Married and Need advice.

lonGterMgoalS · 2014-08-19T16:29:37+00:00

I would normally just say I am sorry

Remove "I'm sorry" from your vocabulary. Even when you're wrong. Maybe later on you can add it back but you are a long ways from that point. I personally never say it. Unless you are discussing plans then you no longer need to explain yourself to her. You handled this shit test fine.

It's your frame of mind that's going to be the hardest. Easiest way to do this is to view her as a child.

Mans_Right_To_Choose · 2014-08-19T16:49:36+00:00

If she thinks you're cheating because you're reading a book on sex, it is passive proof that she knows what a failure she is at providing sex.

I.E. (If he's trying to improve sex then he must be having sex and I sure as hell know it's not with me!)

This can be a good thing. If you maintain frame, she'll hamster it into unplanned dread. If the only "evidence" she has of you cheating is reading a book, that's dumb and you maintain power.

(If the book was called How to Get Away with Cheating on Your Frigid Wife, then it's still dumb but less dumb. I'd read that for shits and giggles. :D

dominodog · 2014-08-19T16:34:16+00:00

This is a shit test. Keep maintaining frame.

There is nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself and develop a life or sex strategy.

visibleinvisible · 2014-08-19T17:19:36+00:00

Do not worry; women generally spend little energy outside of their narrow interests paying attention to your Internet reading. Quite the opposite: be of good cheer that she 1) cares what you are reading and 2) is jealous enough to worry about you having extramarital affairs. There are many women in dead bedrooms who would be paradoxically relieved if their husband were to take a mistress.

kick6 · 2014-08-19T18:24:24+00:00

It sounds like less of a shit test, and more indicative of successful application of dread game. She's worried she's losing the power to control your sexuality, and is trying to get you back under her heel.

So I guess it is a shit test, just a very specific kind.

lloopy · 2014-08-19T18:45:27+00:00

If she thinks you're cheating, but you're not, then it's just dread game. If she comes out and says "Are you cheating on me?" You can respond with a simple "no" and nothing more. Don't justify your behavior to her, and don't explain things she doesn't understand. Let her hamster run, and it will end up with her chasing you.

cray-cray-cray · 2014-08-19T19:54:57+00:00

She "found" it last night and flipped out.

Ignore. She can't be bothered to fuck you, but she's worried you're reading materials that she didn't approve of?

Holy shit.

Think about that for a little bit.

RPstudent · 2014-08-19T17:52:30+00:00

yes. It's a shit test. And an excellent application of dread game. Might not have been your intent. But the presence of something that disrupts one's regular pattern of behavior prompts that kind of rationalization. It's far better to put forth the work on self-improvement than to tell her. She may respond negatively, that's her prerogative. You hold your frame, don't apologize and you'll see more responses like the one that met you following your last successful swatting away of the shit test.

DanG3 · 2014-08-19T21:06:25+00:00

Welcome. You are in good hands here. We will have you fixed up in no time.

It could be considered a ST in that she dumped emo all over you. You passed since you cooly (I hope) held your calm frame. Ignore all her static about cheating or ... (kind of) agree and twist it back on her ...

... If you want to engage her hamster, which I would not recommend - you could say that the book you are reading is to help you be more like HER Heros in the woman's romance novels SHE has (most likely) read - the "TwiTard" or "50 Shades" series (Yes, there were THREE 50 Shades books which were purchased by millions of women - who deny any knowlege of them). You are simply trying to emulate the male heros of HER fascination and desire in those books. What could be better than to have Christian Grey in her own bed?!!!

But, as I said, it's better not to engage the hamster. Save that comeback for another occasion. But rather, pay attention to what she DID .... greeted you at the door wearing lingerie. Carry on. You are doing fine.

myrpaccount · 2014-08-19T19:02:45+00:00

Good for you man. I'm married myself and I found this place over a year ago. MMSL and Sex God helped me. I have gone from a borderline db to a much happier marriage. She would also be one to tell you she is happier and she doesn't even realize why.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-08-20T00:08:28+00:00

Yes dammit this is a Shit Test. Maintain Frame. This is the time to tease her about it. Amused Mastery. You finally got your wife's attention. For me all it took was learning PUA and showing her I could flirt with hot randoms on command. She didn't even notice when I was reading everything in sight and leaving books like "Day Bang" around the house so you are ahead of the game- if you maintain frame.

If you MUST give some Beta food to the hamster take her in your arms and tell her why you are studying the book. Tell her 'trust me, I am studying this topic because I want our relationship to be better."

If you do this you MUST maintain a cool, detached frame. Perhaps some warm eye contact and a hug to reassure her and then when she brings it up again Agree and Amplify (yes dear I am going to turn into a playa and have them lined up down the hall); Amused Mastery (with a thin smile- "'Your insecurity is very alluring") or Nuke for the win ("I said it's just a book and I am a Man and I will read what I want").

However, this book is NOT the best book to start. This is for after you start having sex several times a week and it starts to get boring, not how to restart a /r/deadbedroooms. The MMSL book and the MAP do that.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2014-08-20T02:09:50+00:00

You did it right. No apologies. Read what you wanna read.

[deleted] · 2014-08-20T07:04:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Married and Need advice.
Author	Northtexasdallas
Upvotes	13
Comments	17
Date	August 19, 2014 4:01 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2dzqx7/married_and_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/married-and-need-advice.141488 https://theredarchive.com/post/141488

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