A simple question regarding "sluts" and long term relationships

Reddit_SLC · 2013-12-21T20:09:51+00:00

Yes, it is possible, but most women are terrible at it.

There are sluts that sleep with a ton of people, "good girls", and then the closet sluts. Usually the ones the jump from boyfriend to boyfriend and are constantly getting sexual pleasure. They aren't really seen as "sluts" in most people's eyes because they aren't jumping from dude to dude. They are jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend.

648262 · 2013-12-21T19:33:34+00:00

I don't know to be honest, but it seems far-fetched.

I think it has to do with honesty about who you are being a LTR trait. It is often not seen as a LTR trait if you are being open and honest with the people around you about the amount of men you had sex with the last year. It also goes against the idea of loyalty in a way, even though it's a retrospect concept with this.

shakaldrogo · 2013-12-21T19:49:08+00:00

Like Ludacris said, "You want a lady in the street but in the bed"

rule_of_law · 2013-12-22T08:58:27+00:00

choose to cultivate personality traits which make them valuable for men seeking a LTR, while others choose to have lots of sex

I think the problem with this summation is the equivalence between "personality traits" which are cultivated and term slut, which is more of a status.

Is being a slut and having a nice personality mutually exclusive? No. But are sluts going to be precluded from a LTR with men? Probably. This obviously means that men look for more than just a nice personality.

TUKINDZ · 2013-12-22T14:26:53+00:00

...AND cultivate favorable, "dateable/mateable" personalities?

I think you're using the term "personality" too broadly here to describe aspects of people that go beyond just personality. I've met loads of people with great personalities, but with screwed up beliefs or approaches to life that I found unhealthy. I work in a mental health facility (nurse) and I've met drug addicts, anorexics, bipolar women/men that had pretty cool personalities. If a healthy code of conduct is missing, a personality means very little.

When it comes to LTRs the question you should always consider is if the person you're trying to build a life with is going to be the type that will instil lessons to your kids that will give them a healthy code of conduct in the world.

The reality of the matter is that a slutty girl almost always becomes that way because she's built an unhealthy approach to building relationships with men. The sluttier she is the more likely it is that she has only ever learnt to connect with people using sex. Besides, EVERYTHING we do in life is down to the strength of the relationships we build with people we know. Nobody respects slutty girls. Not men, especially not women.

There are a host of other telling facts you can glean from just how slutty a girl is: A poor sense of self respect, low self esteem, high probability of a number of childhood issues, high probability of mental health issues (depression, addiction) and a higher likelihood to be faithful in monogamous relationships. This just makes a slutty girl, by default a bad candidate for any monogamous relationship Now can a woman be a complete slut and not have any of these issues? Sure, but she's an exception, not the rule.

Why would any man choose a slutty girl for LTR and risk dealing with all that shit when he knows there are women just as good but with a healthier approach to sex & relationships.

SneakyTouchy · 2013-12-23T01:55:03+00:00

I just came from a relationship with a girl like this. She was really good at heart and wonderful to live with. I could really tell how committed she was. She came from a relationship where she had her self value abused, so she tried to prove her worth the best she could. But I think she was just too sexy to pass up the self exploitation phase. There were several isolated nights where she would break down crying saying random stuff like "I don't want to hurt you" and "I never really got the chance to be single."

Her need to seek validation started taking roots during a time where I really started getting hammered with responsibilities and the death of a pet. My own ability to commit got weak and she flew the coupe to hang out with guy friends and exploit herself. I think she really wanted to be LTR worthy, but she knew she just couldn't manage those natural desires and love me for who I am at the same time. She slowly started checking out a long time ago and I just couldn't keep up with it.

I don't think it's possible to live both lifestyles and be good at it. Too much cross contamination of thoughts and behavior.

Tway_the_Parley · 2013-12-21T18:58:37+00:00

Never met one in real life, but Mara Marek from the Beige Phillip show seems to be such a person. She's a slut with a docile side and the dudes on the show frequently joke with her on it.

fuckingkike · 2013-12-21T20:01:23+00:00

Only, I think, if children are permanently out of the picture. Would a guy who wants a family and has a lot of options when it comes to mates settle for a girl he'll have trouble trusting when she says "of course it's yours" or whose biological clock is ticking like cannon fire?

drrtyfrrnr · 2013-12-21T20:20:08+00:00

I don't see why it's not possible, in fact a lot of women seem to do that since they are apparently getting married after getting around in their teens and 20's.

It's another thing that they seem not to be able to divorce their deep emotions from their experience and constantly crave alpha cock even after they hit the wall, but all the evidence points to them being able to offer up a veneer of date-ability after their slut days are over.

Title	A simple question regarding "sluts" and long term relationships
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	50
Date	December 21, 2013 6:14 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1teo6x/a_simple_question_regarding_sluts_and_long_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/a-simple-question-regarding-sluts-and-long-term.196112 https://theredarchive.com/post/196112

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