hey community. Lurker here.

2 Other dark triad characteristics were never a problem for me and i'm really enjoying reading prince, 48 laws of power and so on. I have potential in psychopathy- i viewed people as tools all my life, i like cold reading people - and i'm good at that( sometimes i even watch politicians, just to analyze them, i know emotions and how they appear, i sense and decode social atmospheres really good- actually almost instantly (i guess it's called emotional intelligence) . Also I never bother with people I have no need for.

The only problem what really fucks me up, I CAN'T SEPERATE MY EMOTIONS FROM MY BODY, i can't just NOT GIVE A FUCK. I always realize my own emotions and I try to rationalize it to myself that it makes no sense to empower them and i should just ignore it, but i can't.

This one problem causes me a lot of problem, because of my ego from narcissism, if somebody hurts my ego, i can't hold my frame and everything goes to hell.

I downloaded an e-book- "zen is the art of archery" and I want to start meditating.

My question is how do you start meditating, on what do you focus- silence and patience? How long? How? I seriously have no idea how to begin meditating to improve not giving a f### attitude and FEARLESSNESS. Also perhaps other ebooks to improve me?

(I mean maybe there is some kind of method or instructions for a better result and so on/ torrent/ youtube/ articles)