How do you actually "study" banter and conversation like a skill instead of just guessing?

allthatentrails · 2026-08-04T21:33:21+00:00

TEAMS of script writers working together over days for each great comeback line

Nervous-Arrogance · 2026-08-04T21:51:56+00:00

Most guys are comparing themselves to some guy who is slightly more successful with women than them.

Not you sir, you compare yourself to James Bond (going to guess Daniel Craig meeting Vesper on the train is one of those clips). You are taking this to the next level.

Like holy shit dude, are you just a glutton for punishment or something.

Please go outside and talk to people.

Dry-Atmosphere3169 · 2026-08-05T02:55:57+00:00

Do improv classes and similar. Live in the real world as much as possible. Interact with people all the time. Do stand up comedy , acting classes, etc.

notsofastmyfriends · 2026-08-04T21:36:26+00:00

Maybe movies aren’t real life and you should do some actual people watching or better yet go talk to people it takes practice you will learn more by talking to people every day than observing believe in yourself you can do it

Orange_Codex · 2026-08-04T23:01:07+00:00

In real life, there is no 'right' thing to say. If you're warm you'll get away with saying what you like. If you aren't you won't.

tilldeathdoiparty · 2026-08-04T21:39:31+00:00

Perhaps not comparing yourself to a the most suave movie character of all time is a start.

If you want to see real banter, watch some Craig Ferguson clips, or even Kill Tony post set interviews to get an idea of how wit and banter are applied in the real world.

Lucky_Worlock0000 · 2026-08-05T00:54:02+00:00

The skill in conversation and banter only gets better with cultural repertoire and life experience. I'm almost 40 years old and I can say I've never been as good as I am now. My family was always sarcastic/ironic, and I grew up in that kind of environment. Everyone at home was funny.

I don't think you can study this directly it would be like running extra software in your head, and that would actually get in your way. What I recommend, and honestly think it's every man's responsibility, is to consume a lot of movies, books, music, and interesting TV shows, as well as good communicators and stand-up comedy.

That way you build up a repertoire and become a good conversationalist. A lot of the interesting and cool things I say are a product of that, and with enough experience you can get quicker at it...

I know a lot of younger guys who only watch anime, or only play video games nothing wrong with that, but building a real repertoire goes way beyond just one type of content, and it takes years.

I think you're on the right track. A lot of times when I go out with friends who are funny, the conversation flows and women really like it. I know it might sound like an exaggeration, but this year I was hanging out with a childhood friend who's also single now, and he's also really funny. We counted at least 4 or 5 times where women told us we were the coolest/most interesting guys they'd talked to... that's the way, in my opinion.

It will never be like in the movies.

PS: Used AI for translation since english is not my native language.

idkman1710 · 2026-08-04T22:15:50+00:00

If you are attractive enough to a woman, she will also make an effort in having a conversation / in having fun. Unfortunately if you are unattractive to a woman, you will only get short answers / she wont make an effort in having a fun conversation.

So once you meet their criteria, ask genuine questions about her: hows your day going? What are you up to today?

Make observations: i like your shirt / shoes. They’re very cool.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2026-08-05T02:17:21+00:00

Simply just google it. There is a ton of content out there on these topics. Now studying conversation won't make you good at it, only experience can do that. But studying can help inform you.

JamesCruse · 2026-08-05T07:29:04+00:00

Learning and practicing improv is likely going to help the most.

I never did but I realised I was just doing fun illogical improv (mostly) when I speak to women.

BicycleSpiritual1048 · 2026-08-06T10:56:38+00:00

Its actually skill which you can train quite easily and is very valuable in all aspects of life:
- Improv class are very good for it, atleast 2 times a week
- Acting class (helps soooo much with charisma), those guys which i met there were so charismatic it was scary! they had to avoid woman, because they were attracting them so much
- learn how to sale, find entry level sales job, such as door to door sales, sales trough telephone, sdr. You have so many repetitions, you would deeply understand how each word, emphasis on words etc. affect people, crazy skill.

- secret one, and very underrated for dating: volunteering to raise funds for NGO. I was raising money for cancer treatment and my man. You meet best people including amazing woman which are volunteering too and are very loyal. At the same time, you are practicing a lot in field and deeply learn how to present yourself to people.

If you would dedicate deeply 6 months to one year with this activities, than you would be on that level. I met guy which was totally shy person without any charisma and was virgin, he was hired as sales person and after 2 years working there he was always with different model level woman, just thanks to his charisma.

Most-Famous-Wasabi · 2026-08-04T21:58:25+00:00

There are practical excercises for this.

I guess you could call it "banter yoga".

For a while I was in one of Owen's paid online groups. About four or five days a week there would be a call for about 45 mins. During the call a group leader would take us through the excercises.

