Thought I was adding a body last night until....

Onidramon · 2020-01-25T21:21:48+00:00

You can do everything right and not win the game. The point is maxing your odds not guaranteeing success

L5Dx · 2020-01-25T22:03:09+00:00

I was extremely confident going into this and the second I saw her, I could tell she was pretty nervous

There you go. You kept pushing for the close when she wasn't ready, and it doesn't sound like you warmed her up to it. You were too busy trying to demonstrate value by pushing around a couple "meatheads" (bros just sitting at the bar having a good time), or going off to talk to some jerkoff you don't even know, instead of trying to take care of things that would make her comfortable going home with you. Your entire game plan revolved around "look at how high my value is" and the night ended accordingly. Next time, try to look at things from a human perspective and think about what possible objections a girl could have going home with a guy after drinking at 3 bars instead of assigning a fucking number value on every interaction and person in order to analyze where things are and why they didn't work out.

accountantskill · 2020-01-25T22:14:31+00:00

Seems too coordinated and forced.

I would apply abundance mentality and just see where it goes. Focus on having fun and the lay will follow.

When you focus on a lay it’s harder and can lead to disappointment.

Girls will have a million reasons as to why they say no. Period. Not feeling it. Have a worried roommate, etc..

It’s not worth wasting time thinking about it and just say ok see you next time and try again.

PiperBigBell · 2020-01-25T23:01:54+00:00

It sounds like you tried running classic pickup. Pull to different venues then to your house. However, you're supposed to gradually get closer to your house if you're going to do that. Your also supposed to change atmospheres.

Mistake one was waiting a month to talk to her. All her initial interest was in the initial matching phase. You wasted it.

Mistake two, you're not thinking of her as a human being bro, just a bitch to be gamed. "She knows I'm higher value than her so why didn't she want to". She's just a body to you, just like your title describes. How are you so sure how she perceived you as being higher value? Judging by how cold and calculating you're trying to keep your frame you probably came across and cold and inauthentic, which is low value behavior.

And you made it abundantly clear when you leave essentially right after asking her to fuck you. You were disingenuous with your behavior. Your only goal was sex, yet you were probably trying to hide that in your conversation in behavior. You put on a front in front of her and I bet she caught onto it subconsciously.

Mistake three, you didn't match her mental imprint. If you see her as a clingy plate, then she needs to see tha you can accommodate that or are empathetic to that. Clingy people have self esteem issues. So if through your conversation all you portray is player, player, player then she'll think you're unattainable. . Plates ultimately have to see you for more than just sex. They don't mind being used for sex but most of them still would like an experience apart from that. .

Your agenda mindset kill you here. I heard nothing in this post about how she reacted to you. Was she feminine, submissive? Was she receptive to your touch, like truly receptive to and enjoying it? What was your conversation like? What did you talk about all that time? Did she get the full spectrum of what kinda man you are? Did you get her to invest emotionally? Did you get her to open up?

Mistake four, stop getting drunk while running game. You always want a clear head for sex, especially with a stranger. And in case things go wrong.

Mistake five, you were too outcome dependent. And your behavior while "cool" displayed a front of being too arrogant. If you were truly free of outcome you'd never assume it was a done deal. It's only a done deal when she's fucking you. Just like it's not a date until she shows up to the venue. You appear very inauthentic in the way you present yourself.

Mistake six, you don't say hey let's have wine, and sex. Women still want to feel like things just happened. Like it was natural. You made it unnatural. You pull to three different bars and you want more alcohol at your place? It's an obvious excuse to say let's fuck. Pulling should feel like an extension of the adventure. Not something it's time to do . . . . . You also need to seed pulls.

Women don't like surprise new locations. You gotta sprinkle it in in conversation. Hype it up. Make it sound fun. All the things you could do there. Let it roam around in her subconscious. Then pull and say let's go. At this point in my game I don't need a bunch of locations. We meet up for coffee and by the end of an hour and 20 minutes they're ready to hang at my place.

bigmaddenguy · 2020-01-25T23:08:13+00:00

If you're going 80-90% on first dates from dating apps, we're in similar boats so take my opinion with a grain of salt. But sometimes equals can learn from each other, so give it a thought.

I don't like to escalate intensely (like making out) while on a date unless I'm in a place I can fuck her. I let the tension ride out, and allow that plausible deniability. If you've made out with her and invite her back, what does this tell her? You want to fuck. There is little denying that.

