Cliché situation over here. Lurking for years. Practicing some techniques. Distracted by life sometimes and return to it. Something happened today that I’d like to share with you guys and gain some perspective. I hope if this is a subject you are familiar with it you will stick through this and offer your input.

I’m a nice guy. Nice this, nice that, nice as a little kid and nice now (25). I despise it. I was fine with it as a middle school student and half of high school but anger started when I realizing it was stopping me from getting what I wanted.

The anger only increased after trp. Now that I knew why I was getting punished for being who I am, I was furious when something happened that made me feel small. Anger from it happening again, more anger from not knowing how to stop it, and over the top anger for feeling anger that I couldn’t handle the situation, thus proving once again I am small, hopeless, inferior to the situation.

The situation today. We’re all parked at an auto shop waiting to get fluid replaced. Someone’s turn is up and they pull out and scrape by my car. I got out to the horrified face of the owner and voices all around us laughing and cussing.

The owner is cussing and saying things like "ohhhhhh man" while I ask if it’s that bad. I look around to see some paint scraped off and some minor scratches. He says I should go talk to him if I have a problem with it. I begin to think of getting some money off of him but look at the minor cosmetic damage and begin to find no interest in it. I’ve got an old car, there’s scratches everywhere. I then think of trp.

Im always brushing things off. The nice guy’s greatest sin. If I let this slide I reinforce my subconscious behavior that has punished me over and over again. These thoughts came and went. I told the owner I’m good and return to the car to wait, feeling like I let myself down, defeated. The car who hit me came by my door and knocked a few minutes later, said he didn’t even feel it. He apologized profusely as I said it’s okay and he thanked me.

I thought about putting this on trp right after when something else happened. My turn is up. Someone is standing behind my car. I get ready to back up and look at the back of his head for 2 seconds waiting for him to turn around (I know) before he does but not before the car who witnessed the bump honked while the guy was moving out of the way. To me it felt like he saw how I couldn’t take care of myself. Another defeat.

Most days this seems to happen. Sensitive to these situations whether they are what I think they are or not. What are the standards for trp men when the car was bumped. Did I simply brush it off due to my weak personality or was my reasoning justified. Is my negative thinking about myself projected onto all these situations. Where do I start.

Much appreciation for taking the time to read and effort into any advice.