How Do I Become Fun Again?

WarBoruma · 2017-09-16T06:54:01+00:00

Had the same problem, the answer is this:

Find some passion or goal that totally consumes you, which you can work on day and night and you really enjoy doing. When you have such a thing, everything in your life outside it gets the volume turned down - it doesn't seem as important compared to that goal. This makes you see social interaction not as some mentally exhausting task, but as something less important than your goal and as rest time. Which in turn makes you let go and be fun

redlurker9 · 2017-09-16T08:24:54+00:00

It might be depression. You sound like you're quite satisfied with your life. Do you still have challenges to tackle? A lack of challenge will make any man worth his salt lethargic.

Irishminer93 · 2017-09-16T14:43:35+00:00

I never bought into the whole "find a passion" thing. When I went stagnant for half a year the only thing that brought me back was a hobby. I wasn't particularly passionate about it but I had a certain amount of interest in it. What is a hobby but a pursued interest. It doesn't take a burning passion, just a willingness to pursue your interests. Any hobby can be done cheaply. I've pursued many interests since then so I've become fairly adept at finding a cheap way to see if i might turn it into an actual skill. With that in mind if you think of something but can't figure out how to get started without blowing a bunch of hard earned cash, let me know.

Chief_Leji · 2017-09-16T15:28:18+00:00

In my experience you probably just see the emptiness in it all. You go out drink party then what? You do well in school and then what? you are involved as a student and then what? and for what? You might be a victim of doing what you are "suppose" to do instead of what you truly want.

Other posters talked about Passion and that could be it but I don't like that word because of the connotation. The word passion comes from the root word pati which means to suffer. Passion is what you are willing to suffer for. Follow your inclinations (You said you read Mastery so you know what that entails) put your all into it and be more adventurous - this is how you cultivate passion and it's not easy it's not suppose to be. Adventure speaks to the boy inside the man and allows the man to be more free and open. Do something you always wanted to do but "didn't have time for" or continued to postpone.

Lastly, maybe you just matured. To be honest I stopped partying heavy my sophomore/ junior year. I was over it. Find other things that give you that sense of excitement and adventure and that speaks a little more deeply to you than getting shitfaced. If you feel empty as a man and you go to party when you wake up you still will feel empty.

Thisisaghosttown · 2017-10-09T04:31:49+00:00

Its been strange because I found myself worth when I was about 19-20. That's the time in my life I'm describing where I was "fun". I was much more secure, confident and in tune with my purpose when I was 16-20. I'd say around January this year is when I started to unravel. I don't know what happened.

A lot of what you write i relate to. My dad is in my life but I never had much of a "masculine" relationship with my dad. I love him to death but he's high anxiety, emotional, soft spoken, unreasonably racist, and he's involved in all these wild conspiracy theories. He's one of those types who believes Obama is an Islamic Communist, that we're all going to be put in FEMA camps, he has emotional break downs when he watches the news. He's convinced there's a global conspiracy to eliminate Christianity, that gays are taking over, etc.

You hit the nail on the head. No relationships or sex have made me feel entirely like a fraud. Women and men tell me I should be a model, I'm tall, lean from all the time in the gym, I did the whole monk mode thing and came out feeling on top of it but suddenly sunk for whatever reason. I asked here constantly for advice and tried everything all the guys on here told me to do to get laid, and all it did was make me more of a pariah to everyone around me. I was promised if I cold approached, acted RP, ignored and treated women like shit I'd wind up with an astronomical N count and be one of the high SMV guys. As I applied all these things more and more it killed my happiness, I became more depressed and suicidal, nihilistic, and self loathing. That's where I am now.

I had a ton of opportunities when I was a teenager. This was before my RP days. Women approached me, contacted me. I always had some girl texting me. Unfortunately I was to oblivious to everything, and was either working or doing my own thing. I remember one girl begged me to go to an amusement park with her, she offered to pay, and my social anxiety got the best of me and I made an excuse not to go. Another one I went to school with straight up texted me and asked if I wanted to have sex with her, which I declined because I wasn't attracted to her.

The only thing I've ever been in resembling a relationship was when I was 16. I met some girl through my job, who was 17. She ended up contacting me, and let me tell you she was bat shit insane. Absent father, meth addicted mother, lived in section 8 housing of one of the worst parts of town. She'd send me nudes, called me every day, was clingy as hell and totally psychotic. Regretfully, that was the first woman I ever kissed. I was so insecure at this point in my life about never having kissed anyone, never having been in a relationship. So I hung out with her one day and we made out. To say the least I didn't like it, and really wasn't into it. I just did it to do it. We went to her run down apartment later and went into her room. She tried to get me to fuck her and it made me uncomfortable. So I bolted and went back home. Never talked to her again.

Growing up the way I did, I'm also heavily disconnected from how dating works and how relationships with women work, since it's something I've never done and am still trying to figure out. I've also never been much of an emotional person. I've always kept my feelings locked up and I'm not good at talking about them. I'm also not very open. I don't do emotions and I have a lot of trouble with empathy.

You're right though. Never had validation from either parent, had a disengaged father, constantly grew up thinking no friends cared for me. A lot of this I think are things I induce upon myself. Deep down I feel like a fraud who isn't normal, who hasn't lived a normal life, and I constantly beat myself up over not having been "normal" every day.

Title	How Do I Become Fun Again?
Author	Thisisaghosttown
Upvotes	3
Comments	11
Date	September 16, 2017 5:32 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/70f8xf/how_do_i_become_fun_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-become-fun-again.114460 https://theredarchive.com/post/114460

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