I feel stuck

redwall92 · 2020-08-12T12:43:08+00:00

I get this gut feel when I read your posts that your main goal in life is to find a good LTR and upgrade her to wife status someday in your dream-world. And you really really really really hope that goes well for you and your dream family. And you really really really really really really hope that once you've got that goal met that nothing happens to burn it all to the ground someday - like she cheats on you are something of that nature.

You say "secular women smell the virginity off you" ... ok, fine. Sounds like it bothers YOU that you're a virgin. Why is that so?

"Putting yourself out there but it's been failure after failure" ... what metric are you using to define everything as a failure in your life. You feel like crap? Oh, ok. If how you feel is your metric, then stop posting about it here...you're wasting your time and ours with your keyboard feeling faucet.

Good people are hard to come by and that’s one of the worst realizations I’ve come to.

It's about time that realization hit you. I think it needs to hit you a bit harder. If you're "good people", then people will be drawn to you at some level. It sounds like you still have a ways to go. What's your definition of "good people" anyway? Sounds like part of that definition you carry around for "good people" is that they like you.

"work on my mission"....

Make some goals man.

Specific
Measurable
Time limit
Write it down
"My" goals

Do you have any area in your life where you have goals set and are shooting for them and knocking them out?

What are your goals in the gym?

What are you financial goals?

Do you have any goals for reading the Bible or other books?

I'd wager you don't have goals that are measurable. Do you know what *uckarounditis is in the gym world? It's when a person goes to the gym with no clear, measurable goals. And he spends 1.5 hours in the gym 3-4 times a week. And after a year he's the same physical specimen he was when he started.

I'd wager you're playing the game of life with the same sort of *uckarounditis plan.

Make some goals man. Start with the gym (duh ... this is RP). Hit your mile-markers; knock your goals out. Rinse, repeat.

Proverbs_31_2-3 · 2020-08-12T05:36:59+00:00

You are literally choosing whether to partake and be like everyone else or be the minority and settle for scraps. And that disappoints me because I expected some reward for my diligence.

Two thoughts from Scripture immediately came to my mind when I read this. I'll leave them here for you to meditate on:

1) From the parable of the lost son: Do you only obey because you expect a reward? Luke 15:25-32

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

2) Abram was longing for a reward as well. How long did he have to wait? How long have you been waiting? Do you believe the Lord? Genesis 15:1-6

After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision:

“Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,
your very great reward.”

2 But Abram said, “Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?” 3 And Abram said, “You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.”

4 Then the word of the Lord came to him: “This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir.” 5 He took him outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”

6 Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

Outside of the biblical realm, here's a metaphor:

If you were sitting in a feasting hall, and all around you people were gorging themselves on food that you knew to be rotten and poisoned, even though it still looked and tasted good for the time being - would you dive in and eat too, or be disgusted and repulsed? Even if you were hungry, how long would you wait for a wholesome plate of unspoiled food to be served to you? Or better yet, get up, leave the feasting hall, and either prepare or hunt some food for yourself (i.e. be proactive).

And when you find your "scrap" (not abundance mentality by the way) remember that "enough is as good as a feast"!

Praexology · 2020-08-12T04:51:34+00:00

What is your mission? What are your stats? Where are you in your scripture reading? Memorization? How often are you cold approaching? What about # closing? How's STFU going? (Clearly not great according to all of your posts.)

If you weren't prepared for this response, are you actually been looking for results? Hard work is just that - hard. Not that it's bad, but it's uncomfortable, if you arent willing to start taking the basic advice why would anyone give you more challenging steps? Those steps have greater consequences if you fail, and none of us want to be responsible for you if you're just looking for someone to scratch your "I need help" itch.

I've been watching your posts for a while, I recognize a passion for God and Christ in you. (Though, this BS about an active fwb has got to stop. Quit flip flopping, are you gonna follow Christ or not? If so, sexual immoralityhas got to end, even if the relationship doesn't.) This all said, you are acting like a boy. You are constantly seeking affirmation from the red pill communities, both secular and Christian. I get it, most of us have daddy problems. Lots of us have irrelevant, milquetoast dads that mded us into emotional, volatile boys. It sucks, we get it. Now move on. You know what is right or wrong to do, just do it. Maybe God gifts you with a wife, maybe he doesn't. You need to find satisfaction in your relationship with Christ first. Then progress in your mission.

Entpunisher is going to call me a therapist again, I can just feel it.

Red-Curious · 2020-08-12T14:51:04+00:00

My mission is to start my own brand of outdoor clothing/equipment and to act in films in order to influence culture in a more positive way instead of culture influencing us.

Here's your first problem. Your mission sucks. Yeah, it's your mission. If you claimed to be a non-Christian, I'd say go for it. But if you're in Christ, that should change.

