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Need advice about a plate

tryingToBeRed89 · 2017-01-27T15:58:13+00:00

I've slept w this girl twice and I like her but I'm trying to keep my distance (I get oneitis kind of easily) . She's 6 years younger than me,...

tryingToBeRed89

January 27, 2017

5 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	Need advice about a plate
Author	tryingToBeRed89
Upvotes	5
Comments	23
Date	January 27, 2017 3:58 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5qhv3t/need_advice_about_a_plate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/need-advice-about-a-plate.81486 https://theredarchive.com/post/81486

Comments

[–]FrameWalker4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

[–]RedSkeller2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]roeddit 1 point1 point1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]tryingToBeRed89 2 points2 points2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]FrameWalker1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]tryingToBeRed89 1 point1 point1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]plenty_of_eesh1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]tryingToBeRed89 1 point1 point1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]plenty_of_eesh0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]plenty_of_eesh0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]tryingToBeRed89 1 point1 point1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]plenty_of_eesh0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

It's cool.

You seem to have some self-awareness about how things usually end up for you, and I think your plan of trying to avoid the gravitational pull of LTR-dom, for a while, is a great idea.

You will probably learn a ton.

So, it sounds like you are dangerously close to your standard one-itis with this girl already, and so if you wanna try this plating thing, you need to put some space into it.

Think of it like this... Ideally you'd have maybe four plates spinning, and you're giving at least half your nights to yourself (friends, activities, improvement, hobby, family) anyway.

The math says each girl is just under once a week. But the thing is, even before you get to that many regular plates, you need to space the first one as if there are others. And use your extra nights getting out there.

And, also, be ready to lose this one. I doubt she'll be like "you're not seeing me enough, I'm out" but it's more for your mental state... Plating requires you to not need this one that badly.

And finally, don't falter on the "exclusive" talk. You don't need to tell her any details about what you do with all your other nights or why you're not interested in exclusivity, just that you aren't looking to be exclusive right now (even if it's three weeks from now and you're still not plating anyone else).

Now that may actually lose her. It's your real test of commitment to this idea. That's why you have to be ready to lose her, coz it's how you hold frame in that convo. Good luck.

[–]tryingToBeRed891 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]tryingToBeRed89 1 point1 point1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]FrameWalker0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]tryingToBeRed891 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Cunt_Robber2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]tryingToBeRed89 1 point1 point1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Hey you were the only one who mentioned the possibility of a LtR so just wanted to try to get your opinion if you don't mind. Ended up talking to her tonight asked her what she was up to and she said she couldn't see me but wished I was with her. I asked why not and she said she had already made plans. It's Friday night and she's not working so i can only assume she's probably w another guy. And I'm like 80% sure she's probably fucking other guys. I know you could probably reply with you don't know for sure and all of that but if I had the time to type out the wall of text I could explain. Tldr is she's young attractive and slept with me very quickly and I'm good looking but not super high Smv if I'm being honest w myself.

So this is probably a dumb question but.. Would you make a girl like that LTR if she would commit and she brought it up first? Or is LTR material usually only girls with lower partner counts?

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Since you asked for my honest opinion, I, for one, am not a big fan of keeping track of someone else's n-count for a few reasons. The first being, you will never really know what it is, so to me, it doesn't matter. You weren't there when it happened. The second is that caring about someone else's n-count (considering it not anything over a hundred) is a big sign of insecurity. The fact that n-count affect a womans' ability to pair bond still exists, but that shouldn't be a major factor in your decision to plate or LTR. Judge it but what they have to offer you. Do they add value to your life? If yes, then how? If not, then why do you still keep them around?

From what I can see from what you tell me, you're way in over your head. You're over thinking things. A lot. Again, you don't know where she is, stop assuming. And if you really wanted to know, you would ask her directly instead of pondering about something you can't really know, which to me is a bad idea to do anyway because they can lie.

As for your question, me personally, I don't normally LTR anyone. It's simply because I literally have no spare time for a relationship and I like the freedom of not being in one. Also, the question "Would you make a girl like that LTR if she would commit" is wrong in terms of context. You don't LTR a girl for their commitment. That's never gonna happen. They will never be fully committed to you regardless of their claims. Their commitment is only as strong as the attraction they have for you, which as you obviously know is related to their valuation of your SMV.

TL;DR I will LTR anyone who I've properly vetted. If she had red flags that I can handle then she'll forever be a plate. If the red flags are something I can't handle, then I'll hard next.

Also, she's out friday night, why the fuck aren't you?

[–]tryingToBeRed891 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Only reason is that a lot of RP members have suggested to me in the past that you should spin plates for about a year before trying to tie down a LTR.

And I honestly don't trust the beta in me to be able to pull it off. I've never had anything last much more than 3-4 months because I just get so enamored by the girl and start blue pilling hard. Granted, I'm wiser now and older. and if I keep up with exercising and improving myself I might be able to pull it off. I'm really intent on focusing on myself this year (and every year after that). I was going to do it last year but alcohol really ruined me. That's another subject though.

I do like that she is young though. It's hard to gauge what her n count is. Probably higher than I'd like. She's very experienced in bed and told me straight up that she likes sex.