Why does ignoring her after a break up work so well?

blacwidonsfw · 2015-05-02T23:15:05+00:00

All girls want is attention because it creates drama that feeds their emotional needs. Every "why does a girl" question can be answered with this.

johnnycaustic · 2015-05-03T03:39:44+00:00

With women, often there is no "why"; there's only "this is how it is". But this is how it is:

Rewarding women when they do good and punishing them when they do bad works, if the feedback is immediate and unambiguous.
However, most men are utterly ignorant about what things reward women and what things punish women.
Arguments, drama, and emotional roller coasters are rewards for women. Women experience nearly all forms of attention as rewards, including negative attention. Failure to understand this is one of the biggest reasons many guys never succeed. Men try to punish women but inadvertently reward them.
Pretty much the only thing women experience as a punishment is the withdrawal of attention. To be truly effective, the withdrawal must be total. Even texting her one word can release the pressure valve and ease her mind. Anything she experiences as validation, like your saying something faintly nice to her, flips the switch back to reward.
The hamster in every woman's mind is utterly obsessed with the unknown. It will run the treadmill forever for the man who maintains radio silence, while entirely forgetting the man who flattered her Facebook update yesterday.
When a woman picks up with a new man she likes, the "new relationship energy" keeps her focused on him for a while. But that energy fades in 2-6 months, leaving behind a normal day-to-day relationship. Unless he's one of the rare men who know how to keep the hamster guessing, her thoughts drift back to more exciting times, and the hamster starts to wonder whether there's gold hidden in one of those unknown men of the past and present.
Of course, total silence forever doesn't work...eventually you'll be forgotten. What works is a long period of total radio silence, followed by dropping tiny, ambiguous, hamster-confusing bits of attention. As I said, any amount of attention is a reward, but if it's small, it's like feeding her one potato chip. If it's ambiguous, it's like telling her half a story then getting interrupted before the punchline.
There are at least two different time scales for what I described above. After a breakup, several months of radio silence (giving her rebound relationship time to get stale) followed by dropping bits of bait gets the hamster's attention. During a relationship, if a woman steps over your boundaries, you can do an immediate "soft next" where you leave and maintain total radio silence for 3-14 days, then resume the relationship as if nothing had happened. This is the most powerful form of in-relationship punishment, therefore the most powerful way to maintain your boundaries. (For more details, google Blackdragon soft next.)

DarkisKnight · 2015-05-03T02:43:51+00:00

Women are like nature, they abhor a vacuum. Most women need a guy giving them attention to validate themselves (filling the void). Other guy is beta or dumps her and you're probably AF so she comes running back. No vacuum.

abdada · 2015-05-02T23:47:37+00:00

She branch swung and new dude is a schlub excited about video games and comic books and texting "I love you" 50x a day.

pjvex · 2015-05-03T12:34:48+00:00

If you are in a relationship and don't want it to end, but suspect she may soon end it...the best play is to immediately break up with her.

Title	Why does ignoring her after a break up work so well?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	11
Date	May 2, 2015 10:55 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/34o1lh/why_does_ignoring_her_after_a_break_up_work_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-does-ignoring-her-after-a-break-up-work-so.190754 https://theredarchive.com/post/190754

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