What do girls want? They want to be able to say, "it just happened. The date was going well, and I wanted to hang out more--it just happened." If you're making out in public, that erases that line of thought from being a possibility.

She needs to know you're not a pussy and will make a move, and you have a spine--and are a sexual creature. I do all of this with verbal game and light kino in public. Hand on a thigh, touching her hands to show something, slapping her shoulder if I laugh, etc. Making out crosses lines those actions don't, putting her into the "do I want to look like a slut and fuck this guy" mindset. You want her at ease and enjoying herself.

Hope that helps bro. Keep slaying.

PeautyBrinciple · 2020-01-25T22:34:56+00:00

To be honest it sounds like she wasn't that into you. Yeah it seems like you were assertive and led but you can definitely overdo it. I actually think it's a bad sign she didn't challenge you at all or throw any shit tests.

HurricaneHugues · 2020-01-26T03:22:44+00:00

You wasted way too much time on shit that didn't matter. 3 bars? For what? Should've taken her home after the first one. What was the point of all this var hopping and ignoring your date to have convos with dudes?

I swear u guys just love cockblocking yourselves. Take the birch to bar, have a few drinks and a few laughs, get sone Kino in, kiss, then bounce to your place. There's no need to go to 2 or 3 bars in one night. By the time you got to the 2nd bar she was bored already. Bitch wanted to smash and you wasted her time. It got too late by the time you actually made a move.

I mean seriously, what the fuck was the purpose of wasting all this time?

LarrySelllers · 2020-01-26T02:58:47+00:00

I don't get it, you thought she was going to be clingy so you decide you want to fuck her once/a few times then end it? Whats even the point in entering a sexual relationship where you know its only going to last a short time and you know she will get hurt.. even without getting into the morality of it it just seems hella not worth the effort

Livecrazyjoe · 2020-01-26T03:08:05+00:00

Some chick's wait till the second or third date. No problem just ask her out again. Don't expect to get laid. Just have a good time.

MarkJohnPaul · 2020-01-26T01:16:33+00:00

Not charming enough and don’t buy drinks for app dates.

555654t456555 · 2020-01-26T01:55:14+00:00

There wasn’t a lot of plausible deniability in ‘Come back to mine for wine and a night cap’ - could have just said ‘Lets have some more wine at mine’. Maybe the night cap thing was too overt?

MrTrizzles · 2020-01-26T15:56:55+00:00

If the date did go well and at the end of the night she was still considering going home with you, then the following bit could've easily had the potential to kill it.

"Let's grab an uber to my house... she politely turned me down. I pushed a little harder, and a few more times."

Ah, the invite. The moment itself doesn't require a lot from us, but we spent the date up until now preparing for it. My only advice is to remember that she did, too. Because the invite is a well-known moment of a date.

She knows it's probably coming, so when it comes you want it to feel as organic as possible... like it would be the most natural and logical thing for you two to do, considering the rapport and attraction that has developed.

What you don't want is for the invite to seem to her like the culmination of a mental checklist you've been progressing through. Which may have been what happened here. To keep repeating the question more assertively doesn't feel smooth and organic. It feels like an incredibly dangerous play to make, at that time. I'm sitting here trying to think in what manner or style the question could be repeated to end up as a net positive. The only option that comes to mind is to be a charming motherfucker.

Because the mood had been damaged twice in quick succession. Your rejection was the first. No matter how good your frame was, rejection is rejection and does not produce good vibes. The second hit came from your re-asking your question. Multiple times. That is considered annoying in polite company, on a good day. More often it is seen as rude. Unless something transpired with you two since the last time you asked that could have improved your dynamic enough for her to reconsider her position... absent a valid reason to re-ask, it will be seen as implying that she made some error with her first answer. Again, not a good vibe enhancer or panties moistener.

Anyways, good work. Your confidence issue is probably the biggest thing holding you back from big gains. Keep at it.

Title	Thought I was adding a body last night until....
Author	L5Dx
Upvotes	9
Comments	24
Date	January 25, 2020 9:18 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/etwsja/thought_i_was_adding_a_body_last_night_until/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/thought-i-was-adding-a-body-last-night-until.315326 https://theredarchive.com/post/315326

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