New member. Found the r/marriedredpill sub shortly after setting some boundaries in my relationship, which was a little serendipitious. Directed here by a helpful mod.

I am in a long term relationship with a woman where we both own our own homes and live separately. I am looking to make my woman more attentive to my needs, to care more about my wellbeing.

She is intelligent and good at working through issues, and I am entirely swamped right now and yet can see her attentions going elsewhere, like the gym (unnecessary) or her housekeeping.

My requests for certain things are being heard, but without actions on her part to actively be more attentive. I shouldn't need to ask every time for her to do things, they should be second nature and she should be thinking of me, in exactly the same way I do for her and her issues, like repairs and maintenance around her home.

I'm currently waiting for replies to my texts from last night (>10 hours ago) which is bothering me as we have recently argued around this and made up healthily. Not replying is being inattentive.

So I'm thinking of measures to resolve. I believe withholding attention on my part would either resolve things quickly, possibly lead to a cycle forming, or the end of the relationship. With the stress I am under due to health issues and personal circumstances I won't discuss today, only options 1 and 3 are palatable. I won't continue to try to foster a relationship where I feel secondary to other aspects of her life for any extended periods.

That said, I am committed to this relationship and feel strongly about her. I'd like to know how I can be sure my approach is optimal.