Second date or move on?

RelucBeam · 2021-02-08T04:18:26+00:00

You shouldn't take a woman out to eat on your first date. Avoid this at all costs.
You should always pay for the meal on the first date. Obviously there are exceptions. But in most cases, you should.
You seem to think too much about every move. Just relax.
It seems you provide too much comfort. All the laughing. Be a bit cooler. More aloof. You give me feminine cuddly vibes.
Never ever unironically use the "netflix and chill" line again. Firstly it's not 2015 anymore and secondly it'll raise her ASD. Don't make her feel like a whore, yet. Be more tactful. Only after you banged once, you can.
Your text back again was feminine and weak. The dots... And the use of the word "fun". It's all very womanly. Saying you're glad she made it home is beta protector dad vibes. Again that's fine, but not at this early stage. It's all about attraction now. Too nice.

But you've done fairly well. Don't be so harsh on yourself. It's progress game and you learn

muricanwerewolf1 · 2021-02-08T04:06:34+00:00

If it seems like it's going well, pay the bill. It's only money.

Though I don't take women out for food for a first date, drinks are cheap, less commitment for both of you, and it feels more organic when you hit them with the "you wanna get out of here?"

SteveSan82 · 2021-02-08T04:20:43+00:00

There are times to pay and times not to. This one you should have paid.

brasilgringo · 2021-02-08T04:15:27+00:00

You "took her out to eat" but then you ask to split the bill? WTF? Just pay the fucking bill bro. Who cares? You invite, you pay. Simple rules. Ask her to make it up to you with a backrub or buying you a beer at the next place, but seriously WTF.

Optionsmfd · 2021-02-08T10:02:00+00:00

u were fine till the splitting the bill shit

if u cant afford to pay the bill then start with coffee/drink

personally i would just move on from this one...... she already thinks ur a cheapskate....

halleluiaiaia9292 · 2021-02-08T06:17:36+00:00

“Thats not the only thing you will choke on”... if I was her I would think you are autistic and would try to end the date asap.

Who says this on their first date with a stranger?

It shows you have no social radar at all.

Thus the insecure post on how your date went.

linkofinsanity19 · 2021-02-08T17:09:52+00:00

FWIW, here are the rules I set for myself in regards to dates. Modify them to suit your preferences.

1st date is a "coffee date" ALWAYS. I don't drink, but if I did, a glass of whatever would be fine too.
I'll pay according to the bill, if it was brought split or together, I don't care. If she offers to split, I usually just do it. If not, it's $3. Idc.
If she offers to pay for me, I ALWAYS let her. So far, I have gotten laid every time they've done this so I take it as a sign of high interest.
However, if she orders something more than a single drink like food or something, I don't want to set the expectation that she can just "expect" me to pay for whatever she orders without me even knowing her and I will tell the waiter to split the bill once it comes time to pay. I've still gotten laid multiple times from doing this so it shouldn't be what tips the scales, and if it is then you know she only costs a $10 meal to fuck.
I NEVER do dinner dates for first dates unless it's something I feel like doing with a plate. Cooking dates are a good reason to get them to your place or get to theirs though and are generally good 2nd date options.
In the case of taking a plate out, I just do what I feel like. If the plate's been generally well behaved, I'll pay. If she has been acting undesirable, I usually don't even take them out but if I still want to go out I'll most likely have her pay for hers.

My general rule of thumb is beyond the 1st date, whether or not I pay should be unpredictable to her. She should always be willing to pay for her own, but I usually don't mind paying if they've been pleasant.

AuberyBitoni · 2021-02-08T18:55:41+00:00

Yes, you've made a lot of mistakes but who cares, hopefully you learned something from this experience. The first date should always be something cheap/light, that's why everyone goes for drinks or a walk the first time. This way you won't waste too much time/money.

Also, don't listen to these idiots who are telling you that you should have paid for her food. She's a grown ass woman, who's perfectly capable of paying for her own food. The fact that she got pissed says enough about her.

I've gone on many first dates and let me tell you, never have I paid for the girl. We've always split the bill and they were perfectly fine with it. Paying for drinks is one thing because it's cheap, but paying for another persons' dinner is just a waste of money and I'm no cheap skate at all.

MattyAnon · 2021-02-08T15:47:03+00:00

Saturday I took a girl out to eat.

terrible date idea involving men paying.

ying "that's not the only thing you'll choke on..." She smiled and fellas ....in my head, I said let's fucking go because I would have never said anything like that. (Maybe I should have said more)*

It's a little direct, but fun for the right girl. Definitely should always make the sexual vibe clear. Without removing plausible deniability.

