23M Late Bloomer: Good at basic socializing, but struggle with sober approaches and closing the deal

ControlGood8979 · 2026-08-03T08:00:05+00:00

I'm kinda an outlier here because I never struggled to get women ever.

I always had no issue. The strange thing I was a gawky nerdy tall spectacled guy.

I was extremely shy and I didn't really know what to say but somehow I would always get women just talking to me. In college the nice girls would sit beside me.

My shyness caused me to develop a habit of ignoring girls which I found made them more motivated to chase me.

In the days before social media being a quiet person was strange.

I made it my lifelong commitment to learn communication because I saw my mother who used to be a waitress for Hollywood stars who is absolutely charismatic.

As I got older I became more confident as I developed skills. I had a lot of interactions with women before PUA became a thing so I didn't pay much attention to it. I bought the mystery method and the game read both and decided it didn't work for me.

I changed job made a new friend and he said something that changed my life.

He said you're naturally funny. Then in my life I realised instances where people think I was funny. It's like the red car effect where you buy a red car then start noticing that same car everywhere.

I've also house shared with about 100 girls that gave me access to a lot of women in addition learning about them. I've met women from all parts of the globe I can talk about any place virtually.

Back to you.

Your mindset is all wrong.

To be a weirdo you have to make a sexual advance because rejected and not heed the social cue.

The fact you are concerned about being a weirdo means you are not capable of being a weirdo because you are socially aware.

This is polluted thinking and this was not a thing in the days before meTwo.

Instead you're thinking should be I like this girl I am going to chat to her to see if I like her.

Friends aren't usually an issue when the convo gets a bit flat you can switch but ideally you should alternate and look at her friend.

Sometimes a friend will make you feel awkward and the other day I did feel awkward because I'm not used to losing womens attention when I talk to them. Usually the friend will join in.

There isn't really a book or a text written to help people because it's such a wide scope to cover. Learning things, facts, going on holidays and widening experiences can give you a lot of data to draw from or even just being imaginative can work just as well.

I've spent my life learning things that make me interesting. I can pretty do the Billy Jean dance well enough to turn heads now.

Instead of talking you could tell a girl I want to show you a dance move like feeding the chickens or whatever. Then tease her as she does it.

That's a million times more effective then what other guys do which is use all the ideas out of the mystery method.

I could write an entire book on ideas that are better than anything those guys have published in the last few decades from my own anecdotes.

It might be a good idea to write on paper what could be the worst case scenario and see if they really are things that should bother you. Or indeed work out what you will do if X happens.

That's what I do mainly working in my mind. I occupy my mind with my plans rather than listen to it. It helps a lot.

ApartmentWorried5692 · 2026-08-03T01:26:20+00:00

Ok. So you’re first mistake is “what do I say to get her to like me?” Which is a terrible frame and comes across as needy. It’s ok, I was the same way at 23 and many other guys struggle immensely today than ever before in that age range. In fact, early 20s is prime time to be a moron and be awful at this. You’re not alone.

I was incredibly needy at one point because I based my self esteem off of women’s approval of me. Many guys who get with girls do the opposite.

If I were you, I’d focus on why you NEED women’s approval in the first place. Is it to heal childhood wounds? Is it to feel better about yourself? Is it to prove something to your friends? Is it because you feel you’re not good enough? Is it because you feel you’re ugly or a loser?

Going into interactions with these heavy feelings will cause a great amount of anxiety because you feel like something is on the line, kind of like a sales call. But for some reason, you feel normal around dudes because you’re not looking for their validation. When you base your self worth on women’s approval, you’ll act like a jester or maybe a good boy in interactions and women WILL pick up on it and think “wtf is wrong with this guy? Why can’t he talk like a normal human being?”.

So this whole “get over it, approach 100 chicks bro” is slop advice from people who have zero emotional intelligence.

I suggest you read Mark Manson’s Models and Robert Glover’s No More Mr Nice Guy.

duke_awapuhi · 2026-08-03T11:45:10+00:00

Just keep practicing. Imagine where you’ll be when you’re 30

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2026-08-03T15:09:56+00:00

You might find it difficult to escalate. I have many diverse and different articles on escalation, which is all listed in my library. You can explore the specific situation you want to apply it in.

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