I’m a 21 year old virgin. Girls scare the fuck out of me and I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time because of this.

I’ve lost 3 potential girlfriends one of whom was my best friend— all because I failed to reciprocate. I am disgusted with myself and sincerely hate myself for leading girls on. I hate being alone but any time I’m with girls I suffer from extreme self consciousness. I don’t have a problem getting girls to like me but I always chicken out when it comes time to escalate to sex. One of the worst moments of my life was when a 10/10 girl and my best friend brought over a movie to watch and I sat and watched that whole fucking movie and then kicked her out at midnight on Christmas Eve. Every time I think about that I seriously want to fucking kill myself. And recently I’ve been thinking about her a whole lot because she didn’t deserve what I put her through. If Id have told her how I felt and made a move maybe she wouldn’t have been hurt by the guy she left me for.

More about me. I’m a Junior Electrical Engineering student shipping to Marine Corps bootcamp in October (going Active Duty). I currently compete Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and power lift every day. I have no recourse for meeting girls in my small town. There aren’t any prostitutes, strip clubs, or even a Walmart within a 100 miles radius. I fucking hate how isolated I am here but I’m lying to myself if I think things will be any different when I leave for the Marines. My failures as a man have haunted me wherever I go and I no longer try hard to form relationships with girls because deep down I know it will always end the same way.