How the hell do you maintain frame?

Phyzis · 2016-10-17T21:54:53+00:00

Hey guy, you need /r/stoicism
meditations by marcus aurelius
letters to a stoic by seneca

Life is only as difficult as you make it. Only worry about what you have control over, be indifferent to everything else. Reading this alone isn't enough to internalize the concept. Once you really accept it, life's good my friend.

TheRedStoic · 2016-10-18T01:11:33+00:00

Here's a very old post. Hasn't been edited and i don't have time to, but I'm the resident stoic so, here's a lesson on it. Maybe it'll help.

Summary/goal

All over trp and mrp I see this mistake. People confuse stoicism with not giving a fuck. People confuse holding frame with actually knowing and dedicating yourself to your values. This really needs to end. I've helped many understand the path towards gaining and maintaining a stoic life, as an analytic philosophy master, practicing red stoic, maybe I can help you too. This will help explain what it is NOT, what it is, and that you're probably already using it.

TL/DR

Not giving a fuck comes from being completely self and goal aware, and accepting of the fact that things are already broken. It is world's apart from using any "mask"at all.

Core

Not giving a fuck, outcome independence, it's just your turn, abundance mentality, amused mastery, awalt, the glass is always broken, agency, frame, STOICISM, all of these from hereon referred to as the zone, and are a tangential benefit or part of the sum to a state of confident, constant, informed, OBJECTIVE value management and Self awareness.

stoicism is not:

The strict apathetic is not in the zone, for apathy can have no goal. The strict asshole is not in the zone for the asshole has not learned that civility is free marketing. The strict pretender 'fake it until you make it' is not in the zone, they are an actor, and those who live the real thing will always sense an charlatan. Good place to start but follow through. The strictly outcome independent are not in the zone, for they have no self preservation. Those faking abundance are not in the zone, for they lack the ability to follow through.

stoicism is

Being aware of your desires puts you in the zone. Knowing what you want and being dedicated to the point of happily saying no is in the zone. Recognizing a leech to your value and surgically removing it, no matter how small, is being in the zone. Delegation is the zone. Recognizing that everything is broken and that's GREAT, is the zone.

How to achieve it?

So how do I get to the zone? That's the hard question.

First you must know yourself, then know your surroundings, then know what you want, then know what you do not have time for. Then you must act. Victory never goes to a critic, a planner, a theorist, but the man in the arena.

Yes. My family respected Roosevelt with a passion.

A stoic mind

Firstly. The glass is always broken. This is something to internalize, it is the case of objective reality. Everything you interact with, women, love, men, relationships, business, your lawn mower, your wife's vibrator, they are all broken. Maybe not now, but soon.

Things are imperfect. People are imperfect. They will fail, they will skip up, they will eventually provide you a sorry experience. They are not ideal. The world is that way, things end. Accept that. You will die, you will get sick, your body will break.

If you accept that, you have accepted the fact that things fail.

You're already there.

You are already in the zone. I guarantee it. Any opportunity that you happily turn down in order to better yourself towards a goal is you being in the zone. What your goal is of course, makes the difference. Saying no to video games to go out with friends? The zone. Saying no to friends in favor of study or work? The zone. Saying no to an alcohol because you're at calorie limit? The zone. Knowing your goal and responding without a second thought to protect it is being in the zone. Why? Simple, you've internalized what is valuable to you. You don't need to pretend, you are your goals and values. It is a natural choice which results in action without communication, introspection, or compromise.

Stoicism, it comes FROM value:

Being in the zone you will say yes to inconvenience if there's a worthwhile payout. Simply acting stoically often means you miss or ruin opportunities because you're balancing the character you're playing with your value management. Often in spite of it since you're not truly being objective, 'you haven't learned your true goals' you're just acting on stage (which is EXHAUSTING). In order to truly be objective and accepting you must first understand yourself and your actual objectives, both considering the world you live in and yourself in agency to it.

Turning down something as a way to maintain frame, come across as a hard catch, or to create false demand is ultimately silly. Turning down something because it steals from your value is essential. This is not to say the two are mutually exclusive. It is to highlight that saying no to a girl at a party is a good decision not when you're attempting to build an image, but when truly understand your image value would take net loss. You will know the difference between internalizing and acting when you no longer need to think about it. The poor offer will only be seen as harming your goal, it will happen when you know your goals so well that you can instantly recognize something impeding you, or at the least delaying you.

Knowing what the zone is not

Knowing your goals, internalizing, living by them brings you the zone. You know what it is now, but why should you care? You should care because there are others out there like you, they mimic you, they can taste authenticity in drive versus carefully regulated stone demeanor. There is a massive difference between playing cold and immobile and being driven enough to know value where you see it, actually being the unstoppable force or immovable object. (hint, they're two sides of the same thing, they can not separately coexist)

If you are simply playing a mask instead of being the person you're nothing more than a beautiful doll.

