I feel like shit

50pluspiller · 2016-01-01T10:36:08+00:00

she's not yours, just your turn.

Abundance shall be your mantra, get out and start finding more women to spin.

Str8_Pillin · 2016-01-01T10:49:02+00:00

frequentlywrong · 2016-01-01T10:49:13+00:00

First acknowledge and face your problem. You have low self esteem.

With self esteem issues, something like brazillian jiu jitsu is way better than lifting. You will be in a group of guys, usually it's a very friendly atmosphere and being able to defend yourself is incredibly confidence boosting.

Seriously dude try it. Taking up martial arts is one of the best things I ever did.

BrunoOh · 2016-01-01T16:45:52+00:00

You got ghosted by a 37 year old sloot. I don't see the problem.

mahlzeit · 2016-01-01T13:44:20+00:00

Help me people, I feel like shit, complete, utter, total failure.

First step is to accept that. You think like you need to control how you feel. But that's not true. It's also not possible. Your feelings are a sense like sight or hearing. You can't control what you experience through your eyes or your ears. In the same sense you can't control what you experience through your emotions. They tell you things about the state of the world. Treat them as valuable information.

If you see a gun pointed at you, you may not like that either. But it's stupid to want to change that, to stop seeing the gun and start seeing a fluffy kitten instead. It's wise to understand the information your sight gives you, and react by something appropriate like running away. In the same sense it's stupid to want to swap out your uncomfortable emotions for comfortable ones, instead of understanding that they're there for a reason, to tell you that there's something wrong and that you should do something about that.

Sure, you have some indirect control. If you want to influence what you see, you can turn your head around or go somewhere else. If you want to influence what you hear, you can turn on the radio. If you want to influence how you feel, you can change your circumstances, your attitudes about life and how you react to situations. See? That's Stoicism in a nutshell. Be aware of what you can change and what you can't change, and to which extent you can affect things. Accept what you can't change, focus on what you can change.

Can you change that you feel like shit right now? No.

Can you change that she fucks another guy? No.

Can you change that you're invisible to women right now? No.

And neither should you, at least in the moment. That's reality as it is right now, look at it. Understand it. Accept all those things, because how do you suppose you can build a better future without having a clear view of the present? With a bullshit map it doesn't matter what your goals are. You may not like how the map looks, but it's only useful if it's accurate, and never if it's pretty.

You've learned a lesson: oneitis makes you feel like absolute shit. Good. Now, learn how you can avoid oneitis in the future. This is how we grow in life. The pain is there to guide us, to tell us: this sucks, go somewhere else.

So, what can you change? Your reaction to all that of course.

Right now you're pretty much acting like a victim. You come here, complaining and want others to fix it for you, to help you out of this shithole. That's you giving away your agency. You should do the opposite: accepting responsibility.

This means observing yourself, learning what beliefs and behaviors have bad consequences, and changing them accordingly. And I know, that's easy to talk about, not that easy to do in practice. It's still true, though, and the sooner you start the sooner you'll benefit from that process.

Also, you should start questioning yourself a bit more. And by that I don't mean crap like not believing you can do this or cope with that. Next time you think in your mind

I am virtually invisible to women.

take a step back, and ask yourself: is this actually true? Is this actually that bad? What's the worst that could happen if it was true? Could there actually be some advantages in it for me if it was true? And try to be as honest as possible.

A thought is just a thought that passes through your mind. That doesn't mean it's automatically true, you know? Nothing bad is going to happen if you don't believe it just because it's in your head. You're also not stupid for having a stupid thought. It's just a thought, don't be too attached to it.

And even if it's true, oftentimes when you believe it's a disaster at first, and you start analyzing it honestly, you find out that it's actually a total non-issue. So what if you're invisible to women right now? What's the worst that could happen? You'll never have a partner again? So what? There's still porn, fleshlights and hookers. How about being thankful for the fact that you're in no danger of being divorce raped? Well, if you're truly invisible to them you could try to sneak into women's locker rooms and jerk off in there, maybe even get a mask and a cape and call yourself "Jerkman." You could even become a master spy for the patriarchy! How about that? I'll bring it up at the meeting next Wednesday.

See, there's many ways to look at any thought, even laugh at them. That's good. A healthy mind is a free mind.

Right now you have some serious tunnel vision going on. You're painting stuff way, way worse than it is. I know, I know, that glass-half-full stuff sounds insulting when you're in this state of mind, but it's still true. Think about it honestly and you will have to agree with me.

And, finally: it's ok to get beaten down from time to time. We're all human, after all. There's no shame in being depressed. What defines you is how you handle it. Stand up. Lift. Meditate. Eat a little bit healthier. After all, we live in a universe in which entropy constantly increases. Things constantly break down. It's the fact that we go forward despite this realization that makes us fully human, I believe.

BlueBlus · 2016-01-02T02:23:23+00:00

Read the fucking sidebar.

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Title	I feel like shit
Author	lanky32
Upvotes	1
Comments	17
Date	January 1, 2016 10:22 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3z0a3k/i_feel_like_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-feel-like-shit.158610 https://theredarchive.com/post/158610

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