Sober Sex

CDBaller · 2016-01-30T20:01:07+00:00

Alcohol is a social lubricant and allows everyone to loosen up a little bit, but it should never be abused. They call it liquid courage for a reason. I had a girl last year who only had sex when she was drunk. 1) that's a huge red flag (she was a slut) and 2) it creates an unnecessary dependence on alcohol.

In response to your question, you should approach sober sex the same as drunk sex. Kino should be the same, teasing should be the same, push-pull should be the same. The only difference is that you're sober and it's you, not the drinks, doing the talking.

machimus · 2016-01-30T20:23:05+00:00

reliant on alcohol in social situations, which I most definitely am.

No...you're not. 90% of it is the placebo effect. I used to think booze got me social, but after many years of experimenting and being honest with myself I found that was not the case. What worked was thinking I had drank the magic potion.

It's all in your head...so depending on how you think about that, your game is about to get more consistently bad or good.

abdada · 2016-01-30T18:16:23+00:00

Drunk "alpha" is not alpha at all -- in my opinion. If a guy needs to be high in order to be confident and charismatic, his future is going to be probably ugly.

This should be a bright spotlight on what changes you need to make. A sober "alpha" is going to kill in the dating scene, but also be able to kill it in the business world and social engagement scenes that don't revolve around making bartenders and bar owners wealthy.

There isn't a lot of sober TRP information out there, sadly, but Rollo is a good starting place.

CisWhiteMaelstrom · 2016-01-30T19:56:06+00:00

Throwaway so I don't get outcast by reddit for my misogyny and mistreatment of women.

However. I have literally no clue how to approach sex while sober. I haven't even made out with any girls this past week at clubs.

This is not a shaming tactic nor is it me trying to bitch, but I think you might want to consider that the two of these things are related. The type of man who doesn't have a problem hearing that he's the most fucked up misogynist in the universe. The conflict happy fuck head will have no issue approaching women. The answer to this problem isn't necessarily to just subscribe to TRP and deal with being called a misogynist, but it's probably worth some introspection to see if conflict aversion is an issue for you and why.

t_m_1984 · 2016-01-30T19:58:33+00:00

It is actually easier when you are the only sober one between all those chicks. Easier to game them. It is like getting into a fight with a drunk guy and beating the living shit out of him just because you are sober.

Letsbeserioushere · 2016-01-30T23:09:57+00:00

Instead of relying on drugs/alcohol to make you fun, happy and exciting, invest in yourself until that is your baseline modus operandi. This is true both for going out and for sober sex.

When I go to a club that plays exactly the music I like (deep house), I don't need anything to keep me up until 4am and I'll have more than enough energy.

htbf · 2016-01-31T00:26:30+00:00

When you say drunk, you wine drunk drunk out of your mind or just two or three glasses of wine ?

4benny2lava0 · 2016-01-31T00:51:34+00:00

I have the same issue with weed. You will get used to it

demilitarizdsm · 2016-01-31T03:24:41+00:00

Is an ubiquitous party environment at play here?

What I mean OP, is are you aware of a social group you could connect with that has enjoyable people you'd want to hang out with that don't binge drink, go clubbing, are in the middle ground between extreme partying or academia?

You might not realize but you said you went clubbing several times in one week? This could be easily written off by many as cool, your age type of thing, but truly it does not seem like a balanced life and you are somehow caught up in a culture too focused on party life.

projectself · 2016-01-31T03:36:47+00:00

Alcohol is a GABA receptor agonist, and reduces anxiety and inhibitions. Chemically, it alters your neurotransmitters and brain chemicals. This create a situation where without alcohol, your baseline may not be "normalized". This takes time to re-balance.

As for things you can do to help it re-balance. First, recognize that this is not a permanent problem, it is a temporary situation.

You have to re-train your brain to relax sans alcohol.. well you do not have to of course, but that seems to be the crux of your question. If that is what you want these are strategies that can help you with it.

Eat right. Yes, vegetables, almonds, oranges, spinache. Incrase glutamine in your diet.

Exercise. At least 4 times a week, this creates all kinds of brain neurotransmitter replenishment, as well as endorphin rush. Get over the hump of starting it and enjoy feeling good for feeling good.

Nutrition and nutrients - I like vitamins, but do not tell others to jump into them often. However, B6, B12, and D3 can do wonders for your mood and body function.

What it boils down to is to take care of yourself, recognize that you have placed yourself in a most likely temporary situation where you are using the crutch of some chemical to help you relax. That you can enjoy those relaxed feelings as well after a bit of time (2-3 weeks) if you make some changes in your diet and daily routine.

Title	Sober Sex
Author	ThrowawayBecauseTRP
Upvotes	19
Comments	26
Date	January 30, 2016 6:12 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/43f641/sober_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/sober-sex.160079 https://theredarchive.com/post/160079

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