healthier relationship that most every other married couple I know well. If one is cheating, then one needs go be prepared to accept the consequences. This does not change the issue of loyalty on the woman's part. Our reproductive strategies are not the same, this is why men and women on avera…
/r/askMRP27/02/18 05:37 PM
2

If you communicate with your wife in a similar style to how you wrote this post, you are probably over explaining and making too many self disclosures. This works against your leadership. Find more succinct ways to communicate the same information. Before considering couples therapy I think you might benefit from some assertiveness training. At a minimum, re-read the relevant sections of WISNIFG and reflect how to apply the general principle of standing by what you want. There's no compromise he…
/r/askMRP26/02/18 09:02 PM
2

You've got a solid year of work in the gym before seeing some real strength so pace your expectations accordingly. The upside is that your noob gains will advance quickly at those starting points. Keep your goals short term and achievable, let your good feelings come from hitting those and forget about looking for positive emotions from the wife. Just don't even begin to expect it or look for it. Expect indifference to your improvements and don't look for validation, praise or a pat on the back.…
/r/askMRP25/02/18 12:20 AM
5

Money has no relationship to alpha mentality. There are millionaires that are total beta slaves to their women. No correlation.
/r/askMRP24/02/18 11:52 PM
1

Please stop calling your cock a vein. It sounds like a tube worm wants to attach it to her and leech her. No wonder she stayed in the kitchen. You're trying too hard and you're chasing her. Just stop initiating until you find your chill and stop behaving like a horny korean teenager.
/r/askMRP24/02/18 03:13 PM
1

I laughed out loud at the baby play part. Wow.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/18 02:44 AM
1

Yeah, very true. In the end none of us can control anyone else.
/r/askMRP23/02/18 01:38 AM
1

May be a situation where you communicate your vision of an obtainable version of her you can see to give her a better and more specific target to hit, an image of her she can potentially believe in herself because her motive force for change has to be aspirational in nature for it to take. But obviously, dealing with the emotional disruptions of her breakdowns makes that difficult.
/r/askMRP23/02/18 01:22 AM
1

That's probably a big input. In regards to not being able to place her in that vision. Not that she has to end up there, but if you can't articulate a vision she can participate in then it breeds uncertainty and of she's prone to anxiety that will create a persistent cycle of crisis. Edit: missed your edit. Lol
/r/askMRP23/02/18 01:13 AM
1

Yeah, she's not being serious if that's the only level of detail she can articulate. They love to think a conversation can somehow affect change, or reading something will create some kind of insight that'll generate a magic bullet. My gut tells me that there is digging to do there. Maybe digging she has to do for herself, if she is willing. Because if it's vague like that, it's not a real desire. She's not really in touch with what she wants. I'm sure you've communicated what you want and like …
/r/askMRP23/02/18 12:58 AM
1

You sure she doesn't have an anxiety disorder of some kind? Reading your comment replies in here I hadn't seen any mention of therapy. You may want to consider finding a CBT/DBT male therapist that specializes in men's issues to ping ideas off of. I found one who knew RP well and he was the shit. Our sessions would run over all the time, felt more like we were chatting about psychology at a bar, but without the bar and without the alcohol. I would not advise couples sessions, but you may benefit…
/r/askMRP22/02/18 11:48 PM
1

Only meant in regards to interpreting it so literally. Not that the sexual dynamics within it don't apply.
/r/askMRP21/02/18 09:35 PM
1

That book wasn't written for the context of marriage. It mostly concerns itself with a dating dynamic. Keep that in mind while reading.
/r/askMRP21/02/18 08:12 PM
1

That's still a negotiation. She is not feeling desire for you, she is feeling existential uncertainty and fearing shame and divorce. Not the greatest context for getting a BJ. When she txt's you without prompting that she can't wait to blow you when you get home, then you will have her authentic desire.
/r/askMRP20/02/18 09:41 PM
1

Maybe she isn't. Maybe you can't see past your frustration. Hard to say until you move past anger and resentment. Which is why no major decisions should be made during the anger phase. In some respects, the anger phase is nothing more than a bereavement process for the old world view you have to let die and in the process stripped away your self delusions so you have to face the raw unmitigated truth. It's a lot easier to imagine starting all over to do it the right way and many times that's the…
/r/askMRP20/02/18 09:36 PM
1

Translation: I am not a priority to you and you care more about something I bought than spending time with me. You can't captain a ship or lead a crew if they never see the captain. If that is true at home after work, you may have a calibration to make there. Remember the other side of the equation? Being a fun guy to be around/with? Make sure you're not completely absent mentally when you're home. This is another reason why you should respond with AM when possible. But all the other shit you im…
/r/askMRP20/02/18 05:35 PM
1

To add to that OP doesn't seem to know what hysterical bonding is. The mystery of her non-libido with a man with "all the right stuff" means he's leaving out all sorts of details about how he fucked shit up. So he makes 120k after taxes, no kids, but she somehow needs to pick up his lost income? Doesn't add up. Either a troll or a fucktard.
/r/askMRP20/02/18 05:27 PM
1

Hahahahaha... I was a junior in highschool when that shit got popular. Jump jive and wail... Not gonna lie though, I got good and was doing aerials and flips and what not and had a line of girls literally just waiting to dance and be flipped. I was a total fucking retard teenager and failed to capitalize on any of it. Womp womp womp
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/18 04:09 PM
1

thanks, happened a long ass time ago. Been settled with it for a long time now.
/r/askMRP20/02/18 12:06 AM
1

That's not genetics. There's no "confidence" gene. My father died when I was young, about 9. When he died I realized that I couldn't just rely on my parents or my dad anymore to tell me what's true. So I needed to develop my own way of figuring that out. So I started monitoring my thoughts and probing my thinking at all times. Why am I angry? What about this is making me angry? Am I right to be angry? What would make my anger wrong? Etc... I did the same thing with beliefs. So I never relied on …
/r/askMRP18/02/18 10:07 PM
1

Everyone is pointing to externalized factors as to why but the truth is that the only reason any of that makes a difference is because you were willing to lie to yourself. Frame existed before Rollo or others applied the name to it. PUA artists existed before PUA was ever conceived... Players have existed for thousands of years. If you spent time working on yourself, focused on what worked or didn't and faced the fear of rejection, you accumulate experience that will attune you to the patterns t…
/r/askMRP18/02/18 05:42 PM
1

It's not a genetic lottery. All you have to do is observe what works or doesn't work for yourself and you will gradually build a similar success story or set of understanding about women. There will be holes in it and consistency will be harder to come by, but that's about it. The problem is that we lie to ourselves endlessly. I met my wife right as I was entering total whore mode. I did read PUA years before that point but only really used body language and then made up a set of my own language…
/r/askMRP18/02/18 05:34 PM
1

Here is an example of STFU from today. Came home from working out, wife was totally miserable, kid was trying to exert her dominance all morning while I was gone, wife was bitching at me about notifying her of things or not, no real problems, just sour and miserable, etc... Talking about her feelings when she is feeling shitty = she experiences more shitty feelings and you're the cause for forcing her to, whether you really are or not. So I ask a couple questions about the day instead. Gets some…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/18 11:58 PM
1

Missed this thread. Some misconceptions you seem to have: STFU does not mean shut down. It means talk less and do more. Don't talk about her feelings, if you fucked up, just act to correct it. Note I said fucked up not made her sad. No words necessary. If you literally just muled up for months, then yes, talk more. But it is not about being nice or a dick, it is about talk being cheap. Don't be nice, be authentic. Being authentic means you will upset her. You two don't desire the same exact thin…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/18 11:36 PM
1

Right, I was just curious about your approach.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/18 08:25 PM
1

What do you think is the angle you have to take with that? Or do you think it's just an issue of improvement needs to progress further?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/18 08:06 PM
1

We don't use any either, no unintended pregnancies. 6 years running. Will never, ever, use a condom. I can live with the risk.
/r/askMRP16/02/18 09:13 PM
1

She's definitely frustrated, sounds like too much push and not enough pull. She may have legitimate history that needs to be explored and settled if there really is some childhood shit creating a blocker. Note that these aren't things a woman says to someone she sees as high value. That's your biggest blocker. She wont' be receptive to your dominance without feeling like she has a high value mate or at the least the kind of mate she wants. The thing is, being vanilla isn't a choice. It can't be …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/18 04:50 PM
1

It's ok to feel good about progress so long as you convert it to further action, feeling accomplished is a big source of motivation, which is partly why making a bunch of small goals when starting something new is more effective than focusing on one large distant one. The real mental trick is getting closer to that point where the only person offering you validation in your progress is yourself. Of course, we always talk about that here as if it's possible to attain a mental state where NO exter…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/18 04:24 PM
1

It was our mistake that we didn't appropriately listen to our sexual desires when making the decision to marry. I'm torn at times, but the best way I've come to sum things up is that I feel like I had a kid with the right woman, but married the wrong one. The story's not over, so we'll see where it goes, the latest improvement I believe is real, it feels different and we're out of the hysterical bonding mode. Her behavior registers more as an authentic shift to me but she's had short periods of …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/18 03:34 AM
1

You mean, what's bruce lee's favorite drink? Kekeke
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/18 12:22 AM
1

Reach is right that ultimately all the testing is testing for congruence. You're just addressing different levels of the theory.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/18 12:01 AM
1

I think this is basically a hierarchical issue as opposed to either/or. The categorization exists as children to the parent of congruence. The congruence is the higher order concept that must exist that all the sub-categories of testing are testing for. Reach is saying "I am more comfortable viewing it as a spectrum instead of trying to make distinctions." And you're saying "No, they are different and you approach them differently." Both are true and both are required. It's just a matter of whic…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/18 12:00 AM
1

That's been my limited observation, that if there is a lot of independence and the woman doesn't need a ton of affirmation from a man to be happy, they're probably more likely to have better control over their hypergamic impulses than otherwise. In the end it's basically the measure of how much of an "animal" they are vs. an evolved person. The more feral they are, the less suitable they are for an LTR because they are slaves to their passion. Which makes for easy lightning chemistry, but the fl…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 11:34 PM
1

There are a few things that I think helped her finally face her awkwardness with "acting sexy." The summary of communication basically falls on the following points: For me, it's about having abundant sexual energy as part of the normal dynamic. It's an element of playfulness that's necessary for me to even consider staying with one person. Her acting sexy and generally becoming more seductive as part of that is not only part of her power as a woman, but also is one of the biggest sources of val…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 11:29 PM
1

Oh shit, I gotta eat my words on that note then. Yeah, man it's become so cliche it makes me cringe to say it, but I felt like there was a lot of misunderstanding/reinterpretation or projection regarding Peterson's usage of sacrifice. To my knowledge, he always speaks of personal sacrifices in the context of bargaining with our future. The meaning is within the reasons we do it and for what gain we're gambling the sacrifice will realize in the future. So under that definition... Advice we give h…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 09:52 PM
1

Hahaha, yeah, it's human nature to search for that dramatic story which is partly why I like Peterson so much cause on the topic of archetypal stories, he is so on point. We use Chad all the time as our archetypal alpha. I'm watching the discussion vid with rollo on the 21 live you're on as I type this out actually. Wish I caught that live.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 08:50 PM
1

Nailed it. Now go nail her OP. Demonstrate your desire for her while she is feeling insecure, no words, actions. If she feels it, get ready for another eruption of the better kind.
/r/askMRP15/02/18 07:57 PM
1

I misunderstood you, I read your response as pure sarcasm. My fault. Redd's comment and my response is zeroing in on it more. I wanted to comment my experience because it's an area that doesn't get much writing in RP but I've seen it come up a couple times with guys who also fall into a similar place with their wives and find a hole of literature in RP that addresses it. In my dynamic, the biggest challenge has been getting her to engage with her femininity more to really maximize sexuality with…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 07:04 PM
1

Yeah, this very much describes my situation. There is some repression involved and that's actually been the biggest challenge. But the main event, I almost don't want to call it that but it is accurate within this context, finally has her confronting the sexual repression issues and things are finally starting to hit stride there. It's one if the reasons I've made the comment because I see very little writing on this subject and the usual diagnostic steps just never pan out so I've just been wor…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 06:59 PM
1

Don't get all snide because the dogma doesn't always apply 100%. Why the fuck do you think rollo refers to it as open source. You can try to rationalize this all away as some kind of mistake on my part if you like, but my reality is exactly what I stated above. For all your sarcasm, actually yes, she's happy she has a man and not a boy. Are you upset that my situation doesn't fit the boiler plate narrative here? If you doubt me ask a real question to dig deeper instead of being glib or trying to…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 05:46 PM
2

If it's your kid, you're not just going to be able to waltz away from this. She will come for her support and if you're just complacently sitting around thinking a txt blowing her off means you're done... wake the fuck up man and make a plan and be prepared for the baby to potentially be yours or you're gonna get cleaned if that moment comes and a paternity test reveals it's yours. Like Sfpplus said... grow the fuck up and do it fast. Or you'll have a lot more problems soon you're totally unprep…
/r/askMRP15/02/18 05:22 PM
1

There are women out there that do very little shit testing. They're rare and they usually have more self confidence and independence, but they exist. My wife is one of them, she also has a lot of masculine traits which may have a role in that. (Ie, rational, not prone to being overly emotional, not very sentimental, not insecure, has no problem enjoying herself solo without a gaggle of friends about, etc...) She generally doesn't shit test because she doesn't think it's high value behavior. But …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 05:16 PM
1

Gotcha, yeah I'm familiar with all the reading, I thought you were taking a different angle. No disagreement about that premise.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 12:20 AM
1

Sometimes women need explicit communication. Covert communication and all that doesn't make them mind readers and if they're not getting it, dogmatically sticking to non-verbal communication can cause just as many setbacks. It's not a 0 sum thing. You maintain boundaries and every once in a while you may have to set the stage when they don't see it. Guarantee you OP saying that is gonna bring more clarity to her issues within the context of his story here. Especially with what she revealed about…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/18 10:33 PM
1

I like this better than the usual 2/3 rule that gets bandied about. Simpler and straight to the point.
/r/askMRP14/02/18 07:57 PM
3

It's certainly not the end game. But it is a necessary stepping stone to reach internalization. Internalization and integration is the end game. But if you can't even identify the playbook, you're running on pure instinct which often times is what wasn't working to begin with. Seems to me the larger point is "seeing the matrix" isn't the goal that needs to be reinforced. Acting without caring if it's there or not is. And you can only learn to do that in the wild, and probably only successfully a…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/18 07:50 PM
1

I think a lot of people have a hard time being confident in their own ability to assess what is real. It can feel like you don't have a solid footing if you question everything all the time. But as soon as you do become comfortable with deciding for yourself what is true (legitimately, through authentic examination) then there becomes no other way to be. RP calls it being your own point of origin. But really it's having enough faith in yourself to come to your own conclusions, experience desire …
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/18 05:50 PM
0

I saw your point but his stats etc... don't really matter within the scope of the story. He chose a narrative over theory post. Not an A+ post, not without some value though and we can pick apart his lack of perfection to death but I appreciated the focus on frame in the story even if it doesn't bring a giant revelation with it. The main value he could add is how he maintained frame, but it really remained as simple as he stated, just reminder of mission or reviving the memory of feeling purpose…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/18 12:31 AM
1

People want that one thing that'll work so they can de-load their cognitive efforts, this is what confuses me when they try to make RP a life system, the whole underlying requirement to RP is embracing discomfort to force growth. By trying to use RP as a bible to living so you deal with less uncertainty, you're violating one of the core tenets.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 10:41 PM
1

I'm left feeling like Rollo is doing a lot of projection or reframing of Peterson through the common themes HE writes and thinks about because his summaries of Peterson's positions read nothing like what I've internalized from his classes, lectures and interviews. I've probably consumed over 60 hours of his content at this point. I mean really, we know what happens when you try to describe women's natures to them. They go into a solipsistic conniption fit if they are even remotely neurotic. So w…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 10:37 PM
1

He certainly doesn't believe women are mostly good in a BP sense. He talks all the time about the destructive spectrum of the feminine nature. For example, he speaks about how women often pathologize their view of all men and project that onto individual men. Especially the ones that seek partners they can dominate. RP and Peterson can dovetail nicely, but his main purpose is not to discuss sexual dynamics between the sexes or even get into any sort of sexual strategy so I don't really apply his…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 08:19 PM
4

Yeah, seems like a fundamental misunderstanding of Peterson here. His actual message is that taking on responsibility is the central theme of creating meaning in the face of suffering. Not martyrdom.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 08:13 PM
1

He has a comment that expands that he lost frame/focus periodically and had to remind himself of his mission (the moment he found resolve and committed to change) and pick the load back up.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/18 06:12 PM
1

And a lot get surprised that when they do, it can be even more demanding than before. But hopefully the man is actually up to the task to reap the rewards now. Ie... The curse of a woman's fully awakened sexuality is it's voracity and demand for performance. But I'll take that which sharpens over that which dulls you down. Hope nobody thinks post RP is gonna be any easier than pre.
/r/askMRP12/02/18 10:25 PM
1

We just say fuck off with the whole holiday, avoid restaurants that night and carry on with our lives. Besides, they better appreciate the gesture of flowers or whatever the du jour token of affection is when it's unexpected.
/r/askMRP11/02/18 04:09 AM
2

I will never understand people willingly inserting organizations rife with politics into their most intimate areas of life.
/r/askMRP10/02/18 09:36 PM
1

Ahhh, gotcha. Ok awesome thank you, makes sense. Haha, explanations in the bedroom? Nooooooooooooo. That is clear forgiveness over permission territory.
/r/askMRP10/02/18 03:00 AM
1

I haven't seen the JADE acronym yet. Is that referencing something in NMMNG I missed?
/r/askMRP09/02/18 09:28 PM
1

An angle here is teaching her to better get what she wants from your son by modifying her behavior/approach. I have to do this with my wife all the time when it comes to our daughter. Giving her better strategies to produce the effect she wants and explaining why she gets so much more fighting than I do. I don't berate her about it and I coach her on things after the fact or during the day, not while she's in the middle of trying to get her to do something. Women seem to get into battles of will…
/r/askMRP09/02/18 08:54 PM
2

Almost took my stepdad's face off with a crowbar one night because he thought he was being cute making sounds outside my window. Went out back quietly and he came jumping through a gate door and I pulled back with about an inch or two to spare before the hook took him in the face. Was not funny and he never did anything like that again. of course, I'm always the one scaring my wife now. lol
/r/askMRP09/02/18 08:46 PM
3

Just wanted to echo The Surrendered Wife. I read it before suggesting it to my wife and it turned a few lights on for her. I never had disrespect issues, but if your wife is invested in the marriage, there will likely be some plusses from that read.
/r/askMRP09/02/18 08:45 PM
1

You can't red knight people for the same reasons you can't white knight an alcoholic into a sober man or a damaged slut into mother theresa. You can only lead by example.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/02/18 09:08 PM
1

Bank account changes are the only concrete advantage I've seen mentioned in waiting to confront. Other than that, if he spends money on a PI then sure, the phone is somewhat moot so put it back. They were already separated for two months anyway, the marriage was toast back then.
/r/askMRP08/02/18 01:35 AM
1

I'm with you. I would want clarity before going nuclear with a lawyer. I dunno how much trying to keep it under wraps would really matter in a divorce considering how long that process is going to be. If things are already contentious, I have doubts that finding the phone is gonna change things all that much. I would hold onto it to keep it in my possession so it doesn't get moved to an unknown location. Plus chances are she will start scrambling if there is something going on and may use other …
/r/askMRP07/02/18 02:23 PM
1

Hate? I don't have an opinion about you. You're missing the point. Have a criticism, that's fine, but put some content in it. Frankly there's a lot of pathetic comments comparing hardships from many that should know better. Competing to see who has it harder is unattractive and amounts to whining. See rian's comment for a good example of adding value.
/r/askMRP07/02/18 02:15 AM
1

The irony...
/r/askMRP07/02/18 02:08 AM
1

Still waiting on your value add...
/r/askMRP07/02/18 12:35 AM
1

You want a cookie cause you feel like you have more problems? Cause if you're just gonna complain about his decent track in life, find some insightful way to do it at least.
/r/askMRP06/02/18 10:33 PM
1

Where are you in having a circle of guy friends? This sounds a lot like a problem of not having a good circle of men to get more of your intellectual or other competitive engagement from. Other than that, if sexual dalliances on the side is incompatible with living congruently (this is what you were feeling when you cheated, incongruity with your identity), then you're stuck committed and you'll have to find other avenues to striking the equilibrium you need. Your tastes regarding intelligence i…
/r/askMRP06/02/18 10:27 PM
1

You're not ready to be married and certainly not to a girl that doesn't respect you and is living off your provisioning while socializing with another man. She can either be real with you about what this dude means to her or not but you will not participate in her delusion any longer. Low quality women seek other men to be with solo while engaged so she can decide whether she wants to continue down that path, but you will not accept it anymore. Do not fight about it. Do not explain. You have sta…
/r/askMRP06/02/18 09:22 PM
2

It's not for everyone, but if you're already doing affirmations, my guess is that the meditation would be a lot more effective. I don't do mindfulness, just mantra meditations. In my case I learned the TM method, which is powerful, but it's not worth what they charge for essentially 4 hours of training unless you have money to spend and little time to learn. It's very simple so if you've done meditation before, you may be able to find some online explanations of the technique or other similar ma…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/18 02:39 AM
2

Have you tried mantra meditation to get rid of the seething aspect of your persistent anger? 20m/2x a day will do wonders for your cortisol levels which have a large part in your trigger happy anger response. From what I've read, you can have as much of a 4x reduction in cortisol from twice daily 20m meditations compared to an 8h sleep. It worked miracles for me with both rage about work + home life. To the point that 2 weeks in people started commenting to me about the changes in my presence.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/18 10:08 PM
1

You have the wrong justifications attached to the right advice. That's what will get in the way of proper internalization of RP concepts. The why matters more than the dogma for applying RP concepts within the context of your own frame.
/r/askMRP05/02/18 04:58 PM
2

The thing is, no matter which decision is made regarding plates vs. LTRs you still need to have the capacity to make those same decisions and if you are avoiding LTRs under the context of a fear of LTRs then you are weakening yourself by avoiding the hardship due to fear or being overly cautious. If you are avoiding LTRs for specific reasons then the context changes because the decision is born from commitment to something else (or a higher principle) instead of avoidance or fear. There's no sim…
/r/askMRP05/02/18 04:50 PM
1

Agreed that is usually ideal, I tend to avoid stating absolutes and I still believe there are situations where living together is helpful before actually tying the knot. Depends on the individual. There are plenty of people who do so successfully. Default advice isn't always the right path for everyone but it does lay out the pitfalls well. "In process" could have been replaced with "engaged and marrying soon." Bottom line is a man in either scenario needs to have the capacity to make their own …
/r/askMRP05/02/18 04:41 PM
1

Slay pussy, do not allow oneitis to develop or give in to your own romantic fantasies. Whether you have several short term LTRs or not matters less than avoiding the above pitfalls. And DO NOT COHABITATE unless you're on a path to marriage otherwise you're just deluding yourself about where it's heading and stacking up hurdles to make an exit which is inevitable in any other outcome besides marriage. Another take is if you start wondering if you should end a relationship, you already figured out…
/r/askMRP04/02/18 05:13 PM
1

What the fuck kind of advice is this? Women aren't the dream killers, the men who self sabotage killed their own dreams. This is the opposite of owning your own fuck ups. Whether you spin plates in your 20s or not has nothing to do with whether a man voluntarily gives up their mission and then whines about the pussy that "made them do it." Here's your easy obvious answer to cohabitation in an LTR: "No living together unless we're in the process of getting married." She knows where the door is if…
/r/askMRP04/02/18 05:00 PM
1

OP needs to deliver more context that isn't pure hamster.
/r/askMRP02/02/18 09:43 PM
3

She got nexted when I had a semi-RP awakening before RP was really a thing. This was back in 2007/2008. She was needy, no boundaries at work, relied on me for all her emotional support, wasn't following through with improvement, biological clock was screaming (I kept getting her kittens to hit snooze for a year). Was my first long term relationship and should have ended 6 months in, not because she was a bitch, but because back then I thought my desires were what was wrong or money issues were t…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/02/18 05:38 PM
1

My long term Ex was a fucking mental case for 2 fucking weeks every month due to her period. I used to joke that for half the relationship I dated an insane woman. Back then I used to try and comfort her, give her emotional support, etc... All it did was increase the amount of imaginary mental fights she had with me before I even got home and continued to validate them to her as well. I started policing her on that and joking about the imaginary man she fights with all day (what I would now call…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/02/18 03:48 AM
3

This is it. Think of hypergamy as a pressure, it drives some women with more force than others. Part of the vetting process is figuring out how much they allow it to control their actions and how self honest they're capable of being. But I like Steel's summary better. Find one that doesn't listen to "the whispers."
/r/askMRP01/02/18 05:42 PM
2

The point is if you can't resist defending yourself to a bunch of anonymous strangers on the internet, how do you stand any chance disengaging from conflict with your wife, whom you have far more ego investment and knows your buttons inside and out. If you can't accept responsibility for your shitty values and decisions to a bunch of anon assholes, how do you expect to admit responsibility for your mistakes to yourself. Etc... Your reactiveness highlights your weaknesses and lack of internally d…
/r/askMRP31/01/18 06:25 PM
1