Yes, fake it until you make it is great for habit forming, but it is not going to cut it in that crucial moment. An actor shall act where expected. An authentic will do as is required.

By taking the approach of value management, (trp core) you have decided to play with the big boys, you're eventually, inevitably dealing with people who've been doing this a lifetime. Naturals. They will shred you unless you are authentic. Yes start small and fake it if you must, but you're better off spending time focusing on knowing yourself, and letting your growing self awareness and certainty make the difference passively.

My starter kit, it won't work for everyone.

This way of approaching the zone works wonders, though by far IT IS NOT THE ONLY WAY, not is it going to work for everyone. (YMMV)

Self swot:

Do a self swot analysis. Be brutal. For those of you who don't know what a strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats analysis is, I suggest searching it. Remember for a self swot, the left column 's/w' is internal value and weakness, the right 'o/t' is external.

Run your own 80/20 analysis.

Take your last few days, write out your average schedule in hours. How was each hour spent? What were the achievements made? By achievement I mean things which added value to you, internal or external?

If you only had 20% of the time you spent to make those same achievements how would you have done it? Can you front load? What would you have cut? For questions in how to improve your efficiency, I'd check out ace productivity by Kevin Moser. Great podcast, listen to it.

Take your swot analysis, weaknesses and threats must be improved or delegated, take that free time, your time that didn't add value, and put it to work addressing those weaknesses and threats. Either find some way to trade your value for compensation, or find a way to fix them yourself. IMPORTANT: down time is a required value. You must unwind for the mind to stay strong.

Congratulations, you should now have a visual/perceptual map of what you are actually doing to add value to your life, what you're doing that adds nothing, and what you should do to reschedule to reach new goals.

The above system is a great first step but that's not all it takes to reach the zone. From here, if you've been honest, you can only see the changes you need to make to focus on a fulfilling and value based lifestyle. You must actually follow through and begin scheduling your time to achieve it. Do that. Find a good calendar app and task manager and get started.

So you've scheduled your time? Good. You're probably looking at an agenda which has almost no free time and that's alright. You'll narrow your actual desires after the first week of performance, freeing up more time to focus on what brings you the most satisfaction and value. Repeat this weekly and eventually the small successes will turn to large ones, the small goals will become bigger, and before you know it, your value will be paying dividends.

Lessons learned:

A focused purposeful life is where you achieve the ability to say no, to put things in their place (already broken) and avoid distraction, to have net value growth and satisfaction at the same time. That is the rise of the real idgaf mentality.

practice-trp · 2016-10-17T20:35:43+00:00

DGAF and when in doubt - keep your mouth shut.

noldi123 · 2016-10-17T20:57:47+00:00

Also curious about this topic because this seems to apply to me too. I have these moments of success and gain immense confidence in myself and know what I am capable of achieving. Then I have times when I make a small mistake, don't get a call back, whatever... and end up losing self-esteem and start doubting myself a lot. I am aware when I feel like this; I tell myself to not give a fuck and shake it off. What I find works best is to distract myself with something that brings me happiness, like reading old video game guides or something. Then after a while, I kick back in gear.

1Maverick1 · 2016-10-17T21:19:28+00:00

We are all a part of this generation that demands results immediately. Thus, you are prone to constantly checking this pot of water to see if it boils. In doing so you're not appreciating the process. Respect the process. That means that you go about your life doing EXACTLY what you want to do. You don't worry about what other people think about you or what you're working on. If you go to bed at night and you ask yourself, "Did I do everything I want today (with minimal compromise to appease other humans)?" and the answer is yes, you're starting to get it. Eventually you won't even care about what some dumb bitch you smashed thinks about you because inside you'll know you are awesome.

creating_my_life · 2016-10-17T22:33:33+00:00

frame and alpha have NOTHING to do with being an asshole.

desno · 2016-10-18T00:33:24+00:00

There's a difference between being an asshole and holding frame.

LOL "Did I fuck her too hard" believe me she will let you know if you did that. For me, when a girl begged me to "slow down", it was the biggest ego boost ever.

IMO solid frame comes from either outcome independance or abundance mentality.

TheStumblingWolf · 2016-10-18T18:32:40+00:00

For me it sort of comes on its own. As I progress in my journey I find out that there are things I want and things I don't. As soon as I'm aware of where I stand on a given subject it just becomes a matter of not changing what I'm willing to do/say unless there's a good reason (good arguments and negotiations).

Title	How the hell do you maintain frame?
Author	swallowingthepill1
Upvotes	1
Comments	13
Date	October 17, 2016 8:30 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/57znas/how_the_hell_do_you_maintain_frame/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-the-hell-do-you-maintain-frame.76202 https://theredarchive.com/post/76202

Comments