Not talking about sex....

Scurvemuch · 2017-03-16T14:29:51+00:00

So, how bad is the MS?

And what else does she do in her life?

What is she capable of doing? What does she put energy into?

redmountainpill · 2017-03-16T14:51:21+00:00

There could be a whole litany causes for your wife to feel like shit. As you know, MS usually progresses in a relapsing-remitting pattern. There may be good and bad days. On the good days, she may be horny as a teenager. Scurve knows a whole lot more about this than me.

Still, the plan is the same whether she has a disease or not. You make yourself into the best version of yourself that you can be. It doesn't matter what your wife does, because your self esteem should be independent of her.

Story time: I have a buddy whose wife developed an encephalopathy. Makes her pass out and I bet he hasn't had sex in years. He's taken her to doctors and there's treatments she can do, but she doesn't follow through. So she can't take care of the kids and she's basically dead weight. He's divorcing her because he's only got one life to live. As a side note, he's obese and drinks too much, but he makes a ton of money. Taking the easy way out in my opinion.

Anyway, you've only got one life. Live your mission and you'll be happy

The_Litz · 2017-03-16T15:58:41+00:00

I'm going to sound like a broken record here, but it is not about MS, it is about a certain mindset you are dealing with.

Replace MS with any other chronic condition or disease and you are still sitting with a person you don't like because of the mindset that person has. I can knock sick people all day if I want, because I have been there. There were times I could hardly function because of chronic pain and inflamation and I have a reduced life expectancy. The only thing you have is your mind to pull you through.

Do not let a disease or condition define who you are.

As for your original question, would she have been open to discuss how to drain your balls prior to the MS? Not likely is my guess, because she has no interest in keeping you happy.

firstorbit · 2017-03-16T16:01:45+00:00

What's wrong with talking about or asking for sex? I know not to get butthurt if you get a 'no', but I've found that bringing it up overtly earlier in the day will almost always get me action later if she says yes.

resolutions316 · 2017-03-16T13:40:54+00:00

Most of MRP assumes normal physical functioning in both partners. MS pretty clearly invalidates that.

I think you need to acknowledge what's going on and make concessions for that - MS is serious shit and I'm sure it bums her out more than you.

That said - in my experiences with illness, half of what the sick person wants is to be treated normally - to remember a life before everyone pitied them.

Maybe start with flirting and fun. Build up to something sexual, but try reminding your wife that she's a woman, that you find her attractive, that life, even while ill, can still have moments of joy and fun.

(Disclaimer: I'm no expert)

anythinginc · 2017-03-16T16:22:57+00:00

All our wives KNOW we want and need sex already. Period. They are not stupid. They just don't want to. Rationally or subconsciously, something prevents them. Our SMV isn't high enough, they don't dread losing us, they aren't attracted to us, they are not "in love" with us, they have some psychological issue or trauma etc...

That is why we say it is generally detrimental to talk about it.

Most women just need a little "rational" whisper to prevent them from fucking their husband...

It's a weeknight
I'm tired
I'm on my period
The kids wore me out today
Sex and orgasms are work I don't feel like doing
etc...

Or a little subconscious hamster whisper...

He isn't good enough
I could do better
He doesn't have abs
I've got him locked down already
Drunk captain
Why don't I feel sexy with him?
etc...

Your wife, on the other hand, has a legit, medical, rational reason to never desire to have sex with you. She has MS.

She can't exert herself or she'll feel like shit for a long time afterwards or possibly (however likely or not) even die.
She likely doesn't have the energy to even exert herself many days
She is in real pain
Has to confront her looming mortality every day
Has to confront her slow physical and mental decline every day
Has to confront the fact that at any time her disease could rapidly progress
May or may not be aware that her medication and care could potentially bankrupt her family

That is a lot to overcome to "feel sexy," OP

Granted, I know a couple women with Type 1 diabetes and MS, and they love to fuck. They have confronted their mortality and decided life is too short to NOT be fucking all the time.

So, all that said, she has every right to NOT be fucking you. Sucks I know. Could SMV and dread and captaining overcome these roadblocks to intimacy, I don't know?

The flip side, you have every right to NOT be with someone who does not or can not have sex with you. Intimacy and affection are understood to be needs as well.

Society has deemed it distasteful to leave a spouse due to medical problems or injury, because we imagine "what if the shoe was on the other foot? I wouldn't want my spouse to leave me if I was in a wheelchair or something and couldn't have sex, that is shitty." The truth is, we couldn't and shouldn't expect them to stay and sacrifice themselves either, and often times, they do not. Does society come down hard on those people? Not that I've ever seen. Maybe some resentment from their children. Maybe a "that is shitty" or "sad" comment, but deep down, few expect others to sacrifice like that.

Honestly the most "shitty" yet the most accepted way I know of people to deal with this, is to be a supportive spouse, but get pussy/dick on the side. I've even seen people divorce a spouse, but continue to provide for their care while having other relationships or getting remarried. You've been married over ten years, she gets your social security, she has teenagers and you to help her, you don't have to be a martyr. Can you bring the teenagers around? Make them understand that you love their mom, and want to help her, but you can't stay married to her? Depends on them.

Back to talking about it. Sure, test the waters, but I bet it is a shit show.

How dare you threaten me about sex! I have MS! You are the worst person!

Life is tough OP, it sucks. You have to weigh your conscience, your kid's potential feelings about "abandoning" their mom, and everything else.

Bottom line;

She doesn't have to fuck you
You don't have to live your life without sex and intimacy.

Those are easy truths, everything else is difficult. If you haven't decided your life would be better without your wife, and even with your kids potentially hating you for awhile, then it is a moot point, you aren't ready.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-03-16T14:26:08+00:00

Hate to say it, you may just be the MRP guy who lays the groundwork for this sort of thing.

Soberskipper · 2017-03-16T16:58:45+00:00

How is she responding to dread? This could be a better indicator for you on how attractive she finds you. Her non libido could be general for once on this thread. I know a dude with MS n i hate to say it but he's fucked up hard and the last 12 months it's really really really accelerated. He can hardly walk now.

nantucketghost · 2017-03-16T18:33:47+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

Title	Not talking about sex....
Author	eyeamamess
Upvotes	4
Comments	20
Date	March 16, 2017 1:27 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5zqk4p/not_talking_about_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/not-talking-about-sex.206406 https://theredarchive.com/post/206406

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