You are DEERing like mad over this entire thread, you realize that right? People are flaming your ass for a reason, there's a purpose behind it. Gotta figure that out, it's an important point you're missing right now. Why is that happening? Hint: it has nothing to do with anyone just being an asshole here.
/r/askMRP31/01/18 04:24 PM
1

Yeah, Anger is far more useful and powerful when it becomes a tool you wield instead of taking the driver's seat. Use it to capture attention and then demonstrate mastery of yourself and it shakes people. There's something particularly dangerous about an individual that reflects.
/r/askMRP30/01/18 08:53 PM
1

You need better detachment. Work on maintaining your own equilibrium and not allowing her moods to contaminate your state of mind. There's no shortcut to it, just practice. While pregnant, do not focus on dread as a means to an end. You stand to gain nothing but months or years of resentment if you start trying to make her feel insecure when her mind and hormones are screaming for stability, security and support. Keep your focus on the gym/diet and forget power games for a while. You're not read…
/r/askMRP30/01/18 07:54 PM
1

That casual display of power without getting emotional sure as shit sent a shock through his wife's spine.
/r/askMRP30/01/18 07:48 PM
1

Or she has serious anxiety/dependence issues. I've seen this behavior from a couple other wives that were just deeply insecure without anything else going on. Projection is a possibility too.
/r/askMRP30/01/18 12:55 AM
4

You have yourself.
/r/askMRP29/01/18 10:19 AM
1

Oh yeah, I do remember that now. I thought at first you meant he was more of a frequenter of 4chan. I really got a chuckle imagining him trollin through 4chan posts.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/18 06:57 PM
1

Lol, I missed that detail. That would be hilarious if true.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/18 06:44 PM
1

I would be surprised if he did, these are things that I think he naturally understands from a perspective of being a clinician and also having that edge underneath his demeanor, in addition to the positive male role models he grew up around. I do think it's familiar from PUA because like with RP the concepts overlap. I think he has tuned himself over time and most of all, the media attention and his constant analysis of where he went wrong early on has really sharpened him up. A year ago, he wou…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/18 03:44 PM
3

Hahaha, that shit is fucking timeless.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/18 03:39 PM
1

Yep. He would be against a lot of aspects of RP but the principles behind it he would acknowledge. But that's why RP is a sexual strategy while he addresses a larger domain of life. But there is a ton of crossover because in large part, things that maximize your quality as a mate tend to also bring real success in life. At the end of the day, frame and authentic desire are functions or results of self actualization. Which is why there is so much overlap. One of my favorite aspects is that his au…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/18 03:36 PM
3

Yeah, this was a beautiful thing to watch. I almost posted it here the day it was released on youtube as an example of executing AM. Witness the power of laughing and being above the bullshit.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/18 03:28 PM
3

Your answers are in the sidebar and working on yourself. Or in JBP parlance "Sort yourself out" You will never find a suitable answer to your questions unless you walk a path that leads to the activation of your potential. You get there, THEN you have children. Children are the greatest drain on your time, your energy and your relationship you will ever encounter. So you either do the work to get strong and sorted and useful or you don't and join the sad mop of losers who had kids for the wrong …
/r/askMRP26/01/18 05:07 PM
1

hahaha, well played.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/18 08:45 PM
1

More AM, less equivocating (ie... you can talk how you want, I can talk how I want). You baited her with that remark to escalate. The only answer to that threat is to nuke it and allow no walk back and be clear that if that's the kind of woman she desires to be then you will find another. The decision is hers as to how low quality she chooses to be. Quiet and firm and controlled will send the loudest message to her. You were right to tell her to never utter that again. Now make sure you mean it …
/r/askMRP25/01/18 04:37 PM
2

If you have limitations, find a good coach to get a dialed in program, as they learn where your mobility is good vs. needs work and your injury prone conditions, they'll help you work around it so you can maximize your returns without injury. Emphasis on GOOD coach/trainer. I would focus on indie strength/strongman gyms to find coaches that also help prepare people for competitions as generally, they tend to be better than your average trainer. at least, that's been my experience.
/r/askMRP25/01/18 03:45 PM
2

Yeah, and if you're going to eat fruit, try to stick to berries.
/r/askMRP25/01/18 03:42 PM
1

Some people's veins are actually closer to the surface of the skin than others which is partly why some dudes are inherently more veiny. I had not heard of that before a doctor explained it to me years ago.
/r/askMRP25/01/18 03:40 PM
2

Yep, and ditto to everything Sepean said. I also eat at 1pm and 10pm so i'm sort of doing IF in that regard. Basically I just let my body consume resources while I'm hungry for a few hours before I eat everyday. Protein shake in the morning and after a workout, but main meals are spread about 8+ hours apart. For me, that feels "natural" anyway as I'm never hungry when I wake up, takes a few hours for my body to want any food at all.
/r/askMRP25/01/18 03:37 PM
2

Yeah, I've never actually encountered LMR with any girl I've taken home because their desire was authentic (although I wouldn't have used that particular turn of phrase before encountering RP). Not interested in fucking a girl that isn't 100% in.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/18 03:32 PM
1

cool, thanks, we're all grateful you shared that opinion.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/18 03:28 PM
1

I was at 11.5% and about 185lbs 3 years ago, was still slowly dropping from that too. Swimming is a great exercise to drop excess fat while still maintaining a decent carb level, especially if you continue to lift. We were taking surfing trips too so the swimming was important to me for that. Macros were something like: Carbs 100g Fat 60g (IIRC, memory is foggy here) Protein 180g - 220g Swam 3 - 4 days a week, occasionally 5. Worked up to a general progressive sprint routine. 20 Laps slow, 2x 8-…
/r/askMRP25/01/18 05:21 AM
1

You really think it's strange that an RP vet doesn't follow a doughy male feminist comedian?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/18 03:06 AM
4

You're in a bit of denial here. Additionally there's probably some other shit between them you're completely missing if you're missing this too. Stop taking sides for a moment and make a more clear examination of what's going on. If it's valid, deal with it productively. If it's not, like Rian said, shut it down.
/r/askMRP24/01/18 05:54 PM
1

That's as kitchey and false as "death of passion is just how marriage goes."
/r/askMRP24/01/18 05:51 PM
2

Even celebrities can't suck in bed. No fame between the sheets that you don't earn yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/18 05:48 PM
1

I don't know why your comment got any downvotes, Ansari isn't exactly a household name if you're not a millennial.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/18 05:47 PM
2

What is interesting is how much of media commentators have just been trashing her story for what it is. Childishness. Of course they all give lip service to the "terrible" things ansari did while demolishing her complaints.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/18 05:43 PM
1

I read the name as a motorboat reference. 88 also means tits in asci dude.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/18 02:57 PM
1

15% is nto that hard to get to. With a locked in diet and lifting alone, 15% is very achievable. <11% is another story.
/r/askMRP24/01/18 04:15 AM
1

Lol wut? Am I missing something.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/18 02:36 AM
1

It is unfortunate that my upvote changed the number of upvotes from 88. It was a fitting number. In all seriousness though, great post man. It's so easy for people in MRP to fall into combative dynamics and get hunkered down in their bunkers for a lot of fighting that in the end, just makes everything worse and leaves you the worse for wear.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/18 05:21 PM
2

Most of your open ended questions are answered directly in the sidebar reading. Make your way through it even if you get divorced tomorrow. The end game is self actualization. Ie... a solid frame.
/r/askMRP22/01/18 07:45 PM
1

Nope. She holds him in contempt and you don't fuck people you feel contempt for. He's in a dead bedroom. This is literally the opposite of what you have to do to regain attraction. Sex isn't given like a cookie for good behavior even though some men are pathetic enough to accept that, but it's all downhill from there.
/r/askMRP19/01/18 05:35 AM
2

Solid advice here.
/r/askMRP16/01/18 03:44 AM
1

This is the reality I struggle most with and has highlighted many mistakes in judgment in getting married when I did. Not because I married a low quality woman but because I failed to understand myself well enough to realize this might not be the right woman I will continue to choose. Ie... I married a great woman, but she may have been the wrong one for me. Still have shit of my own I'm improving before I can really stand behind that statement fully and make a final decision, but it highlights …
/r/askMRP15/01/18 09:13 PM
2

Hate to break it to you, but women are people and like people, there are shitty ones and great ones. You don't accept low quality people in your life if you have any self respect, if you do accept them, you don't deserve any. Reading assignment: "First Kill All The Marriage Counselors" It's written for women, but that's about where you're at atm, so it'll be a good fit.
/r/askMRP15/01/18 05:06 PM
2

Lol, welcome to the community, you have some reading to do and a shit ton of unplugging. GL
/r/askMRP15/01/18 05:01 PM
1

That advice exists because they've been forced by dudes over sharing with their wives to give it. Not because you need to hide it at all costs.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/18 08:29 PM
1

A good and proper "fuck this shit" moment.
/r/askMRP14/01/18 07:03 PM
1

If she was truly a radical feminist to her core, she will have viewed everything through a lens of power, resentment about needing to change at all and will have had all the rationale to externalize or project all of her inadequacies onto him. Chances are she would never have come around because that's the entire point of that belief structure. Avoidance... avoidance... avoidance... and fight, fight, fight. Unless you're supporting your message in a larger context, in which case, there's obvious…
/r/askMRP13/01/18 07:37 PM
1

Guilt is a hell of a drug.
/r/askMRP13/01/18 07:32 PM
2

Agreed, ok to acknowledge the truth of the feelings here rather than a public self deception. But decent post otherwise in regards to adding to the collected narratives of experience here.
/r/askMRP12/01/18 11:37 PM
1

Lol, I did the same thing. I was like "oh ffs, be original dude..." and then "oh... he for real."
/r/askMRP12/01/18 09:52 PM
1

Her attempting to induce jealousy is a prompt to feel valued. Typical young girl behavior, they get more subtle about it when they're older. Try pointing other girls out and saying sexual things like "oh damn, man would I love to see you bury your tongue in her ass." And keep doubling down in the lewdness that includes her in the act. See if she starts playing the game too. Rian is also on point. I would not go so far as another person recommended of literally walking her over and intro'ing her.…
/r/askMRP12/01/18 09:51 PM
3

Developing kino skills can still be done in early stages, if it fails and you get some creep reactions, good feedback to modulate. Game isn't over cause you had a few foul balls and there's a lot of power in disconnecting physical touch from expectations of sex, even if you're not attractive yet.
/r/askMRP12/01/18 09:42 PM
1

This is semantics man. How long the tension rises, how long it persists, it isn't important. The lesson is the dynamic, not your preferred style and life gets in the way occasionally and when it does, it's fucking fine, no big deal. Too much dick swinging ego in this thread considering the maxims here. The point is creating tension, how you do it... Not as important. And man people love to act like txt game is next level shit. Just don't be needy and in constant contact, don't engage in anything…
/r/askMRP12/01/18 09:40 PM
1

Nah, it just wasn't that funny. I applaud the attempt but we've had better snark. Plus it was followed up with a real post the next day in the same vein. Perfect skittles ref on that 2nd one.
/r/askMRP12/01/18 09:34 PM
1

Re-Read the litany against fear in dune. I gather by your UN a sci-fi ref won't miss here. The real advice was already covered by others.
/r/askMRP12/01/18 06:09 AM
2

That's a better way of framing it within RP terminology. Hadn't really considered that angle that way. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/18 05:22 AM
1

Because I don't engage in myopic thought and can hold two concepts in my head at the same time. Would you feel better if I hated women for their nature?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/18 09:13 PM
1

RECORD EVERYTHING.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/18 07:57 PM
1

Ahh, gotcha, my mistake.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/18 07:26 PM
1

What are you as a father going to say...no you weren't? Yes. Actions --> Consequences --> Make better choices in the future. I mean, it's not like a daughter would be surprised by that answer if a father was raising them with principles of being responsible for their own choices their whole life. In the end, it's not like a woman can't spot the bullshit in feminism. Hence all the "I don't need feminism because" pics that were popular for a while. That's gotta be the greatest irony of the feminis…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/18 07:16 PM
1

even though we see a disproportionate amount of vocal asshats, man haters and social opportunists. And what types of people are going to be attracted to attacking anything pro-male? Virtue signaling betas and bitter women. Twitter hardly represents real world actions and views. It is the playground for the politically extreme and cowardly. Hypergamy is an instinct and the whole point of vetting women is determining how much they allow their baser natures to control their actions (aside from othe…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/18 07:05 PM
1

It's important to remember that the gross majority of women don't engage in that sort of thing because it's so blatantly immoral. Even though there are still large raw numbers of women who would not hesitate to use the social advantage to "cleanse their rep," there are still a majority of women that don't. Over the last 5 years, I have seen more and more women reject feminism for the caustic blight it's become. The more in touch they are with their feminine nature, the more likely they are to re…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/18 05:45 PM
3

Out of curiosity I read "First Kill All The Marriage Counselors" and "The Surrendered Wife" and yeah, pretty much spot on with your critique of that dismal industry. I had some chuckles when she described what men want and she barely had anything about sexuality that would be of use to women. But it rings all the same bells as you did.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/18 12:19 AM
3

When we're young is when we're both: stupid and insecure most likely to romanticize and place women on a pedestal Combine that with the arrogance of thinking they understand something adults are too jaded to see... boom. Idiot teenager romance. I'll bet he is listening but may not understand how to integrate or struggles with the mixed messaging and a desire to maintain a romanticized notion of girls. At a minimum he'll recognize reality once it hits him in the face if he's at least heard of som…
/r/askMRP10/01/18 05:16 PM
1

Don't discount the arrogance of youth in fighting wisdom that challenges your world view. It's a rare individual who can accept wisdom without experiencing the failure of their own decisions first. I'm sure there's a dunning kruger analogy in there somewhere too.
/r/askMRP10/01/18 06:27 AM
4

Those bonds can be difficult to part with. I have a female friend that escaped her own trauma from infecting the rest of her life, but it was through sheer force of will and a drive to be victorious against that darkness inside. It seems to be one of the signifying aspects of people who get past it. If your wife doesn't have that, this will likely be a permanent fixture to contend with and just as you can't negotiate desire, you also can't do anything to affect that determination in her. The onl…
/r/askMRP10/01/18 05:55 AM
2

If you're more worried about the hardship of finding time with your kids than you have a desire to be with your wife and that's the driving factor, then i would consider nexting because you will do whatever you have to do to make it work with the kids. Especially if you see things turning acrimonious. At a minimum seek out a lawyer so you can draw up a reasonable picture of what the divorce would look like and consider your strategy from there. Don't let that stay an unkown.
/r/askMRP10/01/18 05:06 AM
3

Man, I was laughing so hard at even this getting shit on hard here. Never change MRP. Cialis huh... Noted. All the warnings aside, sounds like your eyes are open even if you're so pumped full of endorphins you wouldn't feel your face smash through a wall. Ride that roller coaster, I'll be rootin for ya.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/18 04:55 AM
2

This is why I prefer a local indie strength training gym. Plus I like that it takes me out of the house even if it does add time to my day.
/r/askMRP08/01/18 09:10 PM
1

I read it as experimenting with a narrative device that didn't quite work. Think that's about it, like you said, writing style needs some work for the audience.
/r/askMRP08/01/18 08:25 PM
2

To speak to the bedtime moment, absurdist humor is my go to. Just keep dialing up the antics of how deadly the potatoes were. Maybe thank her for the new chest hair it'll be growing like a "forest of man trees offering succor from her devil children. Look babe, right here, come lay your face down on my manly salvation your potatoes helped grow." Etc... just keep doubling down on whatever your style of humor happens to be until she cracks. And if she doesn't, shrug and move on, she'll likely feel…
/r/askMRP08/01/18 04:26 PM
2

A divorce threat is overkill, the wife already agreed he's not allowed in the house anymore. If the follow through happens as it likely will the issue is already over. He needs to find his chill, move on and dig in to working on his MAP.
/r/askMRP08/01/18 07:12 AM
4

Focus on you, be thankful your wife is still invested, chill the fuck out and own your fucking shit. You have no reason to confront him now as your wife already agreed to shut it down. So now you just chill out and get your shit together. You'd only cock it up anyway and then come back here saying "well that was a mistake." Keep your eye out if you want but a cheating wife doesn't announce every visit. If you're lifting already, use this as a wake up call to lock your diet down if you haven't al…
/r/askMRP08/01/18 03:16 AM
2

Did you guys hear something? I think there was a bee buzzing in my ear. Huh... so anyway...
/r/askMRP06/01/18 07:10 PM
4

Awwww, he can't handle shit talk from his wife. This isn't bad behavior, this is an easily bruised ego. I mean fuck man, you spend that much time at the gym with a "1%" body and one dig from your wife and you crumble into an authority tantrum? How do you even shit talk with your boys around the iron? Pretty faggy shit.
/r/askMRP06/01/18 07:08 PM
2

You're over thinking it, which is odd since you say you've cohabited before. Bottom line is you should be following the top comment linking to Tomassi's point about not living with a girl you aren't about to marry. It's a mistake for you and your own development. Has nothing to do with the quality of the girl. If you're not engaged, don't follow this path of convenience. That's exactly how the beta backslide begins.
/r/askMRP06/01/18 06:59 PM
1

I'd watch that documentary. Lol
/r/askMRP06/01/18 06:02 PM
1

I'll echo what others have said and say she sounds like a lot of fun. You can open this up to a lot more if you get a handle on how reactionary you are to her moods. Don't get overly invested in a power struggle mindset cause it will cause you to miss cues for shit/comfort tests if you're always looking for a power angle. It's more important to be fun and in control of your emotions. Viewing things through power is a recipe to get stuck on your ego over and over and make mountains out of mole ho…
/r/askMRP05/01/18 10:15 PM
1

Sex is what separates an SO from a roommate, a friendship from a relationship. It is THE defining difference and the context for the relationship to exist at all. If sex falls apart, you can kiss the relationship goodbye. You were butthurt, that's why you missed the cues and punish good behavior. There really aren't any examples in this post that amount to a drama queen. It's just normal relationship dynamics and feminine behavior. You can keep denying you were butthurt, but it will only hamper …
/r/askMRP05/01/18 09:08 PM
1

It's a long process of reading --> testing --> failing --> adjusting After all, that's how you internalized the process of writing music. You hit shit melodies or find happy accidents that help you internalize theory for future use and after years of that, you can write a badass song that has a lot of musical maturity to it because you've resolved a lot of experiments along the way.
/r/askMRP05/01/18 07:18 PM
1

TL:DR As of late i learned that my GF is a drama queen. She needs drama in her life to keep it from being stale. She even admitted that she creates drama sometimes to amp up sexual tension. Did you read anything? This is one of the most basic AWALT qualities you should already be aware of. This is the battlefield of life for women, social politics and dynamics. These are the waters they swim in. Even if they're not the drama type, they will still watch soaps, vampire dramas, etc... “why not just…
/r/askMRP05/01/18 07:14 PM
2

You need to be with her while getting IOI's from other women to prime her desire again and work on shifting her perspective to viewing you as a valuable commodity to the world again. Improving at home is a slower road without the reinforcement of other interest from women. You definitely need another 15lbs of muscle and you won't look like a bodybuilder, you'll just be solid. She knows you're desperate to stay with her and that blows your DNGAF story. You can't say things like "I'll do anything …
/r/askMRP05/01/18 04:53 PM
2

I think you're right. That's what I get for not doing my normal thing of reading everything before commenting. Although, i do disagree with everyone saying he fucked up, it's clear he views this as an experiment and he'll adjust based on which way it goes.
/r/askMRP04/01/18 10:38 PM
1

People will tell you two things here: Who cares if it's starfish, fuck her caveman anyway. Don't accept starfish for the disrespect it represents. My approach was 2 and it worked out great for me because that was congruent with my frame. I don't accept less than being present and involved during sex. Combined with dread, OYS, etc... that can work because the wife in that scenario has not completely checked out and lost faith. In my context, I was the one ready to leave and getting checked out an…
/r/askMRP04/01/18 09:36 PM
2

lol, "soy boys"
/r/MarriedRedPill04/01/18 04:34 PM
3

Forget TRP for now, you're married and have kids, what you need is here at MRP. That advice is for single dudes vetting or dating that don't want the neediness/drama. Keep reading and after you've finished at least two of the books on the sidebar you'll be able to ask a more relevant question. Start with MMSLP (it's quick), then move on to NMMNG and WISNIFG. Rational Male is great, but it's focused on theory and a macro picture of female behavior. Do read it, but if you're already married, these…
/r/askMRP04/01/18 05:06 AM
1

R/fitness has all that and more. Trainers if you want to get a guided program (dietary and conditioning/hypertrophy workout plans). Trainers are also good for developing good form habits for compound lifts. Learn to do it the right way at the start > unlearning bad habits.
/r/askMRP03/01/18 08:34 PM
1

Better sex too in a dating context.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/01/18 05:54 PM
2

If it's just hamstering generating all the anxiety, then you're in a good spot to lead her out of that place mentally without trying to remove her negative emotions. When uncertainty is high, especially during your first changes taking hold, it's the opportune moment to demonstrate leadership, savage fucking and then remaining solid afterward. If it's the right time, she'll start to settle into that confidence and drop some of her last walls and it should be more open season. I say this without …
/r/askMRP01/01/18 07:18 PM
2

Keep on keepin on, this is the kind of emotional tension that can really open things up sexually. If she's not horny or receptive to sex tonight then something else is going on. Otherwise, she's in a place where the sex can get intense from the emotional release, her need to feel wanted and valued and your growing dominance within the household. Are you dominant when it comes to sex? Hold her down, move her how you want her, pull her across the bed, etc... That's all part of communicating desira…
/r/askMRP01/01/18 06:02 PM
5

She doesn't need your feelings to get your money and you are proving her right.
/r/askMRP30/12/17 06:14 PM
2

Lol
/r/askMRP30/12/17 06:12 PM
2

Drop the transactional mindset, it's not your wife's fault you made a stupid assumption that people work like spreadsheets. At least you've recognized the massive covert contract you silently kept for years even if you still can't accept your responsibility for it. You'll have to deal with the same feminine nature with another woman of any age and you'll get just as much shit eventually from any of them. Likely even more from the younger ones with more options. Bottom line, your wife stole nothi…
/r/askMRP26/12/17 04:01 PM
1

Whether you're moving towards a goal. No movement, no direction. Deep down, people know when they're just bullshitting themselves. It always shows up as insecurity if they are. What I was really getting at was that having expectations about a timeframe is probably not important and may just be counter productive anyway. Rather just stay focused whether you're moving in the right direction because small steps tend to lead to big ones, especially if you're consistent. Ie... consistency > speed of …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/12/17 05:11 PM
10

For the Peterson fans: Developing frame is the process of embracing the chaos and pain of letting your old views die. Embracing the rudderless feeling when you are first immersed in the unknown and your compass doesn't have it's final orientation. You must have faith in your ability to define your own reality or you will never be able to enforce a lasting order on the chaos around you. Frame under this analogy is the process in which you re-order the fragments of your old world view and put them…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/12/17 07:24 PM
1

There is no timeline, there is only a direction you are traveling in.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/12/17 07:08 PM
2

Ultimately, the reason why it works is that via actions, you are imposing structure. By not writing it out, it feels more "natural" and also gives a little hit on women's near universal addiction to mystery. It also imparts safety the more consistent you are because it confirms that the structure is real and that certain things having predictable consequences lends a sense of security in how reliable they become. Especially the more reliable you become. it's not just women either. people are des…
/r/askMRP22/12/17 10:09 PM
3

I think Chinchilla is probably onto something that sounds true to me with his reply. Thing to remember is we're all at heart dishonest communicators. We're always trying to manipulate others around us either to view us positively, to make them think we view them positively, there are plethora of reasons why we do it and aren't even aware of it. This stuff is covered really well in WISNIFG and it may be a good time to re-read that book. if you haven't read it, go read it now. If you can identify …
/r/askMRP22/12/17 08:15 PM
2

This is a lot of missing context that should have been in the initial post. One way to distinguish manipulations from honest communications is that a manipulative communication usually revolves around changing your behavior or prodding you to a specific action. Honest communication is usually more centered around how someone feels about something. People are obviously more complicated than that but that covers a large swath of it.
/r/askMRP22/12/17 07:32 PM
1

I've even gotten a beta bp "that's a terrible idea and she would hate that" when I told him he should surprise his girl with dinner plans and just start doing things like that unannounced with a place picked out already, etc... Sure as shit left it at that. Lol
/r/askMRP22/12/17 05:52 PM
1

That line was not a comfort test, just a minor guilt trip. She wanted help and you failed to give her a window where she could expect to get it. You could have either decided to buckle down and help get it done that night or set a time the next day you would and given her a plan so she could let it go as a concern.
/r/askMRP22/12/17 05:46 PM
2

Still smarting about being wrong eh!? j/k, i actually enjoyed that debate and I agree with your conclusion. Believe it or not, it did shift my thinking on that topic. I can back everything you said here anecdotally. Often times the politics I use at work falls in the category of containment (via good relations/reputation with large teams vs. a problematic individual) + carrots (ie.. win-win scenarios) and it's served me well as I've had a good track record of converting conflict prone individual…
/r/askMRP21/12/17 11:10 PM
1

Can't second this enough. Your physical space is the first boundary that must be protected at all times. This not only about er respecting you. It is about you respecting yourself enough to not allow violence against your person. This is the most fundamental basis of respect for both men and women. Those that allow that boundary to be crossed are mutually held in contempt by men and women both.
/r/askMRP21/12/17 07:10 PM
1

