Anxiety while in a relationship

themostgianthorse · 2021-02-25T22:20:29+00:00

You have a post history with all kinds of red flags in your LTR.

Do as you will but do you think you ignoring all these red flags and staying in the relationship is precisely what is causing or exacerbating the depression and anxiety?

You mention your gut feeling and I think that’s a great sign. “Feelings” are felt in the body first and then we become aware of them with our brains. Ever notice that your palms become sweaty and then you realize you are anxious? That’s why. Because it’s in your body first. In this case, your “gut feeling” is your bullshit meter. You can ignore and rationalize it but the in-congruency is likely to remain on some level.

It’s going to be extremely difficult for you in this mindset to have frame.

I think you are settling and think you know it too.

I’m glad you understand the “for now” bit. Do what you want but always remember “for now”.

Leonardslemons · 2021-02-25T22:27:47+00:00

I used to struggle with anxiety, and sometimes I still do too. What I've found is that, anxiety is simply just an emotion. Much like anger, or sadness. It is fear, nervousness and uncertainty.

Think about a time when you are angry, its much easier to anger someone that is already angry. Much like anger, fear works the same way. When you feel fear, everything feels scary.

In order to get passed your anxiety, you need to acknowledge it for what it is. An emotion, a state of being. You aren't always anxious, there are times when you feel "normal" or "content".

The most important thing you can teach yourself right now, is learning to recognize that you are anxious, the moment you begin to feel anxious.

1.) Try writing down what it feels like to be anxious, for me I wrote down that I felt restless, a discomfort in my abdomen, shortness of breath, and a sudden loss of appetite.

This helped me become more aware, and like a charm, I was able to recognize that I was anxious much quicker.

2.) When you recognize that you are anxious, bring yourself away from your fears, by focusing on the simple fact that you are feeling anxiety. Don't try and convince yourself that your fears aren't real, because when you are in a state of anxiety you feel fear, and a cognitive bias occurs, you'll always find reasons to validate why you feel fear. This is how you get stuck in a feedback loop. What I would typical think about at this point, is "what exactly does this feeling remind me of?" Maybe it reminds me of a time where a girl ghosted me, or something more personal.

3.) Bring yourself back to a state of contentment. This takes time to figure out, but it involves doing something, anything. What ever makes you feel relaxed. I used to do painting, writing in a journal, practicing piano, deep breathing, going for a walk.

What you'll find is that the feeling will disappear. When you get really good at it, a wave of anxiety will be gone in a matter of minutes.

As far as the concerns you have go. Dont think about them when you are anxious. Think about them after you reached your state of contentment. You'll find they aren't as scary anymore.

Hope this helps.

RedPillD · 2021-02-25T22:23:15+00:00

Trust your gut.

MadeThisinTheHosp · 2021-02-26T00:01:08+00:00

See im confused. Because when I enter into an LTR, it is because the plate demands it and I want to keep having sex with her more than other girls, so I sign the contract, nothing else changes.

What are you worried about? If my LTR did something to upset me or lied to me or screwed me over or whatever, I would just leave her. Her promotion from plate to LTR is like being promoted from fry cook to manager at a McDonalds. It doesnt mean the fucking CEO (me) gives anymore of a shit about her. The onky thing that changes is I expect a fry cook to fuck up every now and then, when my manager fucks up, she's fired.

LTR anxiety comes from the pathetic romanticization of a human relationship, in other words, from obsession. If anything entering an LTR should be stressful for HER. Literally nothing changes for me. Its just a plate+

kclanton80 · 2021-02-26T22:46:10+00:00

Maybe you should leave her...Jesus man, there's other fish in the sea.

TrpKid2 · 2021-02-25T23:53:40+00:00

Ooof. You're setting yourself up for a big ouchy.

Recognize the true reason you made this post and act on it.

red__Man · 2021-02-26T00:17:44+00:00

did you choose to get into a LTR with this woman? or is it the only option you have

jjj2576 · 2021-02-26T01:49:15+00:00

I’d next the LTR based on the anti-depressants alone, but that’s just me.

Get your anxiety in order. Bet you’ll have less when you get women better.

dooky21 · 2021-02-26T05:08:39+00:00

Just dont be surprised if she is cheating already or does in the future.

Don_Draper27 · 2021-02-26T11:22:05+00:00

You have 2 problems in this post.

First is your mental health. Having these concerns in your LTR while dealing with personal mental health issues is just a bad feedback loop.

Ideally in an LTR, you want to be your "best". It's SO god damn easy to peddle down the beta stream, and then just look around one day and wonder how the hell you ended up in a situation where you're getting divorce raped and losing custody of your kids.

Don't LTR if you're not mentally "there" (and arguably, LTR is advanced RP).

Now, with her red flags. There's 2 likely scenarios, neither are good.

1) she's genuinely "trying". She's over compensating with the good girlfriend behavior because she's well aware of all her baggage. She's hoping that if she "fakes it till she makes it" long enough, she'll actually want to be the housewife. Aka, she's post wall. She's trying to convince herself that she wants to "grow up", but that's like being given a large inheritance early on in your life, and once you're 30 you've spent it all so you have to work an honest minimum wage job.

2) She's trying to baby trap you. Girls love tickets to the white picket fence. Even if you don't make decent money, commitment and your family not having a history of genetic illness (diabetes, asthma, etc) is good enough!

However you try and spin this, there's 0% chance that there's a favorable outcome. The "super nice" LTR isn't a rarity. All of Chad's girls are on their best behavior.

Girls without red flags are what you should value, and you don't even need to LTR them. You can enjoy all the perks without being exclusive. Just put in the work and move head first towards making those hard decisions.

lolomotif12 · 2021-02-25T23:35:50+00:00

Holyfucking red flags, howmany more do you need...

Title	Anxiety while in a relationship
Author	TheKingdom1984
Upvotes	11
Comments	18
Date	February 25, 2021 9:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lsi1je/anxiety_while_in_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anxiety-while-in-a-relationship.745520 https://theredarchive.com/post/745520

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