How to gain selfconfidence

RickyCardio · 2020-08-15T15:20:16+00:00

Practice. Establish your frame, work on talking to people whenever you're able, even if it's just saying an extra quip or two to people you see on the street. If they don't pay you mind or they're rude, fuck 'em, they're not worth knowing.

Was in your shoes a handful of years ago, you just gotta practice your social skills as much as you can and learn posture, eye contact, and how to hold a conversation.

Personality is like any muscle, it can absolutely be trained, it just takes time and work.

Work on asking questions with a genuine interest for other people's thoughts, and people will notice and appreciate it.

Godspeed brother, you'll make it.

Sidenote: "how to win friends and influence people" is a very helpful read

SirKolbath · 2020-08-15T15:16:39+00:00

Beware of those sending you to their products and videos who have a brief history here. It doesn't mean their stuff isn't good or worthwhile, it means that you should always be thinking critically.

You're already reading the sidebar, which is excellent. I linked to it because it might be an easier copy for you to download and read at your leisure.

Self confidence comes from self respect. This is often confused with self esteem. Self respect comes from knowing your own worth, and that takes growth. Build something. Repair something. Create something. Find hobbies that give you room to grow: music, writing. I play the harmonica and the guitar-- both terribly. I don't play them for anyone but me so I don't care. I write, quite well, actually. I do as much of my own car repair as possible. I've got a master's degree I don't ever want to use again and technical certifications that give me an excuse to get dirty and cut my hands up every day and I'm proud of that.

Anxiety isn't an easy thing to deal with. You have my encouragement and support but you don't need my sympathy. Have you spoken with a doctor about medication to moderate the symptoms? Not something to alter your personality or change who you are, just something to help you realize that the anxiety isn't in control. (I don't have anxiety, but a description I heard once was "It's like always hearing the boss music but never seeing the boss fight start." I don't know if that's accurate or not.)

Good luck.

Snowboard18 · 2020-08-15T15:27:44+00:00

Firstly, lift like hell. And once you think your lifting hard enough, your not, keep increasing your intensity. Lifting alone made me confident, and this was before I found trp.

Secondly, be social. Talk to girls and get laid. Talk to other high value guys and become friends with them. Just being around more confident guys than you will rub off on you.

And lastly, give no fucks, it’s almost impossible not to be insanely confident when you give zero shits

WhatRemainsAfter · 2020-08-15T17:12:08+00:00

Confidence is not a fucking pill like MDMA which you take and feel confident.

There is only one way: Consistent results. Focus on achievement for next 2 years. Then ask this question again.

However, There is a hack: Pretend that you're confident. 95% of people lack self esteem and will buy it.

SnakeAis · 2020-08-15T17:56:40+00:00

Alright Imma give you the real stuff here that helped me and I think will give you true self confidence. What I'll speak about is what I've learned from my own experience and also from very good books one of which I'll note at the end.

The issue is the worrying about what others think. It's the essence of social anxiety and just shyness in general. And what you'll hear people tell you, "Stop worrying about what others think." I heard this often and tried for so long to follow this advice but it just never worked, for one very simple reason that I took years to realize -_-. The act trying not to care paradoxically results in you caring. So simple I know but that's the truth of it.

So what I realized is you can *never not care* about something. It's not possible. You might care a lot or a little but it's impossible to not care at all. So what can we do? We need to worry about something else more. Something more important than that self doubt needs to fill your mind. So that if we had to put those two things on a scale, the self doubt would have less value comparatively.

Look at the bible for instance; Daniel and the three Hebrew boys, all the martyrs of time past. How did they not care that they might die for their faith? Why did the three boys not care as they were led to the furnace? News flash, they did. They just cared about something more; they valued something more, it filled their thoughts more, it was their faith.

So how do we apply this? We need to create value elsewhere. And since we'rebuilding *self* confidence here I think it's only proper that we add value to the *self*. Now we all measure our value differently. But a common measurement is our appearance.