He has a lot of stages to get through before he'll be able to achieve detachment. We often talk about the anger stage as if it can be avoided, but I don't think anyone ever successfully does because it's a necessary component for growth. Ultimately, the anger is a function of feeling pain. And the best anyone can really do is stamp it down in small actions that over time rid you of the baggage as you wire in new habits of both behavior and thought. My intuition is that it would be more helpful f…
/r/askMRP21/12/17 07:06 PM
1

I saw it mostly as training wheels or a tool to improve detachment and get guys who are further out on the nice guy spectrum used to the idea of being not only their own judge, but also an aid in assuming a mantle of authority. That of course doesn't displace the ideal as you describe it. I've seen similar approaches yield positive results in creative industries where developing the skill of taking criticism non-personally is critical to success and the "frame" that helps develop (aka leadership…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/17 12:47 AM
2

It's not really, but it is condensed enough that it's a bit easier for someone to digest into a big picture view. I prefer to do it with the readings, but it has a lot of utility for dudes who get tunnel vision on one aspect or another and need a reminder of the big picture.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 10:42 PM
1

Good reminder on perspective, appreciate it.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 07:41 PM
1

Well yesterday rolled right into today I suppose. I'm aware of all that. I guess we just see very different things in red's post. I see no contradictions between a device to help people get away from their egos and the basics that are reviewed in your linked post. Perhaps your comment is a nod to a debate you guys previously had with red and I am not sharing that context, but on the merits of the post alone, I don't see him advocating for what you're countering. I liked Rian's thread with red on…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 07:02 PM
3

I like that... "Set up a temple to a strategy guide." Good shit. As usual, I find myself just reinforcing one of Rian's points. Some of RP was new to me, most was not as you figure out a lot of this if you're pulling women consistently. I had a sort of "realization" moment years ago where I dropped most of my BP strategy that obviously wasn't working. And it was like a switch went off with women and sex was never scarce after that. Some disillusionment definitely came with that, and there was tr…
/r/askMRP20/12/17 06:01 PM
1

You guys are usually on point, but this comment is blatantly dishonest. If you didn't have some form of 2-way communication going on, your wife would have cheated or left your ass for the misery that would have been. Not to mention this kind of advice is a perfect recipe for reinforcing rambo behaviors. Here are the themes Red is communicating: Judge is a framework you can view yourself through to help depersonalize your perspective. Ie... The argument being thrown at you is an externalized idea…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 05:43 PM
1

That's cause I like 'em in my face.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 05:02 PM
1

A judge explaining his decision with a "don't care what you think about it, this is my ruling" context is a DEER? Don't think so. Replace the word "explain" with "tell" and my guess is you wouldn't have been triggered even though within the context of his analogy, they are identical in meaning.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 03:16 AM
2

It's deering when it's from a defensive position. Not all information given in the form of an explanation is a DEER. If you're giving information that helps your team better follow your plan or intent, that's an aspect of leadership. But it has to be done from a position of strength. If you're offering an explanation as a plead to take your position, it's weak and a DEER. Context is king
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/17 02:40 AM
2

Flirt with her and find out if you're curious. You need to learn to game anyway.
/r/askMRP15/12/17 10:34 PM
3

It comes down to this: Your anger is legitimate, but if you allow that fact to be what it's about, you'll pollute your headspace and your dynamic with the SO and make sex even less attainable. When other things in life become sources of personal validation or reward, your dependent attitude on sex should diminish. When your dependent attitude on sex starts to decline, you will be more enjoyable to be around, if you've been consistent in your goals some respect from the wife will have returned an…
/r/askMRP15/12/17 05:39 PM
3

There are still logical outcomes, but they're rooted in behaviors and they're not proportional exchanges of services. Ie... changing your perspective to understand what results you should expect from your own behavior instead of expecting hers to change based on an unspoken "deal."
/r/askMRP15/12/17 04:50 PM
3

Just want to reinforce rianstone, the readings are step 1 and like any course work, it is the time you spend learning how to apply the theory practically and in a way that is consistent with your own style that the work happens and frame develops. You're programming entirely new habits. Don't be afraid of screwing up, it'll just be a parachute. Have more faith that you will correct or surpass your mistakes, that belief is important to maintain consistent progress. SO LONG AS YOU PUT IT INTO ACTI…
/r/askMRP15/12/17 04:42 PM
1

Having a transactional mindset is like manure for growing covert contracts. Do you have plans or not? Get busy before you try to get shitty so you have a real reason to say no.
/r/askMRP15/12/17 04:37 PM
1

You may be surprised, how we talk to ourselves has a lot of control over how emotionally reactive we are. The main thing is just to start to try and disrupt your old patterns of thought. You don't have to believe it, it's a reminder to help pull you out of mulling over negatives and it's more the prompt to try and push your mindset out of old resentment and into a better perspective that is useful. It won't fix anything on it's own and it's not a substitute for the work, but it can help be anoth…
/r/askMRP15/12/17 04:27 PM
1

Fundamental shifts in attitude take time and there's no shortcut. New patterns are inherently uncomfortable and hard to get them to "take." OI comes with time as you sort out aspects of your weaknesses and attain small goals. One important aspect is focusing on the mantras you recite to yourself day after day. Do you think about how pissed off you are all the time? Are you thinking about how angry you are at being rejected or not getting the sex you need? Instead try enforcing a mantra of "fuck …
/r/askMRP14/12/17 10:04 PM
2

Not enough hard info in there to tell for sure, you're getting a lot of default advice here but the top comment is pretty accurate to how this narrative usually plays out. When I read people focusing on STFU, it almost always pans out that they just pulled way back from the SO, they're using a lot of removal of time/attention and generally still angry so not much fun either. So of course the bedroom situation doesn't improve much because they've effectively shut down intimacy. You'll likely get …
/r/askMRP14/12/17 08:03 PM
1

Calibration is necessary because people aren't robots and they don't follow scripts. If you never calibrate to continuously changing contexts, you're leaving a lot on the table. Period. It has nothing to do with living in her frame. You adjust your approach based on what nets you the best outcome and you won't be able to apply the same tool all the time and expect the same result.
/r/askMRP14/12/17 05:01 PM
2

First of all, you have nothing to defend, having the mentality that you do is a bigger problem than her discovering some reading materials. It's a rule of convenience and general prudence in regards to not deliberately making the process harder on yourself than it already inherently is. It also exists because many men early in their journey are still easily manipulated or cowed or are in the midst of a very contentious dynamic and men in those situations are more likely to have a very combative …
/r/askMRP13/12/17 09:56 PM
1

You stop worrying about how your "frame" is doing.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/17 09:50 PM
7

Pro tip: if you don't want starfish, don't initiate while she's asleep. If she's not turned on enough by your touch to the point that she reacts sexually, even while asleep, then leave it alone and initiate when she's you know... conscious. Keep your expectations in an appropriate place (ie... realistic).
/r/askMRP12/12/17 09:48 PM
1

Yeah, after 15m you've got shit to do. Take out the trash, u need to shower, you have a project you gotta get on, whatever...
/r/askMRP12/12/17 05:33 PM
2

Don't take it so literally. Don't acknowledge or engage in any behavior that is an exchange over her terms of a negotiation. By doing so, you make the negotiation real. Don't treat it like it's real else you guarantee you just helped it manifest into a political struggle. Think of providing comfort as just being present and engaged. Worry less about the shit tests and don't be an autistic mute. If you fuck up a shit test, it's not that big a deal and likely has no lasting consequences. Engage mo…
/r/askMRP12/12/17 04:53 PM
1

Go with the mod's view here. If your leaning on STFU instead of passing shit tests with actual conversation then you're likely presenting a cold shoulder out of fear of screwing up somehow and that's sending mixed messages with the times you are playful. One of the keys in cholomite's response is that the "comfort" doesn't have to come only with the prompt of a comfort test and it doesn't have to literally be a hug. Don't underestimate the power of just standing there and letting her vent her da…
/r/askMRP12/12/17 04:48 PM
2

Just keep moving it back there during dinner while in the middle of talking. Ask her to pass the salt and move the dish back in place when she does, or ask her to get something from the other room or counter and move it, one of these times just look her in the eye and slowly, really slowly move the dish back where you want it. Seriously, just fuck with her about it instead of making it such a serious affair. I mean fuck, your example is like a literal 5 year old argument. I literally heard two o…
/r/askMRP12/12/17 03:30 AM
2

/thumbs up
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/17 07:22 PM
3

I don't disagree with that statement, but is that the same as assignation of fault? This seems like a leading the horse to water problem, in that you can't make it drink. Before OP can claim he tried "everything" he does need to be blunt about his expectations and desires (especially with that powder keg of resentment he's sitting on), but the blame OP in this instance seems reflexive to me. Happy to be demonstrated that I'm missing something important, I just don't see it atm. Genuine curiosity…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/17 06:26 PM
6

There is a contradiction present in blaming OP 100% for her body but also nobody expecting she will lose the weight no matter what OP does. No disagreement on the leadership problems with him not being clear on his level of disgust and ramifications.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/17 05:32 PM
13

Much more likely she believes her nice guy would never "hurt her like that."
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/17 05:23 PM
3

You're gonna have to learn to be blunt about your desires and clear about the ramifications of not meeting them or your wife will only ever dally about in losing weight because you've left enough room for her self delusions to still control her personal narrative. When you are afraid to hurt her feelings by being honest, you are simultaneously playing into her delusion of "he's so nice, he would never hurt me like that." It's gonna add even more stress and likely she'll get depressed because of …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/17 04:10 PM
1

That may be happening, OP will probably have to demonstrate a hard boundary with this behavior though. The connection between weaponizing sex (manipulations) and her becoming lower in value because of that may need to be made explicitly clear to her. That behavior cannot be tolerated and I don't know that STFU is a good approach to it. STFU in the face of direct manipulations like that is at best a delay tactic if the guy doesn't have enough emotional control yet to engage in setting the boundar…
/r/askMRP10/12/17 05:34 PM
1

To my knowledge, the stats demonstrate that children of divorce are more likely to get divorced. In the study I read, there was no discussion about causality (it's biggest weakness), it was presented as an implied presumed negative (study had some religious backing). Anecdotally, as a child of divorce, when the world doesn't end with the divorce and life goes on, divorce isn't quite as scary. Until you have kids anyway.
/r/askMRP10/12/17 03:57 AM
1

Yeah, really not a whole lot of reason to write about positive emotions as the negative ones have all the control and they're the demons that need to be exorcised. It'll be a pretty one sided picture. Can't take it too seriously as most of those entries, of course, are momentary things. Makes you wonder what life would be like if you could hear that shit real time coming out of people's heads. Bet people'd be a whole lot more decent once they realized how big a shit head they and everyone else r…
/r/askMRP08/12/17 03:54 AM
2

Semantics dude. Accept the hit, your comment was shit and robby is telling you why. Use it to improve your next comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/17 12:27 AM
1

You may not have to explain any of that. If you feel like you do, then focus on things like "When X happened, it made me feel like Y, so I decided that I should do Z." No need to bring RP or theory into the discussion.
/r/askMRP07/12/17 11:25 PM
1

Yeah. Most of the criticisms in this thread have been absolute garbage that add 0 value.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/17 09:40 PM
2

This would be better feedback if you had a short hand way of describing the dynamic between you and your wife as most of your criticisms in this thread on the approach are basically "i like my way for me." Which doesn't give any info to others. Often times what is lost in these discussions about kink is women's variability of comfort with their sexuality and differences in their personality that lend one approach more potential for success than another. Rianstone did a great job of outlining cau…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/17 09:31 PM
1

Just focus on upping your game and kino. Follow hysterical's advice on readings if you need ideas. Find novel situations or places in the house you don't normally have sex, grind and try to get her turned on in public places, etc... Just play with it.
/r/askMRP05/12/17 09:01 PM
3

Be a man invested in his professional passion so that she respects your calling and mission more than the money. Details: If the household is secure with money, she's not going to care that much about what you make if you're bringing high quality attributes to the relationship by being a high quality man. It's the context around the money that matters more than the money itself. If the context of not making as much is laziness, it's a negative. If the context around the money is that you made a …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/17 06:59 PM
1

I had the same hang-up, until hornies overcame it. After that, I dunno what the big deal was. Preggo porn fetishes I will never understand though.
/r/askMRP05/12/17 05:14 PM
2

The "emotional connection" need will vaporize as soon as she feels secure in the relationship again. This is presuming she wants to stay. Ideally, a woman wants to feel like her husband has the capacity to be a tamed monster that has a special bond with them and keeps the dangers of the world away when they need it. If she feels like she can place you in that narrative, the resistance to sex will evaporate. It's the fundamental condition (security/reliability) that make reproduction safe for wom…
/r/askMRP05/12/17 03:55 AM
1

Just to back him up a bit (not that 420 needs it from me), absolutely need to do the readings on the sidebar. I would prioritize TRM and RP theory like that last in your case, but you will benefit more from those books than discussion space here alone. The ability to carry a good conversation or get good advice here is very difficult if you haven't done the reading. Too much ground to rehash and ppl who don't read usually aren't serious and waste people's time here. I think you are serious, or I…
/r/askMRP04/12/17 09:29 PM
2

Hate how much of a trope it's become, but look up Jordan Peterson and "Integrating your shadow" to reach a good perspective on the right balance between your capability to do harm vs. how controlled and integrated that aspect is to who you are as a person. That is part of the sexual attraction with the wife but the dynamic with the wife has so much baggage now that without knowing a lot more detail I don't know where to begin on advice for a direction. Also pro tip: when a woman says she needs a…
/r/askMRP04/12/17 09:24 PM
2

If there's repression at work in her psyche, normalizing sex talk and fantasies, talking dirty as part of kino, things of that nature can help get her past stigmas. Beware of falling back on that as a convenient explanation when/if you still have a massive plate of your own items to get through. What hysterical is getting at is that the more attractive you are, the easier it is to get her to lower her walls/boundaries or be willing to put in the effort to pass her comfort zone. They'll still be …
/r/askMRP04/12/17 05:24 PM
6

Whenever I bring something like this up the reflexive presumption is that I’m bemoaning men’s victim status for being disposable. However, it’s impossible to discuss male disposability without such a connotation. I think this is the bad taste you're experiencing. Impossible to broach the topic without it at some level implying the exposing of a weakness by caring about it or it sounding like a complaint or consisting of a plaintive tone.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/17 02:45 AM
1

Read my thread with bluepill, your missing the full picture. He had the same misunderstanding. I am describing the differences between ONS and LTR sex and why they're not contradictory when a woman in an LTR uses the phrase "emotional connection." It's not an argument or rationale for coddling her feelings or chasing her with BP strategies, it is why ONS and this phrase are not contradictory because the dynamics involved are different. Even for the same woman in both situations. Novelty vs. fami…
/r/askMRP01/12/17 08:13 PM
2

Can't fix that for her. She just needs to make her own friends. Had an ex like that, excuses out the ass, would cancel on ppl all the time, not make an effort then complain she didn't have a lot of friends. It's always your prerogative to go solo. Just let your desire be the guiding principle there. Suck it up and let her be upset if you really would rather do something solo. That's where your independence lies.
/r/askMRP01/12/17 02:12 AM
1

Eh, everything's messy until you're a practiced hand no matter what area of life you apply that to. There were weeks where I wouldn't initiate cause I was just disgusted with her. Things don't see/saw much anymore though, even if an issue arises.
/r/askMRP01/12/17 02:08 AM
1

Having hobbies and a social circle that takes you out of the house is an important component of passive dread. Demonstrating independence is what reduces her certainty you'd never leave. Having belief in you as an independent person who happens to CHOOSE being in the relationship, who could just as happily exist without it, is where you want to be.
/r/askMRP01/12/17 01:47 AM
2

The only too slow is not progressing at all. Other than that, don't force it, it's not a race. Just be consistent. Consistently making improvements will take you a long long way after a year if you just stay consistent.
/r/askMRP01/12/17 01:45 AM
1

Yes, I'm using "her" words, but not leaping to the conclusion that comfort leads you to her definition of "emotional closeness." Main point is that LTR sex and ONS are different beasts even when the woman is the same because one has a relational contextual input that is built over time (LTR) and the other does not. A woman isn't going to be receptive to behaviors that introduce risk until she "feels" that emotional bond. She gets there by the guy following their program and her faith in the man …
/r/askMRP30/11/17 10:28 PM
1

This is not in the realm of the impossible. I lost 42 lbs over 3.5 months about 6 years ago when I made lifestyle changes. Went from sedentary and high sugar "diet" to a vegan diet w/ 4 days a week running and light lifting. The drastic change in activity triggered weight loss at a rate I haven't seen since. That was like 6 years ago. Maybe 7. Obviously not my workout routine now, but the guy is just as likely honest as not depending on how drastic of a change happened. Homeostasis is a thing. I…
/r/askMRP30/11/17 10:20 PM
2

Not that you're wrong outside the context of an LTR. Or that a cheating wife will do the same, but that's largely a function of novelty/sexual tension produced by the novelty taking over. The husband of 10 years doesn't benefit from that therefore emotional investment/connection is necessary. The dead bedroom exists because that connection (in addition to attractiveness) was disrupted. This is where all the beneficial side effects of OYS comes from. This is why her having confidence in a man's l…
/r/askMRP30/11/17 06:03 PM
1

I see a lot of red flags in your post about 1) Your preparedness and commitment to divorce. 2) Properly integrating RP tools to diagnose your inputs. Didn't you just post last week looking for input on how to break that cycle? Or am I combining two different people's posts in my head? If not, it's only been a week. You can't even have tested much yet. This feels like a move born of frustration and just throwing it away from an emotional place instead of a calculated decision. Obviously, I can't …
/r/askMRP27/11/17 07:43 PM
1

Novelty sex + hornies Not the same beast as LTR fucking. Lot more input of relationship context in LTR fucking. Emotional connection is not an excuse, it's a real necessary component for female sexuality, often really means you're not giving tingles either because conflict is dominating her mental space or drunk captain too long, etc... Let the words be a cue to watch her behavior if u need to diagnose. She's probably telling the truth. Sex is always rock bottom for women in LTRs when they lack …
/r/askMRP27/11/17 07:33 PM
3

The underlying thing to understand about why fogging works is that by sidestepping every attempt to get you to commit to an argument, you grant no purchase for the other person to feedback on. If she starts down an emotional manipulation attempt, you don't have to be mute, just don't engage in the exercise. Identify her behavior, tell her you're done with engaging, if she wants to act this way she can, but you are no longer dealing with it and she can decide what's important to her. Then break i…
/r/askMRP25/11/17 04:58 PM
1

Lol, be real mother fucker. What you wanted to do was dominate OP by enforcing your reality and frame on OP over something that pricked you as weak in his choice of words and OP demonstrated he wasn't going to acquiesce so you kept digging and then finally tried to make it about something other than your own power struggle in the thread when you realized you weren't gonna get his submission. You weren't looking to build anyone up, you were looking to satiate your ego.
/r/askMRP21/11/17 07:14 PM
3

I started doing this when I was young before I knew a name for it, very useful in becoming more self aware and becomes 2nd nature if you keep it "on" all the time. Amazing how much you can sort out that way.
/r/askMRP21/11/17 06:00 PM
5

Reading comprehension bro. Suggest disabling autism filter.
/r/askMRP21/11/17 05:10 PM
2

While this is abstract and the lack of method or strategy is gonna kick up some flaming, this is a good description of why your frame must be individualized. For those that are still working out their model of the concept. Self actualization is another word that fits under the umbrella of frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/17 04:04 PM
3

He was referring to capacity to create value when he said innate. You defined the same idea using different words. No matter how you want to describe it, your frame is still internal and self referential in nature so it does actually come from within, hence why everyone's "frame" is individualized. OP's abstraction is not actually an argument for inaction or low effort.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/17 04:01 PM
1

From what you described, the entire interaction after sex was one long DEER. When you display fragility at causing her any discomfort you simultaneously cast yourself as someone she can't depend on. There's a reason little girls always want a tamed monster as their guardian. For women, it goes all the way back to childhood. Part of the essence of being a man is not fearing your capacity for violence and integrating it as a source of strength. Seeing that potential in you is what cues your wife, …
/r/askMRP19/11/17 03:44 PM
1

Yes. Whatever the source of her reaction, it's not about the sex. Start reading that sidebar. You haven't even started down the road yet. NMMNG is first on the list.
/r/askMRP19/11/17 02:58 PM
5

These kinds of doses of truth have worked well within my dynamic when they become necessary.
/r/askMRP18/11/17 04:28 PM
3

Suggest you give her a copy of "First Kill All The Marriage Counselors" if you haven't already.
/r/askMRP18/11/17 04:25 PM
1

You operate based on what YOU desire, this instance has nothing to do with discipline. This is what WISNIFG is about. Plans change when you're out, that's not a lie. It happens. Don't be so autistic about it. If he were to bitch and moan about being tired at work the next day, THAT would be an issue of owning his decisions. This is about owning your decisions, not fulfilling some disney level understanding of making "promises."
/r/askMRP17/11/17 05:13 PM
5

It was more anti-concern-trolling than a defense, but what matters is you striking the balance that's right for you. The reason it is a superfluous point is that in the end, if you're OYS, working out and taking care if what needs doing, how you spend your leisure is not a big input. Focusing on the game out if that entire FR demonstrates their need to project and a shit reading of what was important in it. As demonstrated by rian/weakandsensitive. Starting to take the right steps without victim…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/11/17 05:08 PM
1

You're moralizing over games and projecting your own issues. Just STFU. It's the end of the night leisure time, how he decides to spend it is up to him. You obviously didn't even read his FR as he stated in it already that he worked out that night. Whether you decide to give up games because you couldn't control yourself with them is up to you and is not a reflection of OP. If shit got done and he decided to play a game for 30m at the end of the night, it doesn't matter. It's not an important pa…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/11/17 04:46 PM
1

Don't understand why you have guilt over staying out late. Marriage dynamic doesn't bode well if you're already self policing based on what she might feel. Don't apologize, don't treat her anger as real or serious (else you help perpetuate and extend it), and don't accept a fight about it. Do not engage, do not defend yourself (that's engaging), do not contribute to a fight over something you have nothing to apologize for. You simply state your reality and if she attempts to emotionally manipula…
/r/askMRP17/11/17 04:34 PM
2

NMMNG needs to be read. Git on it. Answers in there. Have you never talked shit with other dudes? How seriously can you really take that comment from your wife. Tip: You're the one disturbing your home environment with your butthurt. Your wife is simply responding to you.
/r/askMRP17/11/17 03:07 AM
1

Geeat set of questions and examples here for OP to contemplate. Your answers to approach are buried somewhere in here.
/r/askMRP16/11/17 05:37 PM
1

Confront the lying, don't make it about him and be clear about setting a boundary. If you want to send a message, you could say something along the lines of... "I don't commit to people who can't commit to me. You understand?" Or you could just ignore it, snoop if you like and be mentally prepared to plate her. Good girl or not, she's young enough to just be stupid. At her age and if the way you characterize things is true, she is likely afraid of disappointing you or making you angry as opposed…
/r/askMRP16/11/17 02:59 AM
1

Yep, part of his anger is legit in the shit deal he has with the wife, but the option of leaving means you have a reason to keep your cool because you're not "trapped" even if you're struggling with accepting the hardship and disadvantages divorce with kids inherently brings. Struggling for accepting the price is a different matter and one you can control. Whether your wife steps up or not, is not under your control and if you aren't willing to contemplate leaving then covert contracts become an…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/17 06:47 PM
1

Starvation is counter productive. Your body fights your weight loss and you lose muscle mass in the process. Keep nutrition and real foods high on your priority list and do the longer game of 300-500 cal deficits. Add more cardio like swimming and rebalance the carb/fat ratio if the keto drain or keto portioning is an issue. More than one way to do a cut.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/17 06:40 PM
1

Then she is making her own choice not to see your daughter. That's entirely up to her. Your boundary remains and you remain open to her visiting her grandchild. The door is open, if she chooses to make it a political fight, that's her business. It's not your problem to solve.
/r/askMRP15/11/17 04:13 PM
1

It means you may have to tell your mom to come to you in order to enforce a boundary with him. There is no way for your conflict with your dad not to spill over to your mom. It matters not if you think it's fair or not, that's just how it is since they are married. Make the hard decision. By trying to tip-toe through on a middle ground, you demonstrate to your dad that your boundaries aren't important, you aren't prepared to defend your boundary and in fact, rightfully so in his eyes, you are st…
/r/askMRP15/11/17 03:51 PM
1

Might as well accept your risk adverse home town mode and take more non-business trips for yourself if that's what you want.
/r/askMRP14/11/17 12:59 PM
1

It's normal, even if it seems paradoxical, to experience feelings of loss when you hit a goal because what you lost was the thing you were aiming at that defined your struggles. Now you are at a point where you have to think "what's next" and reorient yourself. People often feel listless or undefined when their direction is uncertain. If this goal is nested within a larger goal, then the effect of your sense of loss is diminished or eliminated entirely. If the money is a route to something large…
/r/askMRP13/11/17 07:12 PM
1

This is actually more WISNIFG territory. You're not really talking about DEERing but a discomfort or inability to communicate your honest feelings. Which is likely why you're focused on the submissive angle of the interactions. Or why you think your example responses are submissive. DEER ing goes hand in hand with that, but really what you're lacking is the ability to unabashedly communicate displeasure when you may want to.
/r/askMRP13/11/17 04:03 AM
3

