After a breakup that is pretty devastating, do you get on the horse and force yourself out there? Or do you wallow around and process your emotions?

MojoMercury · 2018-01-21T04:12:48+00:00

Yes.

Some days it’s one, some days the other. I try to improve myself and move forward, but some times....I just get stuck and wonder how I ended up here.

2018-01-21T05:20:11+00:00

I didn't think about it and just hit the gym. Marathon shows non stop so I couldn't think about it. Do not reflect on the good times. Just distracted myself until I moved on. Hopped on tinder and had casual sex. A year later I look back fondly on the good memories.

physicalbitcoin · 2018-01-21T04:52:31+00:00

Time heals. After one girl in August it took over 20 dates to forget her. I thought I never would. I processed the emotions slowly. Then one day, I was free.

Eventually I met someone who was equal or 'better' than the August girl. But only after churning through lots of mediocre nights out with women I didn't click with. I got kitten-fished 3 times in a single weekend once. lol.

Some people go into 'monk mode' where they spend alone time improving themselves physically + spiritually.

Focused + improving during the day, and going out at night, seems like a good mix.

LingeringGnome · 2018-01-21T07:25:07+00:00

I've had this urge to see other women while in a long term relationship.

What do I do?

I assess if I still want to be with the LTR. Usually, I do. And I assess this without factoring in seeing new women...just on my LTR girl alone. And at this point I just state that I'm interested in an open relationship, or to have the occasional threesome.

This is one of the reasons why I only date strong, independent, sex-positive, and bisexual women. After about a year, the passion wears off a little bit, and opening things up with threesomes, green lights, and even letting my girl do what she wants can really bring the fire back.

Your call.

Dominant, emotionally-centered men don't cheat, and they don't hide their desires. They are secure, and comfortable enough in themselves to communicate honestly with their girlfriends and wives.

You have to decide if breaking up with your girl is worth it for new girls, or if you can have the world as your oyster. ;)

DatingCoach111 · 2018-01-21T05:23:47+00:00

Meeting someone of equal or greater value in terms of physical and emotional attraction is what got me over my hump. I had to process a fuck ton of emotions before even thinking about getting out there again. Took me 6 months to feel okay. Took me a year to let go completely. I've met some great girls so far, and I know I'll eventually find one that fits all my needs. Currently enjoying all the different flavors until one of them manages to get me to settle down.

raaaaaaaandywith8as · 2018-01-21T06:09:14+00:00

Take some time, it's okay to be alone for a bit. I picked up a hobby or perfected something after every break up. The last thing you need is an inevitable rejection on bumble. Eventually, I used whatever hobby it was i learned or perfected to pick up another girl.

Sorry to hear about the breakup though. Best of luck moving foward.

aquilesclavo · 2018-01-21T17:52:15+00:00

You can't miss what you haven't known .

You can think that it was love and a strong one but it's the best you have known atm but what if it was only 40% of the feelings you will have with the true one .

kfudgingdodd · 2018-01-22T00:59:08+00:00

Neither. You reevaluate where you are in your life, now that that obstacle is gone and spend a few days making your new priorities and ensuring your staying on a healthy track. That doesn't mean don't goto the club the day after, go ahead. But don't dedicate your life to rebounding immediately. Focus on making new or sustaining old, healthy habits, and making sure your happy outside of just your relationship/sex life.

-pm_me_your_tits_- · 2018-01-21T05:39:20+00:00

Some people are gonna tell you to move on right away, but for a lot of people that really doesn't work. Sometimes you have to give it a little bit, maybe a week, maybe a little more or less and have a mental reset. It's ok to cry a bit, it's been proven to make you feel better.

During this time, however, you shouldn't be completely stagnant. Focus on yourself, maybe hitting the gym or working and getting better at a hobby. But take it easy and allow your body to process the loss. You'll find that if you give yourself this time and admit to yourself that it's ok to feel this way, you'll come out feeling a lot better and stronger.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-01-21T12:35:40+00:00

____1____

it didn't end because things were horrible

Many relationships don't really end because things were horrible. Usually things are fine or almost perfect, but that one thing is off and then someone eventually finds enough "reason" to break it off.

Your instincts sound dead on. It was better to end it now, than for you to both invest further time and energy into it and keep each other from whatever else might be better for you.

____2____

Not really sure what the take is on this? I don't know if I process these emotions? I often think what's the point? It's so painful.

Don't get back on the horse right away. We tend to attract or repel people according to our emotional state. In your current state you probably aren't in the best state to attract what you want, especially as you are currently still mourning the loss of that relationship.

Spend time with your friends. Take up a new hobby. Work on improving something you do.

GameAndGains · 2018-01-21T14:26:54+00:00

My first breakup was devastating from a 4 year ltr.

After that I realized the best way to get over a break up is to just find a replacement as soon as possible. Not a ltr, but a vagina. The longer you wait the longer you will "wallow"

McLyan · 2018-01-21T15:15:24+00:00

I dumped this girl the day after xmas, blocked her on all social media/text/etc. Started hardcore self improvment since I realized If i didn't improve myself then i'd be stuck in a shitty relationship with shitty /girls/. (single mom, living with parents, minimum wage job ETC) If you want her back or just to fuck her again no-contact actually does work pretty well.. for two reasons 1) time heals all 2) you can find someone better... After a month or two just unblock her and eventually days-months-years later she will hit you up.. then just go through the pick-up process all over again... DO NOT mention your past relationship lmao

chaosandmayhem · 2018-01-21T20:37:57+00:00

I've had two of these in my life, one when I was 15 and the other when I was 19. The one at 15 made me get into all this stuff; the one at 19 broke me so badly that it completely reshaped who I am. I'll talk about the one at 19, as it's more applicable.

This girl broke up with me in early-mid December, we went home for Christmas, and then I saw her a few times around campus the first week. She actually lived in my building at the time. Anyway, she's at the first party of the year, we start talking, it's going really well. We end up walking home together and are getting handsy. I'm about to go for the kiss when she says "I'm seeing someone." I pushed her away from me and told her she can make it home herself. Didn't work out that way; we ended up talking for another two hours. I drank myself to sleep and woke up the next day with the flu. That entire semester was awful emotionally. I drank myself to sleep almost every night. At one point, I'd drank 23 nights in a row.

While in the midst of my barely functional alcoholism, I decided I needed to go meet women again. I went out and got nowhere. I was so broken inside that the girls could sense it. Nothing worked right, even things that I'd successfully done before. I kept pushing, but I couldn't do anything right.

Anyway, long story short, you should take some time off. If your vibe/emotional state suck, which mine did and it seems like yours does, then you're banging your head against a wall and getting nowhere. Let yourself feel badly, but use the experience to transform yourself. It'll take a long time for it to completely go away (I still have moments where I miss her and it's been almost 4 years since my first date with her).

It's normal to be upset about these kinds of things. Just use it as a formative experience.

Title	After a breakup that is pretty devastating, do you get on the horse and force yourself out there? Or do you wallow around and process your emotions?
Author	_experienced_Gun
Upvotes	25
Comments	25
Date	January 21, 2018 3:50 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7rvh2j/after_a_breakup_that_is_pretty_devastating_do_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/after-a-breakup-that-is-pretty-devastating-do-you.1295347 https://theredarchive.com/post/1295347

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