Slow Build

pdtrading · 2015-10-21T20:33:57+00:00

I do not have the experience you share, but I will say this. You should take the initiative to have sex with her. But lead her. If she still refuses, be ok about it. But slowly move forward.

secret_barber · 2015-10-21T20:36:52+00:00

She's not ready.

This is bullshit. She knew she was (or wasn't) going to fuck you within 10 seconds of meeting you.

she has only been with 1 guy her whole life

I highly doubt this. Do you believe it?

I'm concerned about the lack of sex after 5-6 months but she's a quality person.

What are your goals with this woman? I suspect you want to be with a woman who actually desires you. Realize she is ALREADY negotiating sex, using it as a carrot on a stick to get what she wants. You will only EVER have sex with her, on her terms. It's going to get worse, not better.

Keep her as a platonic friend (if you must), but I would give up on trying to make it sexual.

cheeky_throwaway101 · 2015-10-21T20:18:04+00:00

Have you tried to stick it in?

How old is she?

Could be using you for validation/company.

How long was she married for?

Has she done oral with you?

TRPTheRedLion · 2015-10-21T21:16:36+00:00

40 year old here to provide my own wisdom.

You're going to have to realize it is what it is at this point. It's a friendship. I don't think she has sexual interest in you. You're a friend. That's it. If she had sexual interest in you then she wouldn't be spouting that she's not ready. She's 47 years old for Christ's sake. I don't care how many guys she's been with. The fact is, she's beyond being a mature adult at this point. If she had sexual interest she would have been jumping you a long time ago. But basically at this point, she is using you as her beta orbiter. You are nothing but good company to her.

The question is, do you go ahead and keep the friendship or do you cut it off. There is only one way at this point to figure out her true intentions. You are going to have to escalate. I don't care if you're 15 or 70 the only way you will find out the true nature of this woman is to put her into a polarizing situation.

You're going to have to push her buttons. You're going to have to see how far she will go. If she's not going to play ball then you need to figure out if you want to friend zone her or get rid of her entirely.

The ball is in your court at this point. Not hers.

JP116 · 2015-10-22T16:15:47+00:00

Brothers, thanks for all the comments. Some good advice.

In thinking about the last go 'round, we were naked and I'm stroking her pussy, preparing for the obvious next step, and she says "if you keep touching me there, it could get dangerous".

I took this to mean back-off which -- in hindsight -- was a mistake. It was a LMR that I should have easily overcome.

donit · 2015-11-05T22:53:12+00:00

I don't think dread game is going to work in this situation. It's just going to cause her to hold back even more. The problem is she doesn't want anything from you, so there's nothing for her to work toward or try to "earn".

You've been giving her continual quality attention for free, instead of getting her to earn it. You need to throttle it down, and time it to be strong when she does something good or moves in the right direction, and then becomes weak when she moves in the wrong direction.

Start teaching her that hearing the word "no" causes you to lose interest/arousal. Since sex is an all-or-none event, you need to break it up into little pieces, so you can establish the pattern where moving toward sex gets her better quality attention, and moving away from sex gets her less quality attention.

So you need to make a list of good things she does that you can establish a pattern for rewarding her for: taking off any of her own clothes, moving toward you, doing things for you, or getting you a drink. And reward her for things she allows you to do: taking something off, kissing, touching, etc. Her reward is your focus. (That's it- that's all she wants from you.)

Then make a list of things that will "cause" you to withdraw and lose focus: pulling away, stopping your hand, or saying no or not yet.

Just say that's okay, I understand and pull away and act like you're busy with something or not interested. Just act like we'll kiss some more later, as if you just want to pause for a moment to catch your breath.

Each time she breaks a rule, you take a 2-5-minute timeout. Of course she's going to hate these timeouts and subconsciously try to find ways to eliminate them. She'll begin to try not to break your "concentration" with resistance because every time she resists, you lose interest and she gets lower-quality attention.

She'll continually make little adjustments to try to get and retain higher-quality attention from you. And this will cause her to inch toward having sex. Tell her what turns you on, and she'll keep trying to do that and move toward that.

"I love when you're close to me. I want to feel you next to me....I love the way you feel...I want to feel you touching me...I want to feel you against me."

JP116 · 2015-10-27T15:00:27+00:00

Quick update: As some suggested I've been playing soft dread game -- not being as responsive, short answers, etc.

I go on Match today to check for an email from another woman that I'm setting up a date with and I see that this woman is back on Match after being off-line for months and viewed my profile.

So, the dread game may be working. She's wondering what I'm up to. Or she is back looking herself.

I'm preparing for the question: why are you back on Match? Reactions? Advice?

Title	Slow Build
Author	JP116
Upvotes	6
Comments	17
Date	October 21, 2015 8:13 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3pog3c/slow_build/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/slow-build.155431 https://theredarchive.com/post/155431

Comments