Ok, well here's my take on what's going on. She's unhappy and depressed, she is missing an intimate connection (virtually always the root of a wife's unhappiness) and doesn't know how to communicate her desires or feelings so she's stuck in a rut, wants you to pull her out of it, but you're not (some fault is yours, much of it is hers) so she's now getting close to calling it quits because everything feels hopeless. But she's probably terrified of being alone and single again so she doesn't actu…
/r/askMRP10/11/17 06:33 PM
2

Exactly. She wants change but doesn't want to be at all vulnerable to communicate feelings so she avoids confrontation, writes a letter, then sort of dances around pulling the trigger because she can't communicate but she still wants changes as if she had, now she is getting close to burning it down because she'd rather not face her own part of the problem but will instead ultimately blame him.
/r/askMRP10/11/17 06:17 PM
1

You wouldn't need to. You could just start laughing at it mid convo. The more seriously you take the question, the more you feed into her hamstering over it.
/r/askMRP10/11/17 05:26 PM
2

Not a lot of back story as to what caused her to disengage sexually your first year of marriage. What's the story there?
/r/askMRP10/11/17 03:27 PM
1

I understand why you're putting her graduation as a milestone date for action, but honestly, why spend the time battling your disgust with your wife while trying to improve and her being the only outlet for sex? Not that you have to execute next week, but consider that at this point, due to your legitimate feelings about your wife, she will essentially be a parachute on your progress. She is part of the past at this point. As strange and unusual and hurtful it will be to break off the pattern of…
/r/askMRP10/11/17 02:57 AM
1

That sounds like a solid plan of action you can follow while retaining some dignity. There is a danger in re-normalizing to a dysfunctional dynamic over that span of time but I hope we see you here more often as you develop and implement your map. Just know that the effect of dysfunction without divorce can be as bad or worse. It's not as straight line of an issue as many studies paint since they often don't get into causation or the mechanics of negative outcomes. Just the stats. There are many…
/r/askMRP09/11/17 08:16 PM
1

Agreed. Although that feels different than needing to believe an omnipotent power is or can impose order in the world in order for someone to deal with the world. I suppose you may mean more of the link of "things happened for a purpose even if I don't understand it" sentiment. As opposed to needing purpose in your life to feel happy or accomplished or just relevant at all.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/17 04:26 PM
2

Agree whole heartedly. This may not have been that moment, but that moment is what he needs to be looking for.
/r/askMRP09/11/17 03:57 PM
1

Keep rationalizing that fear so you don't have to act. You know why most men don't? Because they're too fucking afraid. The difference is understanding that both paths are hard so stop worrying about it and have a little fucking faith in yourself that you'll do what you need to do if you're single again. You don't even seem to understand why you're getting lambasted here. You've already admitted that what you want is impossible, so that's not a real desire. You haven't given a single answer to h…
/r/askMRP09/11/17 02:50 AM
1

What part of "divorce is not the end of the relationship with your daughter" do you not fucking get. She is old enough to understand why the divorce is happening, how to make sense of it and is more than sophisticated enough to get it. Stop using her as an excuse. You know the real reason is because you're just afraid to "start over" as if that's even real. But this gives you a little heroic self deception because deep down you know you're just a cuck that will accept even more cuckolding later …
/r/askMRP08/11/17 10:04 PM
1

That would be my answer. More because of what I've learned about myself than her. High quality woman but there are some connections missing that I've since learned were totally okay to be deal breakers but unfortunately, I had not fully shed BP guilt about which is particularly frustrating to me because I had shed most of my BP conditioning on my own at that point, but apparently not about marriage. Marriage, I didn't even realize I had the wrong perspective until the child came. Oh well, now I …
/r/askMRP08/11/17 09:53 PM
1

The fear of an unordered world is too great for most people, ESPECIALLY devout, to accept being taught otherwise no matter if it's a priest or other. The more enlightened of the religious understand that there is no true conflict between the big bang and evolution and god. The only time there is a conflict is when people are too blind to realize the lessons in the bible are archetypal and symbolic. But people love their soaps and dramas and many would rather read the bible as a play or plot whic…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/11/17 07:37 PM
3

Go talk to a lawyer and start drawing up plans of what the reality of the divorce will look like. Not only will it reduce the unknowns that fuck up your decision making process, it will help you figure out what you really want while preparing you for either outcome. Frankly, it's a lot easier to work on your self when you're single and can make your own schedule and live by your own priorities. Your daughter is 15, she can handle the divorce and divorce doesn't mean your relationship with her en…
/r/askMRP08/11/17 04:14 PM
1

You'll get a better result if you offer changes in features that could get done by that timeline and instead of using words like "can't," set expectations instead about pursuing a course leading to likely missing the date. Make sure you can back that up and position your team to follow through with that action, even if you think success is impossible. If crunch gets bad, remind them about your expectations when taking the job and offer your two week's notice and take the financial hit if this jo…
/r/askMRP07/11/17 11:44 PM
1

I see, well if she's already motivated then you just need to keep doing you. She's not gonna jump 110% into a cut and gym routine if she's seen your weight bounce around in the past. What makes this different from previous bounces? Only time and consistency will communicate the reality of the changes. You'll have to work on building up her confidence in using her femininity better but if she is motivated already, then what u/dirty_pr said about this working itself out when you're down to 12% bf …
/r/askMRP07/11/17 09:29 PM
1

More that logical plans and descriptions don't activate emotions. They activate thoughts, logistics, etc... If you want to activate emotions, then communicating by reinforcing a connection or bond is how you deliver the message. That's what kino is. Communicating desire without words which often generates a reciprocal response from your wife. She will start to communicate back physically without your prompting by rubbing her ass up on you when you stand near her, coming for kisses un prompted, g…
/r/askMRP07/11/17 09:25 PM
1

No, you missed the point, the point is not to talk about her body, it's to talk about her desires. You understand that distinction. That will naturally lead to exercise but won't be due to an external pressure or attempt to control her. The only way he will ever generate motivation in her is if she decides to make a goal that is inline with her own desires, then he can lead her there. She is in a defeated state atm. Of course him talking about her body will be counter productive as it will just …
/r/askMRP07/11/17 07:26 PM
2

Your logical plans will only get logical responses. Your logical approach is great if you want a human calculator for a wife. Not so great if you want an emotionally rich sex kitten. You use emotions and feelz to increase her level of desire, not rationality. Sex is not a rational activity. It is emotional and often contradictory. You will not logic your way to the sex you want. Logic is great for financial planning and analyzing yourself and planning for yourself. Learn to not operate like an e…
/r/askMRP07/11/17 05:29 PM
1

Kids and motherdom is a huge blocker for a wife to feel sexy. She doesn't even believe she has that power so you never see it. Getting her away from the kids so you can remind her of your bf/gf dynamic will be part of setting the right conditions for her to experience the change you wish to see. First rule of being able to experience change is first believing you can. I don't think she's there and that's why you never see her enter a motivated state about those items. Dread or no.
/r/askMRP07/11/17 05:24 PM
1

What he's trying to say is that the body is not the major turn-off, her state of mind "I'm not sexy" is the blocker to satisfying sex so he's focused on that even though he thinks the route to that is a physical body change in his wife. Which is where he's making the mistake. His problem is her lack of confidence and inability to view herself as sexy. So the spice isn't there and even if she were a perfect 110lbs but the spice is still missing, the body change in that scenario wouldn't solve his…
/r/askMRP07/11/17 05:19 PM
3

Time to set a boundary, tell her no discussion, no ifs ands or buts, you will no longer accept manipulating behaviors tied to sex nor weeks of silent treatment. Hard boundary. Don't be mad, don't yell, be quiet, direct, have her confirm your words back to you out loud. This is not a game. The "my wife..." device is fantastic in these kinds of situations. Gets the message across without being a direct threat. Ie... "MY wife doesn't act like [x]" If she questions your seriousness, you just broken …
/r/askMRP07/11/17 01:05 AM
2

You don't reduce their influence by attacking them, their values or their social relevance. That's how women fight with each other. Like others have said, you just lead by example. If you have to or want to have conversations about the effect her friends have on her, then you talk about what she wants, how she feels and help her to have her own mind. You make that bond a sort of "secret" dynamic that only you two have and you attempt to lead her to more confidently express her own desires withou…
/r/askMRP06/11/17 03:34 PM
2

Good luck if using the stick is the only way you know how to modify your employee's behavior. Many of the utmost worst leaders of businesses I've encountered have all worked in medical fields. Absolutely no concept of leadership because they've fed their ego for years and think their medical school training somehow equips them to run a business or makes their viewpoints on non-medical subjects superior. This is especially true in dentistry. I'm presuming this business is a medical office of some…
/r/askMRP06/11/17 03:19 PM
4

I don't know why anyone ever agrees to a separation. You just gave up your ability to influence your wife while giving an implicit green light to strange. Just do the divorce or you stay in your house and you work towards what you want while shedding your own dead weight. One or the other. Can't believe you let this shit go on for 6 months. Shotgun blast to your foot man. The fact you're still using language that implies you need tricks to control her shows just how much time you've wasted while…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/17 07:56 PM
3

She will come around once other aspects come around. When she comes to a place where she wants to please you, feels guilty when she doesn't then "discovering" these aspects of her sexuality will become exciting to her. From her perspective, this will be part of the "journey" she's on with you in which she "discovers new things" about herself and it all becomes part of the play in the relationship. You have to remember she isn't consciously thinking about rougher sex and deciding "nah, not with h…
/r/askMRP04/11/17 03:20 PM
1

Yeah, same here, wife often opts to be solo and cherishes that time away from people to just be her and do her thing. That independence is one of the most attractive things about her to me.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/17 03:32 PM
2

Agreed. He needs the righteousness more than he wants the truth.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/17 02:25 PM
1

Could have been a garden gnome chad, risen from the earth to stalk wives from husband's unsuspecting back yards.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/17 02:24 PM
1

Don't think he's getting gas lighted, he's just paranoid. Read his previous posts, he has no solid reason to suspect anything beyond his self reinforcing suspicions that conveniently bypass all his failures to lead and drop the butthurt. He doesn't want an answer, he wants the motivation from his anger to stay resolved on divorce. Her behavior is equally well described by being married to a butthurt and resentful man. Perhaps he has legit reasons to feel resentful but all his stories about evide…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/17 02:21 PM
2

He wants the resentment and anger to fuel his resolve.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/17 02:10 PM
2

Child of divorce, just didn't care one way or the other, I was already fiercely independent at 8, unusually mature emotionally for my age. Had my father not passed soon after, I likely would have opted to live with him when I got older. Like others have said, divorce doesn't mean your relationship with you boy disappears. It may get stronger. Talk to a lawyer, be smart and measured about how you move forward. Lawyer may also have suggestions on research for effects of divorce on children. Cheati…
/r/askMRP02/11/17 07:54 PM
1

It's always a good rule to write as if you would expect to be read in public. Tends to sharpen your thinking.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/11/17 06:39 PM
2

Yep, ain't one way to do it and if a strange new idea frightens some people off into /realalpha, well, they were never gonna make it anyway since they still need their security box and dictated morality. It would be too scary for them to become their own judge and work it out for themselves.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/11/17 06:36 PM
2

Your real problem is that you have a deep insecurity (could be valid, could be something else) and this situation is popping up because it is symbolic of some other crisis of trust you have internally. It's not really about that one situation. Sounds like you have a problem with trusting her, or generally putting your trust in others and it may be that the presence of children are finally making it rear its head in an unavoidable manner. It's cliche, but considering what you said about your mom,…
/r/askMRP01/11/17 07:14 PM
1

Not over text though. In person.
/r/askMRP01/11/17 01:48 AM
1

She doesn't fuck you because through your actions, you communicate that you don't believe you're worthy. Your texting shows that you don't believe it was ok to do what you needed to do for yourself. You then paint yourself as the victim in your last two txts. Why would she want to fuck a man who can be victimized from her texting alone? There's nothing sexy in that. Get it our of your head that you are stoic. You are not stoic. You have not internalized what it means to be stoic. You highlight y…
/r/askMRP01/11/17 01:43 AM
2

DEERing isn't one of those exceptions.
/r/askMRP01/11/17 01:25 AM
2

Winning this game is like winning the homo flinch game. Victory might be fucking a dude in the ass to prove your the bigger man that didn't flinch, but that victory's gonna taste like shit once the game's over. Don't lose the forest for the trees. Your situation is very recoverable but you can't get your way to a happy existence without engagement. If you give her nothing t have positive feedback off of, she will feel nothing but misery and loneliness. So divorce is inevitable so long as you are…
/r/askMRP31/10/17 07:37 PM
1

Sounds about right.
/r/askMRP26/10/17 03:08 PM
1

It doesn't matter anyway, you already have all the go signals from her you need to settle the SMV issue. Your internal drama is uninspiring to the pussy. It'll be in your body and she'll read it. You need to focus on the intangibles like leadership and game because that's where your weaknesses lie that prevent you from getting her best. It aint' a straight line there.
/r/askMRP26/10/17 02:23 AM
1

lol, that graph.
/r/askMRP26/10/17 02:10 AM
1

You're misdiagnosing the root of not getting the sex you want. There are other things you're not addressing outside of physical appearance that is your parachute there. SMV is a prereq, it's not the be all end all of getting the sex you want. Figure out what you're not doing right and then you can stop obsessing over relative SMV. I'm assuming you've read SGM.
/r/askMRP25/10/17 07:56 PM
1

I see, reading your other comments, the issue seems to be accepting your changes internally. I didn't get that form the post, but it seems more like you're in disbelief of yourself. Nothing can pull that rug out from under you but you, so if you start to accept the changes and begin to view yourself as you are now instead of who you used to be, that dissonance should start to fade. Sounds like you're struggling to accept the new identity (or let the old one go). Having a bit more confidence in y…
/r/askMRP25/10/17 04:08 PM
1

What's your mission and purpose? This is a fundamental aspect of being your own point of origin. If you don't have a mission or a purpose or some other kind of long term goal that fits into your mission, you will be missing something you can use internally to gauge your success or failure as well as an identity. Absent that, it will be easier to succumb to external inputs to your personal value. In the end, it doesn't really matter why they sleep with you, you were thrown two positives in your e…
/r/askMRP25/10/17 03:20 PM
2

His ego and narcissism wouldn't be able to handle MRP. He wouldn't be able to ditch the parts of his identity he'd need to in order to accept the responsibility he must to identify his failures.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/17 04:58 PM
1

He did not get acceptance or permission, she is just emotionally exhausted. The sex is hysterical bonding and it doesn't last. Wait for some more updates before you get too interested in the outcome. This is gonna blow up. We'll hear all about it I'm sure since he's looking for play by play advice.
/r/askMRP22/10/17 10:52 PM
3

What OP is leaving out is that he has a side-chick already and has for 8 months and he's still talking like "if I do" to his LTR, I guess to somehow butter her up for a full disclosure at some point? We'll get an update soon about how he got her suspicions up and she found his side chick and then everything goes nuclear because of this lie he's maintaining. He's not capable of plating, he's too guilty and he also doesn't have enough balls to drop the hammer and just let it be how it is. He's try…
/r/askMRP22/10/17 06:58 PM
1

There's a sub for that guys. /R/Realalpha. Didn't you hear? Backed by science and morals.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/17 04:05 PM
1

lol, jesus man, pertinent detail? Just break it off then. This is such a pointlessly elaborate self sabotage. Did you really have any doubt how she'd react? I'm thinking not so much now. You're just afraid to own your behavior and lose the LTR but obviously you're so guilty you can't STFU about it anymore. Sounds like you want to get caught because of your conscience. If you were going to bring the subject up, you should have just leveled with her and told her this is how it's going to be with y…
/r/askMRP20/10/17 05:42 PM
1

lol, I was doing the same thing.
/r/askMRP20/10/17 05:25 PM
2

Just take responsibility for bringing up a hard subject before your mind was clear on it. Don't apologize for speaking your mind but you should also indicate it wasn't a punishment and you weren't trying to hurt her but it is something you've been thinking about. You're kind of forced to divulge more of your thoughts now because you opened up the topic pretty sloppily and have to repair things. Basically you damaged trust for no good reason so now you're gonna have a string of comfort for a long…
/r/askMRP20/10/17 03:08 PM
1

Oh, those are just nervousness at seeing you change, pressure she inherently feels to step up and match your improvements (depending on what the SMV split is between you two). This could just be as basic as discomfort with the status quo shifting and she'll rationalize it to any number of things, but all those cues you just mentioned are the usual and normal "you're acting different and I can't explain why so I'm nervous." If that's the case, it's not worth any energy on your part, she'll get wi…
/r/askMRP19/10/17 08:52 PM
1

Gotcha. Yep, accepting responsibility is not the same as apologizing.
/r/askMRP19/10/17 08:48 PM
1

That could be, the most devout christians I have known have always had a high sensitivity and aversion to conflict that often got in the way of viewing conflicts objectively, ie... retreating and finding reasons to remain gentle even in the face of people acting in bad faith. It does seem like an irrational response. I do agree with some of the posters here that game playing instead of a firm "move along" or standard pua AMOG neutralization would have been the better play. But her reaction is st…
/r/askMRP19/10/17 08:19 PM
1

By living a life that is congruent with your deep truths and world view while pursuing your mission / purpose. The Way of The Superior Man has some good language in it to that effect. basically your source of self worth is going to be wrapped up in what your greater purpose in life is. That could be a cause, it could be some other kind of meaningful achievement that is important to you. The important thing there is that the goal or mission is internally derived from your own desires and interest…
/r/askMRP19/10/17 07:18 PM
1

Sounds like what you thought was abundance before was actually a source of validation. So now that the validation is gone, you're feeling the lack of an internalized frame, ie... you are your point of origin (or in this case , are not). The fact that you can objectively place your smv that high and yet feel a lack of abundance security makes me think it is actually a validation issue which is not uncommon for attractive people. You can be confident in any number of ways and still be sourcing val…
/r/askMRP19/10/17 07:11 PM
1

That's a recipe for disaster if it's a true grievance. You have to crack those open and get to the bottom of the conflict so that it's been aired out. THEN you can shut it down because all the communication has already happened and now it just becomes a pointless conflict. But until you air that shit out, the more you try to ignore it, sidestep it or otherwise shut it down, the more power it accumulates. Obviously if it's just general bitchiness or pettiness, there's nothing to "get to the botto…
/r/askMRP19/10/17 05:49 PM
2

There's too many details left out to make any sense of the situation as you describe it right now. This is symbolic of something to your wife, is she just overly sensitive to confrontation? Is there some history she has with a bad ex or something? There's a giant hole in this story.
/r/askMRP19/10/17 05:43 PM
1

You now have my permission to fuck your crush. Did that fix it?
/r/askMRP19/10/17 05:00 PM
1

If your going to delay having a kid, personally, one of the better reasons is so you can do traveling and hit a bunch of goals like that you and your SO want to do together. Once the kiddo is there, traveling gets a lot harder. You can make it happen, but it's just never the same until the kid is old enough you can leave for a week without 'em. Timing, career wise, it will never be a good time. Just do it and then do what you have to.
/r/askMRP19/10/17 01:40 PM
9

He's scared of getting into a relationship and scared to get out of one. Don't waste your time guys. He's not reading shit or doing any work at all. Just outsourcing his problems.
/r/askMRP19/10/17 01:36 PM
2

You talked before you really figured out what you want. This is why you're in a shithole of a mess now. You weren't ready to break up with her so now you're just dragging both of you through some shit because you weren't actually prepared, you were just rushing the talk to try and make your bad feelings go away. Figure out what you really want and then stick to it. One way or the other. If you don't clearly know what you want, just STFU until you do. Otherwise it's just some emotional vomit. Kno…
/r/askMRP19/10/17 12:26 PM
2

Whatever it is, it's not really about the family. Life's gonna be a lot easier if you just drill down and give it some daylight. Don't get defensive, you're already displaying signs of defensiveness. This is a leadership test, not a fight about who's right or wrong. If you get tangled up in right/wrong arguments you'll just ratchet everything up tighter. Gotta kill the ego to get past the arguments. It's obvious you don't want divorce.
/r/askMRP19/10/17 04:34 AM
1

She said I'm too flirty. Probably my fault for reading up on Dread Game lol. I am flirty and need to turn off some of the tactics when I'm with the wife around other women. Owned my shit, agreed that a couple times I was disrespectful. You really cocked that one up. You tried to act cocky and then DEER'd at the end. You don't capitulate. This is where you AM and double down on your flirt. End with some kino or a kiss or a grab ass and continue on. This is the textbook response to beginning dread…
/r/askMRP19/10/17 02:59 AM
2

Using humor during a serious topic demonstrates insecurity or a complete lack of engagement in the relationship but still not man enough to pull the trigger. So you're either pathetic, or an asshole without any balls. Either way, it's not a good fit. Be decisive about what you want. Bostons advice up top about how to frame your position is correct.
/r/askMRP19/10/17 02:31 AM
2

Agreed
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/17 02:06 AM
3

I agree with that. Same reasons.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/17 02:05 AM
1

Gotcha
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/17 02:01 AM
1

I read a comment from him over there that he was banned. I don't know all the particulars. I didn't usually agree with his MRP posts, think they read too much like he was still building a mental model and "thinking out loud." But his comments on other people's threads were usually decent, from what I can remember, but most especially I learned a lot from his advice on divorce proceedings and also his anecdotes about his practice and the industry in general. I felt like those comments were always…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/17 08:34 PM
1

Identity shift, fulfillment of biological imperative, new role, permanent hormone changes. Essentially they have very good reasons to become self centered after their first child and when men forget they still have to exist as if they were single, they lose their power to pull their wives out of their sole identity as mother. It's not that we forget their roles as wife and gf, it's that we forget and allow ourselves to be blunted by the false security of marriage or an LTR.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/17 08:23 PM
1

If you mean pedastalizing, absolutely. But being a good mother still seems worthy of special status. They don't seem mutually exclusive to me, if we're going to stick with the congruency of roles structure here (ie... woman-gf-wife-mother). The birth of children, while common, still strikes me as a process worthy of awe. It's not special. But the process is still pretty awe inspiring for all the complexities that have to go right every time. Maybe I'm just on a tangent. That feels more complete …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/17 08:18 PM
1

We don't, they do. For good reason.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/17 08:08 PM
1

Wanted to reinforce what you said about a stream of pump and dumps sending her back to him is a very plausible scenario. Especially if he had her locked down during her early 20s. Well, presumably.
/r/askMRP18/10/17 07:08 PM
1

Agreed. I'll miss redcurious on threads with divorce advice. He offered a lot of hard knowledge in those comments.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/17 06:10 PM
1

Yep, where's their pool of wisdom going to come from now? Same sources as here but with a less experienced membership? Gl with that. Short sighted action setting up that sub. Did not think through the responsibility it will bring.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/17 04:56 PM
3

Sorry man, time to kill the puppy and end things with some control or she's gonna do it for you and it's gonna be a lot messier that way. This clock was set 11 years ago when you got married while things were rocky. Too much weakness, insecurity and DEERing sunk the ship. Take what you know now, keep building on it and if you stay consistent you'll be happier than you were 10 years ago. Your changes came too late, she's too fully checked out and excited by a new prospect to ever re-engage fully.…
/r/askMRP18/10/17 03:54 PM
1

His comment about frequency of sex while she was off plus her compliments of how he looks makes me weight the medical as the stronger factor, but no matter if it is, if OP wants sex he'll have to keep improving or decide some day to move on or plate. Seconding confirming and learning more about the medical side before upping dread. Would focus more on kino, opening up her fantasies to generate some tingles and if he has to, overtly tell her what he expects from her to keep him. Presuming he is f…
/r/askMRP18/10/17 01:56 AM
1

Yeah, I look back at that and laugh at my stupidity. That's what you get when you treat this like other default subs. I can empathize with some newbies because there is a lot of sub-text to the cultural rules that can take a while to pick up on fully, but you still have to do the work to pick up on it. This and AskMRP are the only subs I ever bother commenting in anymore.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/10/17 09:13 PM
1

First time I commented in a thread, I was banned, because I violated an endless argument rule with two mods (joke was one me RES wasn't displaying flair). Looked at the rules closer and saw where I went wrong. Msg'd mods about it and got reinstated. Also happened to be a topic on cheating. My experience with mods here has been swift and fair so long as you acknowledge your own part.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/10/17 09:02 PM
1

Exactly. It makes you a weak leader and demonstrates insecurity as well. It's not attractive and there's no reason to go out of your way to identify you as someone that can't be trusted. Both in professional settings and personal relationships. What you really need to do is start studying how to be a better leader. You have to lead her away from her negative behavior. I would want to understand where it is sourced, not that it changes your approach a whole lot, this is the kind of punishment avo…
/r/askMRP17/10/17 05:13 PM
1

Your test is a form of lying, no different from her small lies. Don't use fake tests on people, it doesn't actually get you to the truth and it's a bit of a pathetic manipulation if it's not something that actually matters for you or is a true boundary you have. This is leadership 101 stuff. You use fake tests on people, all you're doing is demonstrating you can't be trusted. It's a negative for both ends of that exchange.
/r/askMRP17/10/17 05:03 PM
2

This is great, I missed this post. Thanks for linking it.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/17 07:34 PM
2

And probably not looking up praxeology when they hear it and don't know what it means. I had to when I heard it first and once I did, it's very clear how that is consistent through all RP thought. There may be a certain level of interest in philosophy or psychology required for this to be self evident I suppose.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/17 07:31 PM
1

