Working out, meditation, good diet and rest. All check. The first two have taken a little bit of toll after another lockdown was announced last week but I've been at it for almost 2 years now. I dont watch porn.

I can no longer have meaningful conversations. I have lost all the spontaneity I had and have zero presence of mind whenever I'm talking with someone.

Last year when it all began, I was focused on my goals. Worked my ass off everyday. Made sure I made some sort of progress no matter how small.

Now, my grad applications got rejected which is a little disappointing. Only myself to blame and have to delay the Masters plan for another year. Have a job in the meanwhile, it isn't the best paywise but good to start off one's career and get some experience.

I have lost all drive. Want to work on some stuff but cant get myself to do it. Zero discipline in my life. Just waste the whole day on my phone not doing anything.

My closed ones aren't able to guide me out of it. I thought that getting myself busy with things like working out would help but they aren't.

Please help me get out of this rut.