I asked the waitress to split the bill.. She looked pissed

Avoid this in future. Avoid shared bills, avoid food dates for this reason. It's always going to be awkward. You can't win - she'll always try to make you pay, you lose if you do (provider) and you lose if you don't (bad provider). Avoid food dates.

I told her let come back to my place and I hit her with the old school "let's netflix and chill".. she said she had to be back home before 11 (I had a feeling that was a lie)

She's allowed to say no. Good work on asking. Don't say "netflix and chill", this means sex to everyone now.

"She said you should have waited for me"

Just say "no" to this shit test. But in general you should leave together so you can touch her.

I walked her to her car, even though she had her mask I didn't see any opportunities to kiss her or hold her hands to apply any kino (didn't do any at the restaurant unfortunately)

Just as you leave is a GREAT chance for kino / touching / kissing. It's the ideal for a dramatic move (grab/kiss) and it's ideal for subtle touching/guiding her. Women who find you attractive really enjoy this.

When she got home she texted me "I reached Thanks Again" I felt like I fucked up by saying " I'm glad you made it home in time for your curfew... But I had fun"

Not sure what "reached" means, but her texting you first is positive.

I want to setup a second date, but guys my question is .... Should I ? And if I should when should I or if I shouldn't then what went wrong?

What went wrong: - Food date leading to: - Paying awkwardness and: - No touching opportunities leading to: - No touching her

What went right:

You trying to be sexual, although verbally isn't the best way to do it.

Many girls also have a "no sex on first date" rule, and even though this is not said she'll often decide this ahead of time and may even put in place barriers to this..... which may include a friend ringing her at 11.15, wearing terrible underwear, etc. You may be able to break through this but she's already made this difficult for you.

How to counter all this:

You want a short first or second date with a defined ending
Avoid bars with pay-at-the-end.
Avoid food for same reason (casual streetfood is fine)
FUN / ACTIVITY date! Doing something you love, ideally where all your friends high-five you as you do it and you look awesome doing it and have fun. Not always possible (especially mid pandemic), but this is the ideal. Get as close as you can.
Take chances to touch her. This is both exciting and comfortable for her if you do it right. It removes the touch-barrier, makes sex easier, makes her relaxed, puts her in the mood, etc.

Lots of women judge men by how they feel during physical touching, eg "I didn't know I liked him until he kissed me". Similar applies to touching. This sounds dumb to men, but it's how they are wired and you should take advantage of it.

Touch: start slow and brief and socially-normal. Normal girls will reciprocate at about 1-2 levels below yours. If touching her arm results in her touching yours, go for the leg touch. If she joins in with that, move higher. That sort of thing. BUT.... do it and stop it. Touch and then stop. Never go with the "keep where you are and keep increasing it" escalation, this is terrible. Instead think of it in terms of levels... keep going up the levels as she gets comfortable, but keep backing off too. You want her to be comfortable and excited, not thinking "this is ok but when will it end and how do I stop this going too far?".

Hit this one up for another date, and do it right this time.

"Hey girl... rock climbing, you and me, 7pm, Friday".

hrt32 · 2021-02-08T03:45:44+00:00

Your last message sounded butthurt that you didnt get to fuck her. If I was you, I would have told her she had something on her face, pull down her mask and kiss her then makeout in car. I have done that before and it works. Anyways, I would wait 5 to 6 days to message her again. If she replies great, if she doesnt just move on.

ShadowOfTheSalsa · 2021-02-08T07:50:18+00:00

You ask to split the bill when it’s an obvious gold digger who orders a lot of expensive shit and wine, not when she makes a sensible choice AND if you are the one who asks her out. It’s simping only if you do this everytime.

Pro tip: you say you’re paying the bill. Whether she protests or not you say “I got this one, you can get the next one.” Boom, you’re no longer a simp, a misogynist, or a gender stereotype and you nudge her to wanting more dates with you. If not so you’re out the cost of dinner. Like everyone else here has mentioned drinks, coffee, or a cheap ice cream place first date. Save the 4-5 star restaurant to impress her crap for when she actually puts out.

btt069 · 2021-02-08T10:00:28+00:00

Next time dont be too Beta male provider kinda. You did fine but chill out man. You first need to be calm to make the situation calm and direct it towards whatever that benefits you. Unlucky that you had less privacy for kino but. First date shouldnt be eating out. And always pay the first time. Having her have some hard drinks can spice up the mood, but for that you need to be way cooler to setup this way. dont make her feel she is a whore by useing the line Let's netflix and chill. its outdated, anyways. be more comfortable in you second date. till then approach more women so you build your confidence and dont have oneitis.

Title	Second date or move on?
Author	gotmilo11
Upvotes	8
Comments	44
Date	February 8, 2021 3:39 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lf32sp/second_date_or_move_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/second-date-or-move-on.740393 https://theredarchive.com/post/740393

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