After a few weeks I definitely felt a difference. I felt that I got a small but noticeable edge when it came to improvisation and wit.

Owen just launched a new program where you can join one of these groups for USD$50 per month.

Please don't accuse me of promoting the product. I'm not affiliated with Owen financially in any way, and I gain nothing by mentioning it.

The excercises are described in "Blueprint Reloaded". And I don't think that there's anything that could stop someone from taking the excercises and doing them with friends.

I'm thinking of doing exactly that myself - just taking the excercises and doing them with friends in a private whatsapp group, and possibly in person.

By the way, you asked a great question. This sub is filled with a lot of dumb questions and dumber answers that are miles away from practical advice.

-- edit --

lol. I'm the only person who has given actual practical, actionable advice in response to OP's question, and I'm being downvoted.

This subreddit is cooked.

Kgb725 · 2026-08-06T06:12:39+00:00

Its called social skills for a reason. There will be growing pains but talking to and seeing others in action will give you a good idea

CunnilinGOAT · 2026-08-10T05:30:04+00:00

Let me first say that I do not have the answer. Your question makes me think about my own processes and I love the topic. I have been thinking a lot about generalized strategies for various aspects of day to day life. One is conversation - especially with women.
My current strategy involves a few things. My mind is always trying identify things that are ridiculous. - Simple things, a contradiction, a silly observation, or an unfortunate coincidence, anything. - I find the ridiculous to be comical and often others do too. Girls are much easier to interact with if they are laughing, it gets things lubricated (socially of course 😜) … say the ridiculous thing. More important listen to their words, and fully imagine what they are saying. This allows me to come up with good questions and comments to keep the conversation going. A good balance of question and commentary makes it possible to have some control over the conversation. Validate any emotion that is implied or stated, this helps create a connection, invites more openness. Chicks enjoy the question “how did that make you feel”? - perfect for when they are too unclear for you to say “wow, that must have been so relieving” etc.
Also, (tricky for me to remember this move but it has worked for me occasionally) - Just like in 40 yr virgin while Steve Correll is trying at Parker Posey - he only responds with questions. It’s incredibly flexible and very coy flirtation but you can’t just do it cold, they have to be in a playful flirty mindset.
You make me want to formalize a clear strategy for my approach and contingencies within circumstantial variations. Saving this post to review other contributing redditors.

teenagemausoleum · 2026-08-05T06:56:27+00:00

i know you asked for how to study it but genuinely i think you study it by getting coffee from a new place every day and menially chatting. talk to your friends and fam in the "goal" way you want to be with strangers. eventually with work the two will merge

to elaborate:

usually people work front of house because they like talking to people, so ask your barista questions, go get ice cream alone and ask questions, etc. super low stakes: "has it been busy?" "excited for busy season to end?" "is it fun working here?" "what do you recommend? (this one also is like a good way to test if they're chatty or not)" while they prepare your order. again, they are working that job because they like to talk to people. customers always talk. you won't seem odd to them at all.

i think you won't be comfy *trying* something high-stakes unless you've already had success in low-stakes environments. once you realize people won't judge you for trying to start a convo, you'll be able to start convos more and more boldly, and soon starting one with a stranger will be the exact same as starting one with your friend.

i'm 20f and i began by talking to men who were being paid to talk to me or vice versa, got suuuper comfy with talking to and flirting with them, and then and only then did i start applying it to others. now any man i meet, in class, out and about, etc i feel super at ease talking to him. if he seems attainable (like not super far out of my league) i'm able to immediately start bantering like tom holland does in the clip you mentioned. if he seems out of my league i'm less outgoing *but* in my defense i'm notttt into guys who are hotter than me, though i'm sure they'd probably be receptive to me maybe idk.

i know you prob didn't want to hear this from a woman, but i rly wanted to comment especially because some are saying ohh if you're not attractive they won't even want to talk to you...no. i mean, that's never been my experience and i'm a very observant/obsessive person about these dynamics. if you can make a girl enjoy a conversation with you, there will be an immediate halo around you and your physical appearance won't cross her mind.

oshnrazr · 2026-08-04T22:26:31+00:00

For years, I’ve kept a running list of useful words, turn of phrase, and body language cues to expand my social repertoire. Before going out, I review a quick shortlist to keep them fresh in mind—and the payoff has been huge. People frequently compliment my articulation and ask if I’m an avid reader (ironically, I’m not!).

Title	How do you actually "study" banter and conversation like a skill instead of just guessing?
Author	Fearless_Wasabi_2756
Upvotes	40
Comments	20
Date	August 4, 2026 9:18 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1vfnd94/how_do_you_actually_study_banter_and_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-actually-study-banter-and-conversation.1631936 https://theredarchive.com/post/1631936

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