Long post. Vent.

TL;DR - Discovered redpilled young and did jack shit with it. Feeling really sad because of that now. Boohoo me. Just needed to vent.

I've never thought i'd post here again under the circumstances, forgot the password to my last account and honestly i'm ashamed using it because my few posts garnered some positive feedback that I totally didn't live up to.

I've discovered trp when i was 19, now i'm 24 and still a virgin. At least trp got me to kiss a girl and a really cute one at that. But I didn't really grab myself by the balls and didn't do much besides playing video games alone at home thinking girls were too much of a hassle.

I was wrong. Now i feel like I wasted 5 years. I feel like shit. I decided to write all of this because right now there's a girl I wanna get close to after all this time I was in a haze, and i realize i'm a boring ugly slob and everyone around me are sexually active, and I feel left out.

After I tried getting close to that girl all the memories of the redpill came rushing back and I read some posts. Especially "I have become chad, destroyer of pussy" gave me a good THWUMP in the stomach, as it talked how even innocent looking girls can be total whores. It reminded me what i'm missing with this girl, with all girls. I want to be like that, a guy that turns an innocent looking princess into a sex-addict.

I have a long way ahead. I'm sad and afraid that i'll fail myself. I did a lot of reading long ago but it's all distant now. I'm not in the worst shape but there's a LOT to improve. I'm a boring fuck that doesn't know how to flirt, open, cold-approach and close the deal. I feel like i've missed up on life up until now.

More than anything i'm ashamed I didn't do anything. Like finding a gold mine and then sitting at the entrance flicking rocks saying that you'd start digging tomorrow. Then doing that every day afterwards.

Ban me if this is inappropriate. I'm just sad and needed to write something off my chest. Past me would've been afraid to even write this post in fear of getting banned.... I guess that's a plus.... Right now I need to: 1. Finish the course i'm taking, while doing everything in my power to do so. 2. Quit video games. This is extremely hard for me because it's all I do and i'm so afraid of the change. But the pain it causes me in the long run isn't worth it. 3. Get in shape and keep at it. Join a sport as a hobby. I want to pick up boxing or MMA. 4. Pick up hobbies in general. I want to try writing painting and hiking. 5. Get my life in order. Move out of my parents' and start forcing me to be independant. Cooking and tiding and bettering myself. 6. As for that girl, I'm tired of having regrets. Gonna just escalate and try and probably crash and burn. Everyone is gonna laugh at me but at least I could say to myself I tried.

Thank you if you read all that. Mods thanks you if you haven't banned my autistic ass. Honestly i'm just happy being here again, I really need a good kick in the ass to get me going.

Feel free to roast me good. Feel free to talk with me in private.