I am not living home right now. I am laying on my Uncles Couch at his house at 4am awake from the back to back shit storms that smacked me in the face. I am seeing a therapist which is helping but I need objective advice from people I don’t know.

My step father has a job and cannot properly handle the responsibility of it and he believes it is justified to come home and ask for my help at his workplace. I haven’t said much but yesterday I decided to tell him that it is not something he should expect of me. To which he freaked out and talked about how he took care of me as a child, essentially saying I owe him and was blackmailing me. My therapist helped make me realize that I was being blackmailed and told me not to say anything.

I decided to say something because yesterday was an especially terrible day and I hoped he would probably understand my strife. I got a call from the medical examiner and found out that my biological father murdered my step mother and then shot him self in the head four days later. Everything backfired when I told him how I felt. He started to freak out saying he is going to leave and that I am going to be working hard. I was going to leave and I grabbed my keys. He has a car that he lets me drive but I wasn’t going to take it. He has said on multiple occasions that the car is mine I make insurance payments on it and I put like 5k into fixing it up. But all of the sudden when I don’t listen to him it becomes his car again.

With that being said I feel completely broken. My stepfather is extremely selfish believing I owe him something for him taking care of me. Which is something that nobody forced him to do. He moved in and decided to take care of me. If you expect something in return then it’s not genuine. I could not tell him this but he clearly doesn’t understand.

On the other hand my biological father is dead. I am more angry that he murdered my step mother more than he himself is dead. I have such mixed emotions about this. I wasn’t close to him the past couple years. When I was talking about my father to my stepfather he was supportive but when the subject switched to his job and why I believe I shouldn’t help him his whole demeanor changed.

I am so incredibly lost it is ridiculous. And to be clear I am not “sorry” for myself I am just overwhelmed and anxious.