Tips on being a Dom

NFLDDaddy82 · 2020-03-18T00:01:23+00:00

I'm not going to lie I'm also still new to being a Dom as well but in my experience when looking to get a woman to submit, it has to be somthing she wants as well.

My last sub would let me Dom her in public (take her to the mall on a leash and such not) but at any time if she felt uncomfortable or if she felt we were getting close to her limits than the play was over. In my experience a Dom/sub relationship is a one that requires extreme trust and one that you just dont jump into. Also after a season aftercare is a big thing as well. You said your girl went home and felt humiliated. You should have kept close to her and helped her with how she was feeling, if you are breaking her down than she needs the reassurance that her submission pleased you.

But again this is just based on my experience as a new Dom.

ChadChadson19 · 2020-03-18T00:52:35+00:00

“Uncle Vasya” has posts on this

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-03-18T20:27:18+00:00

So as it turns out there's a thing called the "Sidebar" and, under CorporateLand there are some Top Level posts from me, about submissive girls, girls who want to be tied up, and girls who want to be slave girls (see links below).

Feel free to read, and then follow up with questions.

Things that bear repeating:

CONSENT, CONSENT, CONSENT, MOTHERFUCKING CONSENT. It's not just important, it's MANDATORY. We do not hurt people in ways that are not enthusiastically welcomed.
Ease Words/Safe Words. This lets a sub "resist" without resisting, "consensual non-consent." Ex. Girlfriend has a "rape fantasy". Girlfriend wants to pretend she was captured by a pirate/werewolf/vampire, etc. Often times a girl will not be in the right headspace to use her safewords/easewords. It is up to you to exercise them for her.
Talking things through prior, during non-sexy times is important to make sure to what extent your and her kinks overlap - ex. I like control. I am no the slightest bit interested in inflicting pain - BUT - if that's what a girl gets off on, I will inflict it, right up to the negotiated limit, so she can look over the edge and into the void - but no further. Ironically, I have had a couple of "pain sluts" who told me that they have gone farther with me because they knew I'm not a sadist and I wasn't going to almost-murder them, etc.
"After Care" is important as well, especially after a rough scene.

Mainly if I should start keeping my kink in the bedroom and treat her like a regular girl when we're not fucking.

This is why you have an initial conversation about what everyone wants. Some girls want to be tied up in the bedroom, but to act like "vanillas" outside. Some girls want to be slave girls inside the house but "normals" outside. Other girls want a 24/7 experience.

Last girl I fucked said she went home and cried she felt so humiliated and used because I never asked what she wanted or tried to please her at all.

Exactly. BDSM is about power exchange. It creates a healthy/safe environment for submissives to express their sexuality and Doms to express theirs. You have the conversations, and you both get what you want, and go away happy.

Further reading:

Uncle Vasya’s Guide to Submissive Women

-How to lead when she wants to follow.

Of Human Bondage – Uncle Vasya’s Guide for Men Who Like To Tie Up Young Ladies.

-The Field Guide to playing knotty games with naughty girls.

Of Human Bondage, Part II: Slave Girls Are Fun

-When Life Sends You a Slave Girl, Put a Collar on Her.

greenwaffulz · 2020-03-18T01:24:36+00:00

Hey bro as a Dom (and actually in the kink community) too, got some pointers. When I first started off I'd bring girls I'd meet from first dates (from school, tinder, bars, etc. not from the kink scene) back to my place and introduce my kinks (which involved being pretty rough) right away while I had sex with them. Most girls went along with it (because they were naturally submissive/receptive). but problem was I never heard from them again (and I've been over 100 dates and introduced my kink to all of them).

What I found worked MUCH better was to introduce kinks after you've had a proper convo with them about it and gotten to know them FIRST. Remember most girls will probably be down for what you're into but need comfort first. So this convo is called "negotiations" in the bdsm community and would be MANDATORY if you're actually in a kink setting. You'd bascially go over what you're into, what she likes, safewords (green means keep going, yellow means slow down, red means stop completely), what her limits are, etc. Maybe the girl likes choking but will not tolerate spanking and you were spanking her a lot before without asking and she just went along with it because she didn't want to say no during the hook up (happens more often than you think).

Remember as a Dom your main responsibility is to ensure the wellbeing of your sub. It's an EQUAL partnership. Right now you're just focusing on your needs (which is why the negotiations are important) and also why she left crying. Should be Win Win for the both of you so she'll come back for more!

As far as extending your Dom preferences *outside* the bedroom, I would definitely first get this handled in the bedroom before you venture outside the bedroom. Because it takes a LOT more work to Dom outside the bedroom. Sure you can definitely command her to cook, clean your house, do your laundry, give you massages whenever you want, but are you willing to put a calendar reminder every Monday to see if she's gone to to the gym like she said she would? or giving her weekly assignments and then following up with it? It's not for everyone.. So being a Top (a dom in just the bedroom) could be just fine for you right now. Hope this helps.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2020-03-18T00:49:12+00:00

Ugh... man do some reading, specifically on after care.

bearbludaddy · 2020-03-18T00:59:56+00:00

I couldn't imagine taking this kind of risk in the current #metoo climate and "rape culture". I get it and understand why you want to do it. Once upon a time this was even a fun kink people could consensually engage in.

Now it would be so easy to find yourself arrested with rape charges and your life ruined. One sub has a bad experience, consensual or not, and you're in a shit storm. "Yes, I agreed to do it but I was under duress." That's all it would take.

Recently saw a situation where a wife found out her husband liked to fondle her when she was asleep, a kink of his. She was considering and being encouraged to file rape changes against her husband.

MonkMode2019 · 2020-03-18T01:00:19+00:00

Depends on the woman and you. Are you a 10 and she a 6, she will probably let you do anything 1st date.

Is she recently rejected trying to please a man for her own self worth, she will probably do anything.

Is she a good tooshoo fresh out of high school. Break her slow.

Protocol_Apollo · 2020-03-18T16:59:55+00:00

u/VasiliyZaitzev what’s your take on Doms overdoing/going too dominant like OP?

Title	Tips on being a Dom
Author	MasterShake777
Upvotes	0
Comments	22
Date	March 17, 2020 11:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fkfqre/tips_on_being_a_dom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/tips-on-being-a-dom.355721 https://theredarchive.com/post/355721

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