They mistook RP to be a philosophy of life instead of the sexual strategy it is and are mad about that and the roasts.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/17 06:52 PM
1

So far, my takeaway from reading several posts over at /r/realalpha/ is that there is/was a lack of understanding sub-text and unspoken rules around when to roast (Also WHY the roasting is important) and when not to. Newbies are also not understanding that individualizing their frame is part of the core fundamental premise of frame. These same people usually make the moral complaints because they are making the mistake of trying to expand RP to cover "The way of life" beyond just a sexual strate…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/17 06:47 PM
4

I love how he's only been in MRP for two months before making that sub. They're still relying on caricatures of MRP positions to make criticisms. Will have a short life so long as that's the case.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/17 05:30 PM
1

Yep. That's insecurity wrapped up in a nice little ego protection blanket. Hope you realize that you're only as vulnerable to others as you make yourself. You have to be your own source of validation and worth. When you are, it doesn't matter of she sleeps around, lies to you, is oddly less AWALT than others, etc... If something violating your trust surfaces, you don't need them for your happiness so you move on, deal with some of the negative emotions bundled in separating and keep going. You c…
/r/askMRP13/10/17 11:52 PM
2

A lot of this depends on how prepared the child is to see an unvarnished reality and lose their sense of wonder by turning their parents into "just people." Not many kids at 9 can handle that. Rarely there are some that can. If you have a kid that acts beyond their age, understands deep emotional or existential issues beyond their age, if they are wise beyond their age and can accept negative information about a parent without falling into a hole of judgment and misidentified feelings of betraya…
/r/askMRP13/10/17 07:03 PM
1

You can also respond with humor ala AA. Absurdist humor rarely fails and when it does, DGAF applies and then double down.
/r/askMRP13/10/17 04:31 PM
1

You really don't have to do any if those things if you don't want to. My mom wants me to fly home every year so she can see my daughter, I don't. I'd rather fly to costa rica and gtfo during xmas in the states. So I do that instead. My mom accepts that I'm going to do what I'm going to do because I never allow a manipulation or guilt trip to influence my actions. Only my desires. She can't change my behavior so she accepts it since there is no other option. This is fine because when I do choose …
/r/askMRP13/10/17 04:26 PM
1

The route out of anger is acceptance. The better you are able to accept the reality of their ways without stewing on thoughts like "it's not right" or "they're contributing to the problem" the less anger you will have. Once you can accept their state of mind and move past struggling or wanting to change it, you will stop feeling anger about it. It is what it is because it's how it is right now. What you can do to change it is lead by example. And the curious ones who get a glimmer that you figur…
/r/askMRP13/10/17 04:21 PM
2

I don't think what we're thinking is actually incompatible but I can't bridge the gap. All good. I don't think you're wrong on any of that, our minds just aren't meeting.
/r/askMRP13/10/17 02:37 AM
1

You're continuing to contradict yourself. Withdrawing time from a checked out spouse is not much of a punishment. It's ineffective and may be a reward if things are bad enough. Withdrawing time from an invested spouse is a punishment. It's effective because they are invested in you and it creates a motivated state via negative emotion. Not sure why that reads as contradictory. Then why didn't you just link to jacktenofhearts post on dread and sexyshoulderdevil's post on verbal intercourse? They'…
/r/askMRP12/10/17 09:32 PM
2

I think not approaching removing time and attention when it is triggered by bad behavior as anything but a form of negative reinforcement is a twist of logic that doesn't bear out with the reality of the action, nor how it is talked about and utilized within RP/MRP. At it's core, it is a manipulation designed to elicit discomfort and negative feelings in the SO as a queue to change her behavior. That's the root of the motivated state you're attempting to induce in your partner by communicating i…
/r/askMRP12/10/17 06:22 PM
1

More about feeding into expectations on what to expect from removing time/attention. Right now, I doubt he'd see the normal results by doing so when she's already checked out. Until there is some investment from her, it's basically a gift to her. He's already taking more time for himself, he's accepting where his failures in the past have been and his eyes are open to them now, he started cutting back on alcohol already (but yes, he does need to cut it out entirely, it's being used as a crutch f…
/r/askMRP12/10/17 03:10 PM
1

Problem with him removing attention and time is that he doesn't have the pull yet for it to have much power. With her being so full of resentment, removing his time and attention will only go so far and likely push her in the opposite direction. It can also backfire when she's extremely angry like this in regards to validating all her rationalizations why HE is 100% of the problem. If he can get her to a point where she is invested enough to improve herself (ie... give up the binge drinking), th…
/r/askMRP12/10/17 02:44 PM
1

I wouldn't phrase it as your baggage, she seems to be the one holding on to old hurts the tightest at the moment. But it can be a source of wisdom for you once you understand it and can internalize it. The captain analogy works well on a lot of levels in MRP, another facet of it that can work is to remove your wife from the equation mentally and put someone in her place that is a subordinate. How would you lead them to grow them into the skills and aptitudes you need from them to own the respons…
/r/askMRP12/10/17 02:38 PM
1

The sex was because her emotions were stirred up. When the emotional seas are choppy, women can tap into their sexuality to greater degrees. Hence the "be fun" mantra as the feels from spontaneity and being taken out on the town can help stir up emotions that lead to a more connected sexuality. Works the same way with minor conflicts. MRP didn't invent make-up sex, but the emotions involved are why make-up sex is always so intense. Wife's gonna lag behind your progress. Sounds like she has a lot…
/r/askMRP12/10/17 03:19 AM
3

I've seen a similar situation. Would not be surprised if there is physical abuse by her he's not talking about. This is about power and security and she has probably seen it work for her in the past. Probably got slapped around in the past too. This is a red line she keeps crossing which OP hasn't seemed to internalize yet. The situation I know of personally has turned out for the better. Partly due to the guy getting some cursory RP education. Used to engage in the histrionics and apologize eve…
/r/askMRP12/10/17 02:04 AM
1

SGM's importance here is only highlight that there is an emotional (ie... stimulating her imagination) component missing from your current dynamic. Your biggest signal was her lack of reaction to rubbing her pussy. That was the hint that you'll get a hard no. I personally wouldn't initiate at that point until I got a warmer reception. That hasn't been an issue for a long time, but if it does happen, it means she's too drained to perform. The rest of the sidebar is where you have to figure out wh…
/r/askMRP11/10/17 08:01 PM
1

Your wife is insecure. She has deep insecurities about something that are being triggered by some element in your life that in her mind is connected to a past event or generalized existential fear. Ie... fear of abandonment as an example of an existential fear. These are not run of the mill shit tests. These are full blown histrionics designed to manipulate or intimidate via emotional bullying. The only approach you can do is set hard boundaries and follow through with removing your time and att…
/r/askMRP11/10/17 07:53 PM
1

Yeah, you'd be surprised. For older people it's probably more akin to a really complex board-game as opposed to the LARP crowd or people around a table literally trying to roleplay. It's more like Troll-Play.
/r/askMRP11/10/17 03:44 PM
2

It'll be fine if he can learn to be his own man and exert some independence over his life. If he has a job that is aligned with his mission, the job should not change due to her. If anything, him working for a promotion and getting busier at work will have nothing but positive outcomes.
/r/askMRP11/10/17 03:31 AM
2

Don't hide the job search, just start doing it if it's good for you to do so. However, I will differ from others here and not advise you look for a new job BECAUSE of her. If you work in games, then there is plenty to be busy with at work to reduce time spent with her. If your pay is good, the future of the company is good and you love your job, don't change it because of a woman. You'll just have to be a bit more creative and at a minimum spend more of your time outside work pursuing interests …
/r/askMRP11/10/17 03:12 AM
1

Wrong focus. You gotta plan activities for YOURSELF first. If your life doesn't have enough meaning that she is excited to be pulled into it, then you're doing yourself a disservice. How is your rapport with other female employees? Do they laugh and touch your arm when you joke with them or flirt? You do flirt right? Do they include you in jokes before meetings start or acknowledge your presence in the room in other ways? ie... Are you demonstrating at work that women enjoy being in your presenc…
/r/askMRP11/10/17 03:05 AM
1

This is where the older age of members in MRP skews them towards old stereotypes heavier than they should. I work in software. I have seen the change in demographics. Availability of cute and even hot girls in nerdy circles has only gone up. There are still plenty of basic bitches out there. There are also more nerds that lift and game women well than 10 years ago as well. Sure the stereotype still holds true for a large majority, but I can also tell you, those neckbeards... You're not gonna fin…
/r/askMRP11/10/17 02:58 AM
2

Google Jordan Peterson and "Self Authoring Program." It's a powerful tool.
/r/askMRP11/10/17 02:51 AM
3

It's not that the book isn't working, you're not understanding how to apply the book and you're obviously not as attractive as you think you are. Not to her anyway. Who knows how much of this supposed 2 year period you pissed away without putting real work in, but if you want something to change, time to get real man. Your wife would get plenty kinky with any reasonably adept strange.
/r/askMRP11/10/17 02:41 AM
1

Yeah, I don't understand why that's weird in your case either. I get the general assumptions on competition/hysterical bonding and the general emotional storm going on increasing sexual tension. But if issues have always stemmed in other areas besides sex then sex would be the one area she might withdraw as a form of punishment or preservation of dignity. ie... "He's gonna cheat on me and nothing happens? He pays no price for it?" Am I missing something?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/10/17 02:27 AM
1

Preservation of dignity?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/10/17 01:40 AM
2

WISNIFG is very important in regards to negative inquiry and fogging as a means to drop your need to defend your value and will lead to better communication. What nobody here can tell you though is whether your boss has any malevolent motivations behind his actions. If so, you do need to look elsewhere or decide you will work to take his position. I would do a serious search for another job and know what's out there and seriously envision the move and a new company before dismissing it as an opt…
/r/askMRP10/10/17 10:14 PM
1

He has to be seeking solutions and have internalized that he has a problem before he even gets that far. Only thing you can do is watch and wait. Every individual has a different point at which they decide they have to change and no external convincing will ever make that happen. It has to come from within first before they will ever receive. Forgot to add that your only influence is being a leader yourself. If you can manifest RP truths in your life to the extent that he expresses he wish he co…
/r/askMRP10/10/17 10:04 PM
1

I get your message and agree in principle, you just haven't found a condensed or distilled way of communicating the idea yet. Hard problem though, there's a lot of universal understanding in the phrase "self improvement" which is why it's such a go-to. Because it is self improvement, but it's atypical in it's application within a RP perspective. It's not self improvement in the usual guru marketed turn of phrase. Anyway, I agree and it's a difficult distinction to distill since on the face of it…
/r/askMRP10/10/17 09:10 PM
2

#3 from her perspective will be some version of "I don't feel emotionally connected" If you have some Rambo anger simmering still, be cognizant that being "Man enough" doesn't = being a "hard mother fucker" enough. Too much alpha will shut down her sexuality in your context of being married just as surely as being a beta faggot dries up that vag. Either end of that spectrum is partly why the tone of challenge in your "that butthole is my next target" line produced something other than tingles. G…
/r/askMRP10/10/17 09:00 PM
2

Anal play is a function of relaxation. The more turned on and comfortable your partner is, the more relaxed her butt will be. There's nothing particularly RP about buttplay. You can use her level of relaxation as a barometer for how turned on she is. If you haven't read SGM, the principle that is king is that sexuality in women is a function of emotion and imagination. Rambo can sometimes be useful in instigating a change and disrupting routine of the relationship. But it will work against you i…
/r/askMRP10/10/17 07:12 PM
1

Yeah, I'm curious whether he will describe this event ultimately as a positive or negative.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/17 06:01 PM
2

Could be that and could also be that he just lost his fear of being caught which led to some carelessness. That's probably a distinction without a difference.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/17 05:30 PM
1

Real easy solution. Start imagining her taking a shit in the women's stall after eating mexican and pretend your standing right above her, taking deep long breaths to calm yourself down at how she's half naked in front of you. On days it's really bad, think about the face she makes when she's pushing hard and then a grocery bag size of heavy soft serve plops in that bowl like a pineapple was just dropped. Continue taking deep breaths.
/r/askMRP07/10/17 11:57 PM
1

Depends on the wife. I shared WISNIFG cause I felt she needed those tools for interviewing. But she didn't finish the book and there's been no mention of MRP ever. She knows I read and consume a lot of psychology lectures and books so it's nothing unordinary. I'm in the recovering alpha territory for what it matters. Never went full beta and she's just not one to shit test or argue. NMMNG is probably a bit riskier of a share. The right default advice is not to share but it really depends on the …
/r/askMRP07/10/17 06:08 PM
2

Probably coincidental or at best a minor feedback effect. TRT without MRP would likely not yield the same increase in awareness. I'm sure there's some effect, but your mindset and new knowledge is likely doing the heavy lifting on your radar. Either that or you're just experiencing higher levels of confidence in hunches you would have previously rationalized away. Regardless, good on you man.
/r/askMRP06/10/17 09:07 PM
1

Just a joke, tone didn't translate to txt.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/17 02:14 AM
2

Just stuff some gym shorts under your pillow. Or at your feet if you're a dirty slob like that. Sleep in ecstatic nakedness all you like.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/17 01:37 AM
11

"Basically separated" Just get the divorce done man. Shit's over. She's deleting txt history and having multiple socials with another man she has raport with. You're in denial. Get prepared and start the process. Sleuth the phone like others mentioned if you need confirmation.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/17 10:54 PM
1

I don't care if you keep them or not and don't attribute anything of significance to holding onto them, but the "enjoying her anger" is more worrisome and is not the correct dynamic to strive for as it's unstable. I get what you're saying, but the language is incorrect. I'll echo what others have stated about the zero-sum attitude. If you're "enjoying" her anger and feeding into a contentious atmosphere, then you're gonna be wasting a lot of time and energy on pointless fighting and constant ego…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/17 08:49 PM
1

Awesome, thanks, I'll check it out.
/r/askMRP05/10/17 06:10 PM
1

That's a terrific insight on the behavior. Also I need to start looking at that blog you linked. Didn't have time to read it fully but the bits I did read were fuckin on point.
/r/askMRP05/10/17 06:07 PM
1

She wanted to see you "fight for her" which is why blowing the passes off pissed her off and then caused her to escalate her bait and encourage the passes. She doesn't have a woman's mind yet, she's still a girl.
/r/askMRP05/10/17 06:02 PM
1

You were too broodish that night to be effective. Gotta get out of your head when external threats present themselves.
/r/askMRP05/10/17 06:00 PM
2

Sounds like your gut is saying no smoke but you have nothing for your rational brain to latch on to as an explanation, so your hamster keeps running cause it hasn't been fed sufficiently. Trust your gut, even if your rational brain doesn't want to accept it. even if it ends up being wrong, you're still better off not obsessing over it. The problem with all the unknown explanations is that they are unknown unknowns but any one of them could potentially resolve all the suspicions. If she showed ab…
/r/askMRP05/10/17 05:59 PM
2

Yep, just wanted to reinforce that message. Often times the most enduring change is change that happened slowly. Quick changes can vanish just as fast. But the slow ones tend to get much deeper ingrained. Consistency is more important than speed.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/17 05:01 PM
2

Keep doing what you're doing, just be more playful about it and don't be so direct about your responses. They're a bit on the nose / autistic atm. Ie... "I like to make you uncomfortable" Vs. "Wait! Shhh... I think she's at the door!" Then laugh and put her down. Kiss her on the cheek and peace out. May also be an attractiveness issue, but the best thing you can do is teach through actions that this is about having fun. Not sex. Which will lead to sex.
/r/askMRP05/10/17 03:40 PM
2

If only... But this is a fantastic post. Lifting certainly can't be ignored. It allows everything else to fall into place.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/17 06:15 AM
1

Yeah, I don't get that. His immediate jump to "going to prison" is weird too, like there's no middle ground or other option. Feels more like a fear of confrontation wrapped up in a fake "I don't play that game" post hoc rationale. If your mate is actively being hunted in front of you, then yeah, shut that down. If you don't have tact or sophistication, when it gets as bad as being physical and disrespected to your face, the potential for looking "bad" is far less of a negative outcome than being…
/r/askMRP04/10/17 08:03 PM
3

Another term for people who recoil immediately the words "self esteem" is your narrative or deep narrative. This is the highest order meta / symbolic story you place yourself within when you conceptualize your life or future life or past life. When you are engaging in these activities you are acting out your narrative in a positive way. We often use these meta-narratives about ourselves to determine when we are succeeding or failing and when your actions start to align with your deep narrative i…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/17 06:57 PM
1

Gas Lighting Gas lighting is basically an attempt to undermine someone's reality in the sense that they will try to make you feel insane for legitimate conclusions or feelings you're having. It's an attempt to constantly keep you in a confused state so that you can't find any purchase or confidence in your own ability to reason or form conclusions. Stupid Example: Your SO keeps turning off a light in another room you turned on, you say out loud, why is this light off? she responds "You keep turn…
/r/askMRP04/10/17 05:34 PM
1

LOL, the mental image I have from that...
/r/askMRP04/10/17 05:24 PM
2

It's the part where you told her what you expected her contribution to be that gave her tingles. I think you're engaging in OYS and not choreplay, but your other comment about shifting to a 70/30 split kind of makes me doubt the OYS assessment a bit. Next time she sends you a flirtatious text, you keep it sexual. Unless your goal is to dry up that vag. Doesn't matter if she's joking, you're not. See the difference?
/r/askMRP04/10/17 04:39 PM
1

For shit you read about or try to put into practice but are getting surprisingly results or you don't understand a concept. It's not for hand holding or play by play advice, especially when basic readings haven't been done. This is not a safe space, culture here is hard and up front and insensitive. By design. So fair warning. To your question, just create a system with your wife on where you will put stuff in her room she needs to sort. Not very complicated and not really a RP problem.
/r/askMRP04/10/17 04:31 PM
1

All of your examples are actually shit tests. A basic barometer is this: If she's trying to change your behavior, it's probably a shit test. ie... it's a manipulation of some sort, usually emotional (in the sense that it is an emotional manipulation like WISIFG talks about, not something nefarious) If she's talking about how your'e making her feel or how she feels about something. It's probably a comfort test. It's important not to just punish but you can't cede to manipulations either. Not only…
/r/askMRP04/10/17 03:45 PM
1

It's fixable, or I should say learning the skillset to change your situation is learnable. Then if her shittiness can't be corrected, you move on and let her have her failure of a relationship with someone else while you continue to improve yours. First rule is that you do not engage. You do not defend yourself, you do not counter argue, you do nothing but disengage and deny any engagement. Even if that means leaving or going to another room and locking her out. You address it the next day and y…
/r/askMRP03/10/17 08:01 PM
1

Lol, they missing the best part.
/r/askMRP03/10/17 07:49 PM
1

Dude, grow up. You got one little sniff of a low effort initiation which means there was more you could have blown to a full flame. If you were a man and maybe understood that. You know who's gonna lose that game of sex chicken right? It's not the camel.
/r/askMRP03/10/17 05:23 AM
0

lol
/r/askMRP03/10/17 04:58 AM
0

Exactly, it's not about them. It's about the officiant. You can't do any real work in a few sessions anyway. The dude's here before he's married, he's way ahead of the curve already. It's a waste of time and money for what? Some kitchy advice? Spend the money where it will have more impact.
/r/askMRP03/10/17 04:53 AM
1

It's non-effective and seems to just make the officiants doing it feel better. No one remembers it a year into the marriage anyway. If you're here, you're getting all the info you need to have both eyes wide open about what marriage is about and what you need to grow into before you have kids. That said, counseling itself is not bullshit and if you get a good one, it's actually quite enjoyable. So if you feel you might benefit form it at some point in the future, no need to shy away from it. But…
/r/askMRP03/10/17 04:50 AM
3

What I've found is that when meditating and allowing the emotions to be examined, the cause tends to float up into realization. But it's like trying to catch water. The harder you try, the harder it scatters. So the mastery element is learning to receive without trying to make it clear. It just becomes clear on it's own eventually. Certainly a good lesson in patience. Another technique is a self inquiry process where you keep asking yourself why you feel what you feel. "Am i mad at the comment" …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/17 08:26 PM
5

If this is true, much of the advice you're getting may be hard to fit because even though there may be very masculine/feminine roles and attitudes within the dynamic of the relationship, there will also be a lot of testosterone in both partners which will have an effect. That's not to say that the basics of OYS and how that ties into leadership won't have the same result, but there will be a lot of AWALT assumptions built into peoples advice that may not get you the best advice you could get. If…
/r/askMRP02/10/17 05:03 PM
4

Nit pick: Slapping her ass is not part of aggression and it shouldn't be. This is a bad association you have probably due to what you implied about fearing you're too aggressive in other areas. Spanking (KINO spank, not a dom level spanking) is a compliment and sign of affection with overtones of dominant behavior. (Not domineering) The reason she doesn't want you to spank her is because like you said, you don't have alpha status with her yet and you're at 20% bodyfat. She doesn't want to feel "…
/r/askMRP02/10/17 03:04 PM
1

Your getting treated like a bitch because you haven't been worth shit to your wife and she returns the favor. You let her get excited by other men while you hunted for an escape and when she got drunk and horny you refused to play with her, even a stranger sees the dysfunction and questions whether you're even together. Then at the end of the night you get butthurt she's not into sex with eeyore. You were about to quit the marriage like a child throwing a tantrum when they hit difficulties with …
/r/askMRP01/10/17 04:19 PM
3

You're doing good, comfort tests aren't a bad thing on their own. Consider that this is also a recent change for her based on what you said about her 180. The comfort tests are reassurance that this is the new normal and maybe fearing some of your old beta nature missing. You're not on thin ice, from my perspective, you have more solid footing under you. Find another night to surprise her with going out for dinner instead of working on the house if you're worried about her feeling she's not a pr…
/r/askMRP30/09/17 01:08 AM
2

Planned date nights are vastly inferior to some spontaneity. If you schedule everything about life it leaves too little to the imagination.
/r/askMRP30/09/17 01:04 AM
2

Your goals sound a little overly broad to me to be a useful tool. Try picking some smaller more focused things to accomplish and measure your success by them and then adding new goals as you feel good about hitting those focused smaller ones. You'd be surprised what you can build over the course of a couple months that way. Your larger goals are correct, but in reading your post it felt like you're swimming around inside them rather than getting focused. The best way out of the anger phase is ac…
/r/askMRP29/09/17 11:06 PM
6

He's too afraid to leave. He desperately wants to believe her and his religiosity is going to feed into a redemptive narrative he wants to apply to his relationship. I notice his UN is deleted again. Wonder what will turn up from that. He doesn't understand yet what trickle truth means either.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/17 08:55 PM
3

I lost my wedding ring, it was a good time to tell her it's a waste of money replacing it and never wore a ring again after that. She loves hers and still wears it.
/r/askMRP29/09/17 04:51 PM
5

Yep, there are times when I do an about face and leave. Or I add a gesture like raising my index finger and pointing at her with a head tilt. But it's an overt communication about her bad behavior of the moment and my displeasure about it. It is never some "I have cool shit to do, that's all." (Even if I do) It's a reinforcement of "I told you this behavior is unacceptable. You decide which is more important to you." Of course, if I wasn't enjoyable to be around and she didn't have fuzzies from …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/17 04:47 PM
1

Yeah, my dynamic/marriage is very similar to that. Wife doesn't like drama, doesn't do it, doesn't get involved with it with friends and doesn't respond as well to manufactured. She just needs to get out together, even if it's just a minor shopping, needs to not be a STAHM for more than a cpl days a week, things like that hits all the feelz buttons for her. I manufacture some drama every once in a while to stir things up, but it doesn't really produce results the same way with her. Had other gf'…
/r/askMRP29/09/17 04:01 PM
3

Starting to cut out the complaining and only talking about the good things that happen at work will start to make a difference on it's own. Then start picking up more leadership around the house by not overly discussing plans, just say "this weekend we'll take the kids to the zoo in the morning." Etc... you could spend a month alone with backing off negative work details, etc... Hardest part of the new changes is not letting your ego or sense of impatience rush yourself through the changes, or t…
/r/askMRP29/09/17 03:34 PM
2

Yep, respect doesn't exist there + too much routine/boredom.
/r/askMRP29/09/17 03:32 AM
2

Doesn't have to be fake, just play up a small one. Make a small problem a bit more intense if things are too routine/coasting. That need won't change even if you swap another woman in. You don't have many options if you're unwilling to introduce any excitement. Otherwise, suck it up and find another way to break up routine if it's so distasteful to you. Not fighting doesn't = well balanced.
/r/askMRP29/09/17 03:25 AM
2

I think you're right for the majority of women. Some women are a lot more cognizant of what they're doing than others. I've seen some that know exactly what they're doing when they shit test and others that are just on emotional auto pilot (usually a wreck of insecurity). And some (rare) that catch them and refrain. It's still an exception to the general rule though which is the first assumption any dude should make until proven otherwise. I could be wrong and it could be like you say, I just se…
/r/askMRP29/09/17 01:12 AM
3

See the thread underneath my other response for a prime example. Sometimes it is just the dude not letting go of a unicorn ideal he thought he had, but sometimes women just don't epitomize an aspect of AWALT. People are complex and varied and dynamic. It's why Rollo always has to repeat that he's not a dictionary and his work isn't a manual. Doesn't make AWALT wrong as an observation about common behavior, it's just not a bible to be taken literally if you have tested it against your wife and fo…
/r/askMRP28/09/17 08:19 PM
1

