Disrespect, Confrontation..

Poofysmoof · 2017-07-30T18:22:01+00:00

I've given myself rules in confrontations and it has worked well for years.

I will say as my relationship and myself slipped into a beta world I acted as such. Until I found the information contained in these subs I didn't understand what was going on.

When I was young I was a arrogant asshole. I was in the military could do a shit ton of pull ups and all this other crap that helped my physique. "Yeah shut the fuck up Poofy. What's your point?." I had this attitude that I don't give a shit about anyone but myself. I didn't understand then but my life was great and reacted to it.

Years later a couple kids popped out, and then trying to save the fucken world. Having others needs on my mind I was chewed up and spit out. I hit rock bottom, what happened? The search begin, I found some tips, past techniques I used when I was a core asshole, I'd like to share.

Here's one fucked up secret but remember this... No one fucken cares about you or your feelings, if they can take from you, they will. If they can shit on you, they will. You want respect, it sounds like others don't think you deserve it.

Here's another secret but a good one, you take what you want son. If you want respect you take it. If that mother fucker treats you like shit, you shit right on him. Is he worried about your feelings? Heck no, you are the one who has to feel like shit afterwards.

Now not all people are like this. Another secret be the good man, only escalate when required. Also remember just because you've smacked a asshole down doesn't mean he's not gonna need a good smacking later but once you get the hang of it you'll be ready. Life is a competition, be ready always.

GreenPiller · 2017-07-30T17:15:56+00:00

You need to be more specific. At work? At school? In the streets?

dontbedenied · 2017-07-30T18:13:25+00:00

In social situations, it's important to make a distinction between guys who are just busting your balls and guys who are actually trying to tear you down/disrespect you in order to make themselves look better. Ball-busting amongst friends and being able to give and take it is an important part of being a man.

However if you're surrounding yourself with guys who don't have your best interests in mind, you should cut those people out of your life. Or if you run into a social situation where you're being targeted for whatever reason by someone you don't know, just find a way to avoid them. Sometimes the only way to win a confrontation is to not play at all.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-07-30T20:03:13+00:00

See this.

Also this: Things My Father Taught Me

chronosthetitan · 2017-07-30T19:29:41+00:00

Google assertion. It begins with being fair with others and looking for win-win scenarios in regards to outcomes with others.

Rares5555 · 2017-07-30T20:26:57+00:00

As some here told you, I will tell you the same. Get your ass beat up “professionally”, aka take up a martial art. I do BJJ and I recommend it to you wholeheartedly.

You don’t need any further advice. Just take up a damn martial art, MMA, kickboxing or whatever puts you in controlled danger. It will naturally change your mental and physical game.

jodyjodyb · 2017-07-30T19:30:07+00:00

I read through the comments and nobody gave definitive advice. I would like some input as well. When dudes fuck with me I just want to knock them out, but that's not feasible. How do you guys do it with social grace?

What if you absolutely know someone is trying to knock you down a peg subtly? You can't just start sperging out and say "hey fuck you faggot etc."

My "friends" would always do this when I was talking to girls and I just stood there like "really dude?" But I couldn't dish shit back in the moment because all I could think was "he wouldn't do that again if I punched him in the face"

Any tangible advice?

Terdmuffin · 2017-07-30T19:43:24+00:00

The best advice I can give is to read no more mr nice guy and read about frame/frame control.

electricspresident · 2017-07-30T20:05:13+00:00

There's only 1 sure fire way, the rest of the advice given here is true and holds info with regards to your psychological core. But nothing will get u all straightened out like starting a fight class. Boxing, krav watever u like don't think if what's the best but what u see urself liking and then find a good school then start. If u don't have money then make some and politely ask for discounts. When u start ur lessons ull be made fun of and what not here in the gym u can keep quiet and move on BUT keep practicing ur fight then one day you just won't be scared anymore and you'll say whatever the fuckk u want in a 1on1 situation

mcr00sterdota · 2017-07-31T10:53:34+00:00

Way I've solved my confrontation/confidence issues:

Chances are you're a nice guy like I was: Read No More Mr Nice Guy and understand you gotta rock the boat sometimes
Join a gym and workout regularly: Increase strength, size and confidence
Learn how to fight: I've been doing Martial Arts for a while and although I'm not black belt, I have the confidence I can hold my own if anything goes down (confidence)

and this one probably isn't for you but

Currently studying and working part time retail: Customer facing I'd say has given me the experience to deal with confrontations

MisterKissBang · 2017-07-30T22:02:41+00:00

Have you read No more Mr. nice guy? You should.

Learn to set your boundaries politely but firmly.
In situations where there is no risk of physical violence, this will be enough and work wonder.
There is a learning curve though.
At first it will be extremely difficult to stand for yourself.
And you will hate yourself for not having done so sometimes. But as long as you are actively trying to improve, this negative feeling is really easier to handle. Because you can always tell yourself "I'm aware of this problem. I'm working to address it. I will do better next time.".

You will also have calibration issues, but it's ok.
You will wonder if people will think you're an asshole for not tolerating some stuff.
Personally, I have come to peace with the fact that I might be an asshole deep inside, and I'd rather let the asshole out first, and kill the fake Nice Guy.
And later, if I still think I'm too much of an asshole, I will address this issue.

Now when there is a real risk of physical violence... I won't give much advice.
My physique is quite unimpressive, and I never learned any skill useful in a fight.
I have still been in a couple of fights, an never clearly won one.
I have learnt that situations where you NEED to fight - leaving not being an option - are quite rare.

If I get into an argument with a guy in a public space, I try to set my boundary firmly but not escalate, and not linger more than necessary.
That's for accidental arguments though.
But if the guy is clearly out looking for trouble, I might just say nothing and walk away.

Title	Disrespect, Confrontation..
Author	AMUThrowawayX
Upvotes	30
Comments	44
Date	July 30, 2017 5:06 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6qih57/disrespect_confrontation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/disrespect-confrontation.94956 https://theredarchive.com/post/94956

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