2nd date flop, still hope yet i think

biffyboy · 2011-09-23T21:02:08+00:00

"It's not you it's me". Classic.

You friend zoned yourself by doing everything an AFC friend zoned would do:

She invited me over last night at 11, and so I went.

I gave her a full body massage. She made it clear that I wasn't getting any tonight, but that didn't bother me.

She pops some Tylenol and we go to sleep spooning.

I'm not saying you should have reacted negatively, but you basically proceeded to provide her with everything she would expect out of a gay best friend.

Going over late at night. If you haven't gotten any from her before, or you hadn't been hanging out with her all evening before, you aren't getting any - unless when she invited you she made it explicitly clear when inviting you. By going, you are doing what a good friend would do.
She made it clear you weren't getting any, but you should have known this before you got over there (see above) yet you continue to massage her and admit to us, I hope not to her at least, that you were OK with that. You are providing her the benefits of having a gay best friend.
You spoon her when she goes to sleep. Everything you did cemented your friendship status. At least you should have come up with some reason why you had to go home, * before she called it a night *. "I gotta go home, I agreed to go for a jog with my friend in the morning". Basically as soon as you were feeling the friend vibes, you should have made it clear that you never really had the intention of spending the night, you were just coming to hang out for a bit. You have now made it acceptable to her to use you as her friend, she doesn't need anymore from you because you've shown her she get's all the benefits she wants without committing to going further.

It gets even worse, now she feels guilty. That guilt means she isn't comfortable with you because she knows you want more. You are very close to, if not already officially friend zoned.

What you need to do, is stop drooling over her, and make her interested in you. For her to be interested in you, you have to be interesting, intriguing, and leave her wanting more. When she wants more, she will chase you, but I'm afraid she probably only wants more BFF.

You need to become interesting and different in a hurry. She thinks she already has you figured out, which means you've bored her. If she mentions feeling bad about leaving you hanging, call her out on it -

"If you really feel bad, you can make me a steak dinner and we'll call it even".

Have plans for before and after the concert -

"I'll meet you there! I'm [visiting my grandma / feeding homeless people / meeting my nephew / fixing my car stereo]"(something interesting, but not a lot of detail).

And after - "I gotta go, I'm meeting up with a friend". She'll wonder if it's a female friend - hell who else would you hang out with this late at night. Now if she wants you, she'll have to compete and come after you.

Don't give her details, and push the issue aside if she questions it, just play it off as if it's no big deal. You're setting precedent that you aren't coming to come at her call because you have a life and things to do. Now you become interesting, and she wants to know more about you.

EdwinBlunt · 2011-09-23T21:50:29+00:00

'she just sat on the floor and was kind of absent minded'

Well no shit, you have been talking to her every night for hours! She already knows what's going on with you.

Use the phone to set dates that's it. If you want to talk for hours then do it in person.

Your too available. She's getting bored. Try not calling her for a few days.

hefnetefne · 2011-09-23T22:04:23+00:00

Yeah I thought the phone calls were a bad idea. I did that when I met my previous gf, so I figured it was normal. But hell, that's what a chick's girlfriends are for.

But yeah I definitely see that the mystery is gone. Chicks dig mystery.

I'm pissed at this situation because all the conditions were right. She wanted things to go right and thought giving in to her emotions would be bad and that I would just run off after fucking her. How the fuck am I suppose to show a girl that I respect her without getting friend-zoned?

hefnetefne · 2011-09-24T01:50:22+00:00

How can I salvage this?

hefnetefne · 2011-09-24T08:02:34+00:00

Edited

Title	2nd date flop, still hope yet i think
Author	hefnetefne
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	September 23, 2011 7:18 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kpcr7/2nd_date_flop_still_hope_yet_i_think/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/2nd-date-flop-still-hope-yet-i-think.1322860 https://theredarchive.com/post/1322860

Comments