First Stumbling Block/Opportunity Whatever...

The_Litz · 2017-06-15T15:26:16+00:00

WISNIFG is a good book to deal with these tirades. Read it asap. It is her emotions, her problem.

Best bet is to AA. Agree and amplify. 'Yeah I should really not park the car under the tree where all the turkeys roost, they really shit a lot.'

2 Things happen, you are not argueing and you have taken her wind from her sails. Nothing else for her to say, you agreed. The worst thing to do is to DEER in a case like this. Feelz beat logic every time.

BUT, if she is really being a cunt, remove your time.

redandswollen · 2017-06-15T15:38:31+00:00

Sit there, listen for a bit. Practice fogging with her. And if she has a valid complaint about something you fucked up, own it and do better next time. If she's a bitch, STFU and walk away for a bit.

[deleted] · 2017-06-15T19:46:16+00:00

Whats your end goal?

asking others to help you flail about does you no favours

UEMcGill · 2017-06-15T16:07:42+00:00

First, set the conditions of the interaction.

"Babe, I cannot and will not discuss this unless you can speak calmly and not attack me."

If she refuses, walk away. This is a boundary that will not be given up. If she is in a tirade, telling her to calm down is essentially telling her that her feelings don't matter. Instead, ask her "When you are ready I'm willing to discuss this calmly."

This is where the phrase, "Oak in the storm" comes from. We don't stop the storm, we let the storm blow itself out while we bend and sway.

Second, as suggested WISNIFG is your best weapon here. Understand that she maybe communicating emotion, and not content. Use it to not DEER. Concede only if you actually agree you were wrong. If you were, own it, and follow through. Because you say you don't feel you were wrong, put it back on her.

"Babe, I don't accept it that way."

Wife, "Well that's not how I feel"

"That's cool. Your feelings are yours and you are entitled to them. I'm not going to try and change that."

The bloopers get caught up in the fact that we try and manipulate others but the fact of the matter is, we are social beings. Everyone manipulates each other. There's no "Can I just be myself"

So recognize when she wants you to be in charge of her feelings,don't let her do that. Get her to own them herself.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-06-16T15:41:25+00:00

My wife often goes tirades regarding situations that occur that are not my doing, claiming that them to be my fault and rattling off instructions as to how I should do [insert random process] next time.

When I go before a judge on a cluster fuck case that is not my fault I have fun with it. Why can't you have fun with it? When it IS my fault then it's not so much fun.

If you don't want to argue about it then don't. It is really that simple. Let her blame shift and flail around trying desperately to gain control of her life and the situation. If you view it as a little girl organizing her dolls and issuing random commands it should be a lot easier.

Nucka574 · 2017-06-15T16:15:57+00:00

WISNIFG

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-06-15T15:27:21+00:00

Don't argue, don't agree, just ignore it. STFU.

HangingSalami · 2017-06-16T23:19:45+00:00

Yeah she's used to beating down a beta for years. #1 Don't take any more verbal abuse. Tell her, "if you can't talk to me like a calm adult, I'm gone" Then leave. Do not tell her where you are going, do not answer texts. Come back really late, sleep on couch and see how she behaves at breakfast. Rinse and repeat.

Title	First Stumbling Block/Opportunity Whatever...
Author	mrmoosesnoses
Upvotes	8
Comments	34
Date	June 15, 2017 2:49 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6hfgr6/first_stumbling_blockopportunity_whatever/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/first-stumbling-blockopportunity-whatever.206003 https://theredarchive.com/post/206003

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