TRP is fascinating. Constantly stirring up different emotions. I've long been a self-professed feminist well into my college years. I actually did well with women. I was sensitive, listened to their needs. I was that 'pathetic nice guy' that TRP talks about and it worked for the most part. To be honest I never really viewed myself in such a negative light until I came to this thread. I felt I maintained my integrity. I encountered heartbreak in many ways, and broke some hearts along the way (some intentional, some not so much). I even had the opportunity to date outside the country.

I foolishly held on to the long distance relationship, hurt the girl in the process and she took no pains in hurting me. I was the alpha in that relationship, definitely in control of the positivity in the relationship. But I did not like it. I wanted someone with whom the power was somewhat equal. Who would work to be positive like me. I'm slowly learning the idea of 'equality' is a shifting concept.

An old friend from high school and gone through a major transformation in college. He became a TRP lady-killer I just had no idea what TRP was at the time. He kept throwing terms at me like I was a white-knight and stuff. After 3 weeks of lurking this thread 2 years later it all makes sense now. I could understand the philosophy that was driving him forward.

Here's the caveat: I don't look down or judge men who can 'game' women. I was extremely pleased at his success and marveled at it. Trouble started when he would try and get me over the long distance girl by going out. He did the best he could but I had never picked up girls that way and I wasn't about to change myself for it. I realize that enforcement of TRP philosophy is a natural result of women gaining more rights in the civil sphere. I conservatively agree with this progression of rights. I took pride in this understanding.

Now, currently in a LTR, I'm not sure what I am. First time I've ever been so solidly played and cheated on and I think I'm in fking love. She cheated on me. Multiple times with the same ex-bf. Yes stop right there wtf am I doing? I'm giving another person a second chance, because I was given so many. My personal level of happiness and self-awareness is constantly evolving as a result of constant internal analysis and introspection. TRP philosophies seem to have a great set of tools for dealing with women.

She was upfront about having a past serious relationship. I didnt want to listen and stuck around. In the end 'I won' because me and her are still dating. And because we still laugh and joke every day. She 'came clean' for the most part, but it has been a challenge. Little points of contact that can randomly occur online really mess with me.

I dig her positivity. We get along for the most part. It's taken me a long time to overcome bitterness (last point of infidelity occurred 6 months ago) and having dealt with depression a long time I did fucking fantastic dealing with it. As did she with my bitterness.

I recognized she had cut off my balls and I had let her. We both are trying to teach each other to be better people, but in that kind and loving way I think. I just don't want my bitterness to overcome me. And I'm kind of regrowing my balls back so there's that. I'm remaining vigilant about our interactions. I'm trying to maintain a healthy perspective. I genuinely think out of all my relationships this one really has a shot. Am I fucking nuts? Should I just end my pathetic beta-self? I want this thread to be a positive influence in my life.

I'm just trying not to choke on this damn RP.