Nah, that happens, it's not sustainable though as a primary tool. She has some trouble embracing submissive acts in some areas but not others and most of the work revolves around that. More of a sexuality comfort level thing with her. Used to have laziness problems with responsibilities that were split but those vanished a few months ago. Progress is good, kink factor steadily climbs, process is going well.
/r/askMRP28/09/17 08:09 PM
1

She's not a unicorn and I don't get shit tested. These things aren't mutually exclusive. There are deficiencies in other areas. But shit tests aren't a problem in my dynamic. In fact, I would prefer there were some. And no, I'm not a drunk captain and no she's not checked out. People vary widely.
/r/askMRP28/09/17 07:01 PM
2

Same, issues are centered in different areas. Never get shit tested. Never experience histrionics. She does not try to control me. Many AWALT aspects do not apply to her very well. Just reinforces that MRP is a way to think or view the world, but every man has to individualize it to their situation/dynamic and their desires.
/r/askMRP28/09/17 06:35 PM
1

Some women just don't rely on shit tests to form their opinions of fitness of their mate. Doesn't mean they don't happen occasionally, but it likely has more to do with their levels of independence, their world view and emotional maturity. Even a "great wife" married to the wrong man will exhibit all the classic problems we see here. It's not about the wife. It has to be reminded all the time, but AWALT is a distillation, it deals with women at the level of population. It doesn't break down to t…
/r/askMRP28/09/17 06:32 PM
1

If it's respect issues then AM and AA probably aren't appropriate and you may be misdiagnosing respect problems as shit tests. There's a similarity there and I'm sure there are legit shit tests in the mix, but respect problems are solved by focusing on 3 major variables. Setting clear boundaries about her behavior and her understanding that they demonstrate a lack of respect. Consistently punishing transgressions (make sure you have clearly outlined and defined the problematic behavior / boundar…
/r/askMRP28/09/17 05:41 PM
1

Gotta give examples of the never ending shit tests or nobody's gonna know which way your problem's swinging.
/r/askMRP28/09/17 05:15 PM
1

That's not always the explanation. Some women just don't do that shit because they're self aware enough to view it as childish behavior. They choose to handle problems in other manners. Yes, they exist. OP's case? I dunno. Maybe she's a cunt AND doesn't trust his resolve. But apathy is not the immediate explanation with higher quality women we often characterize it as even though given the context here with repetitive narratives of new dudes, we do see that more frequently. Posting for the benef…
/r/askMRP28/09/17 05:14 PM
1

You gotta have more respect for yourself. You clearly don't and she sees that and she'll take all your comfort and then go do what she wants and blame the alcohol later like she has no responsibility, you'll feel bad about looking out for your own interests and fall right in line with her faux victim mentality and she'll continue to have her cake and eat it too. You set the boundaries to what you're willing to put up with. If she violates them, she is punished or next'd. Period. Sounds like this…
/r/askMRP28/09/17 03:11 PM
2

Most men are poly amorous creatures. Part of RP is acknowledging what you want and accepting that nature about yourself and then DECIDING how best to fulfill that path for yourself. You should know that if you're well read. That theme is present in a number of the readings. So go start fucking other girls and try to find a way to balance that with your marriage, if you can square the two internally, or be ready to give it up in pursuit of making yourself happy. You have to either want to decide …
/r/askMRP28/09/17 02:19 AM
1

She doesn't want to be making those decisions man. C'mon, sidebar.
/r/askMRP27/09/17 10:59 PM
1

If that's the goal, then better get your opsec tight or forego until better separated. If your only plan is working overtime, your probably better off not feeding her intractability.
/r/askMRP27/09/17 10:22 PM
6

Alright, I'll presume that wasn't a troll question. I don't know how you can even seriously consider that. She is not your wife anymore, she is malicious and out to damage you in ways you could potentially never recover from. Why would you even entertain the idea? She has effectively severed any bond of trust. This is far worse than cheating. She is nothing but a black hole of despair for you. Get her out of your life and protect your family. You think you are the only person she will direct thi…
/r/askMRP27/09/17 03:28 PM
1

trollolol
/r/askMRP27/09/17 02:43 PM
1

agreed, if it's not a troll, gonna be a shitty year ahead.
/r/askMRP27/09/17 02:37 PM
1

Time to lawyer up, your wife is a grade-a sociopath and has no problems manipulating her autistic daughter to meet her ends and make herself look good. You are likely now in a position where you need to protect your children from an oedipal mother. Start calling lawyers now and taking pictures for evidence. Do not treat this as anything less than a serious attack from a deranged and malicious individual who will ruin your life without remorse. Seriously. Lawyer up now. Do it quietly and discuss …
/r/askMRP27/09/17 02:24 PM
1

Oof, yeah, I can't even do DL or BS anymore due to a degenerative disc. Tried the yoke last week and it put me in spasms for 4 days even though the 175 was nothing. I could have ran with it but it still causes everything from glutes to hip flexors to lock up and freak out. That's great that you're able to still do it.
/r/askMRP27/09/17 03:59 AM
8

This is similar to the STFU rule. It's the beginning strategy, you can unwind it to other areas if you feel it is an improvement to the dynamic. Just don't gush over txt, don't write diatribes, don't engage on any argument, don't do anything serious over txt. Go ahead and flirt. Every once in a while give her a treat of engagement if it's coming from an independent place and not some sense if fear or eagerness to please or other faggoty mental shit. With my wife, I have a balance that works well…
/r/askMRP27/09/17 12:10 AM
1

So what's your strategy if she tried to walk on the mortgage?
/r/askMRP27/09/17 12:01 AM
1

Odd that your squat is so much higher than your DL, why is that?
/r/askMRP27/09/17 12:00 AM
1

Your update adds much needed information for others to be useful to you. Glad you added it.
/r/askMRP26/09/17 08:22 PM
0

Just state the truth of how you feel without getting bent out of shape. "What do you think!? I like it." "You look like a little boy to me, but you do you." Then just spend less time with her on average if it is really producing a disgust response. If she gets mad about it you just broken record it... "You know I don't like short hair, it's unattractive, you do what you want." Why would you spend time with someone you regard as unattractive? She can do whatever she wants and you are operating fr…
/r/askMRP26/09/17 06:50 PM
1

Lol, I like this approach the best. The real test is if OP can handle her doing what she wants to do after he says no in whatever manner he chooses.
/r/askMRP26/09/17 06:45 PM
1

Get your head straight OP before you launch yourself into some course of action you can't unfuck. Your story makes no sense. Txt doesn't eat data, txt traffic without context doesn't mean shit. How hilarious would it be if you're on the moon with apoplectic rage and you find out they're txting about a birthday gift for you. To give you an example of how your presumptions can go. Either update your post with some real information or take a breath and get some counseling to deal with your emotiona…
/r/askMRP26/09/17 06:40 PM
1

Don't think your issue is butthurt, it was the mistake of not using a quiet command to take leadership from your wife on an issue of importance to you. She could not have understood the symbolic nature it held to you in that moment. Another way of putting it is that your irritation commanded your attention instead of you calmly commanding theirs. It is likely your failure express your will that your son sit and finish as a matter of principle that is the actual source of your anger afterwards. T…
/r/askMRP26/09/17 03:49 AM
1

So stock up on frozen milk so she can go drink. Doesn't have to be with your friends either, take her out to dinner or go do some shopping together. She wants quality time, the activity is somewhat irrelevant.
/r/askMRP25/09/17 05:51 PM
2

If he were hot enough he never would have married that woman in the first place. I have a feeling she chose him, not the other way around.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/17 03:30 PM
5

DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH HER. You think shit's bad now? fucking hell... It hasn't even started. You think you would have chosen to marry her if you had your shit together and options on the table? I bet not. Forget about her complaints. At least you know now to stop trying to fix her shit (Which is probably fake half the time). Work on you, cut the cord before more assets are on the table and when you have your shit together years from now, maybe consider marrying and having children then with a…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/17 01:56 AM
1

Dread + Trauma + Performance anxiety/guilt = your situation. Likely would not have surfaced this way if you hadn't improved. That increased sense of value multiplies her anxiety/guilt. If you punish her for it, guaranteed you'll be back here talking about how things took 3 steps backwards and now you're climbing out of a hole you created. She's already motivated to please, just keep being awesome and try to maintain a patient attitude and gently push the envelope when you can. Dunno how open she…
/r/askMRP24/09/17 03:42 PM
3

Yeah, that name doesn't bring a story to mind, I found MRP like 4 months ago (maybe 5?) so I likely did miss it. My hope is he at least realizes he needs counseling to get his head straight before he can really apply RP concepts in an integrated manner. Sounds like he's too far under water to do it alone.
/r/askMRP24/09/17 02:04 PM
1

You operated from a place of insecurity in attempting to take control of the car so you exuded weakness instead of confidence. You lost control of your emotions in public with your family (if you're going to break down, leave the public eye for it and figure it out later in counseling). Your power play with the car makes you look pathetic and weak to your wife and your kids. Control yourself before you try to control others. Then you need to learn you can't control anyone else no matter what you…
/r/askMRP24/09/17 12:28 PM
3

"It's my face and I like the beard. It stays." Regarding power struggle: "If that's how you want to act then think hard about the kind of relationships you want in life. I'm not playing that game." Then withdraw time/attention as necessary. Go out solo if she wants to play power games. Don't get mad, just firmly repeat you're not going to play this game. Either she acts like an adult and gets over it or you do your own thing without her. If she tries to weaponize sex, you only have one option an…
/r/askMRP22/09/17 02:09 PM
1

That would be a post hoc rationalization due to the man operating without owning his shit and being unreliable. If a woman feels supported and attached to a rock, they don't care how it got that way. What you're describing is an ego invested view of the process but women generally do not think that way. They will be more likely to develop a conspiracy or use it in the middle of a fight against a dude ("This isn't you, it's just some internet shit you picked up"), but the correct course is no dif…
/r/askMRP22/09/17 01:19 AM
3

MMSLP should be next on your list. Back off for a while if initiating is consuming your attention, continue to work on kino and teasing. Gym should be one of your top priorities. Reading next. Applying what you learn third. Apply more as you make progress with your body and your reading. I would finish the entire sidebar before going 100%. While you're reading just focus on analyzing behavior so you can catch shit tests, etc... Work on remaining unfazed through tension and keep working your stat…
/r/askMRP21/09/17 10:36 PM
1

I stole the term from /u/hystericalbonding where he TLDR'd it better in a past thread. I also internalize it as working a lever vs. drawing something in. But push/pull is still the best distillation of the dynamics at play.
/r/askMRP21/09/17 07:22 PM
1

I see those things as being different tools aimed at attractiveness, but they won't break down any sexual barriers or issues of repression. In order to do that, she needs to be progressively pushed out of her comfort zone and also want to be in that place as part of being with her man. So that's the push/pull dynamic. As an example... Kino/flirting is part of the pull. Telling her to describe her fantasies in detail is part of the push. Lifting to get a great body is part of the pull Removing at…
/r/askMRP21/09/17 06:01 PM
1

Sounds like an overly complex strategy to me because I think in your situation it's probably more about adjusting the tone of conversation in the household than any one specific item. That just has to be consistent over a good period of time to start to take hold. Really the key is getting her to participate in it somehow. That's the difference between a flirt or kino vs. a game. In order to participate she has to engage with her sexuality and whatever the means to get there, that's the real goa…
/r/askMRP21/09/17 05:56 PM
5

Yeah, it's a great example of owning and acknowledging your darkness becomes a source of power. Ie... The greater your physical power grows, the less likely you are to use it or need to use it. Same effect here. By embracing the fact that you might be perceived as an asshole, but going after what you want regardless, you're more likely to get what you want. Which technically doesn't make you an asshole. And that's where people get hung up on the language but not necessarily the concept.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/17 05:18 PM
1

It's getting bogged down in language because not being afraid of being perceived as an asshole is not the same thing as being an asshole. Hence the necessary caveat at the top of this thread from hystericalbonding. Being an asshole is not really the point, not fearing her emotions is.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/17 05:08 PM
1

The effect isn't that pronounced. Women don't have the same ego invested view as men. If things are so bad that exposure to RP results in a pseudo cuckolding effect, then that's a relationship that should probably die and is likely a low quality woman to boot. Regardless, the behaviors an RP man is working on are still valid and effective. The important part is that it doesn't matter what she thinks. Even if she loses respect, it doesn't matter. That's her problem. If a man buckles under that em…
/r/askMRP21/09/17 03:28 PM
2

Completely agree. An intuited framework is never as useful as a more fully described system.
/r/askMRP21/09/17 03:23 PM
1

I've had luck with DBT/CBT therapists rooted in existential. Ecclectic is also a good thing to look for since it means they use multiple schools of thought for treatment. What you want to avoid are therapists using the Gottman method. That's the "talking about feelings" method that's heavily feminized. I found an RP aware male counselor and also a female sex therapist that was very into stoicism, also was cbt/existential. The nice thing about CBT/DBT is that they're strategy/solution focused so …
/r/askMRP21/09/17 03:21 PM
1

Same. Probably more useful for OP to think about his approach if "discovered" than to worry overly much at opsec. Being mentally prepared (this applies to all areas of life) is far more useful and powerful than operating from a place of fear. In the end, it doesn't matter what she thinks about it. You still have to do the same work. It'll just be easier for her to scrutinize. But really, facing that without deering and doing the work no matter what she says or thinks about it is what frame is al…
/r/askMRP21/09/17 01:38 AM
1

The fantasies are there even if they're buried (She may even tell herself she doesn't have any). She likely is ok with that stuff because she wants to please you but can't allow herself to surrender to any of her own passions so you probably never feel her "get into it." Might be shame with pleasure, shame with her body, but there's something going on there that is going to take some work (and a lot of patience) to root out. Working on getting her to express her sexuality more freely and creatin…
/r/askMRP21/09/17 12:52 AM
1

OOF... She's got some serious repression going on if she can't handle you going down on her either. I think you found the difference in your personal experience vs. the stories told here. Not all stories start from the same baseline. That's gonna be a hard nut to crack and you may have to get to the point where you've had enough and are truly ready to divorce before she puts any real effort in. Otherwise she will use every opportunity possible to avoid facing her discomfort with her sexuality
/r/askMRP20/09/17 11:24 PM
1

Have you openly discussed her fantasies and got her to open up about her internal kink yet? Sub 12% BF is also really the golden place to be to garner universal attention but as is oft repeated here, nothing is guaranteed.
/r/askMRP20/09/17 11:03 PM
4

Never expect them to initiate. This is why it's such a cliche complaint of men in virtually all relationships, RP or not. There's a reason the top fantasies shared by women all involve various methods of being ravished. Part of the allure of the alpha is being drawn into their sexuality and eliciting such passion from them that they become lost in their miasma of emotion and pleasure and sexual tension. If they initiate, everything about that dynamic is killed. A woman who initiates a lot is lik…
/r/askMRP20/09/17 11:00 PM
1

I think I'm just really trying to figure out if a day will come when having a healthy sex life isn't so much work. Another one of those unsatisfying "depends on the woman" answers. Some women would rather lose a man than give submissive head no matter how monster chad he is. I like the masculine/feminine energy model used in WOTSM to think about those aspects. If it starts to develop that she's never going to deliver at the level you need, that's about the point when divorce vs. cheating enters …
/r/askMRP20/09/17 10:53 PM
1

Your cut will go faster the more muscle mass you have, so it's not a bad strategy, just requires patience. Really just depends on your goals as either way is fine and the "right way" is only predicated on what you want to achieve.
/r/askMRP20/09/17 10:47 PM
2

The main part I'm alluding to is the post sex comfort building. The dirtier the sex, the more important the post comfort time, pillow talk, cuddles, etc... It reassures her that whatever was said or done in the heat of passion, your bond is still strong and reinforcing that bond is what allows for kinkier sex (kinky sex is a function of trust). That also extends into other areas of the dynamic between you and your wife. it's why owning your shit is so crucial to the sexual dynamic as well becaus…
/r/askMRP20/09/17 12:33 PM
2

I get fucking sick of being the bigger person all the fucking time and she does whatever Also note that this is a pretty deep covert contract. You're using this to build expectations on how her behavior should change and getting more angry it's not happening. So long as your motivation lies in that covert contract, you going out won't matter because you won't really be doing it for you. You gotta drop all expectations of change. You know how this goes, been around here long enough.
/r/askMRP19/09/17 12:50 AM
2

That may be part of the issue too. If you're calling her to be the bigger person instead of calling because you WANT to call her. Just keep on with building your own life. At some point you'll decide you've had enough of it if nothing changes. You're still firmly in her power and she probably feels it.
/r/askMRP18/09/17 03:01 PM
1

If she's not communicating and she's gone, are you not going out and doing your own thing? Go out alone, talk about it later while you next talk, have a good time while you're out. Go to a bar or a party or a show. What are you gonna do, sit around and wait for a call that rarely comes? Don't make an issue out of it, just go do things you want to do while she's gone. She will feel the change in independence / power.
/r/askMRP18/09/17 02:51 AM
1

It's a text. Your'e neither going to win the frame lottery or fuck your frame for life. Want fuck? Text fucky fucky comment. Then fuck later. For fuck's sake.
/r/askMRP15/09/17 11:43 PM
1

I missed the ILYBINILWY speech detail. If that's the case, then yeah, she's one foot out the door. http://womensinfidelity.com/female-stages-of-infidelity/ This is a link that was past around in a thread a month or two ago. Good general knowledge to have. Don't bring up the pics, there's no real exit there and even if she did flirt and send those selfies to someone, it doesn't really matter, you're not ready to make any demands until you've become a better man. The less you focus on her, the mor…
/r/askMRP15/09/17 07:16 PM
1

It's not a bitch move to go through the phone when you have a legit reason to suspect foul play. That's BP conditioning. You saw legitimate red flags. Whether it's some test, who knows, you're in the best spot to have a read on her personality. Sure sounds like she's close to a branch swing or getting close to a point she will. Doubt actual cheating went on unless her sister is a low quality instigator and sees you as dead weight. Women in quality relationships with friends/family are more likel…
/r/askMRP15/09/17 06:42 PM
1

Fuckmrp got the answer to that one. Nice and concise.
/r/askMRP15/09/17 05:18 PM
2

The truth vs. full disclosure thing is more about puking your whole internal dialog and emotional state vs. a more stoic response. When it comes down to day to day things like "where did x money go" don't worry so much about the theory. This is more about having confidence in your decisions than overt vs covert. This is assuming the money example isn't a long running theme of her having a lack of confidence in your reckless spending (just an example). In situations like that, there is a lot more…
/r/askMRP15/09/17 04:31 PM
2

Read the theory, observe your wife or LTR and try to match behavior to the theory where it aligns. They don't always line up because just like personality science, the averages don't collapse down to the individual. The authority is what you experience first hand. The theory is to help give you a framework to understand the behavior. Various parts of the theory will fit like a T and others just won't seem to apply. People are complicated. Don't take any one piece of theory for the gospel on your…
/r/askMRP15/09/17 04:25 PM
2

Always kino, kino is effective when it doesn't lead to sex, kind of the point of it. Always make sexual comments, especially when they're genuine. When you get all excited and start forming expectations of sexual release, stop yourself mentally and be prepared for rejection by simultaneously thinking about another thing you would enjoy doing. If you try to think of that other thing AFTER the hard no, you're still going to be working through butthurt and likely focused on that instead. The order …
/r/askMRP15/09/17 03:12 PM
1

Settle down there corky. You got your cock mixed up with your mouth again.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/17 05:00 AM
3

Too late for OP, but reminder for new peeps. If you aren't prepared to end or have the relationship ended by her, do not cheat. Otherwise, like others said here, OYS to the point your wife prefers plausible deniability. Even then, many will not accept it under any terms. I personally would not deny if confronted. Others advise deny. If you just fell into it without thinking it through, obviously you probably can't own it, so deny. Shit storm either way if it comes in the open. Hope it's not in h…
/r/askMRP15/09/17 02:40 AM
1

Actually read the whole thing, I don't know why. OP, you already have your answer, it's right in everything you wrote and I can tell you already know what the right decision is. You're coming up with rationalizations to not make the hard decision. PM if you want more detail.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/17 09:08 PM
1

Lol, of course. I meant in the context of the question about whether to regard their love as real or not.
/r/askMRP14/09/17 05:55 PM
1

I'm not sure there's much of a useful distinction between loving someone for how they make you feel vs. who they are. Of course there are differences in the abstract romanticization of those concepts, but when it comes down to whether to regard their love as real, I don't see the distinction in theory having much utility once you collapse it down to daily life. Idealization lives in everyone, it's true in the RP lens of intersexual dynamics, but it's also true in all other aspects of your regard…
/r/askMRP14/09/17 04:33 PM
3

If it goes my way, my daughter will be the kid gettin dirty looks from parents because she killed the puppies of their kids because we were honest with her. But won't care cause she doesn't need their parents approval. While we're on the topic of fantasies anyway... haha
/r/askMRP14/09/17 04:15 PM
1

Disney effect.
/r/askMRP14/09/17 04:12 PM
1

Yep, leg press machines are good, but when weight gets heavier like around 250 - 300 I have to be very cognizant of hip angle and make sure my core is locked down tight. Pulley machines where you're on your back are better, but the pulley's also make it artificially easy. Rowing machines are no problem, I usually warm up on one at the gym. Bike and swim as part of my workout when at home using the HOA POS gym. Split squats are ok for me as well although I hate 'em. I have to roll my glutes out 2…
/r/askMRP13/09/17 11:18 PM
2

It's a good criticism on my comment. I thought he might get it after reading your comment chain with him since he remembered it being referenced by Athol Kay. Great read on that JackTen comment link too. ie... https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6zrya3/another_tricky_situation_and_progress_is_showing/dmyi20g/
/r/askMRP13/09/17 08:29 PM
1

I learned the hard way. Put me out of the gym for a month and heavy loaded squats/DL. Was pissed, I had just passed 420lb on DL too and regular 250lb back squat HIIT, never figured out what my new 1RM max on the back squat was. 3 months later, tried lightly loaded squats/DL again to test the waters and I finally had to accept the reality that I just can't do those exercises anymore. Really miss them too, they were my favorites. My back injury (bottom most degenerative disc) is old, from when i g…
/r/askMRP13/09/17 06:39 PM
2

See others comments that you're taking her comment too literally, so your boundary is not really what you think it is. There's no real boundary there you need, you just need to get better at decoding the language.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 06:34 PM
1

Well you have to click the mouse on hyperlinks for them to take you somewhere, so there's that.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 05:55 PM
2

You're on the right track, but your specifics are basically DEERs in the first comment and you focus on the other dude too much. Cholomite's comment covers all the bases.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 05:51 PM
1

Yeah, anything that keeps the spine neutral, depending on how low the disc is, hips need to be in a good neutral position too as the lower the problem, the more the glutes can be part of pulling the back out.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 04:26 PM
1

Loved the raw honesty about consequences of spinning plates. Most posts I've read on the topic attempt to minimize the costs and you do a great job of highlighting potential pitfalls without moralizing. Great "eyes wide open" reinforcement. Conversations are games, have some fun with them, you're just playing a game with people when you're talking and the more apparent that is in the subtext of the conversation, the more people enjoy talking to you. It goes alllll the way back to childhood which…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/09/17 04:23 PM
2

Not to mention the further erosion of the value of resilience in deference for protecting a person's fragility.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 03:17 PM
1

Because it's a bullshit line. His "line" is not wanting her to hurt his feelings which is actually a self inflicted wound on his part. It's not a real boundary, it's an insecurity.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 03:10 PM
2

You're drawing a narrative you have no information to support. wait for some details. For all you know, he's been such a whinny bitch that she hides it from him because dealing with his insecurity isn't worth the trouble for an activity she does with many friends, multiple times a year. For all we know, she may not even be hiding it from him and that may just be his hamster. Jumping to a "she's cheating" narrative right now says more about your insecurities and fears than OP's story.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 03:01 PM
2

Worry less about the butt hurt and worry more about enforcing a boundary. That is unless this has been a recurring fight and the reason she's hiding it from you is a history of constant butt hurt about things like this. Your post doesn't really give enough detail for you to get the advice you're seeking.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 02:56 PM
1

rehabbing disc I'm assuming this is related to his back, absolutely should not do squats if he is rehabbing a back injury. More likely diet needs to be tightened up.
/r/askMRP13/09/17 02:52 PM
4

"But it's the only tool in my belt atm I feel like using because I'm angry and bitter and can't lead for shit." I'm going to sit here for as long as i need, recenter my chi What chi? You're too angry to have any useful, productive energy to share. You're not leading, you're just lashing out. You gotta find some kind of outlet for that. Your wife is telling you you're being a shitty captain but you can't hear it because you know you're dogshit atm, but even so, you're still blaming her for your f…
/r/askMRP13/09/17 03:38 AM
1

lol, Compliment AoEs. Boom bitch!
/r/MarriedRedPill13/09/17 01:43 AM
2

I've read this post and the comments a couple times trying to figure out why your wife has any involvement in your hiring decisions if she's not a manager of some kind in the business. Shit tornado comes, the behavior is unacceptable, you communicate that to her, if it persists she is removed from the process as a result. Apply DGAF afterwards. Decision has been made. End of story. Her jealousy and personal problems have no place in your business. Period.
/r/askMRP12/09/17 08:14 PM
1

Agreed. Dunno what to offer other than just stay consistent since there aren't any concrete goals listed. The texting is a good sign and realizing he doesn't have to autistically stick to logistics as eventually you gotta expand your text game. Biggest danger I predict is some backsliding due to getting butt hurt by a rejection or hard no after his hopes are up from some success.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/17 08:09 PM
1