When guys like /u/Praexology and I ask what your mission is it's not because we want to change your mission or see how disciplined you are in fulfilling whatever it is you're doing. It's because we want to see how far of a gap there is between what you want for your life and what God wants for your life.

I have not hidden from men what a narrow/non-existent gap looks like - and many men have taken the hint and give me a fake mission for themselves just to appease, because they know what we're looking for here. But let me reiterate this again: "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations." Got it?

Now, if that's what Jesus wants from your life, why does your mission not reflect this? Because you want different things from your life than he does. This is where guys like /u/redwall92 hit the nail on the head. You clearly have blue pill fantasies about what your life should look like that aren't aligned with reality. And 99.99% chance: the reason you're not getting your blue pilled fantasies fulfilled aren't because they're unfulfillable, but because you make them your goal instead of Scripture.

Matthew 6:33 - "Seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well." It's not that hard. What are you doing for the good of the Kingdom? It sounds like you're only focusing on the righteousness component and ignoring the Kingdom-building aspect. You can't seek your own righteousness and ignore seeking God's reign across the earth and think you're still going to get the promises afforded to those who do.

Watch sermons about 4 times a week. I don’t read the Bible as much as I should

Seriously - this is another huge problem. Stop being a sermon junkie. You ever see the hand illustration? Here's an over-simplified version. Working from pinky to thumb, your engagement in the Word becomes deeper and more alive. At best, you're hearing and maybe reading on rare occasions. I'm extremely doubtful that you're actually studying the word. I'd wager what you'd call "study" is really topical research, and the two aren't even close to the same. You've already said you're not memorizing, which inherently means you're not meditating on the Word either. The full illustration would involve asking you to hold a Bible with just your pinky and (if we're being generous on your self-assessment, we'll also let you use) your ring finger. Can you even do it? If you can, how easily will the Word be snatched away from you if that's all you've got? Add in the others and your grasp on the Word becomes more firm and can't be stolen away.

Stats: 5’11” 25yo. 155lbs. Deadlift 180 squat 195 bench 185 triceps 45 both arms bicep curls

These numbers are extremely awkward. /u/OsmiumZulu - you ever see someone who benches more than he can deadlift? Or who squats more than he can deadlift even? This is all kinds of backwards. And you're curling 45s? Stop working those biceps and get the rest of your body in shape. You've been around these parts for a minimum of 8 months, brother. My bench went from 135 to 250+ in 6. What's the holdup? You say you're hitting the gym. I'm guessing you go, do your comfortable routine, then hit the showers. Do you actually have mile-markers you're striving to accomplish or not?

STFU in real life goes well. Maybe that’s why I’m posting here so much. In regards to STFU with women around, I used to be quiet a lot but lately I’ve been trying to open up and socialize to learn what it’s like to communicate. I feel like an autist sometimes

... no, it's not because you didn't go the college route. It's because you are conflating STFU with being socially incompetent. STFU doesn't mean you withdraw from social situations to reddit, only making time for the friends you knew when you were 5 years old. I'm glad you're trying to open this up. You say you attempt number-closing for practice every now and then. Shift gears for now to broader human relationships. Instead of number-closing, try friend-closing. Get some new people in your sphere of influence. My guess is that these people you chill with either (1) aren't a good influence on you, hence why you're stuck in a rut, or (2) they're fantastic role models, but they don't have enough of a voice in your life to influence you for the better. Either way, the solution is to move away because if whatever good influence they have to offer (if any) isn't working, find someone else who can help you.

After Christ revealed himself to me was when my life changed in a positive more successful way but I became this hermit.

That's because you caved to churchianity idiocy that tells new believers to cut off everything from their old non-Christian lives and start fresh. Total garbage. A good book to counter this mentality: The Insider, by Jim Petersen and Mike Shamy. It addresses the way believers should be encouraged to maintain their "insider" role with non-believers rather than ditching everyone for Christ, which pushes non-believers further away.

I guess I need some encouragement?

No, you're validation-seeking. You want to know there are other guys in your shoes so that you feel less bad. "See? It's not just me!" Just because someone else's life sucks worse than yours doesn't mean your life is better than it is. Don't look for comparison. Don't look for validation in camaraderie over lowliness.

What you need is a kick in the butt. Start focusing your life on something that matters. Get your mission figured out above all else.

rocknrollchuck · 2020-08-12T04:42:08+00:00

Secular women smell the virginity off me - one girl asked me if I was one during a hangout. That was strange to hear.

Good opportunity to witness: "Why yes, I AM a virgin. I want to honor God so I'm waiting until I'm married to have sex."

I’ve been putting myself out there but it’s been failure after failure, maybe that’s why I feel like crap lol.

