Wtf is wrong with me?

Startlivingfornow · 2019-01-18T09:20:32+00:00

You're operating from scarcity, bro. Your girl is too important to you and that very fact is ruining your ability to be yourself/have a decent relationship.

You need to be able to up and leave in five seconds, or at least do your best to hold that mindset.

The only way to truly do that is to either regularly be approaching/flirting with women without the intention of hooking up . . . or to have a serious mission - that could be creating a company or some higher purpose - that will take your focus elsewhere and make this LTR #2 . . . or even better #3/#4.

Sin-Silver · 2019-01-18T11:14:54+00:00

It becuase you are overly invested. I assume this is your first relationship. You need to know that you ate strong and confident enough to meet new girls and be happy if this one goes south. You need to start working on self improvement and meeting new people. You don’t need to cheat on your girlfriend with other girls, but establish confidence that you can connect and bound with them.

edivadd · 2019-01-18T07:50:18+00:00

You need to rearrange your life such that the end of the relationship won't cause any a problems. Essentially you should be able to wrap it up in a day and move on.

Once that is done, you also need to realize that the relationship is completely dispensable.

You need to keep working on yourself, so you know that you could have another "her" in a day.

You need to master something in your life (10000 hours etc), then all your insecurities will fade away.

FootballFan4629 · 2019-01-18T08:10:38+00:00

The same way that you will inevitably have social contact with females, she will have contact with males. As long as you dont have any inclination that she will cheat i doubt she will - but if she does you need to be ready to pack your bags and leave her.

cuztrp · 2019-01-18T17:35:02+00:00

Would you believe if I told you that a few days ago I was gonna post the exact same question with a relatively similair paragraph?

If this would make you feel any better, you and I are exactly in the same position. But you, unlike me, are still in the relationship and everything can be fixed. So here is what I learnt after I broke up with my girlfriend and here is how I am working on fixing myself.

First of all, you got that right when you said that you artitude towards the whole thing is going to ruin your relationship with the girl and almost every other aspect of your life. You're taking the right path by coming to such conclusion. It is correct. It did ruin my relationship and turned it into an intoxicating pain-in-the-ass deal that neither I nor she could take anymore. With your realization, you're much more steps ahead of me. I wasn't aware that there was something fundementally wrong with me and was acting believing that she's fucking it all up which lead to our eventual breakup.

Anyways. It is a good move that you realized such thing this early. And there is a way out.

Every guy in this subreddit is telling you that you're operating from a scarcity mentality position and you should work on your abundance by approaching dozens of girls and get yourself busier and whatnot. What they're saying is true, but you and I both know that you don't have enough confidence nor the mood to game chicks. Dealing with scarcity MENTALity is something that must be worked on from within. It's not like going to the gym and working out.

Forget about TRP, abundance and scarcity. You're suffering from a much worse issue. You're a Nice Guy. A Nice Guy as in the definition in "No More Mr Nice Guy!" (Read that book as soon as you can).

Your problem is that you're making your world revolve around your girl. You are doing that by basically neglecting yourself, your own needs, and trying your best to stand to her needs, thus basing your needs on her. Your worriness and anxiety reek of someone has fucking totally forgot who he is and what he does in life. You're making your needs utterly dependent on your girl. This is my worst fuckup my entire life. You are setting expectations. You think that if you're being a good boyfriend and doing everything by the book, she should also do the same. But that's such a twisted unhealthy way of thinking. It will only lead you to madness and hamster overdrive.

My first tip for you is to fucking find yourself again. Don't cut her off completely, but seriously look within yourself, realize your needs, and FULFILL THEM. Don't make her do this for you. Don't wait or expect her to do things for you in return. NEVER. If you do that, you'll place a TERMENDOUS amount of pressure on her that she can't handle and she'll be scared away. You will end up frustrated and anxious about the whole thing while her being absolutely puzzled by what the fuck is wrong with you.

An ideal position to operate from in a relationship is to stand for yourself and be happy with yourself. Your girl might get you happier, sure, but you should not set any expectations that she should stand up to. You should be happy enough just by yourself. If she reciprocated, good for her. She wont a little more attention from you, if she didn't, so what's the big deal. You're already happy and she can go fuck herself upside down. She wnats to leave? There's the door.

A kind of extreme view, but that the attitude that you should be having in a relationship. She wants to go out with her friends? Okay. You caught her getting lunch with a colleague? What's the big deal. Girls do that all the time and not to dread you or whatever: it's their social life, man. They can also have fun doign hatever the fuck they want. If she wanted to cheat on you, she could've done it many times in the past, and when she does, oh trust me you'll notice. Her behaviour will completely shift. You'll notice a withdrawal of her attention, sex declining, and so on.

....

The most obvious sign that that you're not fulfilling your needs and that you're making her the source of your happiness is worrying about something completely normal: your girl actually having a fucking social life, people she can go out with and have some cozy dinner. Think about it, wouldn't you do the same? What' sthe big deal? Wouldn't you go out for a drink with your friends at some bar and come across girls that you can game and fuck?

Jesus fuck me dead. I remember I was angry at my ex cuz she wanted to go out on a karoeke with her friends (2 guys and one girl she knows from uni). The poor thing even sent me videos with the guys singing our favourite song with "This is for you babe <3 <3" but I was still hamstering from the inside which she found absolutely weird. You can understand.

With that put aside, you should come to a second realization: a relationship can end for a myriad of reasons and sometimes they might even have nothing to do with you. Even if you play your cards right according to TRP, held frame or whatever, she can always meet a Chad somewhere who'd day-game her, text her, and then fuck her at his place. Coincide that with some rough time the both of you are getting through: bam. Breakup in a week time.

==> This can happen ANYTIME during the relationship and you should come in terms with it.

Your girl is not peermanent. She can break up with you whenever she wants. A relationship can end at ANY POINT of the relationship. Worrying about when and how it might go wrong will only make her surer of the decision when it happens.

So how to deal with this? How to keep her?

Focus on your fucking needs first. Seriously man. Take her out of your life. Do more things that you're interested in. Be mentally prepared that she can leave and your life wouldn't change one bit. You should first love yourself before loving her or anyone else for the matter. Stop hitting her up, stop planning on doing things for her... A good exercise would be simply telling her that you're not feeling well and don't have time to do things. It'll get her hamster going, but that's a good sign. For a week or so, text her to see her twice, and get yourself back on track in self-improvement.

I might not be really clear, but read "No More Mr Nice Guy!" really soon bro. Skip the chapters to the ones about needs and relationships. Those are the ones that helped me the most.

Also libgen.io can help you download books in a split second.

Good luck. Hit me up if you need more advice. I'd gladly help yo ass.

Self-honest · 2019-01-18T18:24:02+00:00

It's always better to be single and fucking multiple girls. The whole world is full of options. You are doing a girl a favor by committing and you should see it that way with your LTR.

"I hope she does cheat so I can get back to working on all these other girls."

Because that's how it really is.

If you see things that way you will laugh at the thought of her fucking up and losing you.

Title	Wtf is wrong with me?
Author	edivadd
Upvotes	7
Comments	17
Date	January 18, 2019 7:46 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ah86co/wtf_is_wrong_with_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wtf-is-wrong-with-me.170587 https://theredarchive.com/post/170587

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