How to behave different?

0sleepless · 2014-10-09T17:50:37+00:00

Long story short, I found that people don't really change after they have become adults. This is a generalization, but I found it's usually a pretty good heuristic when taking my decisions (eg. should I trust someone that says they have changed? etc.). Really, how many people do you know that have changed in a significant, permanent way? I guess close to zero.

Now, you are really determined to change, so something like this is very discouraging. Don't worry: how I said it's just a generalization. I have a better model:

People can change only:

in a very small, insignificant way
for a short amount of time, and then revert back
gradually, and very slowly
as a consequence of a shocking event

You are interested in one of the last two. Engineering a shocking event is very difficult (although someone, sometimes, is able to use a sudden revelation - like the red pill - to act as a shocking event in its own way and to change his whole inner story and character). You need a very special kind of character and imagination in the first place for this to work.

The other way is very slowly. That means, you shouldn't expect to become a completely different person tomorrow, or in the next month, or in the next several months.

Start changing little things, even if at start it looks like they are not really influencing your character. The changes will be imperceptible. And this is actually good, because they will bypass the natural resistance of your mind, and its tendency to snap back to your familiar self.

The usual advices you get on this sub: start doing a strength program; take a mma class; practice meditation;

You get them often because they are good. They offer the most bang for your buck, so to say, and on the long run they will address a whole set of flaws rather than a few specific ones.

Another user commented a few weeks ago how he used a four week plan where, every week, he chose one very limiting character flaw and put his awareness on it in order to avoid it. To do this you must also practice getting good at introspection and being true to yourself in face of shame (but this second part you seem to have already, since you are not ashamed to admit that you are disgusted by your current self).

Notice that this is still a hard way - very hard. To all practical purposes and in the majority of cases, I still think that it's impossible for an adult to change in a significant way. But if it is your fate to be one of the few who do change, this is very likely the way it's going to happen.

vandaalen · 2014-10-09T17:41:17+00:00

Do you lift?

AFPJ · 2014-10-09T18:10:08+00:00

In a nutshell? Look at what you idolize. These can be people, virtues, ideals - you will find this coincides with what your actualized self would embody. Once you know what you want to be, work towards it. Hard. Bust your ass.

Live life in a way that, at the end of every day, allows you to respect yourself & how you spent your time.

dreckmal · 2014-10-09T17:32:13+00:00

There is no where near enough information here to give any useful advice.

tombreck2 · 2014-10-09T17:40:34+00:00

Behave different regarding...what

moveon4ever · 2014-10-09T17:55:27+00:00

Im not satisfacted how i feel when im talking and behaving, im feeling like im weak, not that manly, more like funny guy. Maybe because im funny, i love joking, but i dont think that any one look at me like some serious guy, more like some kid. Yes i lif, 6'5 200lb.

moveon4ever · 2014-10-09T18:32:50+00:00

Its tough when you're spoiled..

tepper2 · 2014-10-09T17:40:50+00:00

Man up.

Title	How to behave different?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	17
Date	October 9, 2014 5:09 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2irw63/how_to_behave_different/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-behave-different.193903 https://theredarchive.com/post/193903

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