I've come across this forum after browsing NoFap. I've been trying to kick my porn addiction for the past two years and still working on it. Visiting NoFap and TheRedPill gave me a lot of shit to swallow, stripped me of all my ego and exposed me to the naked truth.

I've been "beta" as far as I can remember. In high school I would be the guy women vent all their boyfriend issues to and have been a relentless orbiter. Senior year of high school to start working on myself, I started reading self development books, working out everyday, and focusing more on my interest in a career.

I've been working on breaking my porn habit for two years of college and slowly began emerging out of my shell in order to meet more people and kill my social anxiety. Couple months back I came across TheRedPill. I was desperate at this point, I started lifting, getting rid of my porn habits, focusing on a fulfilling career but I wasn't happy. I'd hear countless stories from friends younger than me on how they're getting laid and having a time of their life their first year of college while I'm locked up in my room most of the day believing that focusing on my schoolwork will help me get laid.

A friend of mine referred me to MGTOW where I discovered a link to TheRedPill forum, and that's when it hit me. I've had so many opportunities with women that I've missed by simply believing that being a "nice guy" would help me in the long run. I thought the world was perfect place where you can find a loved one, get a fulfilling career, get married, have kids, and have a perfect rest of your life completely laid out.

The past few months I've been striving to avoid pornography which have been bringing me withdrawals symptoms and countless episodes of depression. It feel as if everything I've believed in is a complete lie and I've just lost all of my hope. My future "perfect family" was my end goal for a fulfilling career, and my motivation to strive for success. Now I've realized that this may not be something I want out of life. Having the thought that my wife probably chocked on 30 some cocks in her lifetime while I'm the beta dad who worked his ass off in college that she settled with to have a wonderful rest of her life doesn't seem all that fulfilling anymore.