Opinions on the current front page post about your partner having a crush on someone else?

InvictusCor · 2015-12-15T19:33:00+00:00

Men and women whether in a relationship or not are always going to be looking at other potential partners. It's within our evolutionary psychology for women to be hypergamous and men to look for the healthiest(most attractive mates). You can't help it. No one can.

The important thing in an LTR is that you stay faithful and don't act on these feelings. In that respect I think the article makes some decent points but from a RP standpoint I don't agree with all his suggestions on dealing with it. He seems a bit too accommodating.

Yes keep open communication, don't let her be alone with the guy obviously. I would definitely not get jealous, I would definitely joke and tease her about it and I'd be watching her behaviour around me for signs she might be cheating. If she flirts with him you go flirt with other women. Make sure your game and all areas of your SMV are on point. It can be a sign that she's losing attraction for you.

I think the other important thing is how long you've been in the LTR. If you've been together for <6 months then I'd be stricter about dumping her if she doesn't get over it very quickly but if you've been together 2-3+ years there should be more stability in the relationship.

Another thing is respect. Even if she has a crush she should still have respect for you. If that's gone you have bigger problems. Don't tolerate any disrespect or questioning of your SMV. Basically be prepared to answer a lot of shit tests.

This is also based on the fact that things have generally been going pretty well in the LTR. If you haven't had sex in months and barely talk much you might want to re-evaluate your position in the relationship. The paragraph that starts "However, in the end, if your partner has a crush, maybe it's not worth it for you to work through their crush..." I definitely agree with.

BeyondDedication · 2015-12-15T19:42:34+00:00

Of course crushes are natural, we are slaves to our own biology.

If it's an unobtainable crush (Chris Hemsworth) go with A&A. If it's within her grasp, dread game, or enable her so she can dig her own grave and you can hard next. I recommend the second option if you have any interest in an LTR.

JavelinMint · 2015-12-15T20:42:21+00:00

The LPT post was very blue pill. It was recommending NOT giving ultimatums and it was arguing that the lower SMV in the relationship should "work through the crush" somehow. It had no TRP recommendations. Certain types of ultimatums are definitely beneficial as it suggests huge negotiating power but it has no guarantee of working and could be risky if your SMV is low.
The LPT post does say that "crushes are natural, especially because of workplace environment or school environment." This part is correct but the way to handle it is not to flip out (as LPT writer described correctly) and it's not to also be complacent or ignoring the problem and allowing it to metastasize (as the LPT writer failed to mention).

Dread game, increasing SMV, becoming less complacent, becoming less passive, becoming more assertive, becoming less needy, becoming more confident, are ways to stop a "crush by your girl on another man".

MeatCurtainRod · 2015-12-15T21:04:29+00:00

Crushes are accidental feelings

This one phrase alone made me sigh in frustration. I didn't even bother reading the rest of the post. Crushes aren't accidental. Crushes are feelings. Feelings are normal. The reason why a crush becomes material (and good or bad) is if you invest your time and money and effort into this feeling. Only feminists blame their actions on feelings which they always claim as being victims of their own emotions, that they also claim they have no control. The fact that this fucking bet bux tries to rationalize this crap using feminist narrative is just stupendously unreal.

GraphicSeniorNudity · 2015-12-15T22:06:48+00:00

Let's take this same advice and apply it to something easier to understand.

How to fight a fire.

1) Make sure nothing is on fire.

2) Don't set things on fire

3) Don't set fire fighting equipment on fire.

4) Set off some fireworks.

5) If there is a fire, don't fight fires with gasoline.

Let's break it down a little more.

1) The first step in fighting a fire is to make sure nothing is on fire. Since you're reading a guide about how to fight a fire this is redundant advice that does not apply to you.

AKA The first step to prevent cheating is open and honest communication. Since you're reading a guide about how to prevent cheating this is redundant advice that does not apply to you.

2) The second step to fighting a fire is don't set things on fire. If there is no fire, you shouldn't create one.

AKA Don't cheat. Alrighty then.

3) The third step to fighting a fire is don't set your fire fighting equipment on fire. Boy would we be in a pickle.

AKA Don't tell your "crush" what a shitty individual your girlfriend is.

4) The fourth step to fighting a fire is to set off some fireworks. Ideally in a large dry field or forest in mid July. They're fun, and mostly harmless.

AKA Hey, things aren't going very well, why don't I try smothering her with more of me more of the time.

5) The fifth and most important part of fighting a fire is don't fight fires with gasoline.

AKA don't give her a good reason to leave you.

Thanks chief.

bsutansalt · 2015-12-15T22:09:25+00:00

Logically it's good advice, and I could see it having limited success IF the woman you're with recognizes she's fucking up and is on the verge of losing you and thus wants to correct things. Otherwise it's mostly just a bunch of mental masturbation.

The_BeardedGentleman · 2015-12-15T22:54:33+00:00

Got to love how Reddit's beta as fuck hive-mind instantly resorts to ducking its head down and figuring out how to solve the problem once it manifests. Heaven forbid you learn how to avoid it entirely, and take steps in advance that nullify any issues. Because that makes you "controlling". Jesus Christ, I'm glad I wasn't born with a pussy like 90% of the dudes on Reddit.

MightyTaint · 2015-12-15T20:10:07+00:00

People are attracted to other people all the time. His way of dealing with it is emasculating and will decrease his SMV in his mate's eyes. He also thinks if you don't handle it his way, you must be some controlling asshole (lol nice false dichotomy). I would be extremely surprised if his wife hasn't cheated. He's all but given her permission and thinks it makes him have a healthy relationship.

KumonRoguing · 2015-12-15T23:19:38+00:00

I believe the fact he has been in the bad end more than his wife is enough information to disregard much of his advice.

EGOtyst · 2015-12-16T02:39:23+00:00

I posted my opinion in the thread. It was down voted relentlessly.

looksmax · 2015-12-15T21:35:45+00:00

If your LTR has a crush on someone else, you're with the wrong person. If you have a crush on someone else, you're with the wrong person.

That post is so full of cope and male hamster. Read the first lines and instantly knew this was going be from a man trying to rationalize why he is sticking with his shitty relationship.

If she's told him about crushes on 2 others in their time together I wonder what she hasn't told him about. Future cuck.

FioreFgt · 2015-12-16T04:49:18+00:00

Glad this post got traction! My post on this topic had barely any replies.

Title	Opinions on the current front page post about your partner having a crush on someone else?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	18
Date	December 15, 2015 6:57 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3wz30m/opinions_on_the_current_front_page_post_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/opinions-on-the-current-front-page-post-about-your.187703 https://theredarchive.com/post/187703

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