Yep, this. If you're in the anger stage, all your anger is wrapped up as part of the withdrawal and the anger also means you're more prone to a punishment track. add on top of that the BP history and there's very little chance you won't swing the pendulum hard to the punishment side as an over correction to your self resentment. The withdrawal is still an important component and to some degree, you need that pressure or conflict to kickstart a new dynamic, but the mistake I see repeated often is…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/17 06:38 PM
1

Yeah, it's got a softer bit of language to it than the others (and a bit of a "spiritual" bent to it), but in the theme of the post, it serves well to capture the essence of a model of feminine vs. masculine dynamics.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/17 06:31 PM
1

Timely post. Seen a lot of posts lately where people are getting wrapped up in punishment cycles wondering why things aren't improving. It's a necessary component, just as dread is, but you can't punish your way to getting what you want. In the end, you need her investment to get what you want and punishment alone (the push to the pull) is only as effective as the strength of the pull.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/17 04:28 PM
1

Refresh yourself on the section in WOTSM about compliments producing motivation in women. The answer is right there.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/17 04:26 PM
1

Cool. What does YOUR woman need? Nobody here can tell you that. Use what you know to figure that out. Experiment. Failure will dictate your calibration. My wife has virtually no emotional change at all. I had a long term ex that was almost insane for half the month.
/r/askMRP12/09/17 12:49 AM
3

Yep, she probably never would have even said anything if you hadn't prompted her. Failure is always the best teacher.
/r/askMRP11/09/17 10:03 PM
1

She can decide for herself if it's an issue that has to be talked about and then you can respond with AA, AM, etc... as necessary. If it's a serious issue with the relationship, then you have to engage with the content of the complaint. But general bitchiness or sulkiness should be ignored, ie... It should not be granted any power in the relationship nor should it be granted power over you. If you hadn't asked her if she was upset, she likely would have gotten over it as many emotional episodes …
/r/askMRP11/09/17 09:35 PM
2

You're too preoccupied with how you appear to her when you know you're right to be on time. There's nothing to explain. When you ask her if something is wrong, you are implicitly validating her view by even asking. What are you going to do when you disagree with her perspective? Convince her that her emotions are wrong? GL with that. You gotta work on not allowing her sour moods to sour yours. Easier said than done, but that's the crux of it.
/r/askMRP11/09/17 08:27 PM
1

And yet if you can't accept your history, then you doom your future as well. A good therapist and methodologies like CBT that focus on strategies are more effective in this kinds of situations than pure gottman or similar "talk about feelings" schools. An eclectic sexologist/Sex therapist trained in CBT/DBT with some strong existential background would likely be very helpful. But ultimately it's not the therapy but the person in therapy deciding they will change that helps.
/r/askMRP11/09/17 07:12 PM
1

But now you know why it doesn't work like a simple equation with her of Attractiveness = Sex I want Your ability to hear and think about her past without communicating any shame towards her will be critical in her feeling safe enough to open up. She will also have to realize that the behavior is not the same as the context of the relationship and she's going to have her own work to do in distinguishing the two so that behavior like you alluded to with hair pulling doesn't trigger baggage mode. T…
/r/askMRP11/09/17 07:06 PM
1

Remember that when trauma is present, the usual expectations of receptiveness to dominance go out the window. This is going to be a different process than the "standard narrative" and it's going to be a long process. Tommassi doesn't spend much more than a caveat on that topic in TRM, but it will be a different calculus on approach. You're going to have to calibrate your withdrawal differently as hard power is going to trigger a lot of baggage. You're going to have to rely a lot more on the pull…
/r/askMRP11/09/17 06:07 PM
1

Laugh at her behavior openly, go have fun without her, tell her what a good time you had afterward and let her know she's invited but it's up to her if she wants to ruin her own happiness. If you can handle a blow up without losing frame, let her know her behavior disgusts you and that you find her very unattractive. When she decides to act like an adult, she can have fun with you again. All she's doing is making herself irrelevant to you and she can either grow up and enjoy life along side you …
/r/askMRP11/09/17 04:53 AM
6

Reliability is one hell of an aphrodisiac. By being reliable in the face of her cold shoulder, you made her feel supported without any contrition on your part. You demonstrated that your reliability isn't predicated on getting an emotional gold star from her. That makes her able to have even more confidence in you and your leadership. By not resorting to tit for tat fighting and rising above the fight that could have easily been had, you also set yourself apart from other men. By being reliable …
/r/askMRP11/09/17 04:14 AM
1

If you want a custom program and don't mind spending some money, look for an independent strength training or strongman gym and find a coach/trainer you like and you can have them design a program tailored to your goals incl meal planning as necessary. Otherwise r/fitness
/r/askMRP10/09/17 06:36 PM
1

You're still insecure about rejection and you're obsessed with a fear of losing frame so you can't see the forest for the trees. You don't get the sex you want without also building intimacy. You're all cock and no feels so she's not going to be the slut you want because you haven't created an atmosphere of safety and non-judgment as a counter-point to your IDGAF or other "punishing" pressures. This will be especially true if your wife has self esteem or problems with feeling sexy. Attenuating d…
/r/askMRP10/09/17 04:08 PM
1

Yep. Mastery of self.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 11:12 PM
2

You're looking at it as if sex is a direct return from not having sex instead of someone getting out of their own way. It's not a tool for more sex, it's a tool for nice guys who can't break away form the cycle of focusing on other's needs or using sex for validation which is preventing their progress in other areas. In the end, it's just a stepping stone. I personally didn't need a celibate period, my problems are sourced elsewhere. Often times, getting hyper focused on a goal gets in your way …
/r/askMRP09/09/17 07:21 PM
1

IF it's manufactured, it must be about something small. Inconsequential.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 06:58 PM
1

Want to reinforce Cholomite's excellent point here. No need to announce, just work on you and don't worry about the sex. Continue to kino your wife during that time. Find things that validate you internally via setting personal goals and stacking small accomplishments over time so you're not so dependent on sex for your sense of value.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 06:46 PM
2

You read NMMNG, the reasons and conditions under which it can be beneficial is spelled out pretty clearly there. Whether you, I, or anyone else needed to is irrelevant to those that benefit from it. It's essentially a tunnel vision problem combined with validation seeking.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 06:42 PM
2

Some are better than others but none of them are mind readers. Some can be as obtuse as dudes. The world is a spectrum when it comes to people. The averages are for theory, you have to understand your wife at the level of an individual. If you try to shoehorn her her into descriptions about the theory of the feminine nature that may not apply to her as strong as it is implied in theory, you'll just be further confused and fuck shit up in the process. Finish the sidebar reading, observe her behav…
/r/askMRP09/09/17 06:32 PM
2

It's not really about phrasing. More, is your anger choosing your words, or are you angry but choosing words that suit a purpose. If you're lashing out without a semblance of strategy, then your anger is controlling you. If you allow your anger to be expressed, but you do so in a manner that works towards an express purpose, then you are in control of your message. Another barometer you can use is whether you're able to immediately snap back to being in control of your emotions or are you still …
/r/askMRP09/09/17 05:39 PM
2

The real question is: Are you in control of your anger and your message. Once you are, context matters more than the "rules." If you're not and you bullshit yourself you are, you'll just fuck shit up more. Don't be emotionless, be controlled in what you express.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 04:05 PM
1

Is it really a problem that she called it like it is or is it really about the complaining? This sounds more like you're annoyed with the complaining. Otherwise, grow some thicker skin man. This shit doesn't matter. If you can confirm your dad acts like an idiot here but can't laugh about the truth of it at home, you got some sensitivity issues to work out. Don't make power struggles where they don't need to be.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 02:18 PM
2

I guess the question then is what your goal is. In order for something like no fap to succeed, the purpose the fapping was fulfilling needs to be replaced with something that is more important to you. Then you have to focus on that higher purpose instead in moments of weakness until a new habit can take hold. If it's interfering with sex life, then you have to decide if the sex life is more important and aim yourself at that goal. If there isn't a strong purpose behind what you're doing, then th…
/r/askMRP09/09/17 05:10 AM
1

Can't tell if dry humor or serious... regardless, it's just abstaining from jerking off for a while. Nothing to really lose.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 03:36 AM
2

Avoid burnout, re-prioritize as necessary to prevent burnout. If you hit that point, you're going to backslide way farther than if you let a couple things slide in favor of long term mental and physical fitness. Only you can determine what the right mix of priorities are, but if that means that you workout 3 days a week instead and cycle resting days in so that you can keep your long term pace up, you will be at a net gain. Other than that, the amount of work you can handle and motivation to pus…
/r/askMRP09/09/17 03:04 AM
2

Because he sees himself as being reborn through this trial of fire and this name change is a symbolic representation of those new commitments. My personal feelings align with yours, but I understand why he did what he did.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 02:58 AM
2

It can lend a sense of freedom if one is so focused on sex that it distracts from a higher purpose. But it is not meritorious on it's own. Context driven. ie... For him it was a weakness that was eliminated which brings a sense of control and freedom. For others, masturbation/porn may have no significant impact on their sex life or health of their relationship. It all depends.
/r/askMRP09/09/17 02:56 AM
6

He hit one extreme and now he's bouncing back towards the other... Will he catch himself in the middle?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/17 02:45 AM
2

The other people he's talking to are going to be using extremely gentle language and he's in a turbulent place, his ability to reconcile tone here is going to be near 0. From his perspective, RianStone's comment is likely a dose of chaos.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/17 02:44 AM
1

It's about achieving the balance between those two extremes. You needed one extreme to help define the boundaries of the other. You are now headed towards the other pole. The only thing you can do is use the context of your past experience to attenuate how far you swing that pendulum. The better you're able to land it at the point of balance between putting yourself first and the needs of the others, the more correct your life will feel. Putting yourself first is going to be necessary just as be…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/17 02:38 AM
6

Everything has it's time and place (re: hitting on women), but the emotional high from the drama that is bringing you closer to feeling the presence of god is eventually going to crash against the shores of routine so keep your eyes forward. The tempering is slow and without fire. But it is the tempering that will leave your strong in your core. When that moment comes, it is your steady will that will lead to inner peace and wisdom. Else it is back into the forges again. Which won't necessarily …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/17 02:25 AM
2

It's not about how you express it, it's about where you are operating from internally. Ie... Choosing to express emotion because you decide you want to and are free from fear of shame, fear of anger, fear of vulnerability, etc... Only in that place will you experience true freedom in life. This is the difference in Prarott's narrative of now vs. then. His letting go of appearance and acting from a place of deep truth he has acknowledged and accepted about himself and his actions and responsibili…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/17 01:28 AM
2

Not making the connection here, you're comparing your interactions which have an understood meta communication (ie, it's a known conversation game with implicit rules) vs. this story where there is an absolute absence of communication. Not a dig, just not sure where you're going with that. As a side note: The "going out for weird reasons" is a red flag that he has no frame to me because if he did, she'd have an understanding or intimation of exactly WHY he was going out solo and he would have be…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/09/17 01:11 AM
1

Yeah, a hole to climb down, but it might just be shit at the bottom.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/17 09:02 PM
1

Oh fuck, I missed that one. Thanks for the link. I am not familiar with thaddeus russel... have a new hole to go climb down now. Haha
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/17 08:06 PM
2

Yep. The journey is the reason for the journey.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/17 07:56 PM
1

Yeah, I'm watching it now. Fucking amazing shit. I'm glad I watched all his lectures prior to it but it's not necessary as you kind of get a crash course in lecture 1.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/17 07:54 PM
2

Yep, agreed. He has a 2nd JRE podcast now, the first with just Peterson is the best intro.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/17 07:52 PM
2

It's like the "law of over-correction" Almost infallibly, you will swing way past the mark of where you need to be, but how long it takes you to realize you swung too far is how much damage you will have to unfuck from again. The thing that has always most fascinated me about MRP is that it's essentially about achieving balance. Rambo kind of captures some of it, but for new comers, it can be hard to parse the attitude of speech around here that is the kick in the ass it needs and should be from…
/r/askMRP07/09/17 07:49 PM
2

Amen to that. Failure teaches, success breeds complacency.
/r/askMRP07/09/17 05:01 PM
1

Lol, lesbian stealth bombed! For me the final wake up call to her was an argument where I was ready to start divorce proceedings. She didn't take it seriously before, but after she vented and felt better all the sudden I was still seething and it finally dawned on her that I wasn't just venting and was dead serious about ending it. That night and for the past two weeks, it's like the wife catering switch went on. I've been watching her to make sure it's not just hysterical bonding, but this seem…
/r/askMRP07/09/17 03:36 PM
4

Have a purpose and aim yourself at it. It's the only way. Everything is a game and the sooner people learn that, the sooner they can stop being afraid of them. The world is a lot more malleable to your desires than most people realize. But without a purpose, good luck finding your center of power.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/17 05:33 AM
2

Good distillation, will have to start stealing that.
/r/askMRP06/09/17 08:19 PM
1

Lol, yep. Some people get so focused on trying to be "hard mother fuckers" that people often lose sight that you still need intimacy to bring out your slut. Being "hard" all the time is just another face of insecurity. Perhaps this will be the wake up call he needs to rebalance. He may also need to re-read MMSLP for a fresh dose of perspective.
/r/askMRP06/09/17 07:04 PM
1

Are you actually present mentally when you have time together at night? Often times the "I don't have enough time" complaint is really that when you're together your mind is elsewhere so sharing the physical space doesn't really matter. Based on how much you focused your post on feeling awesome, I'm guessing very little of that energy is focused at her and she feels that lack but is expressing it as "time." Not that there's anything wrong with feeling awesome, but you may not be spending adequat…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/09/17 06:31 PM
1

Sounds like you're in a cycle of withdrawing, which if that's how most of your time is spent with her, it's a self fulfilling prophecy that you won't get sex. You're all punishment and disconnection right now so what do you expect to happen? Remember the other side of the equation? Being a fun and enjoyable person to be around? That's the main reason withdrawing is effective, the juxtaposition. No one wants to fuck someone who's cold and your whole speech sounded like you were delivering a techn…
/r/askMRP06/09/17 06:24 PM
3

He wasn't that invested in the place itself, he wanted an outcome. His self expressed goal was to change things up, that restaurant happened to serve that purpose. The restaurant wasn't the goal and he got some good tips on more assertive options. In the end, everything worked out in his favor which people can lose sight of in pursuit of perfection. You don't need perfection to achieve victories. What is more helpful to achieve self actualization is perseverance and clearly examining your faults…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/09/17 05:11 AM
1

Stop worrying about her past sex, what I'm reading is her telling you she would enjoy those sorts of things coming from you. But for now, put sexual conquest over her chad memories off the table for a while because you have some pre-requisites to hit. Shockley's TFA link is also key for an end goal to have in mind, so you know what you're working towards. Do not ask her any other details, you're too raw and vulnerable and there's absolutely no way you will play it off. She will sense it. In fact…
/r/askMRP06/09/17 03:20 AM
1

For me, the hardest part is that I'm impatient and when it comes to her, I'm not the greatest teacher because of that which I'm currently focused on improving. It really comes down to creating an atmosphere where sex is an open and safe topic. TFA has one of the best condensed posts I've read on it: https://thefamilyalpha.com/2015/12/30/creating-your-slut/ I'd be surprised if you haven't already read it since I've seen you on the boards a lot. Sex God Method has a good breakdown of creating emot…
/r/askMRP06/09/17 03:02 AM
1

Likely goes all the way back to our primate origins. I wouldn't even think of these level traits as being particularly born from or unique to early humans. They're older than homo sapiens. Chimpanzees also display this kind of female sexual selection and dominance hierarchies in ways familiar to an RP lens. And similar to RP, it is not as simple as the brutes being the Alphas. They CAN dominate a tribe, but they are often pulled down violently by a sub group of abused males. The leaders that mai…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/09/17 09:12 PM
1

Yes please do, does a great job of highlighting the averages involved in that process people commonly misunderstand.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/09/17 07:14 PM
1

I have a bit of an atypical dynamic as well. Mostly due to her having a good balance of masculine traits to her feminine. I don't get shit tested (no, it's not the usual sign of lack of attraction or having no faith), there are never hysterics, I couldn't even tell you if she's pms-ing she's so stable emotionally. She's still AWALT, but most of the more volatile qualities in AWALT she has in mild doses. So the biggest challenge for me has actually been bringing out more of her femininity and dis…
/r/askMRP05/09/17 04:36 PM
1

Leadership is not defined by giving orders. This is what shitty and insecure leaders think equates to "the leadership." Giving orders is fucking easy. Anyone can do it. The entire reason the whole sidebar exists is because leadership doesn't manifest by simply giving orders. This stance is a massive fucking ego protection device. OP's result was fine and his method was fine. He got what he wanted while also identifying how he can keep getting better. Good value add for the group.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/09/17 03:19 PM
10

Yes, it's passive aggressive and it's needy. Children need praise for basic accomplishments. Adults do not. You're inviting her to view you as a child. But you also want sex. Pick one.
/r/askMRP04/09/17 03:59 AM
1

$250 for a chance in court sounds like a steal to me. I still don't understand why this question is being posted in a forum about mens sexual strategy... but there you have it.
/r/askMRP02/09/17 02:17 AM
1

"Left over narcissism" There's part of your problem. Your narcissism isn't going to ever vanish. It's part of you. You try to deny it and your frame will always have cracks in it. Treat it like it's something you have to cure and you will forever be a slave to your guilt over it. You look at your past self in disgust but what do you think your current self is predicated on? You're going to have to find a way to accept your past self for what it was and stop reacting like it disgusts you otherwis…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/09/17 10:44 PM
2

Stop worrying about her and worry about you. What are you going to do anyway, rationalize why she should be miserable with you instead of happy with Chad? GL with that. Don't want her to cheat? Don't be a pathetic source of misery.
/r/askMRP01/09/17 10:21 PM
2

This is essentially an intellectual discussion your'e talking about and your SO has too many other symbols and representations tied up in you to be able to have an objective conversation about her nature with you especially when certain truths contain ramifications about the relationship and the implied roles that often touch too deeply to be accepted and will be fought instead, setting a tone and stage for future interactions that will continually lead to more fights if your SO resents those tr…
/r/askMRP01/09/17 10:18 PM
1

Understandable, you will know deep down if it's best for your dynamic. RP is always a moving target anyway. Which is my favorite aspect of it, that at it's core it is a philosophy of balance.
/r/askMRP01/09/17 08:48 PM
1

Yeah, obviously I have no idea what your wife's position is, but what you were saying in this thread led me to believe you likely felt at some level there may be an issue beyond just the MIL. Perhaps look at it as an opportunity to further nullify or set boundaries against the MIL's influence if your wife blabs. But I've always been one to confront that stuff immediately, shut it down without anger and firmly tell them I won't accept or allow their destructive behavior to persist. Has kept inlaw…
/r/askMRP01/09/17 07:52 PM
2

Simplest explanation is often the correct one. Sometimes I find it amusing at the level of soap opera drama narratives that are the common first assumed explanations here, considering the male space it is.
/r/askMRP01/09/17 07:41 PM
2

But what does your MIL have to do with you communicating an appointment to your wife? There is a myriad of ways to have that communication with her without involving the MIL even if she's living in the same house. That's why this still feels like there's some evasive motivation behind it. Unless there's something I'm not understanding, there's txt, email, closing a door and talking with her... chatting before bed... etc.. I don't see how the MIL is a blocker to any of that so there must be somet…
/r/askMRP01/09/17 05:15 PM
1

These are all generalities and if you take it literally you're just gonna fuck yourself up in a different way. Yes AWALT. But AWALT is always in the form of degrees whenever you're talking about a specific aspect or specific person. Just like personality science, you have to separate the theory which works at the macro level of populations and the individual. Just because at some level a person (or a woman) is capable of something, doesn't mean that they WILL. The specific context of your woman'…
/r/askMRP01/09/17 04:25 PM
1

Going along with your actions while feeling something else entirely but not communication it due to an aversion to conflict is not uncommon for women. If you want to get to the bottom of possible motivations, have a talk just like it was suggested. Keeping the vasectomy schedule from her indicated to me that you know there's a conflict here and you're avoiding it at some level too. Whatever your post-hoc rationalizations are about the mother being around, that's not why you haven't talked about …
/r/askMRP01/09/17 03:38 PM
1

Single women who don't want to get pregnant forget to take their pill ALL the fucking time. It's pretty straight forward.
/r/askMRP01/09/17 03:32 PM
2

Ahh, whoosh! Right over my head. Haha edit Yeah, jesus, even reading it three times I still didn't catch the missing t. Fucking dense as fuck. Lol
/r/askMRP31/08/17 09:01 PM
1

Usually by people who can't do it right and feel better claiming it doesn't work so they can give it up guilt free without putting real effort into making it a disciplined practice. 20m twice a day minimum for real results.
/r/askMRP31/08/17 03:04 PM
2

Lol, start with North Korea. That tickled me.
/r/askMRP31/08/17 02:58 PM
1

Glad your safe, good luck and may everything leave you all stronger.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/08/17 02:48 PM
2

You don't have to implement everything at once. It just makes it harder to keep your chill. Focus on a couple things and just be consistent and continuously add new aspects as you get a handle. It's a marathon, not a sprint. I personally would treat her as a belligerent child once she ramps up to the level you described and that means no capitulation and a firm hand and will, saying you will not tolerate that behavior any longer and remove your presence from her. Don't get angry, don't shout, de…
/r/askMRP31/08/17 02:39 AM
1

Absolutely, but no matter what he tells us, even months from now, he will hold onto that hope as his idealized fantasy. Likely for years. So I wanted to acknowledge that reality. In the end, the only person who can kill his misplaced romanticism will be a future him that has let the old parts die. He will have forgotten my words or they will have been rendered unnecessary by his personal victories by then.
/r/askMRP31/08/17 02:26 AM
1

That's why you don't do the 3 year long distance thing. You're so far behind the ball in this relationship that trying to enter into a long distance mode might as well be a death sentence. Start reading the sidebar. Start with NMMNG. If you don't want to be a victim, you have to stop victimizing yourself in the first place with this ridiculous insecurity. That camera comment is truly pathetic. Can you think of a more powerful way to simultaneously tell a woman you don't trust them AND you've got…
/r/askMRP30/08/17 11:46 PM
2

Gotta be one of the creepier/pathetic things I've read here in a while... lol... a camera.
/r/askMRP30/08/17 11:31 PM
2

You haven't even described what it is that you think the actual failure was. You're just stewing in some kind of guilt ridden "I'm a failure" place. Is there a question in there for the community? This doesn't even sound like "The Talk" this sounds like a normal "Something isn't working" talk. And wtf are those links about? Are you ADD?
/r/askMRP30/08/17 06:02 PM
2

Wanted to reinforce this as I had to make my wife understand that if she's not prepared to put real effort into sex, I don't need it from her. As far as I'm concerned, it's disrespectful to anyone to do that and I'd rather have a hard no than deal with that pathetic bullshit. I also was never fat and always worked out. Best my wife has ever looked in her life was with me, pre-kid. But she has always had a hangup with BJs since she's dated beta chumps that didn't demand it and has some asian prin…
/r/askMRP30/08/17 04:19 PM
1

Remember, no matter how the changes feel to you they won't be real to her until she's seen your changes stay consistent for months. You focus on the things you need to be happy and attractive while also monitoring her legitimate needs. It will take some time to figure out how to identify what is a shit test and what is a comfort test to be able to better distinguish legitimate from drama. Something to note about lifting. It's not JUST about getting more muscular. It's just as important that it t…
/r/askMRP30/08/17 03:23 PM
1

Haha, I thought it was hilarious.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/08/17 02:01 PM
1

lol, where the hell did Jon Snow come from. I mean he's a hero and all, but he's pretty fugly too. hahaha
/r/MarriedRedPill30/08/17 02:56 AM
1

I never wore my ring and eventually lost it and just told her "It's stupid, I'm not spending money on replacing it and you know it doesn't stop anyone from cheating anyway." She never had a the slightest issue with it either which surprised me. She still wears hers cause she likes it, but has never cared if I wore mine or not.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/08/17 02:50 AM
2

Ancient marriage (Polygymous... for the man anyway) was largely only available to men of high status (read: wealthy). So it was largely a male institution and also had more to do with consolidating land, alliances, growing a family work force for agricultural societies, etc... Current marriage that focuses on feelings and "eternal love" is the contrivance that is antithetical to the natures of most men (perhaps all men). Regardless, we've always been a pair bonding species regardless of civil or…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/08/17 02:46 AM
2

Men are inherently polygamous. This is what you're feeling which creates cognitive dissonance with your oneitis.
/r/askMRP29/08/17 11:24 PM
1

You're working on the relationship, not you. Most of your post is about her and not wanting to lose her You don't want to use the word unicorn, but you still conceptualize her as a unicorn You have a sunken cost fallacy in how you stress the 4yr duration of the relationship You state several times you still want to stay with her It's not subconscious. You're avoiding dealing with the conflict and your guilt and looking for a way to have your cake and eat it too without coming to terms with the c…
/r/askMRP29/08/17 11:20 PM
3

It also provides a prompt to force them into an outside perspective. For a moment they're thinking about you outside the context of the marriage. The dread is the greater motivator, but the perspective helps make it real.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/17 10:56 PM
1

Your issue is that you're not prepared to lose your gf so you fear the consequences. Your fear is the problem and if you aren't prepared to lose the gf, you're not prepared to keep her while having a side chick either.
/r/askMRP29/08/17 10:46 PM
1

