How to break up with LTR?

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-03-17T19:42:43+00:00

"I'm breaking up with you. Going on isn't fair to me, to you, or the person who could really love you."

That last bit is where you kick her out of the canoe with a dim sense of hope, and within swimable distance to shore, and then paddle away.

Ramo029 · 2017-03-17T16:14:49+00:00

tell her you just aren't attracted to her. no reasons. if you give ANY reasons, she will try to "fix" it but it won't work. drink too much? she'll stop for a while before going back. texting her ex? she'll do it behind your back.

if you tell her to just aren't attracted to her anymore, there's nothing she can hamster about that. you also end it nicely. you can throw in some shit about staying friends or whatever to lessen the hurt, but if she actually ever hits you up just always be busy.

and don't drunk fuck your exs, no good can come from that.

TryhardPantiesON · 2017-03-17T18:14:25+00:00

I know if I just ghost out of nowhere without closure she'll either harm herself or show up at my house until she gets an answer

.

apart from a drunk booty call once in a while if no other girls pan out

Do you want to harm this woman or not? You can't just have sex with her after the breakup, she is gonna still have feelings attached.

Not trying to be a white knight here, but i found your statements a bit hipocrite.

goin_fishin · 2017-03-17T20:07:54+00:00

Let me get this straight.

You are planning to have a drunk booty call. Not only that, but you just described her as anxious and insecure. And then, you felt the need to write this post so you could find a solution to not hurt her???

Dude, drunk hook ups with ex's are moments of weakness. Not something you fucking plan for, what the hell. Get your priorities straight, do you want to hurt her or not.. do you want more crazy/drama or not

uwotm891 · 2017-03-17T16:23:43+00:00

Just tell her dude, or display beta traits 24/7 until she dumps you.

jb_trp · 2017-03-17T20:02:50+00:00

Just be straight with her: "This relationship isn't working for me anymore and I want to break things off." Be calm but firm. If she asks you why, you probably owe it to her to be honest: "Even though I know you mean well, do drink too much to deal with life and then text/face time other guys. I don't want to date someone like that."

That's all you have to say. It doesn't have to be long. Make sure you have all of your stuff out of her house and vice/versa. If you're doing this in public, have her stuff in a box so you can hand it to her. If you think she's going to flip out, you can have a friend wait nearby in case things go poorly.

Whatever you do, don't become emotional. Then I'd block her on social media and cut contact--not even a drunken bootycall. What if she "forgets" her birth control to trap you into a relationship? Or does something else? You said this girl has mental health issues...

Also, depending on how long you've dated/how close you are to her family/etc. you might want to let them know before you do it, just depending on the situation.

raisins3142 · 2017-03-17T20:11:52+00:00

"I'm breaking up with her because even though she means well, she's pretty fucked up and has low self confidence and constantly needs validation. This results in going out and getting blackout drunk without me often and always texting/face timing an ex or beta orbiter for attention. She's very attached to me but it seems she has to do these things because her self-confidence is absolutely zero."

Before you do this, you have to be 100% sure you will not waiver.

If it helps strengthen your resolve: women like this know that they are acting incorrectly they just don't care or are so far gone they can't help it. I've never seen a woman like this change on a dime. She was doing this before you and will do it after. It is her sad coping mechanism for life. And don't assume she means well. If she really cared about you, then she would have transitioned out of these behaviors on her own. A woman like this will drive you crazy over time.

Oftowerbroleaning · 2017-03-17T22:58:34+00:00

Fuck her. Ghost that bitch. If she harms herself that's not on you, that's on her. If she shows up at your place RECORD EVERYTHING and call the police. DONT STOP RECORDING TILL THEY GET THERE!

obama_loves_nsa · 2017-03-18T05:53:36+00:00

She texts her ex?

Nigga what the fuck break up with her yesterday you cucked faggot

SirAttackHelicopter · 2017-03-17T22:47:13+00:00

"We need to talk. This isn't working out. Have a nice day."

mdcrubengonza · 2017-03-17T22:59:34+00:00

If you can't ghost then you can't break up with her.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2017-03-17T19:50:31+00:00

"Hi. I'm breaking up with you. You drink too much, you talk to other dudes too much, and while I'm fine with you continuing to do those things, they are not things I will allow a girlfriend, or eventually a spouse, to do. Promising to stop doing those things will not help; watching you do them has led to an irreversible loss of respect. I wish you the best. This is a box with the things you've left at my house. Here's that key you gave me to your apartment. That about covers it. Goodbye."

Skip the drunk booty call.

quicklogaccount · 2017-03-17T17:51:01+00:00

Condition ZERO: You can't have any doubts.

