Dealing with physical shit tests.

irateMD · 2016-02-24T04:19:09+00:00

This is tricky territory because we don't really understand the details of your situation. Take this with a grain of salt.

I had one prior girlfriend who liked rough play during the daytime, especially at parties. She got off on it. She wanted me to say and do outrageous things so she could feign offended, slap me, and have me pull her close so she couldn't slap me again. She liked me to respond with a smirk or another smart-ass comment. It was like a bad movie. It was fun for a while, but I broke up with her partly because she was fucking crazy. It happened even more after I broke up with her, when she wanted me to take her back. Great plate experience, terrible LTR, and would never have married her.

Hitting her was never an option because it wasn't a real attack and I wasn't in danger. In fact, responding with any kind of real aggression wasn't an option for that reason.

If you are legitimately being attacked, then defend yourself with the least force necessary, or simply remove yourself from the situation. Don't get sucked into her drama. Don't do anything that could land you in jail. Document everything and next her.

My suggestion is to tell her to keep it in the bedroom, establish ground rules and safe words (a written agreement may even be helpful), and be aware that she can fuck your life up if she wants to if you hurt her in any way, even if she asks for it. Look up Jian Ghomeshi if you want to know how bad it can get.

If this is standard foreplay for rough sex, and you're both cool with it, then check out BDSM resources and keep it in the bedroom. That's a boundary that needs to be enforced.

Don't stick your dick in crazy.

cj_aubrey · 2016-02-24T04:33:09+00:00

The best advice I've seen on this is from a PUA book I read a long time ago. If a woman strikes you, immediately remove yourself. Don't say anything, don't do anything, get your coat and your keys and leave. Be gone for a while, overnight if possible. This is a very powerful "abandonment" move that will disturb most women. I don't think a man should ever hit a woman. Maybe if she attacks you with a weapon and you are physically in danger, but even then only if there is no other way.

strategos_autokrator · 2016-02-24T09:18:19+00:00

When it gets to disrespect, you need to nuke it. Nuking means showing with actions you will leave, even leave the relationship, if there is disrespect. In a physical situation, this means you just leave for a long time and go do other things. Let her steam in her own guilt. She will then try to blame you for making her do it. Ignore that, and use tricks from WISNIFG to make it clear what you will do if she goes there. Be ready to talk to a lawyer and everything.

Remember, you don't demand respect. You act in a way that shows you respect yourself, and that is why she will respect you. You don't take physical abuse from anyone, period. You don't need to explain why this is the case, you just act in a way to stop it.

Depending on where you live, responding with further physicality can land you in jail. I've seen reports of women attacking men, men doing nothing but calling the police. Cops come, the woman reports the man hurt her nails when she scratched him, and the man ends up in jail for that. Similarly, wife strikes man, man blocks, she hurts her hand, she calls the cops and accuses him of hurting his hand, he ends up in the can. So know the laws, but also, know the discrimination that the local police might subject you to, and plan for that as well.

Griever114 · 2016-02-24T12:48:38+00:00

If you are legitimately being attacked, then defend yourself with the least force necessary, or simply remove yourself from the situation. Don't get sucked into her drama. Don't do anything that could land you in jail. Document everything and next her.

My suggestion is to tell her to keep it in the bedroom, establish ground rules and safe words (a written agreement may even be helpful), and be aware that she can fuck your life up if she wants to if you hurt her in any way, even if she asks for it. Look up Jian Ghomeshi if you want to know how bad it can get.

If this is standard foreplay for rough sex, and you're both cool with it, then check out BDSM resources and keep it in the bedroom. That's a boundary that needs to be enforced.

I am quoting /u/irateMD on this one.

Personally, I agree and would make SURE that BSDM is established, documented and even notarized (yes im not kidding) before continuing doing it ANY further.

Also, on a personal note, I would end any relationship the second my wife or anyone would hit me. Especially in this bullshit society where women are taught they can get away with, it and even get your thrown in jail, with lies... but I digress as this is a sore topic for me.

My personal stance, this is the worst thing a spouse can do to their spouse. Worse than cheating.

This isny a shit test.. this is blunt disrespect.

cholomite · 2016-02-24T13:15:14+00:00

My gf loves to fight and gets very physical. She rarely gets angry but definitely pushes me as far as she can.

