Clingy Plate?

AFPJ · 2015-02-20T20:27:10+00:00

advice on how to get her to chill out?

You've cultivated highly disproportional levels of investment, creating a (sounds like unhealthy) power imbalance. Congrats on getting this far, as opposed to your previous hookups fading - but you went too far the other way. Be straight up with this chick. Tell her you're busy & you got shit to do, but you want to keep seeing her. If you can't keep seeing her at least twice a week - or don't want to - you have to make a decision. Sounds like she wants more, and the thing about the relationship ladder is you don't get to step down - in January you stepped up, so now you keep it or drop the ladder. The limbo is likely fucking this girl up psychologically - dump her or see her more often.

But the choice isn't a lose - lose for you. Look for the benefit in it. Seems like she's into you. Got your own pad? Tell her you can see her more often if she can help you clear up some time. Get her to cook, help you with housework & errands (if you like her enough). This way you'll have the same amount of free time as when you weren't seeing her.

Remember that no matter how fond you may be of a woman, she must earn her keep. If you can't make her into a woman who benefits your life & furthers your goals by being in it, then drop her because she definitely wants more.

noahbish · 2015-02-20T21:12:11+00:00

I think you may have screwed the pooch from the beginning. I have noticed when I am not consistent with my plates in regards to when they can see me and how often they start to get entitled to my time. Since making these mistakes I have (covertly) conditioned my 2 plates into accepting that I am busy and seeing me more than once a week is not an option. One plate has been coming around for over a year (Sunday Girl). The second one about 2 months (Wednesday Girl). I do my prospecting for new plates on the prime nights (Friday and Saturday) That is my time. MINE. Sunday Girl even accepted my absence due to a LTR and came back when I ended things with my at the time GF. When you allow more access to you, you become less of a commodity. The once a week rule has worked great for me. It does two things FOR YOU: The first is that women will subconsciously understand the dynamics of the relationship and you won't get the "where is this going" or "What are we" nearly as much. Secondly through no real effort of yours you have framed the relationship as a FWB relationship. Keep in mind however some will not stick around. That is ok. That is welcomed. The ones that do however enjoy the time they get with you and they treat you like gold ( high value man). You have to stay firm and consistent.

fluviant · 2015-02-21T01:04:12+00:00

I took her out on V day, what the hell else does she want?

Oooh, she wants an upgrade, man. And she wants it baaad. And you're alluding to wanting to give her it.

When she shit tests you with how you're being distant, you tell her, "I'm busy." Fini. No más. She must learn to respect your time and agenda.

tombreck2 · 2015-02-20T20:50:22+00:00

text only for logistics.

eventually all plates will either want committment or they will find a higher smv man

secret_barber · 2015-02-21T01:27:21+00:00

The more you hang out with plates, the faster they pressure commitment, and then bounce when you reject them.

UnluckyPenguin · 2015-02-20T20:25:28+00:00

That's not clingy. At least not a stage 5 clinger.

She's at the beginning of the clingy process, and you can stop it. She's trying to tie you down. She doesn't have other options (or any other activities), so all she wants is to spend time with you.

You two are at the turning point where she either needs to respect you when you ask for space or you have to end it. If you did end up seriously dating and you wanted a night out with the guys or had to travel somewhere without her, she would flip.

Good luck!

kingofpoplives · 2015-02-20T20:45:19+00:00

I took her out on V day

I hung out with her a lot, like 3 maybe 4 times a week

You broken most of the core rules of plate spinning, which is why you now have a girlfriend. Doesn't matter if you never had "the talk." Based on behavior patterns, that's what she is.

You're gonna have a hard time scaling back from the patterns you set earlier. So either embrace this relationship or break up with her. And learn how to keep a plate a plate.

Title	Clingy Plate?
Author	thenarrrowpath
Upvotes	1
Comments	7
Date	February 20, 2015 8:13 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2wkzwa/clingy_plate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/clingy-plate.146365 https://theredarchive.com/post/146365

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