How to deal with delayed replies (over messages)

whiskeydick2015 · 2015-01-15T08:04:58+00:00

Texting puts you in her frame. Cockiness, sarcasm, witty replies don't play over well over text. Do it over the phone while setting up a meet.

asd1100 · 2015-01-15T12:46:13+00:00

Am I over-thinking this?

yes

Should I just accept it as an annoying feature of talking to girls?

...within that low commitment, minimalistic medium. Yes.

How do you deal with this behavior?

I don't give a fuck and I do the exact same thing: send out of the blue random messages, stop a conversation the second I feel they are hooked and just forgetting my phone on silent for days(it's quite freeing, it makes you live in the environment you physically are). Communication is a game, have fun with it.

scumsilly · 2015-01-15T08:31:27+00:00

but I still feel like I'm losing every time my messages or questions are being ignored.

Quit being a pussy hanging on to your phone, desperate for her to text back. That's exactly what she wants. If she doesn't respond immediately, punish her by going radio silent for an hour or a day longer than she did. Girls are desperate for male attention, she will eventually text you back. Punish her for wasting your time. Make her understand that she has to conform to your schedule and you won't accept her behavior. Maintain frame.

elysius · 2015-01-15T13:45:19+00:00

As a general rule, people do that with people they find boring and/or annoying. So maybe you are boring and/or annoying. Reflect upon the content of the messages that went unanswered and the general "vibe" of the conversation beforehand, put yourself in their shoes and try to see if you can find grounds for them to find you boring and/or annoying.

Sometimes people will keep a conversation going out of politeness, doing the minimal they can to keep it flowing so as to not appear rude, but when you ask a question, that usually makes them have to stop and think, or make a choice or decision, and they are just not that into the conversation to actually give it that kind of commitment. So they ignore it. Now it'd be rude for them to not reply to that specific message and just change the subject entirely, so they just disappear altogether so as to not appear rude. Later, when you show up with a different message, it means the uncomfortable interaction has "expired" and they do not need to respond to it anymore, so they will get back to talking with you, if the new topic is low-investment enough.

By the way, I'm only saying this because you said in another comment that this doesn't only happen with girls you're trying to hook up with, but also "plates or old friends", which to me suggests you have a general communication problem. Try to be more aware of people's feelings when you are talking to them. I have a friend who is completely oblivious to how people are responding to him in conversation, and then gets frustrated or offended when they "suddenly" stop talking to him or start avoiding him.

Regarding girls, do the Brad Pitt test. Would they ignore the message if it was sent by Brad Pitt? Probably not. You said it yourself, girls who have the hots for you don't do this to you. So girls who do this are just not into you. So just ignore them. Don't wreck your brain trying to come up with something to hook them, it's not worth it and it puts you in a pathetic frame. When they do respond, apply the +1 rule: the time they took to respond + 1. If they took 8 hours to respond, wait 9 to reply. If they took 1 day, reply in 2. Don't break frame if they send other messages after the first one, they're just testing your resolve. Go against yourself and you lose.

tombreck2 · 2015-01-15T14:26:28+00:00

I do it too.

If someone texts me before I go to the gym then I'm going to be too focused on lifting to remember to text them back after the gym.

That being said, if you are ever sitting around waiting for a girl to text you back then you have already failed.

kingofpoplives · 2015-01-15T16:44:19+00:00

How do you deal with this behavior?

You want to avoid the boring drawn out text conversations where this issue arises. All that does is signal you have nothing better to do than text with her all day.

This is why "texting is only for logistics" is a staple of TRP.

So don't put yourself in the vulnerable position in the first place. Don't "have conversations" over text. Set up dates, respond if she texts you first, but don't get invested in any conversation. If you get lured into a convo and she fades, zero fucks given.

As a man, your communications should play towards male strength (action) rather than female strength (feels). Every time she hears from you, it should be pressing her to take action (agree to a date, etc), which makes females uncomfortable, giving you the advantage.

thenarrrowpath · 2015-01-15T23:50:25+00:00

my biggest pet peeves

It used to be mine as well, then I started getting more women in my life. I would be hanging out with a plate and then a text would come in from a prospect. I didn't text the prospect back until the next time I was free and ready to text her. Sometimes, I'm busy and just don't want to engage in BS banter over text.

You need to just let it go. Text and forget about. Besides texting should not be the platform for conversation, but rather one to set up the next meet. You don't need to text random BS until you've had sex with her multiple times and plated her. A quick hey whats up, maybe an inside joke, then move to see when she's available next to meet. If you already did the first meet up (i.e. day 2) then say something like "Hey having a chill night with some wine and Netflix, you should join.". Close your phone and forget about her.

Archwinger · 2015-01-15T13:50:11+00:00

You don't deal with this because you don't have to. You're too busy with twenty other girls to fixate on one that never responded to your last message. You're also intelligently using text-based communication only for logistics to set up meetings, and only sparingly to converse, because you recognize that text-based conversations validate women with attention without getting you laid.

Title	How to deal with delayed replies (over messages)
Author	robotghow
Upvotes	9
Comments	12
Date	January 15, 2015 7:55 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2shvzk/how_to_deal_with_delayed_replies_over_messages/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-deal-with-delayed-replies-over-messages.145290 https://theredarchive.com/post/145290

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