Hi, I'm a guy behind this victim puke (read at your own responsibility) https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3ne1rs/exaddicts_how_are_your_marriages/ , after being adequately berated in the comments, I got my shit together and produced this question: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3nnmog/so/ .

If you remember me, just skip to the next section for the questions.

I am very thankful for all your comments. It helped me actually see, how problematic is the situation I created in my marriage.

Some of the most insightful comment was, that me and my wife both hate and not trust each other and we have reasons to feel so and believe so. It's not like me, Saint Beta NiceGuy, gave her no reasons to act this way.

Even before marriage I acted like totally drunk shit and I treated her like shit. But not in TRP way of "amused mastery jerk in a baseball jacket", no. Just like ordinary shit, not in a sexy way. Maybe somehow I triggered her need for validation or whatever, so she decided to stay for that long. After marriage she did not retaliate, but when I sobered up a bit and thought that maybe I'll just do the opposite, this was the time she both lost interest, MAYBE she realized what she's been going through - my frame changed because I started apologizing for the past, she followed that frame change, realized I was acting and treating her like a piece of shit, acted adequately.

It's not "AWALT", "TRP", all that stuff. I just treated her like a shit. I won't go into explanations what were my reasons to do that, because I'm both not yet fully aware of it AND this is not about looking for excuses for my behavior. Maybe I was acting just like an insecure beta pussy, BUT I was able to cover it with alcohol somehow, so I looked like a badass to her. I don't know. I had that glitch. She had her own glitch. I choose her, she did not leave.

This relationship NEVER was sane. I'm not sure why she was so clingy before marriage. I'm not sure why I was so clingy after.

Yes, I screwed up. Multitude of times. My explanation? Shit, I won't self-diagnose Aspergers or other stuff, but honestly, even if I thought that I went a long way ahead, I swear that those last 2 days of reading and posting comments on AskMRP and MRP pushed me together. I thought I'm sobering up, but you guys pushed me waaaay further in my thinking. THANK YOU.

So, here's the damage control list:

  1. divorce is a must. I must legally get my balls out of her purse, I must become a free man again because legal. There is also no point in keeping a dead marriage just because. Marriage for me now means legal stuff; there are NO incentives for me to be legally bound to her in any way; I am already financially separate. I respect you at MRP but I don't see reasons to marry, so I think I'll be better this way - with life aligned to my beliefs.

  2. me caring about my kids is a must; they need a father; I am an intelligent guy, I AM getting my shit together; I am their biological father; when I'm not whining like a bitch I am top quality male, I can ride shit, I exercise, I had some stuff going on in my life; if I am around I can support my kids;

  3. dividing our assets after divorce is of course important; the best option is no cover contracts here... option a) just sell the flat and share the money; option b) I started typing "I'm willing to reimburse my wife for all those years and give her a bigger share", cover contract is "maybe she will respect me more later", but the contract won't work because Brittfault; option c) to keep my share in the flat - I will have some control over her in case if she starts acting shitty; option d) another option is to just GIVE her and the kids something; HONESTLY I have no idea, give me a red suggestion here, AskMRP, I'm not asking legal stuff, I'm asking stuff going on between divorced man and woman in RP way. The deal is, if I cling to my property, she could back off divorce papers and stay with me because money but I don't want her to stay with me, I want us to be free; I don't want to control her with money like in my good old beta days of "give me sex because I pay for stuff"; on the other hand it would be cool to leave some control in my hands, JUST IN CASE. What do you think?

Now, the ego damage control. From this perspective it looks fucking great, if you ask me, I can hardly see a downside:

  1. divorce won't hurt my attractiveness, it will actually raise it (clean personal situation, ability to re-marry NOT THAT I PLAN TO, just from a woman perspective);

  2. infidelity? What infidelity? If I'm not married, there's no infidelity. Unlimited pussy supply, that's what there is.

  3. my wife not interested in me, cheated, all that - GOOD, this happened, this was BEFORE TRP. Now as I am aware of TRP and MRP, it's really everything my responsibility now. Before TRP I was like a chimp inside an Airbus, without a manual; now I'm still that chimp, but I have a manual that I can slowly digest. If I fail while being unplugged, the blame is on me. Now I blame my marriage on my shitty behavior AND being unaware of TRP and MMSLP. TL;DR: she cheated, I can't trust her, NEXT.

  4. I'm actually able to get n-closes (and some other-closes) right NOW. Tried it, just for the kicks, it works, feels great, feels addictive, when the hormones weared off, I had a realization. Fucking other women might get them pregnant so it is a bad idea while I am married, because a) no-fault divorce won't be no-fault any more b) I'll have a kid I won't be able to support c) I haven't checked how much time I need for my current kids because I haven't yet divorced; d) I'm not aware of financial burden because I don't have alimony ordered YET. In other words, fucking a girl right now might be bad idea for me, for her and every single one of my kids AND it could only benefit my wife.

Shit. I just stumbled over that. Isn't it a parody? Honestly, I think my wife would actually want that to happen because this will give her more monies. Sexless marriage my ass. PERHAPS all those "dread game" articles should have point 11 and 12 simply removed, as fucking a mistress during marriage this is not dread, this is giving ammunition to the woman. Also, WTF, is that some form of oneitis, you fuck a mistress and you tell that to your wife to get her jealous, this is a bad idea, this won't work ever.

And, the conclusion of my damage control post, watch out:

THIS POST AND THOSE LISTS DO NOT MATTER AT ALL.

This post is undoubtley still centered around the relationship, thus it is centered around the WOMAN. And, the woman in reality does NOT matter. She's not my mother, I'm not a toddler, I will survive. Where is she important? She is important for me because she is important for my kids, she can take care of them, they love her. This is her value and importance for me now - because she takes care of my genetic offspring. Honestly, she's not that attractive and she's in her middle 30s, so without beta-fetishizing her and a few memories of really hot moments, there's nothing to cry about. Other guy pounded her hard? This does not matter. What matters is, WHO WAS I by that time, HOW DID I behave by that time, WHAT I DID after I learned about this. Jealousy is a cool emotion, generated by my lizard brain, but when I turn it down, this is what I came up with.

Thanks guys and in case I did not get that red pill stuff again, please explain me. I'm asking for a favor, but if you believe you have especially insightful stuff, PM me your paypal or bitcoin account and let me know how much do you wish, I actually got more help here than I would get at the therapy or in any book. Fuck reddit gold because fuck social marxism.

And, to finish, it's really cool that we have books like MAP, NMMNG, sidebar. But, in my case, I believe I am WAY OFF anything reasonable. MAP and NMMNG orbit around reasonable stuff, my marriage skyrocketed straight to another galaxy of insanity from the start. NO, this is NOT an excuse for NOT doing MAP and TRP. I'm doing MAP and TRP, because THIS MEANS LIFE. I'm just not doing them to "save my marriage", because I realized my marriage is BEYOND salvage. You played important part in this process. My thinking is clear again. Help me improve it even more. THANK YOU.