Advice to a beta buddy

1NV0K3R · 2014-08-26T15:08:56+00:00

Personally, depending on the nature of her flip-flop it would have followed:

"Either go or don't. I'm going. Have fun in Spain."

OR

"I'm going with or without you."

Does he realize she is "clubbing with Spanish men"? If so I feel his statement is falling into her frame, however you did put an ultimatum and established dread. Though, this has a sort of pissy vibe to it.

Whisper · 2014-08-26T18:55:59+00:00

Never let your woman travel without you unless she has family traveling with her.

Women's (limited) ingrained resistance to cheating evolved not to protect them from cheating, but from getting caught, shamed, and shunned by their community. Women are therefore more likely to cheat with men from outside their community, and much more likely to cheat when outside their community.

Now, it's possible to be dominant enough in the relationship that a woman traveling without you is still unlikely to cheat (more likely, but still unlikely). But guys in that situation don't need advice. They already know.

If you are not in control enough that she is asking permission before going on the trip, then her odds of cheating are entirely dependent on the attractiveness (game) of the guys she meets on her trip.

That's a bad gamble.

But there is a bigger problem. Any relationship where she tells you she is going to Spain, instead of asking if she can go to Spain, is doomed in the long run.

I recommend immediate dread game. I think that's where you were going with recommending:

"Sarah, I understand you're confused about us at the moment. I am still planning on going to Thailand. I would love it if you joined me. If not, I think we need to reevaluate our relationship. Have fun in Spain"

... but this is too conciliatory. Women don't fear male anger or male desire the way they fear male indifference.

I'd cut out the "I understand" bit, and the "would love it if you joined me" bit, and go with something like

Okay, looks like we're breaking up, then. I'm still going to Thailand. Have fun in Spain.

Now, this isn't the best dread game out there. The best dread game out there is obvious interest from other women. But not every guy can produce that on demand. So the next best thing is apparent willingness to abandon the relationship without any emotional upset whatsoever.

Saying "we need to reevaluate our relationship" or "we need to talk" demonstrates continued emotional investment. What you want to demonstrate is being at the point of saying "fuck it". You want "let's save the relationship" to be her idea.

This sort of move can backfire, but that's not a bad thing. If it backfires, then the relationship was doomed anyway... it's a bit like folding a bad hand of cards. Sacrifice your ante and wait for the next deal.

redpillshadow · 2014-08-26T15:54:59+00:00

Have fun in Spain

Not a good idea to send that. Hamster will use that to excuse having fun and by that I mean PIV.

Billat · 2014-08-26T15:23:26+00:00

Sounds like she's looking for a man, This guy needs to make it clear the his life will go on just fine with or without her. /u/1NV0K3R knows what's up

AFPJ · 2014-08-26T18:24:55+00:00

These situations are best handled by responding once with "whatever" and dodging / deflecting the subsequent flurry of "are you okay?", "what's wrong?". Make up your mind on whether you're going or not regardless of her decision and stick with it, actions speak louder than words.

Any plan that hinges on a woman's decision is a shitty one: do what you want and let them form around it.

doubleknee24 · 2014-08-26T19:04:17+00:00

If your buddy is white and going to Thailand alone, he will be drowning in women wanting to sleep with him. He will be the one turning them down.

Title	Advice to a beta buddy
Author	Himalayan_Hillbilly
Upvotes	2
Comments	20
Date	August 26, 2014 2:47 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2empqb/advice_to_a_beta_buddy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/advice-to-a-beta-buddy.141663 https://theredarchive.com/post/141663

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