I was molested

SureImShore · 2016-02-02T00:26:49+00:00

Keep it to yourself man. Its not something they can help you with, and people will assume you're broken or will turn into an abuser yourself. Most people have no idea what they're talking about and will avoid you.

There are certain behaviors and mindsets that are associated with what you went through, but it is possible to work through a lot of it in therapy. The website 1in6.org is a really good resource, check it out.

I know what you mean in terms of sexual tastes being influenced. You should be very careful with this; you're playing with fire. My advice would be to keep sex off your mind as much as possible for awhile, 2-3 months. No porn use and keep masturbation to a minimum, go monk mode with women. Get things in your life in order and then slowly start incorporating sex back into your life. This doesn't have to define the rest of your life if you don't want it to. Good luck man.

MentORPHEUS · 2016-02-02T03:05:47+00:00

It's something I struggle with a lot

TRP cannot help you with this, and you'll have a much harder time utilizing TRP's lessons with this unaddressed problem lurking in your psyche. Find a therapist you can bond and work with, and talk this through with a professional. You can NOT discuss your problems with women you're dating!

it probably made me vaguely sociopathic in terms of being "dissociative" and emotionally unavailable, but has deeply impacted my LTRs

It's a good sign that you have the introspection to see this and the will to work through it somehow. Once you're addressing and taming these inner demons, TRP can help you grow and improve as a man in general, and with your sexual strategy in particular. Good luck brother, and stick around OK.

thiasus · 2016-02-02T00:25:42+00:00

after a few months they figure out they're not the girl who's going to "crack this nut" and they start asking questions about what's wrong with me.

Standard LTR frame testing. They want increasing committment from you, and you are not giving it to them on their terms, so they ramp up the shit testing.

it might feel good to be on the level with another person.

It would, but it's not possible with a woman. She will never truly sympathize. She'll make a show of it, as women are socialized to be nice, but if your past troubles ever become a source of practical difficulties she will never let you off the hook and will always expect you to man up. Also, she'll start mentally listing all the potential negative consequences your revelation might have, and test you harder to check for them.

You don't gain anything by revealing this to your woman. Do so only if there's an unavoidable practical necessity. If you need someone to talk to, get a good guy friend.

nathanisfat · 2016-02-02T05:31:15+00:00

Keep it between you and your therapist. And you should be talking to a therapist.

youcantdenythat · 2016-02-02T12:10:23+00:00

Someone else said that TRP can't help you but I think it can. What happened to you was bullshit and may be worse than what happened to some other guys here but we are all victims of something.

If you are angry about it you can use that anger in the gym to rebuild yourself.

If, instead, you are depressed about it, you will have to stop thinking about that bad old shit by filling your mind with new good shit. Find a positive hobby or purpose in life that you are passionate about and focus on that. Then develop the discipline you need to build yourself into the man you want to be.

SpiderSwimMan · 2016-02-02T20:09:33+00:00

I don't think you should share. I made the mistake of sharing something similar with someone in a LTR once. From that point on, everytime I did something she found unfavorable it became about my abuse.

Also, that same woman wound up breaking things off with me, and I think a bad feeling is to trust a woman with something so personally intimate about yourself. For men like us (those who've been abused) a very powerful word is the word "no". When we were abused we might have said "no", but the person proceeded anyway. In relationships you have to be sensitive to your right to say no when a woman is trying to take the lead or set the agenda. In my last LTR, the woman wanted to set the agenda, I said no, then she broke up with me. After sharing my personal story with her. And I think that made the pain of the breakup even worse because in my then Beta mind, I thought this was someone so special, she'll always be here and I can share this. She's currently whoring herself on Instagram at the moment and I'm a colder, but wiser man now. The bottom line I think is keep it to yourself, no woman unless you're getting married should know. It becomes a weapon in their hand they can use against you, and there's no benefit to you should she decide to break things off.

ag_nuke · 2016-02-02T08:02:37+00:00

Women are not theraphists. Don't tell your girlfriends your problems. It's their job to try and fill your head with junk.

Find a proffessional. I find it odd that it happened with 2 different people, is your family some incest sect?

Title	I was molested
Author	awkwardtouching
Upvotes	11
Comments	16
Date	February 2, 2016 12:08 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/43ri4d/i_was_molested/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-was-molested.160195 https://theredarchive.com/post/160195

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