My understanding of the friend zone is that when you’re in there, the girl in question generally sees you as a “loser” and certainly as a non-viable sexual option. You’re essentially a free resource — for emotional support, company, and all sorts of provision. She dangles the pussy in front of you and gets to control you with the illusion that someday you might get it.

But with this girl, I’m in the friend zone (i.e., we’re not fucking but we’ve known each other for some time), yet she actually adds value to my life. For example, she invites me to her flat and cooks for me, and is helping me as I develop my music career – she’s connected me to a bunch of industry insiders she knows, she’s lent me her expensive guitar and speakers, she’s sent links of my music to her contacts, etc. In other words, she’s not just “using” me – she actually contributes to my life as well.

In addition to this, she invites me to some events she goes to and I meet her other friends. Strangest of all, she’s very coy about her dates and sexual partners. She was recently hooking up with a guy and didn’t mention it to me for months because, in her words, she didn’t want me to think less of her/ think she’s a slut. Surely that means she values my opinion? Otherwise wouldn’t she turn to me to actually talk about this guy and how he’s an asshole, etc.? I’m not the guy she comes to with those problems, ever. I find that odd because normally it would be the case.

Of course I do classic friend zone stuff too, for example I helped her apply for a new job, but I find it strange that: 1) there’s reciprocity in the “friendship”, she doesn’t just take from me; and 2) there’s some level of respect for me, and she values my opinion.

Is that normal?