You've been obedient to God's commands. That's victory my friend.

You are literally choosing whether to partake and be like everyone else or be the minority and settle for scraps. And that disappoints me because I expected some reward for my diligence.

1 Kings 19:18. God has options you don't know about.

It’s a waiting game and I just have to repeat the same steps day in day out.

I feel the same way with my job situation. You're not alone brother. God will work it out in His perfect timing. Be patient, focus on obedience and consistency. Imagine how pleasing your life is to the Father right now!

PRW63 · 2020-08-12T12:09:03+00:00

I’ll be honest, I’m trying my best to work on my mission, hit the gym, make money, increase my skill set.

This is where "popular" RP misses the boat. Those are all external things. To the Christian these are part of the desires of the flesh and the "pride of life" that Scripture does not speak positively of. They've become cliche. None of them change the quality who you are. "Real" RP knows this.

You have to change yourself internally in how you think and function,...then,...continue with those other things, but keep them in their place. They are secondary to the internal changes.

What if you were in a wheelchair? Were a veteran and had missing limbs? You aren't going to be Mr Bodybuilder then. Make more money? One of the richest women in the world got that rich by marrying Jeff Bezos (CEO of Amazon) then divorcing him and taking it all from him. Having money didn't save him. I'm sure we've all heard about Johnny Depp and Amber Herd (if I spelled the names right). Having a lot of money just makes betas and BP guys more reckless and gullible because they get the women without trying and don't have a clue what is really happening

DeChef2 · 2020-08-12T16:23:17+00:00

You've already gotten many strong replies from u/Praexology u/redwall92 u/rocknrollchuck and u/Red-Curious, so I'll keep this one short and to the point.

I yearn for the moment where my goals have been achieved and I’ve got a happy family with a good wife

I’m not sure ... if that’s Gods will for me

It's not. At the end of the day, your goals, your happy family, and your good wife are not what is important. God is.

It's not about you, it's about God. So change your life: stop focusing on yourself, start focusing on God.

How well do you love God?
How well do you love Others?
How well do you Disciple the lost?

Most importantly: how well do you combine all three? It's not about doing these things individually, but how each fulfills the other.

If you love God well, you will also be loving others well and making disciples.

If you love others well, you will also be loving God and making disciples.

If you are making disciples, you are also loving God well and loving others well.

Finally, get yourself in OYS; there's one today, so no better time to start.

agoodcrayon · 2020-08-12T19:18:39+00:00

You got me on this one. I do hope for those things.

Virginity used to not bother me until this past year. I know I should be proud of it but I literally don’t know a single person who is still a virgin besides the unattractive people even within the church I used to go to. These were people I got baptized with. Now i don’t see them the same. So I chose to leave them behind and search for a better group of people. I was actively seeking a new church prior to Covid. So in a way, my virginity or maybe my Pharisee mindset has created division and isolation.

My goal in the gym is to weigh 170lbs and then get up to 185 afterwards. I was doing great prior to Covid - was increasing 12lbs a month and started at 134lbs. I was built like a girl. My bf was 4.5% now it’s at 8.2%. My lifting weight increases gradually week after week.

Financial goals are to save up for a house and an emergency fund. I’ve saved more money this year so far than I’ve ever had in my life at one time. I have no debt whatsoever. Honestly, I’m doing pretty well in this area.

I read devotions and have bible plans I read through sometimes but not anything specific like a chapter a day and memorize a verse a day type of thing. I read other books as well aside from fiction. Mainly books on business and entrepreneurship. Don’t have any goals aside from reading them.

I’ve got effarounditis in some areas. In others I don’t.

Speaking of routines and measurable goals - do you live each day with a list of things to do, count calories, how many reps you put in, etc?

I have goals lol. I rebuild cars on the side and work full time. I still hit the gym and try to get the word in during drives or late nights. I’ve got 3 cars to my name and haven’t had a car payment in my life.

This isn’t an excuse but to give you a better picture of what I’m dealing with - I’m the only guy in the family. Dad is a borderline alcoholic and lazy to the bone. He pays the bills sometimes. I take care of the home and the yard and also help my sisters and mom with repairing their cars. This has been going on for almost 15 years. Every 2 steps forward I take, there are 3 new problems added onto my lap.

TRP helped me find out about mental point of origin. And I’ve been trying to stick to it.

It feels like I’m a father to children I never created trying to keep the ship afloat. I wish there was more time in the day so I can catch up.

Title	I feel stuck
Author	agoodcrayon
Upvotes	10
Comments	24
Date	August 12, 2020 2:41 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askRPC
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/i85pmp/i_feel_stuck/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/i-feel-stuck.54970 https://theredarchive.com/post/54970

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