Fog the shit out of the meeting. Allow her to expand on her own hamster and then ask probing questions to get her to elaborate. If you do it right, you can appear to be receptive and listening to her the whole time while she gives up all her bullshit motivations and creates holes in her own story. The more she attempts to manipulate the situation, the more clear her motivations will become without you even getting involved. You've read WISNIFG? That tool set is your best weapon in any meeting wh…
/r/askMRP29/08/17 08:51 PM
5

Best reply here so far. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. If she goes nuclear, you're prepared. If you get forced into a sit down meeting, employ everything in WISNIFG so that you remain unemotional and in control of the conversation while also appearing to be open to all feedback. If you haven't read WISNIFG, start immediately and begin practicing wherever/however you can.
/r/askMRP29/08/17 07:53 PM
1

Yep, and it can be hard to let go of that anger. Especially when it feels so righteous, which is ever the larger danger and really is the key to killing the anger. That might just be another way of saying "killing your ego" but you really have to drop the sense of "my anger is righteous" to get to that place. Otherwise, the ego won't budge. Even while I know that to be true, disciplining oneself there is a different task than just recognizing it's existence.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/17 06:48 PM
3

Great post! To add to the prerequisites SgtSilverBack is talking about is that your wife has to WANT to push herself into areas that are uncomfortable to her and that will require a lot of effort on her part. So consider all the things that have to be going right in order for her to have the level of trust and attraction necessary to be motivated to expend that effort. If she doesn't want to challenge herself or feel safe enough (trust) to be so vulnerable and enjoy it, there's no amount of domi…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/17 06:39 PM
2

Before I met my wife, I had a BDSM relationship for 6 months. The only reason it was possible was because of complete and utter trust and confidence that I can take care of her afterwards as well. (We also weren't married nor had a kid which makes it so much easier) I used to think that I was just the first to discover her true sexuality, but that was pre-redpill. The wife, there is a lot more involved and the seas are still turbulent and she is also not very comfortable with this level of submi…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/17 06:28 PM
1

The story of the fool that can't accept the wisdom of avoiding bees until he is stung himself is a timeless tale. Is it a problem? If the truths are self evident, then will they not declare their own victory given enough time with any resistant purple pill man? That's all I really saw in the post. That argument is fruitless in the face of willful resistance and only time and circumstance will provide the sting that forces a purple pill man to accept the final argument.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/17 08:29 PM
3

Same as ChaCha, I'm mostly on the other side of it now, but it took a few months and it can creep back in occasionally. If you don't feel like initiating because you're angry and not in a good frame of mind, that's ok and probably for the better. If you start to get angry you're not having enough sex, I would reassess. Hang in there, just keep chipping away at it and it will start to fall away in time.
/r/askMRP26/08/17 11:27 PM
1

I'll do a search. But you know I'm not making that argument right? Message is probably lost in txt. You're probably correct for a majority of ppl
/r/MarriedRedPill26/08/17 01:29 AM
6

He was reading it backwards. Edit: OP, time to next and then spend your time figuring out how you fucked up. The answers are all in the books you claim to have read.
/r/askMRP25/08/17 10:50 PM
1

Can you point me to a particular book or point I'm missing? I've read all but the 48 laws of power.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 08:59 PM
1

Hahaha, that'd be an interesting date if she said yes.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 08:29 PM
1

Was it? Or is it implied? Regardless, the real point I'm making is that no matter which way someones point of view on that resolves, attraction dynamics supersede that opinion. Hence our mantra about "it's your fault your wife doesn't want to fuck you." And if you argue a point of fairness or equivocate or rationalize a reason for cheating based on "yeah but she didn't fuck me enough", it gets right back to tit for tat thinking which leads to weak frame and gets a person nowhere.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 08:28 PM
1

Lol, navel gazing. I'm gonna have to steal that. I dunno how I haven't run across that term before now.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 07:30 PM
2

Because her being required to have sex with you wasn't in the contract. Fair or not fair, it's still the contract a person signed and agreed to. But it can still be grounds for divorce. I would argue that that's ok anyway because we all understand that you can't negotiate desire and desire is the only path to fulfilling, high quality sex. So regardless of the terms of the marriage contract, that fundamental sexual dynamic is an undeniable reality that remains. Just to be clear, this isn't a mora…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 07:06 PM
2

haha, yeah, this is where our opinions probably won't align, because there are some elements of language that you can't just pick and choose the meaning of and I think this is one of those areas. It sounds more like a post-hoc rationalization to me than an objectively solid interpretation of the language within the context of a marriage contract. It's true that the associations and the words you use can have strong effects on how you feel about something, no argument there. But if you're choosin…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 06:59 PM
1

Ah, I see what you're saying. I guess I don't view them as the same thing. Cheating is what you're doing. Being internally honest about that is part of owning your actions. Feeling bad about it is a different hurdle someone has to answer for themselves. We're probably debating semantics at this point anyway because the main thing we both understand is that you better be able to pass both of those tests internally before you commit yourself to a course of action.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 06:40 PM
1

It's the focus on the verbiage of cheating that makes it feel like it's moralizing to me. In the end, the word is irrelevant to RP as a sexual strategy anyway. But it is also an accurate word to describe the context of cheating in that you're under contract and you're cheating the rules of the contract. So I don't see the utility in the hangup with the word. It runs contradictory to the message of "know what you're doing and why and be prepared to own it and experience the natural consequences, …
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 06:02 PM
2

Context is the only thing that really matters in most things.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 05:52 PM
3

It's a lot of words for just getting hung up on the term "cheating" Which, IMO, is why so many people avoid it in favor if saying they're "spinning plates" because it takes some sting out of it. However people want to rationalize or spin the vocabulary, the difference is that you're under contract in a marriage. So yes, you are cheating the rules you agreed to. Not that it makes any difference under the context of a sexual strategy.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 04:48 PM
1

A simpler definition of Alpha that meets all your criteria is influence. Weakandsensitive posted the simplest abstraction which covers all your points. RP is about defining your own happiness. Anyone who is lying to themselves or bullshitting themselves in the process will not reach that goal. Spin it whatever way makes it feel internally consistent to you. But it just comes right back to weakandsensitives brief description.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 04:40 PM
1

Yeah, I don't get why this is a focus. Aside from general randomness of an accident, there's no health risk. Seems like an excuse for a power struggle. Which he already failed when they left.
/r/askMRP25/08/17 02:57 PM
1

Yeah, no was the correct answer before his wife left with the newborn. Although tbh, I don't understand what the big deal about having a newborn in a car for 3 hours is unless it's just general concern of an accident or the wife is prone to falling asleep at the wheel or something specific to their situation like that.
/r/askMRP25/08/17 02:54 PM
1

Yeah, because you cut too much shit out at once. Start with junkfood and weed... Nofap is retarded unless you seriously have a porn addiction problem. Then see a sex therapist about it. Let yourself adjust and deal with the weed withdrawal, then a few weeks or a month later, make more changes. Cold turkey doesn't matter if you get kicked off because you added the stress of cutting everything out at once on top of existing stressors. Consistency is more important for changing habits.
/r/askMRP25/08/17 02:51 PM
0

A guy who can legitimately make that statement doesn't need to.
/r/askMRP25/08/17 01:50 AM
1

Tell her you aren't getting enough sex, and you're not going to let that happen anymore... This is still a negotiation. It matters not if you're setting a hard position, it's still a negotiation with an implied "or else..." This tactic is about getting compliance. But you can't compel a woman into wanting to give a BJ. Even if she submits, you ain't getting her best. It's just not effective even if you view it as an overt contract. Contracts aren't sexy. This is different than her believing you …
/r/askMRP24/08/17 09:30 PM
1

That's still negotiating desire. Guilt trips and bravado won't get OP to the sex or BJs. You use firm expectations for behavior modification, usually in relation to division of labor issues. But they only work AFTER you've demonstrated you own the household and your shit.
/r/askMRP24/08/17 06:54 PM
3

Just want to reinforce this. If you're not willing to end the marriage over an affair should it be discovered you're not ready to cheat. Full stop. Otherwise you're putting yourself in a weak position and lying to yourself about all sorts of shit. OP, you have other weaknesses in your marriage you are not exploring that are the real source of your wife's laziness in bed and it probably has something to do with her believing you would never leave.
/r/askMRP24/08/17 06:49 PM
1

Yeah, can't ignore impulses and drives. Just acknowledge and attempt to re channel those energies elsewhere. The main thing with a hiatus is that it is purpose driven. So you focus on that purpose and when the impulses and drive come to the fore you remind yourself of the purpose behind the abstention and redouble on that purpose. If willpower is an issue you're working on, this can double as willpower training but you still need a reason beyond just attempting to increase willpower otherwise it…
/r/askMRP24/08/17 03:18 PM
1

It can be used as an element of dread as well if you have a wife that isn't completely turned off to you, but also doesn't give better than starfish. Pulling from sex and generally showing complete disinterest in having sex with her, while your SMV rises can help produce a more motivated state. Presuming she is receiving the covert communication. I have to dispense with covert communication frequently with my wife because she's like a dude half the time in not picking up on it at all. But again,…
/r/askMRP24/08/17 03:14 PM
1

It depends on what sex means to you within the context of your marriage. Are you so focused on sex that it is excluding or distracting you from pursuits that enrich your own life? If yes, take a hiatus so you can clear your head while getting yourself into new habits of self improvement. If your'e in the beginning of working on yourself, what high value you THINK your demonstrating, you're not. Not to the degree that you think you are. Your wife is going to lag behind your changes and she's not …
/r/askMRP24/08/17 12:59 AM
2

The main point is for her to not think she has a bitter insecure man at home brooding while she is gone and who will be resentful and passive-aggressive for a week when she gets back, thus preemptively ruining the trip and make her feel like not going, which would be a pyrrhic and likely counterproductive victory. So much this. Just had an example of this with my wife today. She's going on a cruise with her cousin in a couple months and was texting me about it. My answer was "You may need to giv…
/r/askMRP23/08/17 02:27 AM
4

Next time just accept the price of your words and stick to your initial commitment instead of resenting the involvement you yourself created. Then become determined to make it great in whatever way YOU decide it should be. When you went back on your initial word, you just gave her another reason to consider you unreliable and not to be trusted to do as you say you will do. Now you're negotiating some kind of weird orbiting plan with the family as if she doesn't at some level understand what you'…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/17 02:18 AM
1

Guarantee he thinks he runs the house but she feels she really does and doesn't get enough help/support. OP this is likely why everything you expect to work fizzles.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/17 12:08 AM
1

Bingo! You start working on solving that and the mental barriers that presents to sex and you'll start to unlock the rest of your frame in a more accelerated manner because that will be the biggest insecurity undercutting your progress. ED will fuck with everything. I went to the doctor years ago when I had some dick problems that I couldn't explain (was only 27) and it turned out that I was type-2 diabetic. But even after I got healthy it would come back occasionally due to anxiety about whethe…
/r/askMRP22/08/17 10:26 PM
1

I mean, is this the first time in 20 years of marriage that a situation similar to this has come up? I suppose it could be a fluke, but there's usually something bigger going on underneath it to produce this level of anxiety. I think discobulos really nailed the advice in the thread but I'm probing to see what it is that made you feel so threatened. If you can answer that, you'll have a good target to focus on internally in regards to your emotional resilience or mental discipline that this epis…
/r/askMRP22/08/17 09:32 PM
1

So after 20 years of marriage, what is it about this situation that suddenly stirred up a lack of trust and sent your hamster into overdrive?
/r/askMRP22/08/17 07:08 PM
1

Just accept it when it happens (that you're mad and probably showing it with body posture) and try to do better the next time. It's not that big a deal if she knows you're upset anyway. Just don't talk about it or give her emotion puke about it. If you're just mad, consider it no gain and no loss. If you then talk about why your mad, now your in negative territory. Even in the presence of an unassailable argument that you will suffer a negative effect for getting mad, you're still better off vie…
/r/askMRP21/08/17 02:02 AM
1

Not to belabor a point. But it's a little different from the woman's perspective. Meaning that "fixing" a man triggers a different circuit (ego / value). Taming the beast so to speak. But caretaking triggers satisfaction related to caring for an infant. So both sourced of reward could potentially be feeding back into her sense of purpose while an addict is using. If that makes sense? As far as your point goes about understanding a sense of loss. Really good post btw. Thought it was interesting a…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/17 12:29 AM
1

Another aspect to consider is that women are generally wired for infant care. Their higher neuroticism and agreeableness work to their advantage and often fulfills a deep sense of purpose when they are engaging those core elements of their being. On top of the bad boy attraction and roller coaster of feels, this could be another underlying dynamic creating a weird sense of loss they may have when they are no longer needed as a caretaker to an addict SO.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/17 09:51 PM
0

Lol, so low density info you can't make your way through it. Or apparently the audible either.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/17 08:08 PM
3

You'll find that RP concepts are all about balance. Especially in the context of LTRs. We are a pair bonding species so while the standard single dating RP advice will help dude's get to a strong place, it won't get you to a balanced place that's especially necessary once children enter the equation. Just about everything you read will be about different domains you have to achieve a balance that is appropriate to your lifestyle and values. Spinning plates is one aspect but it's not a requiremen…
/r/askMRP17/08/17 06:43 PM
1

Probably not a shit test, but owning your shit in that example would be taking charge of bed time before she asks and telling her to take a break while you handle it.
/r/askMRP17/08/17 04:48 PM
1

This sounds like conflict avoidance to me, not a real strategy for getting past it. Try including her in the fun instead. Ie... Point out girls you like to her and then ask her to pick one out too. Same with flirting. Push her into the game with some kind of inclusive innuendo involving her and the other girl. Won't have the same bite if she starts to feel she's on the inside of the game. If she reacts negatively persist with an amused attitude. Use absurd humor to your advantage.
/r/askMRP17/08/17 12:26 AM
3

Take all the advice here with plenty of salt. Much of it is valid, but we all have very limited insight to each others lives. You are the decider of what adds value to your life and which directions or strategies are best suited to you. Part of the process is learning to be your own judge. That being said, therapists that are versed in DBT/CBT and existential approaches seem to have rational approaches to RP. I had one for a while who was very knowledgeable of RP theory. And ran into another (a …
/r/askMRP16/08/17 06:18 PM
5

Your anger will dissipate the more you gain control of your mind and emotions. The path out of that anger is beginning to feel more in control of yourself and your social situations. The anger is also going to be a parachute tied to your back as you move forward. Meditation can be a big help in reducing the blow-ups and general volatility. I would recommend a basic mantra type meditation, it's easy and I've found it to be more powerful than mindfulness. Regardless, maintain a dialog with yoursel…
/r/askMRP16/08/17 04:02 PM
2

He's just trying to square too opposing viewpoints that are not resolving internally for him. Ie... owning your commitments vs. women will share a high value man. There's a lot of contradictions at many levels of reasoning out unfaithfulness which makes it a hard concept to have a dialectic understanding of.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/17 10:55 PM
-1

Haha, i know where you're coming from. I used to feel the same way. Then life has a way of getting more complicated than the constructs you have. I have not cheated but I know I am capable and likely would under the right circumstances but it also doesn't mean I don't love my wife or children. Nor does it mean I want a relationship with whoever could be a potential match sexually. It may be be that the sacrifice implicit in monogamy is a fundamental core of your identity. But it is a personalize…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/17 10:47 PM
1

It's not beta because the context of why the affair is happening is where you will find the definition of whether it's a beta behavior. Are you cleaning or fixing something around the house because it needs to be done or are you doing it out of a covert contract. This is another example where the context is the important part of the definition, not the action itself. It's not black and white but it can be held personally to be so. Some people would believe that divorce is the greater sin and the…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/17 09:41 PM
1

This was my view at first, then it got more complicated, then sometimes I waffle back to it... It's not beta though. Unless the extramarital affairs are completely about validation. Then yah... clearly that individual is not prepared for the consequences.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/17 08:57 PM
2

Welp, that attitude as evidenced by your reference to that book is half your answer why you're suffering from not having sex. You really ought to know who Simon Sinek is if you're going to reference a book about corporate culture. I'll save you the google search: https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action So go ahead and get a divorce if you want to increase the pain in your life and subject yourself to more punishment. But you won't become any happier because you hav…
/r/askMRP15/08/17 07:39 PM
1

Have you ever heard simon sineks talk about companies that decline because they get focused on money as the goal instead of a result? Focusing on the marriage instead of you is the same thing. Your marriage improving is a result of you working on yourself. It is not the goal and if you make it the goal, instead of your own development, it won't work cause you will constantly be focused on the wrong issues and wrong questions. The marriage is not really a thing anyway. The "marriage" is just a sy…
/r/askMRP15/08/17 06:54 PM
7

You're still deliberately ignoring any information people give you in this thread that doesn't support burning down the marriage. That's where you're looking to give yourself permission. By deliberately ignoring the evidence to the contrary so you can feel good about a decision you already want to make. What use is dating at 40 if you haven't corrected your defeatist patterns that led to your first dead bedroom. You'll just be heading towards dead bedroom number 2 and then what... back to dating…
/r/askMRP15/08/17 06:44 PM
1

You seem to be looking for permission to divorce instead of accepting the responses of all the dudes who are still married and in better marriages. You're more scared by the idea that things could be fixed than that they're hopeless because if it were hopeless you could accept less responsibility. Your first kick in the teeth and what triggers the anger phase is realizing that it's your own fault. Yeah, it's societies fault too, but it's mostly your fault for accepting that message without quest…
/r/askMRP15/08/17 05:30 PM
3

It may be more useful to consider it a check against whether you should talk instead of a default mute mode. You build context from your own life and by doing tests and studying the results you can qualify your approach depending on the scenario. Ex... had a bad day, would like to engage in complaining about bullshit. Should I STFU instead? (Yes) having a fight and I'm getting angry, should I STFU instead? (Yes) she complained about something and I think it's stupid. Should I STFU? (Yes) She's w…
/r/askMRP14/08/17 08:08 PM
4

You asked her to walk a little further and she agreed and did. Then after she reached "a little further" and had enough, you flipped out. You were dishonest to her and then mad she took you for your word. Because what you really meant was "no, you're walking with me and doing what I wanted us to do and I don't care your tired." But then, you didn't say that did you? But now you're acting as if she somehow agreed to your covert desire. You could have got her a cab, get her back to the hotel safel…
/r/askMRP14/08/17 07:18 PM
1

Lol, I've done that mistake too. My ass is literally the biggest pain in my ass. Glutes get so tight they will pull my back out on their own. Roll out twice a day with a softball + stretching. And have to avoid exercises like squats. Bar loaded split squats, leg press machines and such are my only leg options anymore besides biking. So now my strength training focuses on upper body and core, I bike and do interval training with swimming and the three combo really well for me.
/r/askMRP14/08/17 06:28 PM
1

This is what you've been working towards and starting to feel success can be daunting, the bigger the goal, the bigger the feeling of unease as you start to achieve it. Like others have said, the work never ends, you maintain or perish back to lazy misery. As you continue internalizing and cementing new patterns, you will begin to just expect the results. There's no substitute for time and consistency in regards your wife settling in to your frame. When she starts to bounce back to old behaviors…
/r/askMRP14/08/17 05:58 PM
1

It's just a conversation game. Next time proceed into the conversation as if you really had the power to do that. Absurd humor is your friend.
/r/askMRP14/08/17 06:22 AM
1

Yeah that sucks, the disruption is often worse than the injury itself. I had to abandon squats and DL due to a degenerative disc. I loved them too. Learned the hard way.
/r/askMRP14/08/17 06:13 AM
2

This. Ego / guilt is the biggest cause of injury. If you're sore, it's working and marginal performance variation across weeks means little over time. Just make sure it isn't easy, but don't go trying to set PRs all the time. If you're with a buddy who's experienced, different story. But for solo lifting, risk/reward calculation changes.
/r/askMRP13/08/17 07:32 PM
2

It's not, you're just afraid you're gonna break frame or give up fight club or something. The suggestions here about fogging are good. Also you're failing to show you aren't butthurt, probably because you're so locked down you're not engaging her in other fun ways so all she's getting is this weird silent treatment. She has no idea you're working on making changes. There's no context there for her to explain your behavior so you need to be able to maintain a connection while you work on your sto…
/r/askMRP12/08/17 11:41 PM
1

Beta dudes can be pretty explosive when they start letting out all that pent up angst and resentment. But you're right about not being afraid of ruffling feathers. The alpha doesn't go out of his way to be an asshole, he just doesn't care if he upsets people by asserting his reality.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/17 03:34 AM
1

Asking for a sexy pic while she's feeling insecure is a miscalculation. Get her feeling sexy first THEN ask for sexy pic or you're more likely to just reinforce her insecurity which is the opposite of your desired outcome here.
/r/askMRP11/08/17 05:10 PM
1

This is mostly just a pet peeve of yours. Rambo rarely ever helps a noob out. Maybe they can learn from it, but it doesn't advance them much and often sets then back or unnecessarily complicates their environment. This is advanced drama game and has been discussed elsewhere before. Not that your post was low quality, it's a great FR, but your thesis about Rambo doesn't really pan out because rambo at it's core is a lack of discipline and emotion control. Neither of which apply in your story.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/17 05:07 PM
4

You didn't go rambo. You just generated tactical drama to stir up your woman's emotion. The caution against rambo holds as the wiser course in AskMRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/17 05:01 PM
2

That wasn't burning a bridge, that was self sabotage with a sprinkling of hope she'd make the work easier for you.
/r/askMRP11/08/17 02:48 PM
1

Living alone is not that scary. You'll be fine. You're already setup to explore your hobbies and work on solidifying who you are. Cut the revenge out for now, it will only make the divorce messier and work to extricate yourself from the failed marriage. There is no saving your marriage at this point. The toxicity will be worse for your son than the split.
/r/askMRP11/08/17 01:17 AM
1

You mentioned having friends but not having a life outside your wife and family. You need a life that takes you away from them occasionally so you can do you and that's a core part of becoming a man worthy of respect from his SO. Ie... NMMNG
/r/askMRP10/08/17 08:33 PM
1

It's likely not that serious. She feels cut out of something and I bet it touches on several areas where she feels either confused or uninformed and the order happening without her is symbolic to that end. There's likely a loose end of communication that hasn't been addressed or she feels like she's on the low end of the power dynamic. They may not have the right split of responsibilities either. Only OP has the info to fully diagnose the source but fights are almost never about the thing of the…
/r/askMRP10/08/17 07:19 PM
1

You cared too much about the anxiety her own thought process was producing. Next time just say some version of "we're good" and then demonstrate that via actions at home with some affection, touch, whatever gesture is appropriate to the relationship. Her hamstering won't stop until she feels your actions to that end.
/r/askMRP10/08/17 07:13 PM
1

Well what do you find rewarding? Deeply rewarding? That will give you a clue as to a direction to begin hypothesizing life outcomes regarding a career. Stonepimples suggestion of Peterson's future authoring program (ie... 5 year experiment) could be a powerful tool for working out what will bring more meaning into your life and connect that with concrete goals. The process of writing will help untangle a lot of your thinking since it requires you to distill down the abstract emotions to written …
/r/askMRP09/08/17 10:19 PM
5

In short: Your frame is the totality of your self actualization. But it has to be individualized and you have to be the judge of how. In long: A brief story: A couple years into dating, my wife and I were talking about our first date. Unbeknownst to me, she said that what she found so attractive and interesting about me was that I knew so strongly who I was. After much of the reading here, I would describe it as an instinctual understanding that I could and should be the determiner of my own wor…
/r/askMRP08/08/17 05:15 AM
1

Eh, doesn't sound like the type to initiate anything real. At least not right now. He has some time to get his affairs in order.
/r/askMRP08/08/17 01:44 AM
1

For good reason and in your case it's more than just the ego. She seems to have made her decision and done so poorly. Anger's gonna be there a long time. Remember this'll be months to years long regardless of whatever happens with the wife. But I do agree with others here that I find it hard to see how she will ever be a good partner after leaving for an ex and coming back without thinking through that act at all. Get your ducks in a row and search the sub about divorce so you have an idea of wh…
/r/askMRP08/08/17 01:41 AM
1

Self authoring program is powerful stuff. Don't make any long term decisions while you're in the middle of upheaval but do your research and look for eclectic/cbt therapists.
/r/askMRP08/08/17 01:35 AM
0

You weren't. Scurve was. I was replying to scurve. Nobody here wants to see human doormats.
/r/askMRP08/08/17 01:33 AM
1

So much butthurt. Anti-divorce rape means being smart about how you exit. A reactionary out with kids is not that. If you're gonna exit then you do it deliberately and make sure you're prepared. What's the rush anyway if there's no abuse? Because your ego was violated? So what. Do it right.
/r/askMRP07/08/17 09:58 PM
2

Regardless of her, you need to face your social anxieties and grow through them instead of hiding. This is why you are explosively unhappy, deep down in your mind you know that you are a failure in this respect and the longer you hide the more critical and demoralizing your own deep voice will become. Whether your future is with your current wife or another, this deep narrative that makes you feel like shit will undermine you in all contexts.
/r/askMRP07/08/17 04:26 PM
1

She didn't want the saggy balled 60yr old dick, she wanted the feelz and that safety of him not being a sexual threat is why she invited him into their home. You don't drop a marriage with kids over that like nothing. Maybe that's how it ends eventually, but you don't just go "oh, ok, bye."
/r/askMRP07/08/17 04:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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