1 - Whatever you had to tell her, you must have already said before the break up talk. You will not reiterate any of it;
2 - The talk is quick, you don't explain anything, you don't give her a reason. Some women will promise to perform miracles to get another chance;
3 - You'll use some standard excuse. "Look, we're both putting too much effort, because we're not compatible. We'll be better off alone.", "You see, we get along well, but we're stale and there is no way for us to grow past this.", etc. And that will be it;
4 - You won't block for starters. You'll answer her attention hooks with "Look, I'm pretty sure this is the best for us, we'll be better off for ourselves. But we both need some time and space now.". If she overdoes it, you can block.

Should I just tell her I need to focus on school and work and can't do a relationship?

Nope. This is something she'll be able to solve on the spot. It has to be something unsolvable. Look at the standard excuses, they're vague, they don't offer anything concrete.

Should I tell her it's cause of her drinking and talking to her ex so she maybe somehow changes for the future (for another guy - not me)?

It IS pretty decent of you to warn her that's not acceptable. I hope you have acted on it while you were still together, by being pissed and expressing it whenever she did it. If you didn't, you should do it, but absolutely not during the break up talk.
Whatever you have to tell her, whatever you have to say, you say BEFORE. Anything you tell her during the talk will be met with one of these:

"Why have you never said it before? I swear I'll change."
"I never knew it was so important for you, I swear I'll change."
"I'm sorry you're insecure and feel that way, I understand your decision." (This can prompt her to do so much damage to your name that you can't fathom).

This is why you need to be sure you want to break up. If you're not, the talk will become an ultimatum. Ultimatums aren't bad if you're willing to enforce them, but by experience and observation of others, when someone is checked out enough to be able to enforce an ultimatum, the person is past the point of no return.
If you're not past the point of no return, there are better ways to enforce boundaries.

Herdsengineers · 2017-03-17T19:28:31+00:00

Just tell her you're ending things because the LTR isn't working for you, but you aren't going to spend a lot of time on the details because you don't want to pile it all on her. Also, don't say this to her, but as for drinking, talking to ex's, etc. - it's not your job to correct her. It's your job to hold boundaries as to what you will and won't accept in your life. It's her job to respect them or suffer the consequences.

Btw - someone that will self-harm or show up and harass you at your house - that's bonafide crazy woman territory. The drinking and attention whoring with ex's and orbiters, just more confirmation you've got a potential bunny boilers on your hands. Set boundaries. If she self harms, it's her choice. If she shows up and won't leave, don't open the door. Don't let her know you are home. Let her scream herself out. Don't call the cops, she'll make up some story about you hitting her and get you arrested.

Also, don't post where you are or what you are doing on social media. These people creep around and if she figures out you're at the corner bar or something, they show up and make a scene.

Do you have mutual friends? If so, lay low with them too for a while, don't let them know about life details. Don't want them becoming flying monkeys for her (wicked witch reference - flying monkeys served her in the wizard of oz), and reporting on you to her.

ecosci · 2017-03-18T03:07:15+00:00

You know i think we need to take a break i have alot going on right now, she will catch on pretty fast and fight for a solution but dont be jealous or surprised if she moves on with her plan b guy that all women have lined up.

mattizie · 2017-03-18T03:20:55+00:00

Before you say it .... I can't ghost. This girl has anxiety and a handful of other issues, so I know if I just ghost out of nowhere without closure she'll either harm herself or show up at my house until she gets an answer. I know this for a fact. Don't want that drama or guilt on my hands.

Wow. You actually bellieve that shit? Maybe you also bellieve that she loves you forever too. Women are experts at manipulation. Nothing is off limits.

My own mother was sent to hospital because she "tried to commit suicide" by taking more than the prescribed dose of her meds. I few days afterwards, we were able to see her. She says that she tried to kill herself because she wants closure. She tells us was talking to her solicitor and now she wants to go after my father (who is now broke and has been out of our life for years) for his SUPER (401k for you yanks). Take that as you will.

Tell her you want out. And leave. It's not your problem and will never be your problem in future for any girl you fuck.

deteronicfrombotzer · 2017-03-17T21:48:59+00:00

.L.lk.

maxrp · 2017-03-17T23:42:33+00:00

take her out to coffee and do it then,

yep in public so if she goes mental its all recorded on cctv and can be used in court.

make a huge deal out of her drinking and talking to ex's so she gets the point.

redrogue12 · 2017-03-17T16:47:12+00:00

Watch the movie The Founder and pay attention to the scene that is relevant to your question about halfway or a little more.

Title	How to break up with LTR?
Author	yourregularmogul
Upvotes	23
Comments	33
Date	March 17, 2017 4:03 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5zyfjn/how_to_break_up_with_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-break-up-with-ltr.87892 https://theredarchive.com/post/87892

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