Hey guys,

I've been lurking around TRP for the better part of a year now. I've read everything on the sidebar many times and am halfway through NMMNG. I'm at the point where I want to start incorporating this stuff into my life. I'm sick of the way things have gone for me, and it needs to change.

Let me introduce myself. I'm going to omit some details and minorly change some others, because I don't want to be recognized by my colleagues. I'm a 24 y.o. 6'2" 180 lb medical student in the US, and I've been involuntarily celibate for just over a year now. I've had three longer term relationships in the past, and in all three cases I served the classic beta bucks role and was miserable and anxiety-ridden. I also had maybe two or three ONS in college, through no fault of my own. Other than that, I've spent the majority of my adult life incel. I hate it.

I don't think I'm a bad looking dude, and I definitely have the height going for me, but I feel like I have no confidence. I should add that I'm not in great shape, either. In college I weighed 210 lbs at my heaviest, and I made an effort to get down to a better weight. Nobody would ever call me fat, but I definitely have a little extra around the abdomen. Right now, I'm sidelined from cardio because of a serious lower body injury. I can still do upper body workouts, although if I'm being honest with myself, I'm absolutely not working out as often or as hard as I should. I already know this is the first thing that needs to change.

I remember thinking all through college that when I finally got to medical school, I'd have some status and women would finally be interested. Now that I'm here, nothing has changed. I guess I expected a switch to flip somewhere, but that's not really how it works. I'm also swamped with schoolwork, and the only people I encounter are other medical students. For the most part these are either aggressive, unattractive women whom I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, or the few hotties who have their pick of any of America's future doctors. I'm not on the shortlist, so I'm incel. Anyway, I can't fall into the trap of thinking that once I graduate, once people have to call me Dr., then I'll finally have the status I need. I can't just keep waiting for happiness to come to me, I need to find a way to go out and take it. Passivity is not masculine, and I think that's the crux of my problem.

In college, I got depressed and anxious, mostly because of my sexual frustration. My first real relationship was at the tail end of high school, and I had serious oneitis. She dumped me while I was in college, and I let it wreck me. I started self-medicating by chronically smoking marijuana, and this is a behavior I have carried with me into medical school. (Let me clarify -- I have always been sober whenever I have had contact with patients. I am ethical in my drug use, and I only do it on my own time.) I am sure that my pot smoking has contributed to my weight, but it also helped me deal with the crushing loneliness I was and still am experiencing. Anyway, I know it needs to change, so one week ago I quit. I locked up my paraphernalia and marijuana and gave the keys to a trusted friend.

Now, though, I'm forced to experience my isolation through the harsh, brutal lens of sobriety. It sucks. Hard. I spend my days in the library quiet room studying, and my evenings in my apartment, alone. Most weeks, I have at least a day or two where I don't even utter a word to another human being. Some of this is just the nature of medical school, but I also know that my colleagues can't all be feeling this way. I can't find anybody else who wants to go out and meet girls, and I'm just not up for doing it solo. Is that valid? Maybe I should just suck it up and start going out alone, but I can't help but think that I'll come off as "creepy".

Anyway, at the end of the day, despite my problems, I just can't understand why women never seem to respond to my advances. I'm an interesting guy -- I play guitar, I write and record music (3 albums so far), I'm an avid rock climber, I'm constantly reading about politics and philosophy (which was one of my majors), I'm well-informed, I'm a former bartender and can mix a mean cocktail, etc. I have so many good traits and valuable skills. And, to top it all off, I'm going to be a doctor. Last winter, I saved a woman's life on overseas flight when the stewardess asked "is there a doctor on this plane?". But at the same time, I genuinely don't really like myself. I daily feel inadequate. I wish I could be somebody else. I don't know how to fix that. My body is truly the only thing I need to improve, and even that's not so bad. I see way more out of shape guys getting laid with frequency, and I have so many things that they don't.

Anyway, I really just need some help getting my mind right. I think that's my biggest hindrance. I don't know where my lack of confidence comes from, because by all measures I've got the world by the tail. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. And even though it goes without saying, since this is TRP, don't sugar coat. Give it to me straight.

EDIT: I forgot to add a crucial detail. In the past, I've had problems with premature ejaculation. The hookups I had in college made a big deal out of this and crushed me with it repeatedly. One girl announced it to everyone at a party we were at. This is a major source of my lack of confidence. I'm afraid to embarrass myself in the bedroom, especially if it's going to be with a fellow medical student. And now that it's been a year since I've had any action at all, I'm positive the first few go rounds are going to be humiliating.

Thanks, -mscard

tldr; 6'2" med student with lots of great qualities has no confidence or self-esteem and needs help getting his mind right