If I was in your situation I'd pin her arms against a wall with an angry look on your face, then change it up to a smile and kiss her hard on the cheek or neck. Then let her go. She wants to know that you're physically strong enough to completely control her body. Girls get very aroused when they are with a man who has the strength to take her. It means you're strong and can fight off attackers.

Consider it foreplay and don't be afraid to go hard. Just don't do anything that will leave marks and could get you arrested.

Redneck001 · 2016-02-24T17:58:45+00:00

There are several explanations for why a woman will hit you.

*She's fucking crazy;
*She's emotionally immature;
*She's a victim of abuse herself;
*She's attracted to you, strange emotional outbursts=IOI; or
*All of the above.

My response to any of them? Don't ever hit me again!

How to enforce? Remove yourself from that person. You decide how long you need to remove yourself. You may decide permanently.

[MINI FR]:

My wife and I were hanging out with friends last summer, drinking, having fun. A young girl, drinking heavily, was flirting with me. My wife was entertained. The girl kept sitting next to me. I don't recall doing anything to attract her, but she was obviously attracted. We were joking about something, the girl punches me in the arm. Not "cute punch in the arm, you asshole." A real punch in the arm. Everyone fell quiet. I looked at her and said Don't ever hit me again. A few minutes later, she did it again. Everyone stops, just looks at me. I looked at the girl, gave her the look, and left. Wife followed. I wasn't mad. Just wasn't going to put up with that kind of shit.

Wife and I never spoke about it (but wife was primed and ready when we got home, surprise).

Next day, the girl was extremely apologetic.

I haven't been around the girl lately, but curious if it will ever happen again. Mainly because I'm curious which of the above list she fits. It may be ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Edit: Personally, I don't feel its necessary to tell a person what the consequences will be. Or to engage that person. I think the fact that you remove yourself from them is message enough.

Kosmoknots · 2016-02-24T14:00:37+00:00

Be playful about it, but stern . Tell her she has a child now, and needs to set a good example. Any spanking needs to be in the bedroom.

42andatowel · 2016-02-24T17:03:04+00:00

The other times she's done it in the past were because she just wanted a good hard angry fucking. But she's just had our baby son and is still recovering from second degree tearing so that's not it.

This could still be it. She wants the "good hard angry fucking" but she can't have it. Doesn't excuse the behavior, you need to enforce the boundary, but don't rule out that she could be looking for exactly what you've responded with in the past. Her "Feelz" don't take into account her second degree tearing.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-02-27T15:42:00+00:00

she's just had our baby son and is still recovering from second degree tearing so that's not it.

Why do guys always bury this information in several paragraphs down?

No need to hit an irate woman back. Just dominate her. Learn how to do a basket hold and whisper in her ear you will let her go when she can act like an adult.

0io- · 2016-03-09T03:18:46+00:00

If you can physically pick her up and carry her around safely and her attacks are not too violent (say she slapped your face or was pounding on your chest or back or threw a wet towel at you or something...) you might consider laughing at her and picking her up and talking to her the same way you would if a three-year old girl did the same thing to you. "Now now, you know it's not nice to hit daddy. You're going to have to have a time out and go to your room until you can play nicely." Basically act like you're Superman and she's just playing around and you laugh at her because her obviously you can't take this attack seriously. Set her down softly and safely on a bed or sofa or whatever. Then you could leave if she's still in a bad mood or stick around if she's just trying to make out with you.

On the other hand, If she's actually trying to do damage, like gouging your eyes or kicking and screaming hard like a psycho, or taking out weapons, etc. then you're probably better off leaving immediately for day or two (probably with the Baby) and having a serious talk later when she's relatively sane. If you're on good terms with your in-laws you might call them and let them know that she's gone nuts and you were afraid she would hurt the baby and can't go back until she calms down. "I'm calling you because she was waving a knife around in the kitchen and screaming, the baby and I are safe but maybe you should call her and tell her that she can't act like this and needs to get some real help."

Title	Dealing with physical shit tests.
Author	mattizie
Upvotes	7
Comments	12
Date	February 24, 2016 3:07 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/47aga9/dealing_with_physical_shit_tests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/dealing-with-physical-shit-tests.207646 https://theredarchive.com/post/207646

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