Make yourself look good *for yourself*, to make *yourself* proud. Get a haircut, dress in a way that pleases *you*, work out, read books that you can learn something from, play a sport , and just work hard in general- (it will make you realize just how capable you are in general).

The working hard part is important since it gives you a feeling of accomplishment and pride. Confidence in your own abilities, appearance, and intelligence will grow and eventually outweigh your doubts. Focus on what you want, write a list of life goals and make it as long as you can. Know who you are, write a description of how you perceive yourself and make it as long and honest as possible. Focus on what you stand for, write a list of what your beliefs are and your personal boundaries.

The lists aren't absolutely necessary but do help a ton. The point is to know yourself. To not be ashamed of yourself. Focus on how *you* feel. You're feeling sad? Fuck that, get out of the house and do something that makes you happy. Someones pushing your buttons? Fuck them, tell them to fuck off and don't waste your time on them.

Make yourself and your feelings your priority. You came into this world alone and you're leaving alone, don't feel guilty about prioritizing yourself. As you do this you'll notice everything else starts to feel more insignificant to you; you stop overthinking about awkward moments or doubting yourself and you just become truly self confident.

To paraphrase a truly amazing book; "To stop giving a fuck, you need to first give a fuck about something else." The book is called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. I forget the authors name but it was really a life changing read for me.

TLDR; focus on yourself and what you want and feel, add more value to yourself (your own personal idea of value), and your doubts will slowly fade away.

ChristianKoziol · 2020-08-15T15:08:53+00:00

Confidence won’t come from thin air. Confidence comes from getting good at something until you get successful and repeated results. That is how it works. You must put the effort in and keep going out there and only dating 9’s and 10’s until it becomes comfortable

signsoflife620 · 2020-08-15T15:06:13+00:00

I find it hard to believe you read all that in just a month. And even if you did it could take literally up to a year or more to actually digest what you read.

Drakane1 · 2020-08-15T16:40:08+00:00

you just need to practice talking to people. what i do is go to sites like TIny chat and just practice interacting with room full of people making jokes bantering. its not a one to one translation but it sets you up for success.

theguytheguy1000 · 2020-08-15T21:48:32+00:00

exposure and meditation.

Thinkingard · 2020-08-16T03:07:14+00:00

Meet women in a group setting. I don't know if you have guy friends or not, but if not, you need them as the solo gig isn't working for you. The only funeral that should stop you from lifting is your own.

AlpacaStrap · 2020-08-16T07:33:55+00:00

Meditate and enjoy the moment

Read the power of now

Bungeeeeee · 2020-08-16T08:34:52+00:00

Gym is really a good way to put you on the right track, but it won't fix the problem, rather be a push. It will also help with anxiety.

Most men nowdays are raised in a way to have no self respect. You really have to start looking for what you want and doing it for you. The key is to value everything you do unattached to what others think of it or how they value it. Basically what you think about something matters more than what others think.

Only this realization will put you in a mindset to better see what you want and go get it for you. It will be a process, though.

new12295 · 2020-08-16T14:09:31+00:00

One quote I caught from Jordan Peterson's 12 steps for life goes like this :

Strength of character comes from understanding that you have a capacity for mayhem

Telling to life is a common advicehere, because it works and sets off a loop:

You gain confidence in your body, people elevate your position on seeing your confidence, seeing an elevated position increases your confidence and so on.

A way of entering the loop is lifting. Also, having a strong body feels dammn nice.

ChristianKoziol · 2020-08-15T14:53:44+00:00

Learn about women, dating and relationship skills. Get on your purpose as a man. Get used to talking to women. You can’t fake confidence. It takes work. It starts with self improvement. I have a video on this in my channel.

I’m this video I talk about why so many guys lack confidence and have low self esteem with women.

Go check it out

Title	How to gain selfconfidence
Author	Zabi4
Upvotes	35
Comments	23
Date	August 15, 2020 2:38 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ia8g1q/how_to_gain_selfconfidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-gain-selfconfidence.67047 https://theredarchive.com/post/67047

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