I want to start out saying sedditors are awesome. I hear about sedditor having a bad reputation, but I find that ludicrous. This place has an awesome community and good purpose:) I been working on self-improvement and it's going great with the support of you guys.

This was an upgrade from getmotivated for me. Maybe getmotivated works for others, but for me it seemed like they all generally want self-improvement but don't really have good approaches to it to get it long-term. I been there for awhile and only got short-term of confidence.

Anyways...I am going to start writing down my progress/realizations as I think it this can help others and myself.

Realizations:

-Today I realized I am constantly thinking how to better myself. I am not good enough. Thinking back, I improved quite a bit. I never took any satisfaction on my successes. I use to say it's just luck. It's nothing, others did way more than me, "I don't deserve to be happy", "they are not really complimenting me..they are lying or mocking me", but fuck that negative thinking, I came a long way. Be proud of your accomplishments.

-Work on what you can. If it's too much, make it smaller/more approachable. I had the mentality of having to be better as fast as I can. I will BE an alpha by 2 weeks while I become buff and this and that. What I realized is taking on more than you can handle is unproductive. It just makes you overwhelmed and gets you nowhere or improve too slowly.

Current issues:

There is an uneasy feeling I had for a long time now(years) I have a feeling of energy built up in me and I want to let it out. Like I have to scream, but it doesn't help. The feeling of wanting adrenaline I think. I think I want to be scared out of my mind or something. I want to feel alive. I want to get really angry, sad, happy or something.

I thought it was adrenaline so I went rock climbing, hiking, but nothing. Played intensive competitive games. Screamed to the top of my lungs. Worked out hardcore. Maybe it's not enough? I don't know. I use to sit on computer playing games for 5-6 hours a day. I stopped that and thought this feeling would go away with it.

I talked to strangers I normally did anything to avoid. I joined groups...and that really was going out of the comfort zone for me, but I gotten use to it:)

I haven't felt any strong emotion for a long time. When my x broke up with me...I felt nothing, but same time something inside bothering me... Days later I felt extremely sad and wanted to cry, but...nothing happened. I even tried to fake cry in frustration of trying to get it all out.

Anyone else had/have this feeling?