A question about the concept of vulnerability (From the book Models by Mark Manson

situ139 · 2017-11-06T19:20:58+00:00

I'd keep it to myself, somethings don't need to be shared.

Just because you're okay with it, doesn't mean others won't judge you for it. Sure, you may not care what people think but why purposely shoot yourself in the foot.

People WILL judge.

Regardless if you are cool with it or not.

I wouldn't tell a girl that you lost your V-card to a hooker.

apollosocial · 2017-11-06T22:04:07+00:00

Vulnerability doesn't mean sharing everything with everyone. There's certain parts of yourself that you would only share with people that you trust completely.

The shame is a bigger deal. You need to figure out where that shame is coming from. Usually it's deeper than what you're saying and most of the time it's from something in childhood.

You can really only be vulnerable with others if you're vulnerable with yourself first. So you have to figure yourself out first before thinking of being vulnerable with others.

sewerwatergas0 · 2017-11-06T15:11:08+00:00

As a caveat, I haven't read the book, so I'm just spitballing from personal experience.

Shame and vulnerability are a tricky subject. They should be something you can acknowledge, but not something that rules your life.

By being vulnerable, you need to be able to put yourself out there to a woman, share some things about yourself, open up a little, be genuine, but also be prepared for her to toss all of that back in your face and want to have nothing to do with you. Will it hurt? Sure, of course it will. But you need to be able to pick yourself back up and try again with the next woman. The opinions of one person shouldn't destroy you so completely that you can't keep going with your life.

This doesn't mean you have to be a complete open book, nor overshare with everyone you meet. To use an extreme example, I got abused as a kid by my cousin. I hated it, obviously. I felt ashamed about it. But... I can't let that shit ruin my life. Do I talk about it? Nah. There's only one person I've ever spoken about it with, and that's because I really trust her, and we've been super close for years and years. I wouldn't tell someone I just met about it. But I'm also as okay with it as I'm going to be -- I don't dwell on it, I'm not ashamed anymore, and it's just something that happened to me.

So, same thing with your situation: there's nothing super wrong with having lost your virginity to a hooker. Other people might think it's a bit weird, but who cares what they think? But also, why bring it up? It's not really important in the grand scheme of things. It's just a thing that happened.

If you haven't read them, I'd recommend Marcus Aurelius' Meditations and On the Nature of Things by Lucretius. Neither are very long, and both are great classic guides for getting your head straight and your shit together.

ethical_pa · 2017-11-06T19:55:54+00:00

This is a good question. I think that making yourself vulnerable is good. But you have to learn to love and accept yourself first.

Part of being vulnerable and honest ties in to his idea of polarizing people. If you are honest about who you are and unashamed, then you will attract people, but also repel some. Playing it safe and being a neutral nice guy is not fruitful or satisfying.

That being said, it doesn't mean you have to be an open book to every single stranger you meet. Being open about who you are doesn't mean you have to divulge every detail of your life. I would suggest not sharing the prostitute thing with anyone you are not completely comfortable with and have established a trusting, long term relationship with.

bjlmag · 2017-11-06T21:23:24+00:00

Vulnerability isn't about sharing things for the sake of sharing things, especially in the way Mark writes. It's about being authentic with your values, boundaries, and desires and not letting the (often imaginary) opinions of others stop you.

It plays into the concept of Polarizing, especially. For example, if you feel shame about smoking (not sure why you would), you don't have to broadcast it just for the sake of appearing vulnerable. Likewise with your virginity; you don't have to bring that up at all. I understand if you're worried about someone asking, but that's incredibly rare and you can bend truth in that case.

Think about it, if I am afraid of telling people that I did it then it is neediness, I am afraid of their perception of me, aren't I?

This is true, but that doesn't mean you need to broadcast it anyway.

The biggest point of polarizing and vulnerability is being honest about what you really care about more than honest about all your secrets, ever.

For example, I smoke a lot of marijuana and I'm not ashamed at all. If I were to start a proper relationship with somebody, this is something that they'd need to know and that I'd prefer they'd enjoy sharing. Therefore, if I'm meeting someone or writing a bio for Tinder, for example, I have no reason to hide this. Since my goal is weeding-out (heh) girls who don't want the same things I do, my vulnerability about this subject will polarize for me and the girls who connect with it will come to me and the girls who don't, wont. Likewise with religion. I'm not a religious person and I wouldn't get along in a relationship with someone who was deeply religious, so I'm vulnerable about this when meeting people as I'd rather polarize to find girls I can really connect with than hide that part of my life with the hopes quantity over quality.

Those are just a couple examples but I'm trying to get the point across. Does that make any sense?

bookynerd · 2017-11-07T11:12:54+00:00

Some parts of you should be buried in the deepest darkest parts of ur brain , fuck what therapist tell u , it's ur fault if u share something that could be used as ammo against u , that's just my perspective

Title	A question about the concept of vulnerability (From the book Models by Mark Manson
Author	anonimiguy
Upvotes	3
Comments	12
Date	November 6, 2017 2:54 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7b5lui/a_question_about_the_concept_of_vulnerability/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-question-about-the-concept-of-vulnerability-from.1436447 https://theredarchive.com/post/1436447

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